Good morning all.
DG is at day 90 AF:jumpwow:
Sorry I disappeared for a few days. I had intended to tell you all about it in advance but it was so outside my comfort zone that the anxiety was hitting me in waves and I couldn't breathe enough to sit at the computer and write about it.
I went on my first AF free holiday! I did it on my own and without antabuse!
I went to Finland brown bear spotting. I know you have loads of bears in the States but that is quite exciting for a Brit where our most dangerous animal is a badger. I didn't take the antabuse because I don't like taking drugs across borders. I was really anxious about that because antabuse has been a crutch since this started. Airports and planes without alcohol. Meeting strangers without a little help from the red wine club. I still get weepy thinking about it.
BUT I DID IT!
I'd never met any of the people of the trip before so when we were offered a glass of something (clear but I don't know what) I just said I don't and everyone took that as completely normal. It wasn't a boozy event anyway because you have to be so quiet in the hides but later back at the lodge or in the sauna etc everyone took it as natural that when they drank beer I drank water. Nobody asked me why I didn't drink. Over the entire time only one person asked me if I had ever drunk alcohol. It was no big deal for them. It seems that with normal drinkers alcohol just isn't a big thing. Yours or theirs!
It wasn't as easy as I make this sound but I did it. It actually helped telling everyone from the beginning that I didn't drink so that when I was really tempted when everyone else had a celebratory shot when we saw our first bear they gave me a shot glass with water in to make the toast so that I didn't feel left out.
The worst craving actually came when I was back home and stocking up the fridge. The craving was so bad in the supermarket (the wine section runs across the end of the meat and dairy section so that you can't avoid it) that I had real tunnel vision sort of anxiety. You have probably realised that emotions tend to hit me physically. Thankfully I was able to control my jelly legs and get out of there. Back home I restarted the antabuse, clearly I am not ready to do without it yet.
I am crying as I type this but it is happy (highly strung) tears. I had a great time and made some new friends. I am a little more hopeful that there is a life that I want to live when I have to struggle less with staying AF. I was beginning to fear... well so much I can't even begin to say.
Sound like everyone is enjoying the olympics. Team GB is doing well so three cheers for them.
Good to see old friends back on the thread.
Heading off now to do a mountain of ironing before I hit the office.
Thanks for listening folks.
DG is at day 90 AF:jumpwow:
Sorry I disappeared for a few days. I had intended to tell you all about it in advance but it was so outside my comfort zone that the anxiety was hitting me in waves and I couldn't breathe enough to sit at the computer and write about it.
I went on my first AF free holiday! I did it on my own and without antabuse!
I went to Finland brown bear spotting. I know you have loads of bears in the States but that is quite exciting for a Brit where our most dangerous animal is a badger. I didn't take the antabuse because I don't like taking drugs across borders. I was really anxious about that because antabuse has been a crutch since this started. Airports and planes without alcohol. Meeting strangers without a little help from the red wine club. I still get weepy thinking about it.
BUT I DID IT!
I'd never met any of the people of the trip before so when we were offered a glass of something (clear but I don't know what) I just said I don't and everyone took that as completely normal. It wasn't a boozy event anyway because you have to be so quiet in the hides but later back at the lodge or in the sauna etc everyone took it as natural that when they drank beer I drank water. Nobody asked me why I didn't drink. Over the entire time only one person asked me if I had ever drunk alcohol. It was no big deal for them. It seems that with normal drinkers alcohol just isn't a big thing. Yours or theirs!
It wasn't as easy as I make this sound but I did it. It actually helped telling everyone from the beginning that I didn't drink so that when I was really tempted when everyone else had a celebratory shot when we saw our first bear they gave me a shot glass with water in to make the toast so that I didn't feel left out.
The worst craving actually came when I was back home and stocking up the fridge. The craving was so bad in the supermarket (the wine section runs across the end of the meat and dairy section so that you can't avoid it) that I had real tunnel vision sort of anxiety. You have probably realised that emotions tend to hit me physically. Thankfully I was able to control my jelly legs and get out of there. Back home I restarted the antabuse, clearly I am not ready to do without it yet.
I am crying as I type this but it is happy (highly strung) tears. I had a great time and made some new friends. I am a little more hopeful that there is a life that I want to live when I have to struggle less with staying AF. I was beginning to fear... well so much I can't even begin to say.
Sound like everyone is enjoying the olympics. Team GB is doing well so three cheers for them.
Good to see old friends back on the thread.
Heading off now to do a mountain of ironing before I hit the office.
Thanks for listening folks.
That's too funny. For me, I thought the first 10 were a lifetime sentence in hell. I thought 30 would never end. The next 30 was a bit smoother. The last 30 went by pretty fast. Have fun getting your kiddos all ready for school. And HUGE congratulations to you Beck on keeping your sobriety through so much upheaval this summer with the move, etc. etc. You are such an inspiration to me.
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