Fri. - Feb. 8 - Daily Thread

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone: I just filled in my 0 into DrinkTracker for today. I won't be drinking. I don't even feel slightly like I'd want any alcohol, but I know that can change at any time. I just have to think back to my last slip after over 100 AF days to know that I'm vulnerable.

My goal is to live life not just pass through unconsciously. There's good, bad, & in between. I want to experience it all. I can't do that if I drink the way I do. Unfortunately, I'm one of those drinkers who drink alcoholically. I observed normal drinkers, & that's definitely not me. Today, I don't feel sad about this fact. Alcohol is not air. I don't need it to live.

tk: I hope all is well w/you. I'm trying to remember that I only have this one life to live, & I'm trying to live it well.

Cindi: Check in & let us know what's happening.

Deter: Have you been able to come to any decisions about your life?

Love, Mary

[charlee]

Fri. - Feb. 8 - Daily Thread

I have been observing those in restaurants who order their glass of wine with dinner. They sip, the savor, they enjoy..I guess it is those who do not have a problem with the drink and just enjoy the taste of a nice glass of wine. My thought is "why bother"?...I would much more enjoy a swig or two, or three of my hard liquor straight from the bottle and enjoy the buzz...taste had nothing to do with it. I am only recently realizing this, and this is a sure sign of a person with a problem........Mary, you are so right..alcohol is not air, and I too do not need it to survive. I am doing quite nicely enjoying the freedom of AL.

[tlrgs]

Fri. - Feb. 8 - Daily Thread

hi there.. mary.good job and keep it up.you sound very strong.and have a great day

[meditation mama]

Fri. - Feb. 8 - Daily Thread

Good morning, my friends...

Mary - I like what you said about not going through life unconsciously. We do need to feel the good with the bad. We need to sit with what is. We need to just be OK with life as life unfolds. I am happy to say today I am able to push through the bad, recognize it as bad and know it will pass. I do, however, still get a bit shakey when it's really good - that can be a trigger for me. I am glad it is winter and I can get some real AF behind me before Summer gets here. That will be a new challenge. I will be ready.

Char - Hope you are having a good Friday! I think I have finally let go of the romance of dinner and wine, travelling and drinking, all the images I romanced in my head for so many years. I too say "why bother" - so "why bother". I am conciously taking the images I have had for years - romancing in France with wine for instance, and changing it to having coffee in some very cool cafe in France - same with dinner, social situations, etc.. Just trying to train my mind in advance.

tkeene - Nicely done, sister!! Sorry I was such a stick in the mud yesterday - feeling down and still have this frickin' bug! Anyway, I decided neither of them are going to get me down today - I will push through with a smile!. I am so proud of you for working through that craving. Boy, you could have caved at any of those points last night, but you chose not to - YOU chose not to. You are getting so much stronger.. Day by day.. YEAH!


Well, I'm off to work.. A bit tired as I took some coughmedicine that my doc gave me and it kept me awake all night - aarrgh! it's Friday and I am not working this weekend - yeah! Going to relax......

Have a wonderful day everyone, and all that follow...

Today I will not drink!

MM

[meditation mama]

Fri. - Feb. 8 - Daily Thread

Hi, tlrgs.. we cross posted.. have a good day. Hope all is going will with your girlfriend and you are taking care of yourself, too.

MM

[Cinders]

Fri. - Feb. 8 - Daily Thread

Good Morning Everyone!!

I am still incredibly anxious and depressed today but am simply NOT going to drink to deal with it.

I have been calling hospitals all around, Vanderbilt, UAB, etc, trying to get my girl looked at by a specialist as soon as possible. It does look like Mayo is going to be the fastest. 5-10 business days for assessment and then a week wait for appt. It is going to be three weeks of sheer hell. Hurry up and wait.

Thank God I have a shrink appt Tuesday.

I am taking Librium today. I just have a few but need it, one to stay calm, two to help with the stupidity of yesterday. If I have to, I will go to ER and get something else if I run out. I hate to substitute meds for booze but I don't like pills, never have, and if they can help me stay a little less stressed and away from the poison, I will do it.

Hope everyone has a good day today. I am going to try to stay busy.

Love,
Cindi

[tea]

Fri. - Feb. 8 - Daily Thread

Hi Mary, I needed to read that right now so thank you. I have been af for my longest yet but am trying NOT to count as I then get obsessive but it is over a full month, trouble is I am on annual leave and this being Friday the demons are telling me that I can't really have a problem after all (ha ha ha) and that I deserve a drink as it is Friday ???? Where does that all come from.... I know damn fine I am an acoholic, I know damn fine that if I open a bottle I will be staggering down to the same shop later for more, I know damn fine all of this but still am struggling with craving.... I WILL NOT DRINK, I will stay on here and be safe.

Lxx

[rustop61]

Fri. - Feb. 8 - Daily Thread

Hi everyone

Well done tkeene, you should be so proud of yourself. Tea, dont listen to the beast, it is Friday but you will enjoy it more if you stay AF. Cindi, you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hope you all have a great AF week-end.

Rustop

[retteacher]

Fri. - Feb. 8 - Daily Thread

tk: Hip, hip hooray!

Cindi: do what you have to.

Charlee: You sound so much like me it's scary.

I'll be back. M

[Determinator]

Fri. - Feb. 8 - Daily Thread

greetings all. better better however quiite Ill. so why would be deserve a drink. it' lik edeserving a poke inthe eye. ironic no?
be well my friends. also On librium too. chat soon .

D.

[southernbelle47]

Fri. - Feb. 8 - Daily Thread

Hey guys!

I wanted to say hello to all my "old" buddies and to the new ones too.
Things are going well here this week. We are staying very busy with some repairs and rearrangiing on the farm. The canning house is being updated. Wahoo! I won't have to carry heavy buckets upstairs this year!

Tea......you are correct....You are damn fine......hang in there.

tkeene.....the good times are great, aren't they? I'm so glad to hear that you are supporting and encouraging each other. I have asked for that here but been told mine will not stop.....he doesn't go way overboard but drinks (2 beers and 2-3 glasses of wine before dinner)almost every evening and goes to sleep early.The only good thing about that is I get the remote and watch anything I want instead of just sports!

ruststop, MM, tlrgs, Cindi , char , DET,and all to come...have a great af weekend.
:h Love you all,
Nancy "Belle"

[retteacher]

Fri. - Feb. 8 - Daily Thread

tk: I had something on the stove & had to run but just wanted to say how monumental your resisting alcohol yesterday was. Every time we do something different than normal (i.e. resisting the urge), our brain gets a little more rewired. That doesn't mean no more urges. However, in the future it might not be so strong.

And yes, you can only control yourself, but can you see how if one person in a relationship changes, everything changes.

tk, you made my day. Thank you. Mary

[retteacher]

Fri. - Feb. 8 - Daily Thread

Cindi: My heart goes out to you. Please do whatever you have to do to get well. I worry about you. That old ebullience isn't there. However, there is a grieving when giving up something as big as drinking.

Deter: Do whatever you have to also. No more episodes like the last one. Think seriously about giving up on the idea of mods. It might not be for you.

Well, enough w/all the advice. Bye for now. M

[PeggySue]

Fri. - Feb. 8 - Daily Thread

Hi All,
I post to this thread because I feel somewhat connected to Mary...she talks about her grandchildren, and sometimes I think I'm one of the "oldest" people on MWO. And unfortunately, the older you are, the longer you've had time to drink!!

Well I made it about 3 months AF. I knew I was starting to crave, and just couldn't get it out of my mind. Went to dinner with a friend, and when she ordered her wine, I said without hesitating, a glass of merlot. Mind you, I don't really like red, but thought this might keep me from ordering glass #2. NOT....

I told myself I had already blown it...so stopped by the grocery store and bought a bottle of my favorite white, and indulged in the whole thing. Of course I was totally sick and lost a whole day of my life sick and tired and trying to recoop.

But that is not the end. Next night I went to girls night out birthday bash. They greeted me with my favortite Pino Grigio....mind you, I was just starting to feel better from massive hangover. I drank 4 glasses that night. Came home okay and not sick the next morning (physically). Just mentally so MAD at myself.

So here I go....starting all over. I am growing weary of starting over. Thanks for letting me share.

[Ask For Help]

Fri. - Feb. 8 - Daily Thread

Note to Peggy Sue

Saw your post and wanted to say no way you are the oldest on MWO: if you are I'm next in line!

:goodjob:First of all, I think 3 months AF is a great accomplishment

in no way undone by having the drinks you had over the past few days.

Instead of thinking of "starting over' can you think of your recent experience as a "learning bump" that convinced you that one drink (or evening of drinking) leads to more, and that's not a path you want to pursue?

I mention this because I've found that the guilt and loathing does NOT keep me from drinking, in fact when I am down on myself, I'm more likely to drink (or eat) to comfort myself. An alcohol counselor I saw suggested I just "STOP" the guilt stuff, which I did (who knew it was a choice?) and just get back on track the next day, and I've found that advice helpful, so that why I'm sharing it.

Anyway: keep your spirits up, and I'll look for your posts on this thread again. I too post here occasionally since I feel the "Mary connection" and like to check in with her.

G