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**jessie** · June 17, 2008, 01:57 AM

Tuesday June 17

Hi Loppy lugs,
First, all the rabbit stories had me in a pet shop on Saturday showing my grand kids the cute small bunnies. I would love to try one as a pet but will be ( hopefully) going away to teach English in China or South Korea so I can't take on new pets now.
You are perfectly entitled to put yourself first and skip the partie. And you have a cold so you don't have to make up a story. It is about you now, trying to heal.
Love
Jessie.

**beatle** · June 17, 2008, 04:33 AM

Tuesday June 17

Loppy, I think you should excuse yourself from the party. Even if you did not have the drinking issue to contend with, you would not have been happy about this sudden change, made without consulting you. I think it was a very selfish, self-centered thing for your friend to do and you can't afford to put yourself in difficult situations at this time. You need to avoid landmines at all costs, and this seems like a live one. Since you have a cold, you can do it without much confrontation, which is good, because you probably should avoid that too.

**Doggygirl** · June 17, 2008, 05:23 AM

Tuesday June 17

Good morning Loppy and jessie and beatle.

Loppy I agree with the others. I would let your friend know you don't want to give her or others your cold, and I would probably also say that when you re-schedule, you would prefer just the two of you go out to celebrate your birthdays together. (If I were getting together with my old pal for a belated birthday dinner, I sure wouldn't want strangers and/or people I don't like invited along without my agreement!)

It's a busy week here but all is well on the AF front. So far so good! Today and tomorrow might feel a little strange as on both days, one of our vehicles will be in the shop. So Mr. Doggy needs access to the one we will have here all day for client work. So my newfound freedom of mobility will be a bit cramped! But I plan to work out in the early mornings and then I've sure got plenty to keep me busy around here. So I'm ready.

Happy AF day to all yet to come.

DG
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**retteacher** · June 17, 2008, 07:20 AM

Tuesday June 17

Loppy: I've been an Alanon member for many years (ironic isn't it?). Anyhow, I learned in Alanon that the definition of co-dependence is: "Doing what you don't want to do & not doing what you really want to do." Doing what you don't want to do can cause a resentment, & (for me, an alcoholic) resentment can propel me into drinking. So, think about what you really want to do & go ahead & do that. You can always celebrate in a simpler way w/your friend. Take care of your sobriety. Mary

**tlrgs** · June 17, 2008, 07:36 AM

Tuesday June 17

it comes down to stress.. dont do it .. you wil feel like you have to fit in and come up with some reason to drink.so selfish i say no .do what you feel is right for you .this is your time ,your sobriety.

but hey this just my opion
just wanted to good morning
and have a great day

**charlee** · June 17, 2008, 07:47 AM

Tuesday June 17

Morning all
I am finding one of the things I need to work on (with much more diligence), is putting myself first. My wants, my needs. I find I do things just to appease, keep the peace, don't ruffle any feathers and then I get the "poor me syndrome" ........that is not a healthy state of mind for me. I am the one not speaking up, yet I get resentful...Taking baby steps, moving forward with that issue (at a snails pace), but I am at least moving.......Loppy, I agree with the others, do what YOU want to do.....
Hope everyone has a great Tuesday!!!

**4theboyz** · June 17, 2008, 07:59 AM

Tuesday June 17

Good Morning Abbers!

Starting off my day with internet connection probs, so I too am dealing with added stress of one of my least favorite headaches - computer issues!!

Loppy thanks for the book reminder as I hope to get back to my reading routine as well and as far as your scheduled date with your friend you have some good advice already.

I feel these moments are also opportunities to step up and push the boundaries of our AL issues as sooner of later we are going to have to be able to navigate the waters of our social environments especially around our friends. How meaningful would your presence be to your friend? Perhaps she would greatly miss you being there especially since this has been planned for so long. But after all she is the one who changed the plans to your evening without your input it is your call.

Briefly, all these AF days are starting to make some sense and adding clarity to the purpose of staying AF. I'll try and update my progress later and until then have a very nice AF day today everyone!

Well off to "Technical Help-Line Hell"

**retteacher** · June 17, 2008, 10:05 AM

Tuesday June 17

Charlee: I've been appeasing, walking on eggs, adjusting to other peoples' moods, etc. all my life. Speaking up for myself is very difficult for me (even at my age). However, my hidden resentments & fear were what caused me to drink to excess. Additionally the years I drank a lot set me back in terms of my development in that area. I'm now realizing that there are no shortcuts to maturity, serenity, & intimacy. Without speaking up for myself & doing what's necessary to take care of myself, I'll never have those attibutes I just mentioned.

My husb is a great guy, but he does take me for granted. I recently (calmly) spoke to him about the fact that he never got me a gift for Christmas, my B-day, or Mother's Day. He seemed surprised (& contrite). It took a lot for me to say something to him, but now I'm glad I did. So far, there haven't been a dozen roses, but at least he knows how I feel.

Good luck & stand up for yourself.

Mary

**Cherbear** · June 17, 2008, 01:17 PM

Tuesday June 17

Loppy,
This thread seams to have taken a theme of forgetting oneself for the sake of PLEASING. I'm so guilty of that, I do find that I as I get older I am not doing as much of it but it is still a big theme in my life.
I think I have enjoyed AL as a way of finally Pleasing myself because that has been my main thing that I allowed myself that was just about me.. and look what it does. So, if this party is stressful and you really don't want to go.. then don't. you have more than enough legitimate reasons to say no and if your friend is a good one , hopefully you can sit and talk about things one day.

**Cherbear** · June 17, 2008, 01:18 PM

Tuesday June 17

It is so funny, I'm a quilter and look I misspelled seem with seam!!!!LOL

**Determinator** · June 17, 2008, 09:21 PM

Tuesday June 17

late check-in for garlic breath! been zooming all over the countryside and at another darn hotel.

Loppy, be selfish and enjoy yourself! doctors orders

Cher, post some pictures of your quilts!

speaking of rabbits, when I went for a bike ride last night I saw two very cute fluffy black rabbits sitting side by side in the shade. i stopped. said hi. they looked at me like I was crazy. then I was on my way.

I'm not crazy. I just have little human ears.

be well everyone!

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