Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

[grey mare]

:new:[FONT=Comic Sans MS]:

I had a real shock today; the sort of shock when you look in the mirror and really don't like very much what you see there. Its not the physical signs, although thats bad enough- its the disapppointment and depression and rages and shame that I can see shouting back at me; and the hurt that that has caused other people. And i don't know whether i am glad or not that I can't remember a lot of what goes on when I am drunk. I am horribly ashamed of myself. This last weekend i crossed a line i said i would never do- heavy drinking during the day- passing out on a saturday when i should have been spending some time with my children; denying to my husband that i had been drinking and ending up sad and sorry. And then gettting drunk again on Sunday night.

So in the mirror this morning I realised that it had to stop.

I am a white wine witch you see; give me that stuff and lots of it, please: i don't even like the taste but what does that matter; home from work, go to the fridge, pour out the first glass, then the one after that and the one after that. What used to be a nice thing to do sometimes became a habit and I don't want it to be a necessity. I have too much else that i want to do; and people who depend on me to be mum. I want to be here for them and i can't understand the spell of a ?4 bottle of wine when I think of the comparative worth of what i risk.

I need to sort out my relationship with my husband, whom i adore and I don't think that i can do that unless i am sober; not just for a day but until i have got all this horrid stuff out of my system and got my head screwed on straightish again.

So can I join the group please-this is day one AF for me- I have managed about two weeks inthe past but I am sure from what i have read on here that some support will help.

I need it to work becasue i don't think i have much time. i have heard people say that you need to get to rock bottom to want to get better from this disease; I think my bottom hit the rock this morning and i couldn't bear it to get worse.

Yours

grey mare.

[Dolly Sunshine]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Welcome...expect a few rough days. Then you will be amazed at how great you feel.

[livingfree]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Gray - good place to get all of this out. Everyones Rock Bottom is where you decide the bottom is for you. In my humble opinion - Rock bottom is 6 feet underground - so I decided Rock Bottom was the day I got off the Alcohol Boat. Let this be your rock bottom today!
Hang in here with the AFers! We'll pull you through! Stop by the April Showers thread for motivation!

Liv

[retteacher]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Grey: I've been consequetively sober for 60-something days, & in the year that I've been to MWO many, many more AF days w/some slips here & there. I never had any success before coming here. My drinking was getting progressively worse. I feel proud of myself for the first time in a very long time. Keep coming...if you really feel committed, look in on the daily thread. It's very encouraging. Mary

[july232007]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

grey mare,

Welcome. It will be worth the effort for you, your children and your relationship with your husband. Like so many worthwile things it is at times hard work, but, you know that. Get your long term will power ready and take the steps. Remember you only need one success: AF.

Take care,

July

[Seen the light!]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Hi grey mare

You've come to the right place - this is a brilliant site!

I have been looking on the internet for advice for the last few months and this is the best thing I have found. Just stick on with it and keep reading all the different post and stories and the inspiration will come.

I wish you good luck xxx

[cmhguy3]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Welcome Mare!

Come here often, such great resources for inspiration and real life experiences!

Guy
Day 16 AF

[AMELIA]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

grey mare;306261 wrote: :new:[FONT=Comic Sans MS]:



I am a white wine witch you see; give me that stuff and lots of it, please: i don't even like the taste .

Hi Mare and welcome....
I can totally relate to what you have posted. Wine is my poison too.
Keep coming to the site, posting and reading.
It does get better (the less we drink obviously).
x

[grey mare]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

hi- grey mare here;

i am now on day three and I have no cravings yet-althought I have heard people say that teh 3rd or 4th is the worst; but i will not drink today and that will be day three and every day is one more. I know that i have to get this out of my system before i can move on and i am startign to think that if i feel so much better - as i don't yet but you tell me that i will and I beleive you; and I certainly don't feel worse - then why drink at all.

The help advice and suppport is fantastic.

Thank you.

Love to all,

grey mare xx

[Janice]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Hi grey, pleased to meet you...I'm Janice, from the UK too, Kent in the south-east.

I too was a white-wine bitch and everything in my life was out of control. I was a physical and emotional wreck to put it mildly!!

Finding MWO last year was the start of a new way of life for me....I say start, because even though I had two fairly good AF periods of 42 & 50+ days last year, I returned to drinking believing I could moderate. I was soon back to my old ways and even though I was coming to MWO every day, I don't think I REALLY wanted to stop; I certainly wasn't taking responsibility; and I certainly wasn't doing enough to help myself. I describe it as "my switch not being down" if that makes sense!!!

Well, my "switch" finally went down on February 27th this year. What I mean is, that was the day when I took the bull by the horns and said to myself "enough is enough, this cannot go on and will not go on". My mam is an alcoholic and I am determined to once and for all shake off her legacy and not give my family the heartache that we have had with mam.

You sound as if your "switch" is very much down and very determined to make changes........only YOU can, only you can take responsibility for your drinking. You have the choice....to keep going as you are or to make your life better. The difference between the two worlds is amazing, believe me!
I have never felt happier for a very long time and the knock on effect around me is amazing, people are starting to notice changes and can't quite put their finger on whats changed!! I've actually got pink rosy cheeks again instead of sallow, sunken ones like they were before!!

You say you've read the book and got the cds (these are fantastic!).....are you on any supplements???
If you order anything from MWO, while you're waiting for the delivery...you can get kudzu and l-glutamine from Holland & Barrett. These are really good for the cravings. Instead of pouring a glass when I came in from work, I would pop one of these in!!

Effectively, you have to become a different person.......you have to change your life to one that does not include alcohol. Can you introduce exercise???? Any sort of exercise or change to your routine will help...you need to replace the drinking with something new, something positive in your life.

Hope this all makes sense......we are all here for you, and it really does help knowing you can come on here....at your worst...and someone will be there with a kind, supportive word.

Look forward to following your progress....you can DO this you know, you REALLY can!!

Janicexxx

[YoungAtHeart]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

:welcome: Grey Mare, I won't butt in with anymore good advice, but what everyone says is true. Follow this program (or your own version of it) and you should find yourself feeling better soon. You may not feel better right away--I know that I didn't. But I did discover things that were bothering me that alcohol was masking, and I was able to set these to rights, and it has made a big difference in my life. Without alcohol, you can begin to trust yourself again and begin your new life.

Keep up the good work, read the book and take the supps. You'll find that you'll be doing better real soon.

:l :l

[tlrgs]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

awesome.. grey mare..3 days keep it up .you are doing it .stay close and keep posting.
peace ad god bless

[grey mare]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

:thanks:

grey mare here,

the gremlins are messing me about-i tried to post this morning and last night to say how grateful i truly am for all the support and wisdom and advice and that i am moved beyond what you know to think that people who i will almost certainly never meet can be bothered to do this for me. Thank you.

I am now into day 3!!!!! and I am home early as I have been to the dentist and had a tooth out and am having to go to speak at an event tonight so that gets me beyond the witching hour. And I have just realised that i cam home and didn't think about having a drink other than a cup of tea and even though there is wine in the fridge.

So, feeling positive, please keep that support coming though and I hope that tomorrow i will be on day 4- i have been warned thoguh that days 3,4, 5 can be the worst ones as the AL leaves your system.

be strong, grey mare; remember what you have been told and listen.

Love,

GM x

[buckledown]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

you can do this...great job on your AF days! Hugs, buckle

[grey mare]

Today I hope i hit rock bottom....

Hi janice,

thank you so much for what you say; i think you are right- i have started to think that there is no real point to drinking at all; i am so scared that i might get back to where I was only a few days ago; i am not convinced that i have the ability to moderate, to be honest adn whilst I used to think that i don't want to not have a drink ever again i have started to question that and think why don't I?

the other thing is how out of the ordinary my drinking- i don't know whther to say was or is. I haven't had a drinl for three days now and that is unusual for me; whereas for most people it is quite normal to go for four or five or even six or seven days a week without a drink; normality fo rme is getting pissed everynight and if i wake up without realising I have a handover and aren't too unsteady on my feet i couldn't have been that bad the night before. I am so ashamed of myself and i have to stop this. Your words have been very helpful; i will try the Holland and barrett stuff - I didn' realise you could get it ther and we have a very good but expenive heralth food shop that sells masses and masses of stuff in a neearby town as well; but I am going to send off for some more supps as well.

love,

grey mare.xx