Learning Fast

[Janice]

I learnt this afternoon about what is mean by separating my feelings from alcohol.

I now have joint power of attorney together with my sister, over my mam's affairs as she is mentally incapable of managing herself (through years of drinking). Since Dad died, as well as being an executor of his estate with my sister, (who I don't have a good relationship with and who basically has left everything to me), I am trying to run my mam's house from over 300 miles away. My sister lives approx 5 miles from my mam. All mam's household correspondence comes to me and I have to make sure all bills are paid. My brother lives at home with mam but he is not well, he is a paranoid sychizophrenic and he is doing a brilliant job caring for mam and making sure she is looked after the only way he can. He is doing his best bless him. Mam used to be his carer now he is hers. Over the last few years he has gone beyond the call of duty looking after mam and has had to do things, we wouldn't ask our children to do.

After nearly 9 months of hell - after losing Dad - the last two weeks I have started to get my act together and concentrate on my life. I have felt so much better and have been able to do 16 AF days. Today, this afternoon, all that was all put on the back burner again as I had to deal with so much hassle with the solicitor and dad/mam's bank. I won't go into all the details but it was very stressful. I ended up getting very emotional on the phone to both solicitor/bank/sister. I could feel the stress building up. I could feel the grief for Dad building up, wishing he was here, hoping I could get this sorted for him, what would he be thinking?

I had to leave the house, get out, cause for one fleeting moment I saw a wineglass through the glass in the cupboard. I had to get out.

I went for a walk....and talked to myself. I told myself its okay to feel like this.....this is life...it will get sorted....eventually. I'm back now and I'm fine but I'm scared. I'm sorry for rambling - I just needed to sound off - and I've made myself a nice cup of tea and hopefully all those feelings will flow over me.

Janicexxx

[4theboyz]

Learning Fast

Nice job on holding on Janice, I think we would be lost with out our tea! You are doing just what you need to - a truly heroic effort. Hang in there, better days are just ahead.

[Beck]

Learning Fast

Janice,

Well done. Hope I would be as strong. I turn to tea as well.

Beck

[APerry36]

Learning Fast

good job janice- i'm only like 4 days sober but from my experience w/ quitting smoking i can say that every situation that you have where you would normally hands-down have a drink and you DON'T you are making yourself that much stronger against drinking b/c you'll always look back and go "if i didn't drink when all THAT was going on, i definatley can make through not drinking through this" it's the best feeling- like getting to the top of a mountain...

[cowgal]

Learning Fast

good for you!

Janice!! You sound like another person from over a week ago!! You should be so proud of yourself for getting through this AF! Like others said, this will only make you stronger for other curves that life tends to throw our way!! KUDOS to you!!:goodjob:

Love,:h:l

MA

[Bambi]

Learning Fast

Janice,

I am so very, very proud of you! That was/is a huge turning point for you in your recovery/journey. And guess what?.....You did it with a walk and a cup of tea!

Here is a big pat on the back for you for making it through and a big "cyber" hug for you for all you are having to deal with.

God Bless and Best Wishes.
Hugs, Bambi

[Janice]

Learning Fast

Thank you t......you know, thats all I needed to hear.......just wish mam would say it. Janicexxx

[retteacher]

Learning Fast

Janice: You're entitled to your emotions: grief for your Dad & upset about Mam. You are a wonderful daughter, & there's such strength in letting those feelings in & processing them. It is such a strong pull to want to dull those kinds of emotions, but they don't go away. Keep going...you're doing so well. Your Dad would be so proud of the person you are. Love, Mary

[tlrgs]

Learning Fast

hi there..janice.. great job.i know how you feel life is testing all of us .and it will all get better and knowing when to just walk away for a second and thinking things out is the right way to do it . again great job

[YoungAtHeart]

Learning Fast

It's hard to do all that difficult work when you're feeling grief as well. Thanks for sharing about your difficult day. It will help make us all stronger when we face difficult situations.

:goodjob: :l:l

[Doggygirl]

Learning Fast

Hi again Janice. I might have spoke too soon in the daily abs thread.... (still have so much to catch up on)..

Anyway, it was such a kindness you did for me - taking time to welcome me back and encourage me yesterday when you were having your own problems to deal with. You are a very special and thoughtful person to us here, and to your 3D family. ((((Janice hugs)))) I had hoped that some of the grief and dealing with family issues was behind you now, and I'm sad to hear that you are still having to carry so big of a load. Hang in there girlfriend!

I hope you have a wonderful weekend and can temporarily take a break from these other things since hubby/kids/in laws are all coming home tonight.

DG

[Thankful]

Learning Fast

Janice, WTG girl! You should be very proud of yourself. What a great accomplishment!

I underdstand where you are coming from. I too have to handle everything in my family with no help from my sibs (including the ones that live here). So I know how hard it is to not use that as an excuse to drink anymore.

Thank you for posting this. This will inspire others, I'm sure.

Great job!

Love, Me
:l

[Accountable for Me]

Learning Fast

Janice! Oh my gosh, girl! You did EXACTLY what each of us need to do, or need to learn to do. The separation of feelings from alcohol - you are so right on the money. So many of us are afraid of 'feeling' anything, so drinking is a way of masking it all.

I am so proud of you - and you should be very proud of yourself. Way to go!

[lorisunshine]

Learning Fast

Hello Janice and welcome to you!
You have made a wonderful step in the right direction.
I totally understand what you are going through right now. I have lost my Mom over a year ago. Being the only remaining sibling I have spent the last few weeks going through all her belongings and packing up. I finished with the paperwork over several months. It is so hard to have to be practical when one would rather sit and bawl and grief. Unfortunately, I did medicate myself with alcohol. It did nothing to minimize the mountain of work and the intense, ever nagging heartache. Slowly, day by day it is getting easier. Now it is time to start taking care of myself.
I wish you all the best for your journey.
Hugs,
Lori

[Janice]

Learning Fast

Thank you all so much for your kind words.......I don't know what I'd do without you guys. I really do mean that. It is so uplifting to be able to write down exactly how you feel - good and bad feelings - and receive such warmth and love from all over the world. It really did me good coming on here and reading all your support. Thank you.

Accountable - I'm still learning about separating my feelings from drinking....but the amazing thing is over the last week - especially at work where I haven't been happy over recent months - I'm also experiencing happy positive feelgood feelings. I can't describe it but the knock on effect its having in the way people are now responding to me is fantastic. I've been getting on great with my colleagues this last week and I'm actually enjoying the place!!! So much so, I've agreed to do extra hours in the summerterm and full-time in the Autumn term!!! How's that for changing my life around!!!

I think thats why yesterday afternoon "threw" me. It was like my bubble had burst and all those feelings came flooding back. It was as if someone was saying "what right do you have to be happy Janice, have a drink!!!".
You are right Lori its our time now for looking after ourselves and certainly since the new year I feel as if I've turned a corner. Its amazing though where grief comes from....just out of the blue...I think I'm ticking along nicely and before I know it......

I remember early last June when mam was very ill with drink in hospital. It was mam we thought we were losing. I went up on the train and dad picked me up. After visiting at the hospital we went back to my family home. It was a boiling hot day and he found himself a beer. (He loved his beer, was a normal take it or leave it drinker and only ever had about 2 at a time.) I played hell with him for having beer in the house. "Dad where the hell did you get that from, you know what mam's like......we can't have alcohol in the house!!!" "Do you want one??" he asked. This was when I was in the middle of my 42 AF days. "No Dad, I don't drink anymore". I told him I was worried I was going to be like mam. He didn't understand bless him and in the next breath he said....."well... will you have a little sherry then?"!!!!! He loved sharing a drink with people and he loved sitting on my patio when he came down for his hols with us both having a beer. Special times. Sorry wandered off there.

Once again, thanks for listening.....and for being there.

Janicexxx