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Booze Beast Lie #5 - I'm not really THAT bad.

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    #1

    Booze Beast Lie #5 - I'm not really THAT bad.

    Hi Everyone: In trying to fall asleep, this lie just occurred to me. I've used it many, many times as a motivator for going back to drinking. For me, it's called minimizing my problem drinking:
    -I'm not as bad as some people.
    -I've never gotten a DUI.
    -I've never crashed my car.
    -I've never missed work because of drinking.
    -I haven't lost my home & family.

    I have to counteract all of the above messages w/the truth:
    -I have blacked out, passed out, & thrown up.
    -I have drunk alone.
    -I have drunk whole (large) bottles.
    -I have had 4 different places that I bought booze (so the clerks wouldn't notice).
    -I have secretly disposed of bottles.

    The above is not normal behavior. The many normal drinkers I know do not do any of that. I cannot & will not use the "I'm not that bad" lie in order to get into a drinking binge.

    Can anyone identify?

    Mary
    Wisdom, Courage, Strength
    October 3, 2012
    Tags: None
    #2
    Booze Beast Lie #5 - I'm not really THAT bad.

    Most definitely. Mine are nearly identical. Thanks Mary.

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      #3
      Booze Beast Lie #5 - I'm not really THAT bad.

      same haven't excuses here
      dove

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        #4
        Booze Beast Lie #5 - I'm not really THAT bad.

        Hi Mary

        Great post as usual.

        I think for a lot of things in life, it doesn't help to compare yourself to other people.

        There will always be someone worse and someone better off and that's no reason for not making a change for the better. I think we know ourselves when what we are doing is wrong, as you point out in your message. A DUI may be an ultimate rock bottom but blacking out is extremely humiliating. Not knowing how you behaved around close family members is humiliating and undermines relationships and your sense of self.

        I will say that you should feel good that you haven't gotten to such horrible depths as job loss and DUI. I think this shows that you do have some measure of control. I read in a book recently, When AA doesn't work for you, that even alcoholic bums on the street often demonstrate some element of control in their drinking behavior, undermining the idea that this is some out-of-control disease. I take heart in that.

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          #5
          Booze Beast Lie #5 - I'm not really THAT bad.

          Mary - your post is EXCELLENT. Our subconscious minds sure come up with all kinds of crazy lies to try getting a fix of Booze, don't they.

          On first glance, everything on your lists is on my lists. I'm sure I have more to go with it. (sad, huh!) Will give this more thought and probably add a few things.

          It feels so cleansing to be here at MWO where we can "talk" honestly and openly about our darkest places with Booze. This level of honesty refreshes me.

          DG
          *********************
          Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
          Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

          One day at a time.

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            #6
            Booze Beast Lie #5 - I'm not really THAT bad.

            Yes yes yes, Mary. So true. (except I have missed work because of AL, though I didn't admit that was the reason at the time).

            And Nancy, such good insight, as usual... yes, comparing ourselves to others is NEVER a good idea, whether it is connected to AL or anything else.
            Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

            Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

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              #7
              Booze Beast Lie #5 - I'm not really THAT bad.

              Oh dear. Having missed work, crashed a car and ruined relationships, I know I AM that bad.
              sigpic
              AF since December 22nd 2008
              Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

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                #8
                Booze Beast Lie #5 - I'm not really THAT bad.

                I'm even worse: I've crashed cars and ruined relationships dead sober.
                Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life... And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.

                Steve Jobs, Stanford Commencement Adress, 2005

                Comment

                  #9
                  Booze Beast Lie #5 - I'm not really THAT bad.

                  Good insight, Mary. I do the same. Rationalizing my way back to drinking.

                  It still amazes me that we can so easily forget the bad when our brains want us to drink. I agree with Determinator, we are fighting the lower part of our brain that thinks that consuming alcohol is good for us.

                  So, these threads are a very useful tool for us. Our higher brains can surely beat our lower brains.

                  Having a hard time typing this and thinking my way through it. I hope I made sense.

                  Love,
                  Cindi
                  AF April 9, 2016

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                    #10
                    Booze Beast Lie #5 - I'm not really THAT bad.

                    Mary
                    Amazing......ditto, ditto (except I had 5 stores!)....The buying, lying, hiding, planning was so much a part of my daily lifestyle it is easy to forget how much time it actually consumed...In my head I knew this was not normal, but I knew without it I was facing the shakes, the palpatations, just the fear of not having any in the house. I was sick, I needed my fix, and I needed to know it was waiting for me every evening.....I would go to any lengths to make that happen. No, this is not normal!!..Great thread.
                    sobriety date 11-04-07

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                      #11
                      Booze Beast Lie #5 - I'm not really THAT bad.

                      This lie is the biggest one for me and the one that has kept me stuck for years now, not being able to go AF for more than a week, (if that). After 2 or 3 days, I begin to feel good, I forget how awful I felt when I was drinking, I tell myself the "lie"-that I'm not that bad, I tell myself I deserve it, I tell myself I can drink and no one will know-"just a few", and that's it, I've convinced myself. All I can say, is NOT THIS TIME> Yesterday was day one and I am in it for 30--no excuses. Thanks.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Booze Beast Lie #5 - I'm not really THAT bad.

                        Everyone: Thank you all so much. This lie is also my main one for throwing me back into a binge. I will read this when I feel like I want to waste a whole day (& my peace of mind) drinking. Someone mentioned the planning. That took so much of my mental energy!
                        -the drinking thought first.
                        -planning for a time I could drink (for hours).
                        -buying the wine & hiding it in my car.
                        -drinking it while I did things in the house (unbeknowst to my husb).
                        -trying to cover up the effects.
                        -sleeping it off.
                        -disposing of the bottle.

                        Not a very pretty picture, but I did that countless times.

                        Never again.

                        Mary
                        Wisdom, Courage, Strength
                        October 3, 2012

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                          #13
                          Booze Beast Lie #5 - I'm not really THAT bad.

                          Shit, my parents are Southern Baptist missionaries. I pretty much figured I was going straight to Hell after my first sip.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Booze Beast Lie #5 - I'm not really THAT bad.

                            Hi everybody. Wow, what a good thread, Mary. We really can't fool ourselves, if we just think about it....yes, I have hidden bottles ...and topped up the "kitchen" bottle from time to time so hubby wouldn't
                            see how much I'd drank...

                            And yes, there is the danger when you have been AF for awhile to get complacent, and think that since you are doing so well, ol' Al doesn't actually have much of a hold on you. Yeah, right. I'll bet this thinking causes 75% of relapses, if not more.
                            The furture lies before you like newly fallen snow - be careful how you tread it, for every step will show.

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Booze Beast Lie #5 - I'm not really THAT bad.

                              Mary spot on for me too!

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