April 13 - Daily Thread

[retteacher]

Hi Everyone:

We're doing OK here. Of course, we'll be glad when the surgery is over. It is a carcinoma on my husband's kidney, but it's very small & encapsulated.

Last night we went to a friend for dinner. She had gotten a pretty expensive wine for the meal. When we came in, she asked me if I wanted to try it or have the usual (diet soda). I chose the usual, of course, but I can see my friends are recognizing the non-drinker in me.

Yesterday, I got the house in order after the week w/the kids. It felt good to get my outer environment arranged porperly. I'm working on my inner environment now. I'm looking for all the triggers to drinking & why.

My son called yesterday & said that the court has ordered counseling & AA. He hasn't started yet, but I'm hopeful. I'm trying not to be too hopeful, because that's a pitfall for me. He's going to do what he's going to do. I have to continue to keep the focus on my own self improvement.

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone. Mary

[Beck]

April 13 - Daily Thread

Mary,

That sounds like good news about your husband. You son, well denial is a bear - but court ordered AA and counseling can't be a bad thing.

I read what you and Aqua wrote about not talking to anyone else about your drinking. I'm right there with you. What I did do though was to tell my husband that I am not drinking. I didn't know how he would react. Thought he might do the confrontational thing or the denial thing. We were out at a restaurant - all he did was order an iced-tea instead of AL. So, he's with me and I didn't have to convice him it was necessary. I felt like I was always hiding - first my problem, then my "solution". This is such a relief.

Another busy Sunday in my world. I'd better get to it,

Enjoy your Sunday, all.
Beck

[Cinders]

April 13 - Daily Thread

Mary,

I am sorry to hear it was cancer on hubby's kidney and grateful to hear that it is small and encapsulated. Hopefully that means no great odds for having spread??

Is the surgery this week? Let us know when so we can be thinking of you.

I agree with not getting your hopes too high. If someone had been pinning their hopes on my recovery this time last year, they, too, would've been sorely disappointed. Your son, like my daughter, will make their own choices and do what they want. We have no control.

However, I will support my daughter as best I can, just like you will your son. Having the same issue as them, we know that they are good people with a horrible problem. Once they work out the problem, we are just left with the good people we raised and still love.

Everyone else to come, please have a wonderful Sunday. I have lots of "outer" things to do today, myself. Take care and be well.

Love,
Cindi
XXVIII

[aquamarine]

April 13 - Daily Thread

Hi Everyone. For some reason this month seems to be flying by, too busy I suppose.
Mary- So sorry to hear the growth was carcinoma but the situation for what it is sounds very hopeful. I don't know the history of your son but at least the counseling and AA will get him seriously doing some soul searching in the right direction. We all know what a long process this can be and small steps are crucial. Hang in there, you have lots of positive thoughts and prayers directed your way.
Cindi-You sound like you are doing well. So sorry to hear about your daughter's difficult situation, but wow is she lucky to have you at her side.
Beck- My husband was the only person that I ever discussed my alcohol problem with, and only because he would get so furious with me and want me to stop. It's wierd because this time after awhile of trying I finally feel really good and strong and I haven't said a word about it in months to him. He knows I haven't been drinking and is very happy but we haven't talked about it at all. At some point I will start talking to him about it again but right now, not sure why but this is working and feels good. I think you just get so tired and worn down with disappointing someone that you just have to drop it for awhile, and ultimately it all comes down to you and what you do about it.
Hi to everyone to come. Be Well and Be Strong! Aquamarine

[retteacher]

April 13 - Daily Thread

Cindi & others: My husband's surgery is Wednesday. A prayer would be helpful.

As far as not telling anyone about my drinking: I think most of my loved ones knew that I occasionally drank abnormally. I hid so much of my drinking that they just didn't understand the extent. I have started to tell people that I'm not drinking & kept the reasons unclear (headaches, hot flashes, whatever). I haven't labelled myself an alcoholic to anyone but myself. For my recovery, I just must call myself what I know in my heart I am...an alcoholic. Perhaps, I'll come clean to my family et al. Right now, I just can't. I'm doing this on my own w/the help of MWO. My sincerest thanks for being here. M

[wantrealmeaning]

April 13 - Daily Thread

Hi everyone & all to come,

I'm gonna make this short & sweet, just tried to post a long one with messages for everyone and got booted off :dang:

Mary, I Will be praying for your husband, take care of you too ray:

Cindi, thanks for your support on my thread, it means alot to me.

Hi, secondchance, aquamarine & beck.

Day 5 for me and still feeling positive and strong.

Hope your all having a lovely Sunday.

take care
want
:h

[Janice]

April 13 - Daily Thread

Hi everyone.....late on today, more wallpaper stripping, so have been in a bit of a mess. Mary, I will definitely be saying a little prayer for you and your husband on Wednesday....hope everything goes well.

I talk openly about my abstinence to my close family but to be honest they didn't really know how much I was drinking or from what time in the day I would start. Even my husband who knew my drinking was causing problems, doesn't REALLY know what I got up to and the extent I went to have my wine. (Interesting, as I type this I can hear him going out to the fridge in the garage to top up his wine!!! I've told him to keep it out there!)

Last night, and the night before, we've had a bit of a bust up....won't go into details but to do with our extended family (his family) and the annual holiday we have with them and have had for the last 20+ years of our marriage.......and the last two nights it has ended up with us really arguing. (We hardly ever argue!)

Last night, I heard those 3 little words in my head "I need a drink!". I took my glass out to the fridge and looked at the box of wine sitting on the shelf in the fridge.......I knew how easy it would be to have a glass and I also knew I would have done so a few weeks ago. I also knew I wasn't going to cave in just because we'd argued. As upset and angry as I was with him, I knew having that drink wouldn't put things right. I picked up the bottle of AF wine sitting next to the box and filled my glass.

My husband thought I had the real wine.....and hit the roof! I know its just because he knows how well I've been doing and wouldn't want me to start drinking because of an argument.

It made me realise how precious my 47 days are to me.......

Anyway, must go and get showered before tea.......hope everyone has a good Sunday and ready for the new week ahead.

Best wishes,

Janicexxx

[retteacher]

April 13 - Daily Thread

Janice: I don't know how you did it or even how you can have wine at hand & not drink it. I'm not sure I could. I give you a lot of credit. This too shall pass & you didn't cave. Good for you. Mary

[Beck]

April 13 - Daily Thread

Janice,

Good decision. I know how proud you are of your AF days.

The only problem for me in not talking about this to people in my Real Life is that I tend to forget just how bad it was. I know I could write it all down but well not sure it would make a difference. I've got a 3 inch surgical scar on my shoulder from when I took a drunken fall and messed up my rotator cuff. Took me 2 years to even try to quit drinking after that. Kept telling myself I would have fallen anyway and it would have hurt a lot worse
Beck

[Determinator]

April 13 - Daily Thread

Happy sunday AB friends!

Mary, lots of healing energy for your dear hubby.

some congratulations are in order here: Janice for staying strong through that situation and Wantrealmeaning for getting day 5AF !!!!!

Dx and I went to the Chris Rock concert last night at a local casino and we had a ball. That guy is very crude for my tastes but he pulls it off and is a really good entertainer. At one point in the act two people in the audience were very loudly yelling crap at each other and Chris just said: "this is what happens with free alcohol" LOL!!!
normally at a night on the town I'd be pretty drunk before even heading out and would have little recollection of the night later. So glad to not live in that pained existence anymore.
After the show we went to a friends house for desert and they were still woofing down the wine and liquours. some of them were so loopy it was hard to communicate with them. once again good reminders.

gorgeous day here..might run out to the shooting range and do some de-stressing if time allows.

be well my friends!

[Determinator]

April 13 - Daily Thread

oh, quick follow up on talking about drinking. Dx and I speak very openly about the subject and I'm glad we do. it was bad enough that I kept this a secret from the world and even myself (if that makes any sense). so being open about it with her is great therapy for me as well as being a really helpful way to try for us to understand this malady. Not every spouse is going to want to be involved though I realize.

[retteacher]

April 13 - Daily Thread

Everyone:

Beck, even if I was open about my drinking problem (& I can't quite figure out why I'm not), I know I would still have problems w/denial.
-I wasn't really that bad.
-There are a lot a people that are worse.
-I'm functional.
-My drinking doesn't interfere w/my life.
-etc.

I try to counteract that w/images of my drinking.
-Ruined & emabarrassing social events.
-My dog ate my hearing aid which I drunkenly left within his reach.
-Broken tooth as a result of drinking.

I've heard that it would be good to find a photo of yourself in a drunken state & keep that at hand for times when the denial hits. I've found photos of myself under the influence, but they aren't gruesome enough. I do try to remember the bad times when I feel a drinking thought enter my mind.

Mary

[Cinders]

April 13 - Daily Thread

Mary and my Ab friends,

My hubby video taped one of my drunken episodes. (I have been very open and honest with him about my problem and in turn he has been very supportive of my efforts to quit, even when I failed.)

I haven't seen it yet but will download it to my pc for when I am out of town and on my own. My next big hurdle to achieve in my sobriety.

When you are a drunk drinking to blackout every time, it is not us who suffer but those around us.

I must never go back there. The way things are going, I may be a mother to my granddaughter and I refuse, absolutely refuse to let her grow up around that crap.

I truly love the sober Cindi. I may not be the perfect housewife or the perfect mother or the perfect consultant but I am so much happier today than a mere 29 days ago. I never want to go back there again. Ever.

I am so thrilled to be able to get to know "me" and to get to know my hubby again. It is nice to lay next to him in bed at night and be able to talk about things. It is great to wake up in the morning (unless he wakes me up at 2:30 like today, arrggghh) and be smiling at him and having time to do things for him while he gets ready for his day.

My life has turned around in this short time and I am not turning back to where I was.

Like Mary, if I ever slip, I will just jump back on the wagon and post and keep on going. I am NOT going to let AL rob me of the joy I have found in the last few days.

I have joy again.

Love,
Cindi
XXVIII

[retteacher]

April 13 - Daily Thread

Cindi: That was a wonderful post. We're going get to complete sobriety together. Eventually, we're not going to have cravings, urges, or anything of that nature. Sober life is not perfect, but it's a whole lot better than drunk life. M

[PeggySue]

April 13 - Daily Thread

Mary,
Glad to see your posts...I knew you were away for a while. I did not know your son was having problems. And Cindi, you have really suffered over your daughter. My son went to B. Ford five years ago, and he is doing wonderful. So commited to staying sober and enjoying his life. They have to want to do it, and he knew he would lose his family if he didn't stop. I am proud of him.

But do I do that?? NO, of course not. And I would NEVER let him find out that I am still drinkng like crazy. I don't drink around him at all.

Mary, your husband will be fine. My husband had kidney disease and it was not the kind that could be operated on. I was the donor for his transplant and he has had "his/my" kidney for 20 years now. It is a miraculous record, and he has done so well.

You would think with all that, I wouldn't drink wine all night long and abuse myself, wouldn't you? Everyone thinks I have it so together ...well, like you, Mary, I am sure friends think I overindulge occasionally, but little do they know I do it all the time. I don't know how much longer I can go on fooling people and myself.

I did AF for three months...so I know it is possible. I just want to drink my wine at night, even when I don't really physically crave it.

Oh the vicious circle.

I will be thinking of you wherever you are on Wed. He will be fine!!!

Hugs, Peg Sue