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    Mother's Ruin

    My mam's back in hospital.....same time as last year. Memories are flooding back. She had her stent changed on her kidney last week and she's been in bed in agony since. They think the stent might be blocked but they're going to do x-rays on her pelvis as well as they think she could have a fracture (she's got osteoporosis (sp?) as well).

    I'm more worried about the alcohol withdrawal though cause she hasn't had a drink for a few days with being so ill and she's starting to hallucinate. I've had a conversation with the hospital and they know mam's history and are treating her for alcohol withdrawal already.

    I don't know whats worse - seeing/talking to her drunk or her having these hallucinations, talking to people who are not there, asking if I'm the gardener and where's her mam and dad?? Anyone who didn't know her would think she was "mad". She's 80 this year and after so many years of heavy drinking, its as if she needs the alcohol now to keep her sane, if that makes sense.

    As I approach my fourth month of abstinence, what more of a deterrent do I need than to take a look at my once beautiful, gentle, happy, mam and see how she is ending her life. I wish for lots of things. I wish mam had had a happy life and I feel sad, and guilty, that she hasn't. I feel sad that my family, especially my Dad suffered so much because of mam's drinking. I wish I could change things but I can't, and like trlgs posted in his "beginning today" verse - I am trying not to worry about yesterday, it is in the past and the past will never change. Only I can change by choosing to do so. I choose to do so.

    Thanks for listening.


    Janicexxx
    AF since 9 May 2012
    Quit trying to control something that is uncontrollable (Bear February 08)

    #2
    Mother's Ruin

    Janice,

    I am so glad you have chosen to change your todays and tomorrows but I am sending lots of love and hugs for the sadness you are experiencing with you mam right now.

    Love,
    Cindi
    AF April 9, 2016

    Comment


      #3
      Mother's Ruin

      Janice,

      I'm so sorry you have had to suffer so with your Moms illness. You are very respected and care about here. I can only hope that the love you have here for you helps carry you through. You and your Mom are in my prayers.

      On my way
      Was an alcoholic yesterday, an alcoholic today and will still be an alcoholic tomorrow..... but I'm in charge now!

      Comment


        #4
        Mother's Ruin

        Dear Janice,

        I am so very sorry to hear about your Mom. It must be heartbreaking.....Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

        After reading this I can understand more what we put ourselves and family through. Thank you for changing my today!

        God Bless and many Hugs,
        Bambi
        "When you believe in a thing, believe in it all the way, implicitly and unquestionable." -- Walt Disney

        Comment


          #5
          Mother's Ruin

          Janice, so sorry you are going through this. This must be heart breaking for you. Sending you and your mum prayers. Stories like this make me realize just what AL does to us, and our families.

          Stay strong. You are doing so well with your sobriety.

          Comment


            #6
            Mother's Ruin

            Janice: I cannot think of anything to say except you have done & been all you could. Stay strong & sober. Love, Mary
            Wisdom, Courage, Strength
            October 3, 2012

            Comment


              #7
              Mother's Ruin

              Janice
              I am keeping you in my thoughts....
              sobriety date 11-04-07

              Comment


                #8
                Mother's Ruin

                You are a very special daughter, Janice. I'm glad that you can come here and talk about your painful feelings about your Mam. You describe it so poignantly.

                I hope she is doing better from the withdrawal in another day or so.

                AF as of August 5th, 2012

                Comment


                  #9
                  Mother's Ruin

                  We're all thinking of you and your Mam, Janice.....

                  And you are right...you can't change the past, but you damn sure can change your future. You are breaking the chain of alcohol problems in your family and we're very proud of you...

                  Hang in there, Janice....your MWO family is pulling for you...

                  Don

                  Comment


                    #10
                    Mother's Ruin

                    Janice, I am so sorry to hear about your Mother and what you're going through. I cannot even imagine.

                    My thoughts and prayers are with you.

                    Comment


                      #11
                      Mother's Ruin

                      :hJanice.... Very wise chices. My heart goes out to you and your mam. :l
                      sigpic
                      Thoughts become things..... choose the good ones. ~TUT

                      Comment


                        #12
                        Mother's Ruin

                        Janice,

                        You message is profoundly sad. You are the change in her life now. The AF you is the best gift you can give her late in this struggle.

                        July

                        Comment


                          #13
                          Mother's Ruin

                          Janice: so sorry for what you are going through. Just to let you know, though, that your months of sobriety inspire me. And I think they are a tribute to your mum as well:l:l
                          :boxer: Get the hell out of my house, Al, you worthless bastard!!

                          Comment


                            #14
                            Mother's Ruin

                            Janice, so sorry, it must be so hard for you. I too have seen my Mom in the hospital far too many times, largely due to her own self destructive behavior. It's very hard to see, but does spark the determination to do whatever we can not to follow in those footsteps. I am so glad you are here, and you have MWO to help and support you. Too bad our Moms didn't find something like this for themselves. :l
                            The furture lies before you like newly fallen snow - be careful how you tread it, for every step will show.

                            Comment


                              #15
                              Mother's Ruin

                              Hi Janice,

                              I'm so sorry to hear about your Mam.

                              It's sad to see them suffer I know.

                              My poor old dad, bless him, had over 130 admissions to hospital throughout my life, so I know how hard it is.

                              Please do not blame yourself at all. You are such a lovely person and you are doing a fantastic job.

                              My thoughts and prayers are with you at this difficult time.

                              Warm Regards

                              Brett.

                              Comment

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