Now that I've been sober for 41 days, I go for hours wo/any drinking thoughts. However, I do still have at least one or two fleeting thoughts per day: "Hmmm, maybe, I'll just..." I haven't acted on those thoughts, & I have strategies for getting rid of them, but I do still get them. This just proves to me how closely drinking is tied to times when:
-I'm upset or worried.
-I'm nervous.
-Someone has disappointed me or vice versa.
-I have a conflict w/someone.
-I'm bored.
-etc.
I spent years using alcohol to deal w/those feelings & situations, & my drinking got progressively worse as time went on. In fact, it got to the point, at the end of my drinking, that I didn't put half-empty bottles back in the fridge. I always drank the whole thing...even if I had to get up in the middle of the night to do it.
Now that I'm sober & looking at a lifetime of sobriety, I'm realizing that getting through life w/honesty & integrity takes effort. It's not easy to apologize or bring issues out into the open. I say all this, because I'm having to learn this at a very late age (63 today). However, it's never too late. If I want to have self-esteem, real serenity (as opposed to numbness), & joy, I have to do the work.
Maybe, I'm thinking about all this, because it's my birthday today. I'm happy to be alive, healthy, & sober. My life isn't perfect, but it's quite good. Thank you all so much for being here. Sobriety is the best birthday present I could ever have received.
Love, Mary
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