Tue. - Feb. 5 - Daily Thread

[retteacher]

Everyone:

It's the wee hours & can't sleep. My life is as complicated as most people's: grandchildren responsibilities, very aged parents, in-law family in crisis, etc. etc. All that is no excuse to drink, so I'm staying sober today no matter what happens.

I had an insight today about the origin & end result of my drinking. I'm basically a fairly shy person & began drinking to loosen up & have fun. As I progressed into problem drinking & then alcoholic drinking, the fun & looseness vanished. I'd go to parties (already fortified w/a few drinks), drink (a lot), & withdraw more & more as the evening went on...mainly because I was afraid of making a fool of myself, & also because I was concentrating (obsessing) on drinking.

The other night we had a small super-bowl party. We had a few laughs & had some fun. I was able to let loose (sober) in a way I haven't in the last few years of my drinking. I didn't wake up the next day asking myself if I made a fool of myself. If I did say/do anything silly or dumb, it wasn't because I was drunk...just human.

That's a gift of sobriety.

tkeene: I hope all is well w/you partner. You only have to stay sober today. Don't worry about your husband or the future.

Cindi: I hope all is well w/you & yours. Love, Mary

[rustop61]

Tue. - Feb. 5 - Daily Thread

Hi Mary and all to come

I guess Al got a hold over all of us in different ways. I started off as a non drinker, then a social drinker. Can still go out socially and not drink at all if driving and enjoy it. After children we got in the habit of having a glass of wine at night to unwind (hubby still does). Somewhere along the line Al began to have more of an influence on me. I found that when I drank alone if hubby wasnt there I just did not have an off switch. Would wake up on the couch in the middle of the night. Not the type of role model I want for my daughters. Also for health reasons I cannot go on drinking a bottle of wine a night. I feel so so much better when AF.

I am a private person and none of my friends have even seen me drunk or know I have a problem. I am actually looking forward to lent as I have been doing this on my own with the help of MWO, moderating over xmas because of the socializing. Lent gives an excellent excuse for not drinking. I am not looking any further than that at the moment, just taking it ODAT.

Rustop

[charlee]

Tue. - Feb. 5 - Daily Thread

Morning all
I too am a very private person and never did drink socially, just behind closed doors. My issue growing up was always self confidence, and somehow felt fortified when I had a buzz. Over the years my drinking grew into plain old habit, and of course dependency. Prior to going AF in November I was in pretty rough shape. Thinking about booze 24/7, watching the clock tick by the minute (and there were some long minutes), waiting for my witching time to begin......the alcohol I could consume (hard liquor, right from the bottle..no glass or ice for me!)....My mornings were pure hell and the shakes...don't even want to go there.....Mary, I too enjoyed my first sober super bowl..ever
Rustop, I am with you....not looking any further than the moment...my focus is on today, just today........

[retteacher]

Tue. - Feb. 5 - Daily Thread

I think my friends & family suspected I had a drinking habit, but I hid it well. I don't want anything like that in my life. In the Research Forum there a couple of really good threads about how to maintain sobriety. One is to remember the bad times: the shakes, the paranoia, the hangovers etc. That works for me sometimes. Mary

[treeman]

Tue. - Feb. 5 - Daily Thread

good morning everyone....

Mary, your posts always make me think....i too was sober during the SB this year, although my friend thought that i had been drinking because i was a little more vocal and demonstrable than usual....
i realize now, in hindsight, that i actually withdrew while drinking so that i didn't seem "drunk"....

anyways, everyone have a good day.......

[shelbysmiles]

Tue. - Feb. 5 - Daily Thread

My story is so similar to all of yours. Started drinking as a teen because I was not comfortable in my skin (as are most teenagers). In my 20's I continued to drink because, well, I was in my 20's. I knew I had a problem but really had no desire to change.

Now, I have two small children. It's funny because I use them as one of my excuses to drink, but they are also the reason that I must stop this madness. Besides drinking being a habit I feel I deserve a drink after a long day with the kids. They consume every minute of my day. When they go to sleep I drink because it is something that I can do by myself. They may join me everytime I use the restroom, but they are a little young to be joining mommy at happy hour!

Anyway, I've been blessed more than one person could ever hope for. All I've done is drink it away.

I hope everyone has a great day.

[PeggySue]

Tue. - Feb. 5 - Daily Thread

Wow, What a great thread this morning. Like Mary, I suspect my family was starting to worry about me. And as much as I love my grandchildren, when they come to visit, I thought all afternoon how could I get through dinner, dishes, and then sneak into my wine. I got so sick of myself thinking like that....after all, a "grandmother" is not supposed to get drunk, right?

Like all of you, I started young. My dad was a raging alcholic and I am still not sure if we inherit that behavior, or just mimic it. But Mary once wrote, "I drink when I am sad, happy, bored, busy...you name it..." That is me.

My hubby travels...and I looked forward to the happy hour to start my wine. I too would wake up on the couch in the middle of the night. I had to have my wine to sleep .... but every morning I would throw up, or have dry heaves. I knew other people drank and did not get sick, but I did. WHY?? And all, I am 58 years old, and started this in my teens!!! Wow, how sick is that???

It was last Thanksgiving (NOV 07) and all the kids came ....for 5 days. I couldn't manage to sneak the wine, and when they left, of course I inhaled a bottle as fast as I could. But I asked myself...how did I do it for 5 days??? And was the trip to the toilet after a bottle worth it??

So, I decided to quit .... and how was I going to do it through Christmas?? I never discuss this with ANYONE, but I did ask my ob/gyn while getting a checkup in Dec. if she had heard of campral. She said NO. I told her I wanted an Rx and the exact dosing she should write. She did not hestitate. She said, sure i will write it.

I don't know if it is a miracle drug or the placebo I needed to tell myself to stop drinking at that point. But I did. And I am proud and feeling so much better.

HOWEVER, just last night I battled buying a bottle of wine. And I read this thread this morning and I know it is just insane how we all battle the same war! I have to PLAN each day...tonight I go to dinner with a client. She is used to sharing a bottle or two of wine. I have to think hard before I get to the resturant. It's always a challenge for me right now.

Like Mary, I have the job of taking care of my mother. My husband is not in the greatest health. The grandkids are so special, but stressful at times.

Unlike Mary, I can't retire yet. I have a career and work in sales and have that on my shoulders too.

I have rattled on enough. Thanks for letting me express feelings.
Love to all,
P.Sue

[retteacher]

Tue. - Feb. 5 - Daily Thread

tkeene: It's great knowing more about you. Yes, you are going to slay this beast. You're not giving in under any circumstances. Your husband will change as you do. He won't be able to go on exactly as he has if you undergo a radical change. Keep the focus on yourself.

P.Sue: Your story pulled at my heartstrings. I've babysat either under the influence or hungover...it was not fun. It's tiring enough to be responsible for small children when you're sober, much less drinking or drunk. You're not alone anymore. You have MWO now. This is the absolute only place I'm 100% honest. What a huge relief! Keep coming & posting. None of our responsibilties will go away magically, but they'll be easier to work through if we're sober.

Love, Mary