Hi Everyone:
Today when I passed my "former" liquor store, I did not avoid looking at it. Instead, I took a good look at people going in & out. On the way home, I remembered back to the times I gave in to temptation, bought a bottle, & hid it under the seat of my car so as not to be discovered. I remembered getting home & secretly drinking the whole thing, only to feel sick in body, mind, & spirit for the whole rest of the day & day after. If that's not desperation & insanity, I don't know what is.
I don't recall those times to beat myself up or wallow in any way. I do it to take any positive spin off drinking. I do not have the luxury of unwinding w/a glass of anything alcoholic. I would have to finish off the whole bottle, thus undoing any relaxing effects booze might have on me.
I read somewhere that it's a good idea to look at photos of oneself drunk when the urge to drink hits. That hasn't worked for me. What does work is to remember back to times I've embarrassed myself, missed events, blacked out, etc. It's not pleasant to do, but it is a reality check for counteracting the alcoholic voice that tells me I can have "just one or two."
Until I came to MWO, I harbored these secrets, & they fed my next binge. Now, I have a place (MWO) where I can be honest & put the past behind me as I sober up. No, it hasn't been easy. However, even w/the slips I've had in the past year, my progress has been nothing short of a miracle. I've gone from drinking whole bottles of wine 3 - 4 times per week to having a rare binge once in a while. (Hopefully those are a thing of the past.) My deepest & sincerest thanks to everyone here at MWO who has shared & responded to my sharings.
Love, Mary
Today when I passed my "former" liquor store, I did not avoid looking at it. Instead, I took a good look at people going in & out. On the way home, I remembered back to the times I gave in to temptation, bought a bottle, & hid it under the seat of my car so as not to be discovered. I remembered getting home & secretly drinking the whole thing, only to feel sick in body, mind, & spirit for the whole rest of the day & day after. If that's not desperation & insanity, I don't know what is.
I don't recall those times to beat myself up or wallow in any way. I do it to take any positive spin off drinking. I do not have the luxury of unwinding w/a glass of anything alcoholic. I would have to finish off the whole bottle, thus undoing any relaxing effects booze might have on me.
I read somewhere that it's a good idea to look at photos of oneself drunk when the urge to drink hits. That hasn't worked for me. What does work is to remember back to times I've embarrassed myself, missed events, blacked out, etc. It's not pleasant to do, but it is a reality check for counteracting the alcoholic voice that tells me I can have "just one or two."
Until I came to MWO, I harbored these secrets, & they fed my next binge. Now, I have a place (MWO) where I can be honest & put the past behind me as I sober up. No, it hasn't been easy. However, even w/the slips I've had in the past year, my progress has been nothing short of a miracle. I've gone from drinking whole bottles of wine 3 - 4 times per week to having a rare binge once in a while. (Hopefully those are a thing of the past.) My deepest & sincerest thanks to everyone here at MWO who has shared & responded to my sharings.
Love, Mary
c: :heart:
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