Thursday- March 13

[APerry36]

Thursday- March 13

hey beck- me and my mom were in the same boat with the "30 days vs forever" question, but to tell the truth i'm enjoying being sober and thoughts of my sober future- it makes me feel like i'm going back to my more innocent days when i used to walk to barnes n nobles and read books and drink flavored sparkling water and i think about my life now and it's more like 'drive home from work and booze and fall asleep after watching like 3 hours of tv. i just used to do so much more but the past few years drinking HAS been the activity- that's not how i want to live my husband is also an occasional drinker so he just doesn't understand- thinks i'm alienating myself from ppl w/ quitting...maybe i'm wrong or projecting but it sounds like you're dreading the end of the 30 days?? in fact, it sound almost like your making excuses to continue NOT drinking...

[Beck]

Thursday- March 13

APerry,

You are right - I will be making lame excuses for not drinking. I am at 39 days now and you are right, I am dreading the end of my lent "cover". And really, this is about me, not him.
Beck

[APerry36]

Thursday- March 13

beck,
it IS about you- you have to do what makes you happy. they say that in order to really be able to make anyone else happy you have to make yourself happy first (or something like that) so... make yourself happy first!! when i drink i'm a 'happy drunk' and everyone loves the 'entertainment' but in the morning no one understands how vulnerable and exposed i feel knowing that i had no inhibitions all night so no one really understands and i get a lot of unsupportive ppl but it's not about THEIR 'entertainment' it's about me feeling good about myself in the morning- i had to make a choice and everyone will just have to get over it. it's a little bit different when it's your husband though, i know b/c w/ friends you can just write them off if they stay unsupportive. when it's your husband it's like what do you do?? i almost feel like a in-the-closet-nondrinker

[Beck]

Thursday- March 13

Aperry,

I like that - an in the closet non-drinker. I'm right there with you. Bet there are others as well.

Beck

[retteacher]

Thursday- March 13

I absolutely have to think in terms of forever. I haven't been able to drink normally in a very long time. I know it wouldn't be long before I was right where I was when I joined MWO: drinking alone mostly, hiding bottles, disposing of them secretly, blacking out, & being hungover. I have just announced to most of my family & friends that alcohol sets off headaches & hot flashes, & that's why I'm not drinking any more. I got no reaction from them...no one seems to care. So, it's up to me to stay sober. I feel it's in my best interest not to drink, & this decision is really mine to make. I'm much happier this way.

As far as being on guard: Yes, to that. I know how the mind can play tricks. I know w/just 40 something days AF, I could easily fall into a rationale to drink. I won't be letting that happen, because these AF days have been wonderful.

Tonight, I got a belated b-day gift from my daughter, son-in-law, & 2 g-sons. It's a silver cuff bracelet w/3 words engraved on it: "wisdom, courage, strength." I want to deserve those attributes.

Mary

[Guest]

Thursday- March 13

Its forever for me.

I got to SUCH an unhappy place.. no way I want to go back there.. no way.

Mary, I think you have those attributes therefore you deserve them. Hang on to them, they are doing you well.

Tkeane, your wishes for me to remain sick are not working and I"m significantly better today so I'll only be breezing in very occasionally now, but it was nice while it lasted.

When I started out, I so wanted moderation.. not a cell in my body wanted abstinence, but I had an honest cell in my brain that actually knew that if I had one drink it would be the wrong choice for me. I hung onto that honest cell with everything that I had and its been worth it.

No going back for me. No way.

My last tit bit for today is stay honest.

Brigid

[YoungAtHeart]

Thursday- March 13

Wow, great discussion today. I couldn't log on earlier, but I was sure rewarded with a lot of rich reading tonight.

I still have fantasies about being able to drink "someday". I purposely keep it vague though. Usually when I have an event where there will be drinking coming up, I start making a plan to not drink, because deep down inside, I don't want to give up my sober days. It can be hard to say forever, even when you've been AF for a while, so I just look into the not-too-distant future. It works for me.

Anyway, here I am, up late again. Adjusting to daylight saving time is proving to be very hard this year.

:l :l

[Determinator]

Thursday- March 13

-shuttle bus to hotel $15.00
- gourmet Italian antipasti for two at Mario Batali's "B&B" $75.00
- doing Vegas totally alcohol free without a single regret:

PRICELESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dx and I have had such a great time getting to know Prest4time and Morrisson in Vegas. we had a ball to say the least. I can honestly say I'd never have had near that great of a time had I been drinking/hung over. I was relaxed, calm, and aware. I did eat too much and drink too much coffee though. ooops

interesting thread today. I could go on for a while but here's my quick two cents: you really must NOT let the influences and comments of others endanger your quest for sobriety and health. Even if they are your husband, mom etc. They cannot possibly know what you are going though.
I was reminded of this when listening to "think and grow rich" by Napolean Hill. He reminds the reader that they must form an air tight seal against negative influence as it is destructive and distracting to our path.

missed you all. Back home late tonight. We are at the airport right now.
be well friends!

[panadol]

Thursday- March 13

Hi Det
So good to hear you sounding so positive and happy.
How strong is that to go to Vegas and not drink!
It sounds like you have all had a great time together
Im quite envious. Some happy memories made there.
Pan