48 days AF and 0ne drink!!!

[Princess Fiona]

Its 11.30pm in cold rainy "sunny South Africa".........I have been 48days AF, and tonight I have had a drink...had a really stressful 2 weeks, my 14yr old step son has been livng here since Nov, his mother who has put him 1st, has been bloody awful towards him, swearing at him, slamming the phone down on him, because he is happy here and wants us to have custody of him, my husbands19yr old daughter, the evil one, has caused shit again!!! Again, my husband has supported her, and totally put me down, tonight,well...he has basically told me our marriage is over....I stopped drinking for me, but also I knew how much Tim hated it.........he told me yrs ago, that he fought for his 1st marriage and would not do it again...I am just so hurt, so sad...for 8yrs he has protected his daughter, she is a compulsive liar, a trait I abhor.... I just dont understand it.....its all double standards!!!!
By having one drink....do I have to stop at 48days AF and start again?
He has even told me to cancel our Easter weekend away at my mum.....F@#k him, I will go on my own...
Sorry this is negative, just need to vent and really need support:thanks:

[tea]

48 days AF and 0ne drink!!!

Hi Fiona, don't know if I'm reading this correctly but do you mean you had one drink and then stopped? If so, WELL DONE YOU, if not then please realise that you drinking will not change the situation with your partner and his daughter, if will only give them ammunition against you. I can feel you hurt, I was a step parent once, although it brought a lot of joy eventually it was so tough at times, especially when he took the kids side against me, I can feel your resentment, the pain, the rejection. These are feelings you can turn around and change - read some threads, there are a lot of us out here who have been where you are now, I hold my hands out to you to clasp.

Perhaps you could think of going to your Mam's at Easter on your own as a positive thing, some time away just for you, or - how about this, invite his daughter and the two of you just go away together?? Bonding??

Whatever you decide, take care of you.

Lxx

[Princess Fiona]

48 days AF and 0ne drink!!!

Just one drink....cant take her with me, she told me last week, to stay out of her life as I confronted her after she lied to me!!!
Thanks for the advice, I do feel totally rejected...

[tlrgs]

48 days AF and 0ne drink!!!

hi there..fioras.. i would say to startng over so what you had one drink .i am glad you were able to stop at one .and the family problem it will pass . i know the feeling all you can do is pray for the best and take care of yourself. you want to stay sober so keep it up .good luck and god bless you

[Doggygirl]

48 days AF and 0ne drink!!!

Hi Fiona. GOOD FOR YOU stopping at one drink under what sound like very challenging personal circumstances. I'm sure you feel very hurt and frustrated right now. Years ago I had a relationship with a man who had two children. At one point, the Mom sent the daughter to live with us - she was about 12 (going on 19, or so she thought) at the time. I found it impossible to deal with the relationship, because the Dad refused to be a rational Dad. i.e. the kid was calling the shots and manipulating her father - lying, stealing, etc. If Dad isn't willing to see the light, it's really hard to make it work. I hope your husband sees the light.

As far as day counting goes, this is my opinion. It's up to you. While some people here count their sober days or weeks or months, nobody has to, and you are only accountable for you. The common bond we all share is a desire to control our drinking. So do what you feel will work best for you, I say.

THE important thing isn't the counting anyway (and I say that as one who benefits mentally from counting!) - it's the fact that you had one, and STOPPED. That is a victory!! (or at least it would be for me)

DG
****

[APerry36]

48 days AF and 0ne drink!!!

that's really upsetting! forget the drink counting thing- it's just like doggygirl said it's not the counting that means anything. it mentioned in Sober for Good that there are ppl who have three drinks a year upon certain occasions and that's it but they are still 'sober for so many years'. i really hope u work things out with ur husband- fighting with husbands is the worst! esp. when it's to the point where ur talking about the end of the marriage- one time when it was getting all fatalistic like that btwn me and my husband an we were in the middle of talking about who was going to take what furniture and which dog- i just looked at him and the middle of it and said "this is getting out of hand" and from there we settled down a little. chances are he doesn't want to be fighting either- fighting feels terrible for everyone, esp. when it gets out of hand like that. the situation sounds complex- maybe counseling??

[4theboyz]

48 days AF and 0ne drink!!!

Hello Fiona,

Give yourself a great big ol' hug, you deserve one. First, 48 days and finally one drink may not be such a bad thing, on the other hand 48 days AF for me and one drink would be a very bad thing. 48 days and you are still barely out of the gate, a lot of healing left to do I suspect. Tthe important thing to focus on is yourself and do the things you know you need to do to stay the course.

As a parent of younger children, I have come to realize the most important thing I can do for them is to lead by example (hence my quiting AL). They learn some of life's most important lessons from us and will forever judge not only me but their own actions by my conduct. You can send her an important message on self respect and values by holding true to your sentiments of right and wrong with the lying and deceit and that it will not be tolerated nor will you bend to her/their pressures. Many times over actions do speak louder than words. Good luck though and I do hope for the best for you.

[meditation mama]

48 days AF and 0ne drink!!!

Oh, Fiona.. sweetie. I am so sorry. It sounds lke you are going through a lot right now with your husband. I can really realte.. boy, can I! I can't really give advise there, but I can say as far as the drinking thing goes, you are doing amazing. NO ONE can take your 48 days away from you. Those are victory days, days you did not drink. You by no means have to start over, in my opinion. You worked very hard for those days!! I had 63 days and I drank one night while under an extreme amount of stress. I stopped and don't plan to go back to that place. Now I look back and see it as a great lesson. I don't recommed it, that's not what I am saying, but it made me realize how much I wanted to be sober FOR ME! So, please, look to tomorrow. Take care tonight and then keep counting.. Keep going, girl. Never, ever give up.

We are here for you. Remember - this is for you. Drinking doesn't make anything better, but I am sure you already realize that.

All my love,

MM

[Hannah]

48 days AF and 0ne drink!!!

Fiona - You should be very proud of the fact that you stopped at one drink - ask yourself - did I stop at one drink because I realized that if I had another one I would go totally out of control, and not be able to stop? And all my hard work would go down the drain? Anyone can take a drink in a moment of weakness. It's what you do after that that counts.

Pick up where you left off, and keep on going. And be proud you did. You have shown you want to beat this thing MORE than you want to drink. Just keep on thinking that, and you'll be fine.

[Princess Fiona]

48 days AF and 0ne drink!!!

Thank you everyone for your support, I agree with all of you. Having the one, I felt so guilty, told my own daughter today, as you have said,she also said, the important thing was, I didn't continue.Today was easier, Im not angry anymore, just disappointed and sad.
One day at a time....baby steps.

Thank you

[cowgal]

48 days AF and 0ne drink!!!

YEAH!!

Fiona, glad you stopped at one too.................a big victory there, and you definitely did not lose any of those AF days you had piled up! They still count! As for counting, just subtract the day you drank, and keep on going. That is what I am doing.................

Keep on posting and let us know how it goes, sorry about the husband problem, no advice there as I have my own problems I battle with on that issue.................

Lots of love and support,:h:l

MA

[YoungAtHeart]

48 days AF and 0ne drink!!!

I think you did great with the drinking, Fiona. I'd have a hard time stopping at one, and I think it's great that you were able to do so. It's a lesson learned.

I have no idea what to say about the situation with your husband and his daughter. Good luck with that one.

:l :l

[trixietrack]

48 days AF and 0ne drink!!!

if you can stop at one under that kind of stress, I would say that you have a strong will, a very strong will
congratulations.