What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

[dill]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

:bump:

[LozzyJane]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

I hate that I sent text messages to just about everyone making them think I was about to suicide.
I hate that I'm in hospital for Christmas because of AL.
I hate that I've had three encounters with the police in three weeks.
I hate that I've lost my driver's licence.
I hate that my husband is divorcing me.
I hate that I hate myself.
I hate that I've lost my dignity.
I hate that I still want to drink.

[startingover]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

Lozzy, huge hugs :l:l:l
Maybe this could be the start of something new for you?
Grab control of your life with both hands :l

[Doggygirl]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

Hi Lozzy (and Starty!)

You are not alone. Recovery from alcoholism is not easy, but it is worth every step it takes to get there. There are many people here at MWO who have been in that dark place (and STILL wanted to drink!). I am one of them. If I can crawl out of the hole, so can you.

As Starty said, maybe this is the start of something new and much better for you.

Strength and hope,

DG

[Raven.joy]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

Just keep going Lozzy, you can find another way

[Aroundtwit]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

I hate that 99% of pictures of me have me with a drink in my hand
I hate that I had two bottles of vodka on the go one upstairs and one down so no one would know how much I was drinking
I hated hiding bottles
I hate walking to the recycling bin with bottles clanking in the bag
I hate having to take drink with us for any holiday or break
I hate having day flights only so the bar will be open when we arrive
I hate people watching how much I drink when they aren`t.
I hate the money I have wasted
I hate the fact that I am weak
I hate having to restrict my drinking when people are around
I hate unexpected visitors in the eve as it upsets my drinking routine
I hate eating and then not remembering that I did
I hate that on the outside I look normal and yet I`m not
I hate that other people can stop at one or two drinks and I can`t
I hate that there are six other people in the room all drinking and getting happy.
I hate that I am sitting here with probably alcoholic hepatits and it hurts so bad
I hate that my partner who is the only one who knows this will have to help me out of my chair as I`m in so much pain
I hate the fact that it will hurt to lay on my right side tonight
I hate that it me and only me who raised the glass to my lips for the past 14 years
I hate that I haven`t done half of what I want to do
Lastly I don`t know if this is the beginning of the end or the start of a new beginning.
:upset:

[Georgie Girl]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

This is a very helpful thread. My husband and I had a huge fight today because last night I got drunk and he went searching for my bottles and found a big stash - and it was not a surprise to him. He said I need to get help or lose him, which of course, I do not want.
I can't talk to anyone about this - I just can't. So here I sit, alone in our room, reading this site and trying to figure out what to do with myself. I am ashamed to say that I have experienced almost all of the horrible things you have all so eloquently described.
Most of all I hate hating myself and not being able to change what so clearly needs changing. I have never been addicted to anything before, but I am in serious danger of being addicted to alcohol, if I'm not already. Mostly, it's just making bad decisions and then beating myself up for them, and then the cycle repeats - I need to understand WHY I hate me so much.
Thanks for the ear and thanks for helping me see it's not just me, although I'm a bit disappointed that I'm not as creative or innovative in hiding it as I thought. ha ha

[mg72]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

I hate how my face flushes when drinking and the next morning.
I hate that everyone I associate with on regular basis drinks.
I hate that my parents drank too much and what that brought into our home
I hate that I really never stop at one or two drinks
I hate how Al takes away how wonderful I feel when I don't drink
I hate how over drinking makes me sluggish and antisocial the next day

My wife and I are going to New Zealand and Australia for three weeks. When I return I am commited to 30 days AF. I tried to quit twice before and made it 14 and 18 days. I need to find out what my life is truly like AF in any situation that will come up during the 30 days. I will ask for help on MWO when I start my AF journey. Until then I will work at minimizing my AL.

[willow20]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

thanks so much for this its my first AF day ..

i hate my inner debate.. of "do my friends know and talk about it. like how to help me.?"

[Raven.joy]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

despite all the things to hate in my past behaviour as echoed by so many here. There remains so much more to love. x

[toughintexas]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

I hate that it has control over me. I hate that I keep saying enough, and then do it again. I hate the way I've acted when I had to much. I hate that I've wasted days being hungover. I hate that I've abused my body that is my Temple, let myself down, let my family down, and let my God down. I've done alot of praying this morning, I know I can't do this alone, I know I need Divine Intervention. I WILL NOT drink today, and I know I'll be stronger tomorrow.

[z4]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

I hate that I have a reputation for drinking
I hate that I drink before going to a party so it won't look like I'm drinking too much when I get there
I hate that I have wasted so much time drinking
I hate the dumb things I say when I'm drunk
I hate how I feel the next day
I hate how I have abused my body

[Guest]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

I hate that I don't seem to be able to exist without it.
I hate how much weight I have gained and the way I look.
I hate how I have disappointed my family.
I hate how many times I have put my family in jeopardy.
I hate how much money I have spent on alcohol that should have gone into our home.
I hate the hurtful things I have said.
I hate the hurtful things I have done.
I hate that my children never had a sober, stable mom everday.
I hate the depression it causes, and the depression that causes me to drink.
I hate that from the moment I wake up my thoughts are consumed by it...whether drinking or not.
I hate the shame I feel everyday.
I hate that my marriage is not a true marriage.
I hate that my step-brothers were killed in a drunk driving accident.
I hate that my son's friend was killed in a drunk driving accident.
I hate the power it has over me.
I hate that I hate myself.

[Rags]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

Oh Schaef,
That is such a sad post. I would love to be able to put my arms round you and give you a big hug, and say please don't be so hard on yourself, give yourself permission to start liking yourself.
It is this vicious depression and self hate that keeps us self perpetuating it over and over and over. It was and still is a long journey for me to stop hating myself, and I understand every sentence you posted.
Be kind to yourself.

[Raven.joy]

What I HATE, LOATH, and JUST CAN'T STAND about drinking.

learning to love ourselves is where our real recovery lies x