Tue. - Mar. 4 - Daily Thread

[retteacher]

Friends: Before I fall asleep at night, I try to think about what might be a good topic for discussion for this thread. If anyone has something else they'd like to discuss, please bring it up. This thread is for any & all of us who would like to give up drinking for a period of time. Also, if you see that the thread hasn't been started, please feel free to do so. With that said, I would like to talk about one of my main triggers. I feel that forewarned is forearmed.

After I've done a lot of chores, yardwork, childcare, errands, etc., I sometimes fantasize about relaxing w/an ice-cold glass of pinot grigio. That's just what it is...a fantasy.
-I would never have one glass.
-I would never sip it liesurely.
-It probably wouldn't be chilled.
-I'd be drinking it alone nervous that someone would catch me.
-Ultimately, I wouldn't relax at all.

What I try to do now is have a cup of tea or hot choc. Sometimes I pick up my knitting project or read. This doesn't sound as sexy as having the pinot, but it works out so much better in the long run.
-No paranoia.
-No loss of self-esteem.
-No physical side effects: hangover.

No contest. I'll take reality over fantasy.

Love to you all...you're all a part of my recovery program. Mary

[Kirova]

Tue. - Mar. 4 - Daily Thread

Reality works -- especially sober.
I've had similar fantasies about "rewards." But when you're able to break free of the "all roads lead to AL" business, you realize there are far more rewarding choices. Whether it's a cup of tea, a piece of chocolate, a walk on the beach, a hike in the woods, a hot bath....it's all good. Life without AL is a very good thing indeed. Have a great, inner-peaceful day, all! :h

[Janice]

Tue. - Mar. 4 - Daily Thread

Good morning from a beautiful sunny but cold England!! Day 7 for me and I'm feeling in a much better place than where I was last Tuesday. Mary, talking about triggers - I know what you mean and right now I feel I'm in my "honeymoon" period of being AF - its as the weeks/months even, go by that we have to be ready for those triggers. I have so many - coming in after gardening; taking a bath; early evenings Sat/Sundays when my husband pours his first glass; summer on the patio - the list is endless.

I posted a thread on Longterm Abstainers "ODAT or the Abstinence Pledge". Some really good replies which are worth reading but I've printed out the last paragraph of Bear's reply - it really hit home.

If I were trying to pick out a word to describe why I am able to stay sober and my cravings are gone it would be SURRENDER. Quit trying to control something, which is uncontrollable. Become a new person. Drinking is not an option for me. Nothing is more important than my sobriety. NOTHING. Everything in my life I love and cherish would once again be nothing if I were drunk again. If I have to give up my job, my house, my car, even my wife; I must not drink. If I were to start drinking I would lose them all anyway. This sobriety is the kinder gentler way.

I'll be back on later but I hope all my good friends here are well and enjoying their sobriety. Life feels good right now doesn't it?

Janicexxx

[retteacher]

Tue. - Mar. 4 - Daily Thread

Janice: I'm going to look for that thread. M

[charlee]

Tue. - Mar. 4 - Daily Thread

Mary
I love your line "drinking alone thinking someone would catch me".....Boy my nerves were shot, jumping at the least little noise....
I am trying to change my overall thinking pattern, and yes it does take practice, practice. No more "poor me syndrome", which was my justification to drink. Everything was poor me....I am working on a "whatever" mind set, trying to just roll with the punches with whatever life decides to throw my way. Do it, handle it, get it over with and move on.....Not always easy, but I am finding it is actually working....No more "poor me"....
Everyone have a good Tuesday.

[cowgal]

Tue. - Mar. 4 - Daily Thread

terrific Tuesday!

Hi Mary, Charlee, Janice and Kirova.......

Thanks for the reminder about fantasizing about drinking and the "reality"of it, Mary........just what I needed to hear as I was doing just that this morning! WOW, talk about getting what I need!!:thanks:

Janice, you sound SOOOOOOO good from last week, I am so happy for you!!:yay:

Kirova and Charlee, good insight...............Kirova, about the alternatives, walking in the woods, chocolate etc and Charlee, the new attitude........"rolling w/ the punches". I need to adopt that attitude, probably will help me get out of the "poor me" mentality!

Doiing good here, just need to get rid of this pesky cough, will see a doc on Thurs if it is not gone, then it will be a week....................seems to be less frequent now, but still bothersome!! GRRRRRRRRRR!!

Love you guys!!!:h

MA

[vinophile]

Tue. - Mar. 4 - Daily Thread

Good Morning,

Very good thread yesterday. I've printed it out to take with me.
Indeed, there will always be someone whose drinking problem is worse than mine and for so long I have used that as an excuse to continue drinking. The old "I'm not really that bad", that I can recite to myself before I pour the first drink. I can not deny the fact that drinking chips away at my self esteem. I believe that I am "there " for my family ... but I don't think, if I continue to drink that I can be "there" for ME. There is no doubt that drinking has impacted my life in a very negative way.

On the thought of surrendering......I never really "got" it except as an AA mantra which I didn't understand until I read one of Anne Lamott's books. I got her name on this site under "What we are Reading" as it was a book that RJ recommended.
She said (and I'm paraphrasing) .. If we are holding something tight in our hand (presumably our drinking) we are not free to grab onto something much more worthwhile.Once we let go of that behavior,which we are holding onto so tightly, are hands and spirit are free to pick up other ways which are liberating.
I loved that whole idea and it made me understand the "surrender" concept, which for me was incomprehensible.

Anway I'm leaving today for a few days. I won't drink on the plane. Honestly, if I start drinking my obsession about when and where I can "relax" and get my next glass will take up so much space in my brain that I won't focus on really relaxing and enjoying myself.

Take care all. I look foward to being back and reading up on all I have missed

Janet

[retteacher]

Tue. - Mar. 4 - Daily Thread

We're already off to a thought-provoking start. For me, surrendering is about the fact that I cannot control my drinking (1 turns into way too many automatically), so therefore I must surrender to the absolute fact that I cannot drink...moderately or otherwise. Maybe surrender is my antidote to all the fantasy & denial. M

[4theboyz]

Tue. - Mar. 4 - Daily Thread

Good morning all,

I still feel pretty new at this so I'm still sorting though the rubbish. I too preoccupied myself with AL when doing chores, my problem became that I spent more time drinking than doing chores which only led to the chores getting done half assed or more often never getting completed. Though I still think about AL a lot, I find I am less obsessed with the thought of drinking and try and embrace to clarity of the moments AF.

I also find myself playing judge and jury over these moments when I realize I would otherwise be drinking. I evaluate the reason for drinking and contrast to the obvious reasons for not drinking and AL has yet to win a final closing argument!

Today will be a good day for me, I hope it is one for all the Abbers and Mods as well. Newbies, it does get better! :h

[Cinders]

Tue. - Mar. 4 - Daily Thread

Good Morning Abbers!!

Mary, I know the "fantasizing" stuff so well!! Yeah, like one glass, or two, or even three would ever be enough. I think the difference between those of us who can mod or must abstain is truly that. Those of us who will end up being more miserable drinking just the one, two, or even three than not drinking must abstain.

That is to what I have finally surrendered. Mods is so much more difficult (impossible, actually) than abstaining for me.

I saw my GP yesterday. I told her about my psych appt and she was very happy. She is such a kind and gentle doctor, very sympathetic to our fight. I had her run liver tests so I can be ready when I get to the psych and discuss meds. Once she had her hands on me, though, she did everything, an impromptu female exam, breast exam, 4 vials of blood, mammogram appt and colonoscopy appt. :egad:

I guess she felt she better strike while the iron is hot and the girl is in town.

Hope all have a wonderful, sober, happy day!!
Love,
Cindi

[aquamarine]

Tue. - Mar. 4 - Daily Thread

Hi Everyone. It's so amazing how your mind tricks you into thinking how wonderful it would be to have a drink. It is such a false, nonreality. In a way it is like a hallucination that someone really thinks is there but it really isn't. Because, for me at least, at this point one drink always leads to really just not feeling good at all. It is that black and white.It just turns into that awful feeling of just wanting more and not feeling "good" enough, and knowing I can't have more, or planning how I can get more, and when can I drink it safely, and on and on and on. And yes that stress of hiding what you're doing and fear of getting caught. I swear that I have caused more damage to my brain just from the stress of the hiding than anything else. I find myself sometimes getting that feeling that I'm going to be caught and then I stop and say wait a minute I'm not even doing anything wrong right now. I'm just so used to feeling that way and living that way. I have found though as more time goes by and I keep plugging away at being AF I can actually listen to my rational self and some times not give in. That's progress I guess. Aquamarine

[Beck]

Tue. - Mar. 4 - Daily Thread

Hello everyone,

What a positive group we are! I myself am coming to understand the surrender thing. I had been trying to moderate my drinking but I decided to go AL free for Lent. To hold myself accountable, I told my husband and kids (and began posting here). When I told the kids the 12 year old said "YEAH!!!" - it was a real eye opener for me. Anyway, AF is working because I no longer consider drinking an option. So I don't fantasize about a drink. When it all gets crazy (and it does with 4 kids), I don't drink. The big surprise for me is that I am not looking forward to drinking after lent. Anytime I have gone AF in the past, I couldn't wait to get to that first drink (I have moderated before with some success and then some failure). Looks like I will stay in absville.

Happy to hear how well you are all doing.

Back to my day.
Beck

[YoungAtHeart]

Tue. - Mar. 4 - Daily Thread

Welcome aboard, Beck--I don't think I said hi yesterday. It's good to have you. I'm glad that you are experiencing happiness and insight during Lent. It's a great opportunity for reflection.

Janice, I'm going to go check out that thread too--thanks for mentioning it. I am thinking I need to "resurrender" and remind myself of my commitment. AF is just becoming so normal to be, I'm afraid that I'll start taking it for granted, which would be a big mistake.

Kirova, I used to love to read before AL became such a presence in my life. Now I am rediscovering it all over again. No having to re-read pages either.

Hi Charlee and Cowgal, good to see you both.

Happy Trails, Janet. I hope you get to relax and enjoy yourself--sans AL, of course. Bring us up to date when you get back. :l

Cindi, you sound like you are doing better. I am glad that you are getting a lot of dr. stuff out of the way. Let us know all about it when you see the psychiatrist.

I don't know you much yet, 4theboyz, but I am looking forward to getting to know you better. It seems like you are doing well.

tkeene, I'm so glad you got the notion of surrendering. It is a really hard concept to get, until you get it. The Universe is a great idea, and I don't think it sounds hokey at all.

Aquamarine, I think you describe the stress of drinking and hiding and shame very well. When you put it down in words, it sure doesn't sound very appealing.

Thankful hasn't chimed in yet today, but I want her to know that I am thankful for her. She is always so kind and has something nice to say for everyone.

I know that Deter is going to pop his head in here at some point too.

And Mary, I wanted to say thank you for waking us up almost every morning with something to think about. Every once in a while you give someone else a chance to start the thread, but not often! I appreciate your dedication--not just to your own sobriety, but to all of us, as well.

Anyway, I'm doing okay. Work is calling, so I have to run.

:l:l

[Determinator]

Tue. - Mar. 4 - Daily Thread

heya ABville friends! yep Kathy, I was on my way

what an interesting thread today. So many great posts here.

Mary, you said that knitting or hot chocolate are not as sexy sounding as the cold wine. very interesting these stigmas we allowed ourselves to buy into that helped us rationalize our diseased 'beast voice' throughout the years. I know you were using that as a figure of speech but we really do have to break out of this stigma that al is glamorous. Look at all the commercials for booze on TV and billboards...it's all glitz and glamor all the way. They have to try very hard to sell a lie don't they?

clean living is sexy, hip and empowering!

well done everyone, be well. On the road again........

[Jimmycrackcorn]

Tue. - Mar. 4 - Daily Thread

Day 2 for me. Too sleepy yet to really chat but I thought I should at least toss one reply out there.