Can't think of a title.

[Janice]

Not doing so good. Weekend from hell. Seeing mam in that place was a nightmare - it was like she was in the middle of a mental hospital. Her physical and mental health is improving (she hasn't drank since May) and even she said "If I wasn't mad when I came in, I'll be mad when I leave!". The meeting went okay on Friday - nothing set in stone as far as mam's stay is concerned, taking it slowly but seeing her there over the weekend, its not right. What do I do? Friday was spent at the solicitors and the meeting. Spent Sat & Sun in the house sorting stuff out, cleaning, and taking stuff to the tip and cooking for my brother. I got home last night, I'm shattlered physically and emotioanally.

If I say I want her to go home, I know I'm saying "go on mam, go and drink yourself to death and make my brother's life hell at the same time" or do I leave her to rot in a carehome which is lovely and clean with caring staff, don't get me wrong, but mam is getting no stimulation whatsoever and desperately wants to come home......but then look what would happen if she went home........she would be rotting away in her bedroom. At least she is clean, healthy and safe where she is but she wants to go home. What do I do? Its all on me. Wha t do I do?? What would dad say>?

I've come home to an empty house. My husband stayed up north with his family (like he does every year for the last 25 years) and I resent that. Son is with him and daughter visting uni friends. So, I've come home and let myself down, let my family down, let my friends down. What do i do? I'll be talking to mam's social worker on Wednesday and I don't know if its fair of me to say I want her to go home when I live 300+miles away.

I'm supposing to be packing to go to New York on Saturday but right now thwe only place I'm going is the bottom of this bottle.

Help please.

Janicexxx

Janice

[Cinders]

Can't think of a title.

Janice,

Oh, Janice. :l:l

I am so sorry you have to make this difficult decision on your own. I really am.

What you need to do is look at what is the "right" thing to do. From the outside, it looks like your mam should stay in the home. Purely because the alternative mean she will drink herself to death and she will so negatively impact your brother. I recall he is not well, either.

However, that is a choice you must make. Not me or anyone else, and that is so hard when it has such an impact on someone else's life. I can only imagine how difficult this is for you.

I wish you would put the bottle away, or better yet, pour it out. I hope you do.

You know that nothing is made better by drinking. You know this.

However, once again, that is a choice you must make.

Please know, though, Janice, no matter what. I mean this, no matter what, we all love you, I love you and I care.

Much love,
Cindi

[Janice]

Can't think of a title.

oh Cindi...

[on my way]

Can't think of a title.

Janice,
You have been on a roller coaster ride with your mom. I can?t imagine the pain you have suffered watching your mom drag herself down. You are a very deep, supportive and caring person?.you do so much for so many; mom, brother, family, students?.and all of us here at MWO. You are greatly cared about and respected.
Please know making tough decisions, in the best interest of those you love may not feel good. Leaving mom there is a better alternative than being at home. She is safe, clean, cared for and can?t hurt herself or your brother.
Why not get a bite to eat, take a walk and early to bed. You must be exhausted.

Sending some peace your way?.

omw

[Loppy lugs]

Can't think of a title.

Janice,

Not sure I can add much here, there are no easy options.

Sending you loads of hugs. If I can do anything pm me. I don't think I live a million miles away from you.

[Beck]

Can't think of a title.

Hi Janice,

So sorry this all falls to you. I know you are in a difficult spot. I have to agree with Cindi and OMW, sounds like your Mom is better off where she is and so is your brother. She's just going to drink if she goes home and there is nothing you can do about that.

As for drinking your way through this, you know that is not the answer. Get sober and keep yourself sober and be confident you are making clear headed (though difficult) decisions. Resentment makes me want to drink too - talk to your husband about it.

All of us here want you to be well. Let us know how you are doing tomorrow.
Much love,

[A Work in Progress]

Can't think of a title.

Janice, my situation with my own mother is very similar. I brought her home, she was "OK" for a week, then it went to hell in a handbasket. Sometimes there are no good choices, only a stab in the dark for the "least bad" of them, and that is hard to sort out, too. I don't know where your brother is in all this, but I can see that you are taking on TOO MUCH of the responsibility for a "good outcome." There may very well be no "good" outcome. There are many of us living within that reality, with elderly parents.

I decided a month ago that the only way this situation could get worse would be if I kept drinking. I hope you can see that, too.

best wishes,

wip

[teje]

Can't think of a title.

Janice, So sorry that the burden has fallen to you. I concur with all who think it's better for your mum to stay in the home. She is taken care of and safe.

Now, to you.........what will you drinking solve? In the years down the road, are your children going to have to make the decision about you that you are having to make about your mum? Decide whether you will be better off in a home? Pour it out if you can. Drinking never made anything better; short term benefit with long term consequences.

[hart]

Can't think of a title.

((((Janice)))

It's all been said. I just want you to know I am thinking of you and wishing you the strength to know whatever decision you make you can't and shouldn't please everyone. Just use your best judgement. And treat yourself with some love, a warm bath, a warm drink such as cocoa or tea, get in a fluffy robe or comfortable jammies and read or watch an uplifing movie. Do something to pamper yourself hon. :l

[Janice]

Can't think of a title.

thank you for all your encouraging words. I'm okay. Just dead beat and very disappointed in myself. Janicexxx

[SKendall]

Can't think of a title.

Janice, so sorry to hear this. If you send her home, she will undoubtedly get worse. Can you leave her there for a little bit and in the meantime try to get some rest and healthy living on your own.

Good Luck.

[DogLvr]

Can't think of a title.

Janice I echo what's been said here - and want you to know I am pulling for you. Just remember that you are such a source of support to me especially when I have struggled. You are too valuable to drown yourself in this. I hope you feel better tomorrow.

[Doggygirl]

Can't think of a title.

Janice I'm very sorry that such a decision has to fall to you. I can only try to imagine how heavy that must feel. I wish you the best in sorting this out....I too hope you can see that alcohol will not help. Thinking of you.....

DG

[louise]

Can't think of a title.

Janice, I'm so sorry. I guess I don't understand all of your situation since your brother can't help with the decision but that would be so hard. Sending hugs.

[Pamina]

Can't think of a title.

Janice, I'm sorry about your situation and empathise, as I'm visiting my ailing father at the moment. I completely agree with the others above that it sounds as though she'll be safest where she is. I would just like to add that there are times when all we can do is look for the least bad solutions. Perhaps in the future you could think about having her visit for short periods of time, at your place, in the family home with someone there with her, with your brother if he's up to it. Alternatives may present themselves after the initial adjustment. Do please look after yourself.