My mam's back in hospital.....same time as last year. Memories are flooding back. She had her stent changed on her kidney last week and she's been in bed in agony since. They think the stent might be blocked but they're going to do x-rays on her pelvis as well as they think she could have a fracture (she's got osteoporosis (sp?) as well).
I'm more worried about the alcohol withdrawal though cause she hasn't had a drink for a few days with being so ill and she's starting to hallucinate. I've had a conversation with the hospital and they know mam's history and are treating her for alcohol withdrawal already.
I don't know whats worse - seeing/talking to her drunk or her having these hallucinations, talking to people who are not there, asking if I'm the gardener and where's her mam and dad?? Anyone who didn't know her would think she was "mad". She's 80 this year and after so many years of heavy drinking, its as if she needs the alcohol now to keep her sane, if that makes sense.
As I approach my fourth month of abstinence, what more of a deterrent do I need than to take a look at my once beautiful, gentle, happy, mam and see how she is ending her life. I wish for lots of things. I wish mam had had a happy life and I feel sad, and guilty, that she hasn't. I feel sad that my family, especially my Dad suffered so much because of mam's drinking. I wish I could change things but I can't, and like trlgs posted in his "beginning today" verse - I am trying not to worry about yesterday, it is in the past and the past will never change. Only I can change by choosing to do so. I choose to do so.
Thanks for listening.
Janicexxx
I'm more worried about the alcohol withdrawal though cause she hasn't had a drink for a few days with being so ill and she's starting to hallucinate. I've had a conversation with the hospital and they know mam's history and are treating her for alcohol withdrawal already.
I don't know whats worse - seeing/talking to her drunk or her having these hallucinations, talking to people who are not there, asking if I'm the gardener and where's her mam and dad?? Anyone who didn't know her would think she was "mad". She's 80 this year and after so many years of heavy drinking, its as if she needs the alcohol now to keep her sane, if that makes sense.
As I approach my fourth month of abstinence, what more of a deterrent do I need than to take a look at my once beautiful, gentle, happy, mam and see how she is ending her life. I wish for lots of things. I wish mam had had a happy life and I feel sad, and guilty, that she hasn't. I feel sad that my family, especially my Dad suffered so much because of mam's drinking. I wish I could change things but I can't, and like trlgs posted in his "beginning today" verse - I am trying not to worry about yesterday, it is in the past and the past will never change. Only I can change by choosing to do so. I choose to do so.
Thanks for listening.
Janicexxx
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