What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

[K9Lover]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

:bump:

Starting day 14 and I love re-reading this post. What great reminders!

[Guest]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

Gee, would take 5,000 words to begin to cover what I hate about drinking.

? I never stopped drinking, had to drink to feel 'normal' and not shake.
? The phone calls, emails and chats I have no memory of and finding out
my children would not answer a phone call from me for fear I'd be drunk.
? I also would find suicide notes I'd written and no memory of.
? Coming too, in an ICU unit, after drinking and taking 2 Xanax pills my husband suggested I take for stress. Forced mental ward after wards. Still couldn't stop for long.
? Knowing my drinking was a big part in one divorce.
? Hiding drinking, hiding bottles, switching to EverClear straight for that
quick fix while hiding in the bathroom and while flying to another state.
Not as many bottles! Even I couldn't do that for long.
? Missing out on all holidays gatherings and special events because I couldn't trust myself to not get drunk!
? Gaining 60 lbs. from alcohol and food bingeing in blackouts.
? Being a prisoner in my apt, too depressed and down on myself to leave,
hiding from the world in general.
? Horrible fights with husband, blacked out.
? Money I could not afford being spent on booze, poor me had to pay for
my own. ha
? Trying to be creative, self employed when I could hardly think at all.
? Obsessive thoughts, hating myself so much. Looking at my drunk ugly
face in the mirror and telling myself how much I hated myself and I did.
? First thoughts on waking, oh God what did I do last night? Searching the
house for clues to what I may have done the night before. Turning off the
phone and computer just in case some horrible call I made or email may
be returned.
? Hiding money, jewelry, credit cards, during a blackout and taking days or
weeks of frantic searching to find them.
? In early drinking years, 41 years old (18 years ago), newly divorced,
looking out the window first thing to see if my car was there as I had no
memory of coming home.
? Going to local small town bars and having some man come up to me
acting as if we were 'close friends' and not knowing him and no memory
of ever meeting him. I had to assume maybe it was one of 'those' one
night stands I could NOT believe I'd had. So against what I was sober!
I wouldn't even date for years, I was so particular about who I would
date. I tried to commit suicide twice over that kind of blackout behavior.
I joined AA for 3 years, but went back to drinking, how could I be single
and social and not drink. DUH
? Drunk husband calling cops in middle of the night over a verbal fight he
was having with me while I was drunk. How white trash!!
? Making posts on forums connected with my business, drunk and praying
next morning no one read them before I got them deleted.
? Not seeing my kids and grand kids for three years because of my
drinking and feeling I could not control it for a week's visit, my
self-esteem had sunk so low.
? Utter loneliness at 4AM wondering how long can I stand to live this way!

Well, as I said, I could go on and on! I've quit in the last few years for up to 3 months at a time. I would let stress, marriage problems, loneliness, boredom take me back for just one drink! Ya sure! As I walked into the liquor store I'd ask myself, is this going to be a black out horrible weekend. NO, I'd promise myself. .....It always was, always!

I can't give up and die an alcoholic. I'm at 22 days AF.

I keep coming here looking for answers and finding myself. I'm not as alone anymore.
May we all find support and the courage to beat this addiction! :thanks: :l

[Guest]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

Chillgirl

Love your poem. I'm saving it to my computer to read daily.
You said in a few words so succinctly what I was trying to say in a whole page!

Thanks for sharing.:thanks:

[Farm Girl]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

What I hate about Drinking:

The guilt
Not remembering what I said the night before, when I went to bed
Getting angry at my husband because he wants me to stop at 2 glasses of wine
Telling myself I'm in control when I am way out of control
Drinking 2 glasses of wine and then sneaking many more drinks in corners/behind doors
Feeling like crap the next day
Not being able to throw up but really needing to
Lying to myself on a daily basis that I am OK and don't have a problem
Missing work
Lying in bed on a beautiful sunny day hung over and miserable
Canceling last minute because I was so hung over
Canceling last minute because I want to stay home and drink
Tunnel vision, not thinking clearly or able to focus


Whew! A good description of my AL life! 68 days AF and on to Day 69....

[techie]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

There is no life while we poison ourselves!

[Frangipani]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

Are you inside MY Head?

:thumbs: I feel like you're inside my head. These are things I hate about when I drink. It's never worth it...yet I do it. I can't wait til' the day that I know for a fact I am a non-drinker. "No thanks...I'll just have a soda please. I don't drink." I can say those words today but I just don't know how long I'll be able to say them for. I'm hoping forever.

Farm Girl;849269 wrote: What I hate about Drinking:

The guilt
Not remembering what I said the night before, when I went to bed
Getting angry at my husband because he wants me to stop at 2 glasses of wine
Telling myself I'm in control when I am way out of control
Drinking 2 glasses of wine and then sneaking many more drinks in corners/behind doors
Feeling like crap the next day
Not being able to throw up but really needing to
Lying to myself on a daily basis that I am OK and don't have a problem
Missing work
Lying in bed on a beautiful sunny day hung over and miserable
Canceling last minute because I was so hung over
Canceling last minute because I want to stay home and drink
Tunnel vision, not thinking clearly or able to focus


Whew! A good description of my AL life! 68 days AF and on to Day 69....

[not tonight]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

There are so many things to hate, where to begin?!
1. I hate not remembering putting my children to bed the night before.
2 I hate waking up at 3 am on the couch, or even worse, the floor!
3. I hate the way my face looks in the morning, all puffy, discoloured and desperate. (I took
a picture of myself Sunday morning as a reminder. Horrifying!!!)
4. I hate my bloated belly.
5. I hate that drinking in the evenings replaces time to read.
6. I hate that if I haven't been to the corner store in over a week they assume I must have
moved.
7. I hate the impact alcohol has on my ability to think and be creative.
8. I hate the time it robs from me.
9. I hate being too hung over to go running in the morning (see no. 4!)
10.I hate the influence my drinking is having on my children.

Phew, that was cathartic! Things are going to change, just look at this list! Disgusting, no way to live! Happy Monday everyone and here is to a AF week!

[K9Lover]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

:bump:

I noticed several newbies in the last couple days and wanted to get this thread back up there...I love this one, really makes you think!


K9

[drunkmonk]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

1. The blackouts and resulting Paranoia
2. Worrying my Parents and being Drunk in front of them
3. Memory screw ups- Confabulating conversations that never really happened
4. Not being able to quite know whether something happened or if you dreamed it
5. The feeling of hopelessness and despair
6. Knowing you're killing yourself but not being able to stop it
7. Not showering , shaving or brushing teeth for days on end
8. Being shaky and weak
9. Looking in the mirror at my pale face


HATE ALCOHOL HATE IT HATE IT HATE IT

[Matho61]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

1. Not being able to see my elderly mother (94) coz I'm too hungover on the weekends.
2. Putting off seeing my son because of my hangover.
3. Not being able to do what I want on weekends because of hangovers.
4. Being reminded of the idiotic things I've said and done the night before.
5. Destroying my mind and body.
6. AND F...EN HANGOVERS....just sick of being sick.

[Mrs Donovan]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

I hated downing a bottle and a half of wine before my husband got home, and then telling him to buy more on his way as if I hadn't had a drink.
I hated that panicked, devastated feeling when all the drinking is done for the night.
I hated the fact I no longer felt drunk and happy but just deeply depressed through the drunkeness.
I hated the way my inlaws and others watched my drinking.
I hated the things I have said and done and cringing at the awful awful memories.
I hated waking up in the early hours and being unable to breathe or get back to sleep.
I hated my neglected appearance. Never showering, never brushing my teeth. sitting in my pyjamas til 2pm everyday.
I hated stinking of booze
I hate the fact I almost smothered my baby in the night by rolling onto her while she slept in our bed and my husband thank god waking up and grabbing her away from me - screaming at me, his eyes wild with fear and rage at how much of an absolute f***ng drunk loser I am.........there I said it. I still get chills about that and she's 2 now.
I hate the fact I stopped drinking after that.....but then slowly and surely AL crept back into my life.
I hate the fact that I felt I couldn't enjoy my children without being totally buzzed.

I AM NEVER GOING BACK THERE.

I hate the fact I didn't realise how bad I really was.

[Chillgirl]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

Mrs D - I can feel the venom and hatred you have towards AL, maybe you could copy your post and keep it in your purse to read any time you felt like drinking?

Your last line "I hate the fact I didn't realise how bad I really was" could be changed to "Im so grateful I now see how bad it was"...........

[Mrs Donovan]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

Thanks for that chillgirl - a different perspective is good.

[anon]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

This thread gives me real help brilliant thank you

[alicia in trouble]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

:new:

I hate the fact that I am so greedy when it comes to booze.

I hate drinking till I pass out

I hate the fact that I was so drunk at a work night out the other night I can't remember what happened.

I hate the fact that I used the excuse that my father was sick so I didn't have to go to work the next day.

I hate that I drunk a whole bottle of vodka to myself last night.

I hate that I feel I am letting everybody down with my drinking (including myself)

I hate that I drove away a lovely man who loved me by drinking and not turning up to meet him when I was with my other date, a bottle.

I hate how my drinking is destroying my self esteem.

I am new here, please go easy on me. I have not had a drink today, spent the whole day feeling sick and hungover.

I don't know how to cope with the guilt and i don't know why I am doing this to myself. My life is one big disaster at the moment and i know what I need to do, i just don't know how.

I am glad I found this place, it is as good a place to start as any, isn't it?