annoyed

[1967]

okay so... i need to vent just a tad.

i moved to my dad's a couple weeks ago and all is fine.
a couple nights a week he drinks whiskey.. i'm fine.. not tempted but starting to get annoyed w/it.
when he drinks he gets all chatty. starts coming into my part of the house to talk some crap to me about what's on tv and dumb commercials.
he's my father, i have to be respectful, but COME ON!

i'm used to living alone and he knows it. every time i live w/him he thinks he's going 'break me of this.' i doubt it.
i'm not sitting around watching televison! i either have work to do on the computer or i'm going to read. pretty harmless, no?

any ideas?
this friday will be week 6 AF for me. Yesterday was a trigger afternoon... I was at work and got into a fight w/three of the guys doing construction at our school. they couldn't find something they "left on the floor." so sorry... don't leave important items on the floor and come tell me off when it gets thrown away.
stupid is as stupid does, isn't that the saying?
anyhow... i didn't do anything besides get really pissed off.
i'm still irritated clearly.

[lorisunshine]

annoyed

Hi 1967,

Good for you on your 6 weeks AF, it's a great achievement.

Did you say you are living in your father's house?

I still had a mother less than 2 years ago. She used to come visit my house and got all chatty etc. Not a day goes by that I don't wish I had dropped that mouse and had taken my paws off the keyboard and paid some attention to my mother. Sure, it was inconvenient but in the grander scheme of things it did not matter one iota if I had spent 15 minutes and really listened to what she had to say.

If being around the booze bothers you, then an open, friendly mention that you are trying to cut back would go a long way to solve that.

Time is running through our fingers like water, make the most of the time that you have left with your father. It will warm your heart once he is gone.
Wishing you all the best on your journey to sobriety.
Hugs
Lori

[Popeye]

annoyed

Hi 1967,

I went to stay with my dad for a couple of months during a particularly difficult time in my life. He doesn't drink, but he knows I have a problem as I'm quite open about it. He was so full of self-righteous bullshit. I just nodded and agreed as I had to; it being his house and all. He's ex-military and has been on my back since the day I was born. Eventually, I had to leave. I couldn't take it any more. He doesn't know how I feel about him; I am always polite and respectful but I'm a grown man. I ended up spending months sleeping on my brothers couch in less than ideal conditions rather than have to be talked at like I was a simpleton. I love him but he makes me so angry.
That's my rant for the day.
Thanks.

[A Work in Progress]

annoyed

Being around a parent who drinks can be VERY difficult. I understand what Lori is saying... but these situations can be complicated by alcohol use... my own mother tries her best to persuade me to drink with her... she is 88 and I just have to stay away as much as possible during her drinking hours, which means I very rarely have dinner with her, and she is accordingly very lonely during dinner-time and cocktail time... She is very angry and bitter about that. She has NO empathy or understanding for my situation. My father ultimately killed himself... after living with her and drinking with her for 60 years....

I hate all of this situation, and will suffer all kinds of guilt and regret and sadness when she dies... but sometimes you have to make horribly difficult choices to save your own life/sanity.

wip

[1967]

annoyed

hi again... i do feel like a bitch for complaining about my father. (seems pretty ungrateful,,, i knew this would be an adjustment) (i moved to his house because otherwise i'll never be able to buy my own house)
he is lonely and does enjoy my company! me, i'm not really sure why?
i do eat dinner with him. actually i cook, i clean, i take out the trash... even when i'm trying to do this he wants me to sit and talk. for christ sake he is retired, i'm not. i tell him "dad,,,, please let me finish what i'm doing."
adding the whiskey just makes him think it's a good idea to come into my art studio while i'm working.
and... by the way... i'm actually working! not fooling around on the computer.
once my job starts in 3 weeks i imagine things will get better.
he knows how busy i get... work all day and then it takes 2-3 more hrs at home in the evening.
honest... i'm not being a cold hearted wench... !

popeye... i feel for you! i know exactly what ur talking about!! my dad doesn't criticize me... he does tease me though... and does spend a lot of time criticizing the rest of the world. talking about world and local politics! i'm a painter for goodness sake! i wish he would just talk to me about art!!!

[1967]

annoyed

and don't think i'm a loser for moving home.
i only make 40K and the real estate market is not in line w/the local salaries.
the majority of decent housing is priced as 2nd family vacation homes (even 2 bedroom apts). meaning there isn't much available for under 400K. the median sale price is closer to 500K. i'm trying to be practical... renting for the rest of my life isn't a practical housing solution!

i've not created a traditional life, family etc., because i was committed to my life as an artist.
at least that part is established!

[1967]

annoyed

thanks one2many.... i need some encouragement! okay... maybe lots of it!!
it has taken me forever to get the right job... and i've got it.
i am living at my fathers but i am basically running the house and paying 1/2 expenses... and STILL living here improves my financial situation a lot.
I haven't lived at home since I was 14 by the way, so this transition is bound to be hard.
not as hard as paying rent when i'm 65 though!
ugh, what a thought!

i figure it will take 4 yrs plus for me to save a down payment. but i doubt i will live w/my dad here so long. he is going to retire within the next couple of years to Colombia where his wife is now. they just finished building a retirement home there. it is too expensive here for him to retire locally.
money = the root of all evil.. and a necessary evil at that!

thanks!

[lorisunshine]

annoyed

1967,
Oh boy, I put my foots into my mouth big time. Let me extend my profound apology if my post to you came across as judgmental; it was not meant to do that. All I wanted to express are the regrets that I have for not paying more attention to my mother, when she so obviously wanted to talk to me. That is my scenario and problem, not yours.

I know full well how challenging it can be to have to take care of ones elders. At times they are far worse than children. This is unnerving enough without the added pressure of trying to eliminate alcohol.

You deserve all the credit in the world for what you are planning and doing and I wish you all the luck in your chosen career and your dedication to your art. I did not pursue my art and am still stuck in a job that I really don?t want to do.

Hugs and again I am really sorry for the misunderstanding.
Lori :h

[1967]

annoyed

lorisunshine.... you need not apologize!! u expressed ur feelings and i expressed mine.
i think i feel like a bit of a loser for moving home!! i know i do... everyone i know is married... w/children.. a home (although the majority rent here)... me, i move in w/my daddy. i get a lot of shit for this i might add from people i don't consider friends. it still bothers me though.
i try to stick w/the theme of 'self reliance' and the idea that i will have a lovely home that i can afford of my own in the not too distance future. and it AIN'T gonna be a one bedroom apt on the second floor!! it is going to be a modest home, 1/2 the living space will be a painting studio, have a lovely garden I've begin to cultivate already and will transplant the trees, and i will have a view of the sea.
when the housing slump takes effect here hopefully i'll have enough $$ put aside to take action.
dad is entirely okay for now, just lonely w/out his wife.
i've lived pretty much my entire life in a state of loneliness, so i really do not feel driven to "fix it" for him. on the other hand my mom, who really needs familia support, is losing her mind. she is fighting it and is entirely impossible to be around. a week w/her left me wondering if i was the one losing it?
i did not take offense to your post. honest!

[Doggygirl]

annoyed

1967, first off congratulations on your 6 weeks of sobriety!

I think you are wise to live with your Dad while you save money for your own house. That is just smart finances, and it's great that you are blessed with parents who are willing to live with an adult child. (I too spent a little time at Mom & Dad's re-grouping as an adult - and considered it a blessing that the option was there for me).

For whatever it's worth, I'm dealing with my Dad's rapidly declining health right now, so I relate well to what Lori is saying about staying aware of the limited time we might have with our parents while also trying to balance your life and YOUR needs for privacy, work time, etc.

Hopefully you can communicate with your Dad and work things out in such a way that you have your own space, and also have quality time with him. Best wishes - I hope it all works out positively for both of you.

DG