Several of us are dealing with a variety of issues related to aging parents. It's been said many times that we should start a thread for this subject so we can share information and generally support each other. Well, the time for thread threats is past!! Here it is!!!
I'm am intentionally starting this thread in the Abstinence section as I am personally dealing with the issues sober, and I know several other AFers that are too. While people who may not be AF yet or moderators are welcome to post, please respect the abstinence section by NOT discussing drinking (even moderately) as a possible coping mechanism for this subject. For some of us too much discussion of moderate drinking makes us fantasize that we might be able to do it too...when in fact for me anyway, I know I can't. Ever. Thanks in advance for respecting this request.
I hope each person who is dealing with aging parent issues will introduce yourself and summarize your situation. And maybe we can start asking for specific input.
My Mom & Dad are both 76 years old. Mom seems healthy as a horse - it's been a few years since her last physical but she came through with flying colors. She is very active, and on NO medications for anything. (amazing in this day and age) My Dad was diagnosed with diabetes maybe 5 years ago? and has had several health problems that we've been told are complications of diabetes. He went many, many years with no physical, so is probably suffering extra now for going untreated for a long time. His major issues include blood sugar management (he now injects insulin as needed in addition to oral meds), high blood pressure, poor circulation (he has a stint in a heart valve, and also had another operation a few years ago to shore up a weak artery in his abdominal area). He gets sores on his feet that are difficult to get healed up and require close daily care. He got an infection from a sore previously that resulted in a toe amputation. He doesn't even know exactly how many different meds he is on. Diabetes is not something I ever want.
He has been up and down, in and out of hospitals and doctors offices for several years now with this. He recently got an infection in his system without realizing until he couldn't stand up and was babbling incoherently, which landed him in the hospital on IV antibiotics. When he recovered from that he was still too weak to stand up on his own, and my Mom cannot lift him. So...off to the nursing home for physical therapy. He was coming along fine and was due to be released back home this week - but had a set back last Friday. In therapy, he suddenly got dizzy and weak and a little incoherent again. He fell down. I'm not sure my Mom did everything she should have to engage the doctors - this is all new to me too. The nursing home is NOT like the hospital where they automatically engage the doctors when there is a problem. So I'm still waiting to hear what the updated news it. My Mom is having to learn how to be MUCH more assertive about my Dad's care.
Issues that complicate all this....
Mom and Dad still live in the family home on 3 acres of land out in the country which is a little far off from help, and a LOT to take care of. The house is a split level house, so you cannot get in or out of it without going up and down stairs. Not a great set up for my Dad who is getting weaker and less able to do these things with time - and I don't see that changing. Their living situation is a HUGE concern - but they have no intentions of changing it. My Mom does NOT want to move, and while I know my Dad was thinking about it at one point, I think my Mom pouted him out of that idea.
My Dad is also very private about financial matters - I have no idea what their situation does and frankly, neither does my Mom. This makes it very hard to offer any sort of suggestions with no idea what the budget might be. My Mom has no idea what resources are available even for obvious things like outfitting the bathroom with handles by the toilet and shower, seating in the shower, a bed that raises up and down, and stuff like that. I spend a lot of time worrying about these things when really there is nothing I can do or have even been asked to do. How do you cope with that? I'm a take charge type of person and I'm having a hard time with the "helpless" feelings that I have.
Mom and Dad are of course covered by Medicare and they also have some sort of Medicare supplement. I think it's with Blue Cross Blue Sheild, but that is all I know about it. Does anyone know if this general type of insurance coverage might allow for some sort of in home help? I'm not even sure if that's an option.
Are there any new / thinking out of the box type services out there that we should be looking for? i.e. all I know of to suggest at this point, if Dad gets home and passes out on the floor is to call the ambulence. I keep thinking there must be some middle ground for help, but maybe not.
I just wish they weren't so stubborn and lived in a more manageable (easier!!) situation. But it's their choice and I need to somehow figure out how to relax and just trust that they have already decided to accept the consequences.
One last question....I really am concerned about the seeming large volume of meds that Dad is on. It seems that over the years, a new med or two or five gets added every time there is a problem, and nothing ever gets subtracted. At some point, the cocktail of different stuff has to be problematic. Is there a politically correct way to ask his doctor for a complete review - at minimum with my mother present and maybe me too - without totally pissing off the doctor?
Any practical advice is welcome welcome welcome - either for Dad, or for my mental state where I don't feel like I've found the "fine line" that I should be walking.
And I'll save ranting about my brother, the pope, for later. That stuff is just immaturity times 10 on my part!!
Thanks....and please - I hope others will post about their parent situations too. If nothing else, I know writing about it just helps me collect my thoughts.
DG
I'm am intentionally starting this thread in the Abstinence section as I am personally dealing with the issues sober, and I know several other AFers that are too. While people who may not be AF yet or moderators are welcome to post, please respect the abstinence section by NOT discussing drinking (even moderately) as a possible coping mechanism for this subject. For some of us too much discussion of moderate drinking makes us fantasize that we might be able to do it too...when in fact for me anyway, I know I can't. Ever. Thanks in advance for respecting this request.
I hope each person who is dealing with aging parent issues will introduce yourself and summarize your situation. And maybe we can start asking for specific input.
My Mom & Dad are both 76 years old. Mom seems healthy as a horse - it's been a few years since her last physical but she came through with flying colors. She is very active, and on NO medications for anything. (amazing in this day and age) My Dad was diagnosed with diabetes maybe 5 years ago? and has had several health problems that we've been told are complications of diabetes. He went many, many years with no physical, so is probably suffering extra now for going untreated for a long time. His major issues include blood sugar management (he now injects insulin as needed in addition to oral meds), high blood pressure, poor circulation (he has a stint in a heart valve, and also had another operation a few years ago to shore up a weak artery in his abdominal area). He gets sores on his feet that are difficult to get healed up and require close daily care. He got an infection from a sore previously that resulted in a toe amputation. He doesn't even know exactly how many different meds he is on. Diabetes is not something I ever want.
He has been up and down, in and out of hospitals and doctors offices for several years now with this. He recently got an infection in his system without realizing until he couldn't stand up and was babbling incoherently, which landed him in the hospital on IV antibiotics. When he recovered from that he was still too weak to stand up on his own, and my Mom cannot lift him. So...off to the nursing home for physical therapy. He was coming along fine and was due to be released back home this week - but had a set back last Friday. In therapy, he suddenly got dizzy and weak and a little incoherent again. He fell down. I'm not sure my Mom did everything she should have to engage the doctors - this is all new to me too. The nursing home is NOT like the hospital where they automatically engage the doctors when there is a problem. So I'm still waiting to hear what the updated news it. My Mom is having to learn how to be MUCH more assertive about my Dad's care.
Issues that complicate all this....
Mom and Dad still live in the family home on 3 acres of land out in the country which is a little far off from help, and a LOT to take care of. The house is a split level house, so you cannot get in or out of it without going up and down stairs. Not a great set up for my Dad who is getting weaker and less able to do these things with time - and I don't see that changing. Their living situation is a HUGE concern - but they have no intentions of changing it. My Mom does NOT want to move, and while I know my Dad was thinking about it at one point, I think my Mom pouted him out of that idea.
My Dad is also very private about financial matters - I have no idea what their situation does and frankly, neither does my Mom. This makes it very hard to offer any sort of suggestions with no idea what the budget might be. My Mom has no idea what resources are available even for obvious things like outfitting the bathroom with handles by the toilet and shower, seating in the shower, a bed that raises up and down, and stuff like that. I spend a lot of time worrying about these things when really there is nothing I can do or have even been asked to do. How do you cope with that? I'm a take charge type of person and I'm having a hard time with the "helpless" feelings that I have.
Mom and Dad are of course covered by Medicare and they also have some sort of Medicare supplement. I think it's with Blue Cross Blue Sheild, but that is all I know about it. Does anyone know if this general type of insurance coverage might allow for some sort of in home help? I'm not even sure if that's an option.
Are there any new / thinking out of the box type services out there that we should be looking for? i.e. all I know of to suggest at this point, if Dad gets home and passes out on the floor is to call the ambulence. I keep thinking there must be some middle ground for help, but maybe not.
I just wish they weren't so stubborn and lived in a more manageable (easier!!) situation. But it's their choice and I need to somehow figure out how to relax and just trust that they have already decided to accept the consequences.
One last question....I really am concerned about the seeming large volume of meds that Dad is on. It seems that over the years, a new med or two or five gets added every time there is a problem, and nothing ever gets subtracted. At some point, the cocktail of different stuff has to be problematic. Is there a politically correct way to ask his doctor for a complete review - at minimum with my mother present and maybe me too - without totally pissing off the doctor?
Any practical advice is welcome welcome welcome - either for Dad, or for my mental state where I don't feel like I've found the "fine line" that I should be walking.
And I'll save ranting about my brother, the pope, for later. That stuff is just immaturity times 10 on my part!!
Thanks....and please - I hope others will post about their parent situations too. If nothing else, I know writing about it just helps me collect my thoughts.
DG
ray:
Comment