Perspective Needed

[Beck]

Last week I posted on the ABS daily thread that I doubted my ability to get through June AF though I have been AF for the past 4 months. I guess what I need at this point is a bit of perspective/encouragement.

This is what my June looks like

Moving - in a week. My stuff has been in storage since October and the house while we have been having a house built. I have moved 4 times in the last 7 years. Do people actually move without drinking? I always drank my way through it - to celebrate, de-stress, deal with exhaustion, the drudgery, the kids who need my help, the husb who will hang out in the garage, living in box-land for a few weeks...I also get to unpack my past life - all those physical triggers (crystal, bar stuff, probably even a hidden bottle of booze or two as I was drunk when those boxes were packed)

In the midst of all that there is a bittersweet wedding. My BIL is getting re-married. His first wife committed suicide about 8 years ago. The ceremony will be low key but it will be a tough day for us all to get through. So much guilt for so many.

And of course I will have no MWO safety net until we have internet service at the new house.

Right now these obstacles look like a brick wall that I have to scale - really need for them to become much more like hurdles that I can take in my stride.

I'm really not making excuses in case I screw up. It is more like taking my excuses away. Didn't want to log off and come back admitting to slip/lapse/relapse and act like I couldn't see it coming.

Thanks for listening,
Beck

[Miss Behaving]

Perspective Needed

thinking of you

Beck -

I just came from reading some of your posts on other threads and thinking about how strong you were, to reading this one.

I dont have any words of wisdom to offer, but I wish you all the best. Transitions of all those different kinds - physical and emotional - are hard. I hope you can draw on those 4 AF months (such a great achievement!) to get you through the coming wee while. All I can say in terms of encouragement is that I look out for your posts for the insight and self awareness that you bring and that I really value that.

Do you have other outlets for contact with people while you dont have internet?

thinking of you

mame

[retteacher]

Perspective Needed

You're definitely in the middle of a daunting task. Try to take it one minute at a time. Pray if you can. We're here for you regardless of what you do. Mary

[Eastender]

Perspective Needed

Hi Becks,
Congratulations on your 4 months AF thats great.

It was dealing with a stressful situation that pushed me to drink and also eventually to want to stay sober. I knew that if I was to continue I would end up in a mental Hospital or worse because my bad emotions like anger frustration would intensify ten times with AL.
Celebrations and happy times are much better if you are sober, when you are able remember and cherish the times in the future, not rely on someone elses memory as I did.

Think of these "reasons" to drink as signposts on the road, read them but remember that you are just passing through on your way somewhere better,

Good luck with the move.

Eastx

[charlee]

Perspective Needed

Hey Beck
Gotta a pretty full June ahead of you and I know thinking about all the "to do's" can get pretty overwhelming ...The month of June, moving, unpacking, the wedding are all going to come and go so quickly, just like the past 4 months (There must of been a stressor or two in there somewhere!)...
I have my son's wedding the end of this month and a 3 week vacation to Italy coming up. My head is thinking that I deserve just a little buzz at that wedding, and Italy with no wine?????.....My plan is to tackle these events as they happen...The thoughts of the morning after scare me. I plan to take it as it comes and will do what I am going to do...I don't know either.
Your just thinking outloud.....we have both come so far. I am wondering...if we cave, does that make the next stressor that comes along a little easier to give in to? (Now I am thinking outloud!)......I think the answer is yes........

[Doggygirl]

Perspective Needed

Hi Beck. I'm not a very good example of sobriety to give you words of wisdom. But I will relate some pearls of wisdom that helped me get nicotine free - and I really think the same rules apply to drinking. (I just need to implement them effectively!)

1. Yes, people move without drinking or smoking every single day. Many people handle much worse situations every single day without drinking or smoking.

2. Drinking/smoking does nothing to help difficult situations be better. If anything, relying on addictive substances that are also depressants makes a bad situation worse.

3. While the time might seem to pass faster when we are indulging in our substances, the WORK gets done much more slowly. So if you want to get moved and settled as efficiently as possible, drinking will make that worse, not better.

Quote from Kevin at Woofmang.com: "Nothing in life is so bad that smoking a cigarette won't make it worse." Just sub Al and there you have it.

Best wishes to you Beck!! You have already learned how to live sober - I hope you think really hard (which obviously you are!) before deciding to throw it away. Let's face it - if we were the kind of people who could have a few drinks during a difficult time, then easily just forget about AL, we probably wouldn't be here.

(hope you are OK with some tough talk....)

DG
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[on my way]

Perspective Needed

Beck,

you have been an incredible source of inspiration to me and the others. I?m sure the peace of your new life will help remind you why you have remained AF this long. I know you have enjoyed being on the ball, with your kids, husband and new house. As silly as this may sound, make a list of why you are not drinking and keep in on you, look at it when you need some reinforcement. With everything going on in June it should pass quickly for you. Keep the running shoes handy too,

Hang in there,

onw

[DogLvr]

Perspective Needed

Beck - I echo On My Way's post. One way to do the move without drinking is to think how painful it will be to pack with a hangover. I just moved last year and purged a lot of stuff - bar stuff and the like. Even gave away 24 martini glasses!! Scary huh!

Congratulations on 120 days - I am going to shoot for 60 - am on day 33 right now.

[disapprovingcat]

Perspective Needed

Beck,

I have been feeling a little of what you are lately - we are so close in our AF time. Feeling like you have done so well that a little party time wouldn't be so bad? But you know the truth, and that is how much worse the job will really be with a drink in hand - it will go longer and you won't really get things done.

I do like keeping a list on you if you feel especially tempted. Start in your new home with a clear head!

Or postpone the celebration until after you've completely finished unpacking - if you're like most people that will be a few years :H Seriously - just take it a day at a time like you have been for 4 months. :l

DC

[caysea]

Perspective Needed

congratulations on the AF run .Just as you have a full plate for June their will be times in the next 12 months that will be stressful.You know that giving in will lead right back to sq one which was a long time ago and a hard battle fought and won.I have fooled myself in the past thinking I would just drink on this one occasion, [after 6 months AF ]only to do this and now have to dig myself out off the hole again.I don't know what to say to motivate you but you will need all the fight you had on day one of your great AF life. Being AF 16 days now I am kicking my self in the ass for slipping and having to go through the cravings and hangovers and all the other b s that goes along with our miserable problem. Just don't do it get tough on the AL and be smart ,and kind to yourself

[Beck]

Perspective Needed

Thanks everyone,

Glad this made some sense to you. I have learned to live life AF these past few months. Anyway, I've managed to get through without drinking by a combination of avoiding dangerous situations when I was shaky, ignoring some stuff that I can't control, and facing/confronting my challenges. I'm really good now at the everyday stuff and the old witching hour is gone. I still have fleeting thoughts of AL occasionally but do not act on them.

I'm sure you can tell that my brain is telling me that moving is different - it is a one time thing and WTF drink through it if need be. Of course pack/move/unpack will last at least 2 weeks - drinking through that scares the hell out of me.

Dolphin, you are right - I will feel great if I get through.

Mame, I do have people - just not people who know about the alcoholism. Think I'll program the local AA number into my cell phone - just in case.

Mary, thank you - great to know you will be here no matter what.

East, you are right I really don't want to get detoured.

Char, I think you are right about the slips. Caving once seems to lead to more of the same. You know that my stuff is coming in from Italy, don't you? It's a great place to visit. There will be about 400 bottles of wine in my basement. I have been surrounded by it since my return - guess I got my fill in Italy.

DG - I can handle tough talk. Thank you. I'd like to meet some of those folks who move w/o drinking. Was always a party for me - mostly just to make it more bearable. You are right about he work getting done faster and maybe I will actually remember where I put stuff Your comment about "throwing my sobriety away" hit home. Yep, I get to choose. It is really all about good choices.

OMW, will try to get some runs in during this - will piss off husb though. He doesn't mind it if I do something for myself as long as it is not on his time. I know that sounds harsh - I've called him on it in the past.

DogLvr, gave away martini glasses. Maybe I'll have my eldest was and put mine away.

D-Cat, I will unpack in 2 weeks. Seriously, would you believe I also tend to be a workaholic? Sounds like I'm just wanting to drink, huh? More like if I didn't give this some thought I know I would and I would just say I was overwhelmed.

I'll have to put some sort of plan together that doesn't involve AL.

Thanks again,
Beck

[Beck]

Perspective Needed

Caysea,

Cross posting...thank you for sharing your experiences. I really don't want to fall down and have to pick myself up all over again. Frankly, it was a bitch the first time. And I think it would really erode my confidence that I am just now regaining.

Beck

[Doggygirl]

Perspective Needed

I'd like to meet some of those folks who move w/o drinking.

LOL!! You are officially invited to my family reunion!! They are mainly teetotlers or MAYBE one glass of wine or beer types, and that's reserved for very special occassions. I'm the family drunk. (yeah...and nobody ever noticed. Right...)

Somehow they manage to do everything in life without getting schnokkered. That used to be so irritating.

Seriously...It IS your choice and I know you can do it AF if you want to.

Kick some Booze Beat Ass.

DG
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[Thankful]

Perspective Needed

Oh, Beck, you have come so far and I know it has not been easy for you. There is no reason in the world to undo all that hard work. Congrats on those 4 months!! You should be bursting with pride. Take some time to enjoy your success and not dwell on the future right.

I'm really not making excuses in case I screw up. It is more like taking my excuses away. Didn't want to log off and come back admitting to slip/lapse/relapse and act like I couldn't see it coming.

I would never think you are making excuses, but putting the idea of drinking in your head is very dangerous. Please don't let your mind justify that you deserve a drink after all this. You don't deserve to have that poison going through your veins again. You don't deserve to deal with this tough month ahead with hangovers and bad moods. You don't deserve the guilt AL will bring you.

Life happens. Moving, weddings, etc., it's all part of life. AL doesn't help us live it. It steals away all the precious moments (good and bad) that make up our lives.

Stay strong, girl!


Love, Me
:l :h:l

[Beck]

Perspective Needed

DG,

LOL - My moves have been associated with the military (no husb not military). We call it packing out. The movers come over to do the work and your friends come over to help and everyone drinks up all the remaining booze. In June I helped my neighbor prep for movers - we drank for 2 weeks before the actual pack out and then for a few days while the movers actually packed. Gee, wonder why I have this strong association!!!

And when I said your comment about throwing my sobriety away hit home - what I really meant was I felt that I had been kicked in the stomach. I need some honesty and bluntness. You are officially in charge of kicking my ass should I screw up.

Beck