Thursday 17th April

[Jaded]

Thursday 17th April

:upset:Good Morning everyone.
Well...I was af for 35 days for the first time and then al got me. I went to a party last Friday night and everyone there was drinking alot and so I did too..so I drank that night, Sat. night and did not drink Sun., Mon., or Tue., but last night I did it again...I have a boyfriend that I live with and it's like he wants me to drink...I was fighting it hard yesterday then he came home and got a beer from the fridge and asked me if I want one and I couldn't resist..I had even listened to the hypno cd and taken my supps...maybe I need to start Topomax..I need something to help the urges...One of Cindi's msg said something about the urges is what you have to watch out for not the cravings. That's what got me was the urge and it was a hard, hard urge. And now I'm craving wine, witch I have been wanting to drink anyway because I haven't had any for probably 6 weeks...I'll have some tonight..I'll drink beer tomorrow while I'm working in the yard because I love to drink beer while I'm working out side and the weather is so pretty...I hope that it will be like Youngathart and not enjoy it although the 35 days of not drinking was hard and I kept waiting for the good feeling to start and it never really did except that I felt alot better about myself. I'm going to order something to help not sure if Topomax will help with the urges but I'm going to start back on the wagon Sunday.
I would like to know why men don't want their girlfriends or wifes or whatever to drink..my exhusband wanted me to drink too...he picked me up from rehape and took me straight to a bar. Whats up with that??

Does anyone here fall asleep while listening to the cd's? It is so hard for me to stay awake by the time he gets to the part that's suppose to help I'm asleep.
Sorry to ramble on and on..I'm going over to the supplement thread check back latter.

[Beck]

Thursday 17th April

Good Afternoon ABsters!

This is actually the first time I've sat down today...and it has to be brief.

The energy thing doesn't actually let me sit for long...got up, took kids to school, ran 3 miles and then painted a room - trim, walls, door...done and it's just after noon. I think this may actually be my favorite thing about being sober.

Would like to say hello to all - but it is tough today. Want Seen, Want, Lor, Mohun to know that they are off to a great start. Janet, keep posting and keep beating off AL - he still tries to entice me.

Young, I always appreciate your posts. You have given me the best piece of advice I have been given "trust the process". I have not had that moment where it all "clicked" but I keep plugging along anyway.
Knowing that this is better. Thank you.

Cindi, Mary, Aqua, Det, you I know well. Glad you are still out there going stong...no matter what.

Jaded, hang in there.

I know I'm forgetting folks, not intentional.

And now off to my next thing,
Beck

[Jaded]

Thursday 17th April

Beck..where do you get the energy? That was my big problem I didn't have any energy at all...All I wanted to do was go home eat, watch a little TV and go to bed.That is one reason I started drinking because I didn't want to go to that party and al gave me the energy to go.

[Beck]

Thursday 17th April

Jaded,

The energy thing. AL is a depressant - always. It made me tired after I drank a lot, but more importantly it just zapped my energy. When I wasn't drinking I was thinking about re-stocking, when I was going to drink again and who with, how I was going to make my drinking seem normal to others, how I was going to cope with work/kids/hangover the next day, what is was doing to my health, what it was doing to my marriage and my children, how was I going to cut back, what would it take me to quit...Just one big waste of energy. AF for 70 odd days and the weight of the world has lifted from my shoulders.

It's either AF or some neat new chemical imbalance

Off to pick up my kids,
Beck

[Lorelei]

Thursday 17th April

I hope my energy returns, right now I'm feeling extra sleepy and I have the munchies.....bad combo. The good thing is that I'm not having distrurbed sleep. There must be a fairly large part of my brain that is relieved that I'm quitting drinking because I feel this odd sense of peace.

-lorelei

[retteacher]

Thursday 17th April

I'd like to say I'm never going to drink again. That's what is best for me physically, emotionally, & spiritually. When I slip, I drink alcoholically. I hesitate to say never, because I am taking it one day at a time.

That said: I cannot be happy unless I'm sober. Drinking does not work for me. So for today, I am sober & will stay this way.

Mary

[Lorelei]

Thursday 17th April

retteacher;312067 wrote: I'd like to say I'm never going to drink again. That's what is best for me physically, emotionally, & spiritually. When I slip, I drink alcoholically. I hesitate to say never, because I am taking it one day at a time.

That said: I cannot be happy unless I'm sober. Drinking does not work for me. So for today, I am sober & will stay this way.

Mary

I agree with taking it one day at a time. If I think too much about NEVER drinking again I get nervous. I guess the thing thats different this time as opposed to when I tried to moderate is that one of my first thoughts of the day is "I will not drink today". The subject used to be up for debate almost daily.....of course I would choose to drink when I had no business drinking.

I'm arguing with the voices as I type. I'll check in again when I get home.

[Beck]

Thursday 17th April

Lor, You certainly have a good attitude. ODAT does help. AL will call - loudly sometimes. You already know you don't have to answer. Hang tough.

Mary, you sound like you might be having a tough night - hope not! Be well, my friend
Beck

[Jaded]

Thursday 17th April

AL has a loud voice and such a strong hold on me I just wonder what the h&%$l it's going to take for me to be able to be stronger then he is.
I think I need to order the Topomax or AD but I have tried that before and when al would start his crap I would skip a dose and drink.
I have been reading about the Rhonda Lenair center in Vermont and that sounds interesting. I don't know what to do at this point..I'm just hanging in there.

[Cinders]

Thursday 17th April

Jaded and Lorelei,

One of the reasons I started Antabuse is because I just caved when AL called. Pretty much no willpower here.

While Antabuse may not be for you, that is something I am using as a tool to keep me from heeding the call of AL.

btw, I do think Rhonda Lenair is a very valid option, considering the success stories we have read about on this site. These successes are not be suspect newbies but long term members who chose that route and suceeded, so I know it is not planted information.

But like all things, what may work for one does not necessarily work for another.

Keep trying, though, that is the KEY. It took me a year to get to where I am today. This has not been easy for me either. It made me sad and disappointed in myself when I did not do as well as others who started at the same time BUT I kept the faith and kept trying. Now, here I am 30+ days and going strong.

Just never quit trying to quit. That is the key.

Love and strength to all,
Cindi
XXXIII

[Lorelei]

Thursday 17th April

Thanks for the encouragement! I usually do start out with a good attitude, day 5 and 6 are where I get bitchy. Definately keeping up with the supplements because they help me alot. I found myself thinking about drinking alot this afternoon but didn't have to argue too hard to get home AF. We will see how things go tomorrow.

[retteacher]

Thursday 17th April

I'm doing OK staying sober today. I think one of the reasons I don't want to say I'll never drink again (even though I should say that) is that I've slipped & feel I don't have the right to say that. I'm not sure if there's any logic there, but that's how I feel.

One of the things I like to do is compare myself to normal drinkers. I have a good friend who has a very lovely well-stocked bar...right out in her living room. I know I'd be guzzling all that booze. There's no way I'd be able to hold back.

My daughter & son-in-law had a couple of open bottles in their fridge which they eventually threw out in order to make room for other things. Throw out wine? I don't think so.

Those are the kind of things that make me think I should never drink again.

I'll sign out for tonight. I love you all & will be speaking w/you tomorrow. Mary

[YoungAtHeart]

Thursday 17th April

Jaded,

When I stopped drinking I was at a dose of 200 mg. of topa. 100 morning and 100 evening. I'm now on a maintenence dose of 100 mg, in the evening. More than that makes me too dopey, although it was worth it to help me to quit. I didn't have anyone at home to sabotage my efforts by drinking. I think that it would be very hard for me to quit under those circumstances. It took me 1 1/2 years on MWO before I was finally successful (so far), and I've been sober for 10 months. My past slips really helped me to know that I couldn't moderate.

I agree about ODAT. I HOPE to never drink again, but if I do, I want to get back to sobriety right away.

Hang in there, Jaded.

Beck, thanks so much for saying you like my posts. I like yours too. Part of the reason I don't post that much anymore is because there is so much wisdom here already. The other is that I'm pretty busy these days, and my posts tend to be like novels when I really get into them big time.

At any rate, I'm off to bed soon. I worked late tonight.

:l :l

[Jaded]

Thursday 17th April

Cindi..As always thank you so much for your help...you and your daughter are in my prayers..I'm going to have to get a computer at home so I can read what's going on everyday instead of just when I'm at work

Younathart...thank you aswell....that's what I'm worried about is the doopyness....I have a job that I really need to be on top of things and I'm so afraid I'll become forgetfull...but at this point i'm willing to try anything..I have taken AB but I wasn't serious about abstaining at that time and wouldn't take it when I was planning on drinking and once did take it and drank...OMG..it made me sick, And I mean for days...I wasn't vomit sick for a few hours I was vomit sick for a few days and running a temp..it felt like I had a bad case of the flu.

So Cindy...don't even try to drink on them they are bad.
Talk soon, Jaded