Friday 22nd August

[Loppy lugs]

Good morning all, how great do you feel today?

Pamina 101 days AF :jumpwow:

Yesterdays thread seems to have been anothe thought provoking one.

Perfectionism in alcoholics is a whole new topic, along with comparing ourselves to others.

I bought the workbook on amazon and it is Relapse prevention counselling workbook - practical excercises for managing high-risk situations by Terence T Gorski and Arthur B Trundy. There is a whole series of books but I thought i would try this one first. If I take away one good idea ot insight into my behaviour it will have been worth the money.

I got one useful strategy for the panics from that other book I was reading. The one that described alcoholism as an inappropraite coping strategy. For some unknown reason an attack started on the train home from the BBQ last night. I was making myself worse since it was a high risk situation to be vulnerable in and naturally I was on my own. I remembered the bit about sensory overload and put my sunglasses on. It took the edge off it enough for me to make it to the end of the line. Now what I was doing with sunglasses in my bag with the summer we are having is another question!

I haven't heard of Alan Marlett but I'll look him up at the weekend when I have some me time.

Does everyone else pick up little ideas from all over the place?

Have a great Friday everyone and if you are shooting off somewhere nice for the bank holiday I hope the traffic isn't too bad and the weather improves (dramatically)

[Doggygirl]

Friday 22nd August

Morning and thank you Loppy for getting us started once again! Thanks for sharing the name of the workbook you are using. I'm going to look at the description at Amazon and then see if they have it at the library. (I'm lovin' that library card!) I'm really glad that the tip of sunglasses to reduce sensory overload worked for you. I never would have thought of that, but it makes sense when you think about it.

I get tips from all over the place reading reading reading.

I'm heading to Curves shortly, then to the regular 7AM Friday meeting. Gotta let the doggies out first so I better get a move on. Happy AF Friday to all!!

DG

[A Work in Progress]

Friday 22nd August

LL, the Wikipedia on Marlatt is here and [ame=http://www.amazon.com/Tao-Sobriety-Helping-Recover-Addiction/dp/0312242506/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1219404267&sr=1-1]here's a link[/ame] to one of his books, The Tao of Sobriety, which I am planning to re-read soon. He also has a relapse prevention workbook, [ame=http://www.amazon.com/Overcoming-Your-Alcohol-Drug-Problem/dp/0195307747/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1219404399&sr=1-3]click here[/ame]. I haven't yet looked at the workbook, but I expect it to be good. Marlatt is a very solid guy.

wip

[Guest]

Friday 22nd August

Hello again.

I was asked "Was there a point where you felt like I've described - where Not Drinking was important, yet not the whole bag of chips? If so, what steps did you take to move forward?"

Actually, it didnt happen like that for me. Right from the start I knew there was a whole bag of chips that I needed to address. some of that stuff I started to address while I was drinking, but if i'm honest I only kind of played with addressing it then. I knew that I had to get myself sober properly first and then get more real with that other stuff. There are SO many options with the personal growth side of things and in many ways I went down a lot of blind alleys on this front. I'm quite hesitant to actually recommend anything because I think it is such a different experience for everyone. What I will say is that I opened up my heart to people in my life.. I found this really terrifying but I found some people that I could trust. I did not share with them my drinking history (which I had done in secret.. amazingly enough) but that other personal crap. So I kind of compartmentalized what I was doing. Once I started talking about the insanity in my head and how I had either grossly over or under reacted to so much of what went on in my life then I slowly started coming out of the fog. One thing that I found was necessary for me was I had to keep honest and I had to go right into horrid emotions from my past and live them. Once I did that I started to come good a bit. I'm not saying this is for everyone but it was necessary for me. And then I had to forgive myself... another hard stage, but also possible.

In some ways, I think (from memory, and i'm not certain about this) that once I got to around 3 months sober I went FULL and head on into that personal stuff.. it was all consuming and horribly intense, but I was so determined to tackle it head on.

I still treat my sobriety with respect, thats for sure but that personal stuff.. it drives me. Its not my entire life but its an important and ongoing part of my life shared with those few people that I trust.

I so want to encourage others to tackle recovery in whatever way they think fit but with energy and integrity. I'm a convert to meditation.. it really has a good impact on my life and my mood. When I let up on meditation, I know all about it. Exercise is key for me too. But that finding it in me to trust in people around me to get some of this crap inside me processed, that was priceless for me. Priceless.

I'm a believer that there is no product or magic pill here.. there are a range of options that can assist but the biggest thing is the decision that you WILL change (not that you want to change) and then fight like hell to do it.

Sounds easy hey.

Brigid

[4theboyz]

Friday 22nd August

Good Morning Abbers!!!

Another great day in abland and already full of deep thoughts and fantastic ideas!! That is what I love about this place is there are always new things to learn and consider about our sobriety.

Loppy another thoughful start to the day - thank you once again!

WIP thanks for the links I will look them up today!

Brigid, I totally agree that we need to find other ways to "process that internal crap" that piles up inside our selves. Meditation and exercise can really do wonders even if it is only a few minutes each day.

DG and everyone else out there have a great AF day today!!
4tb

[charlee]

Friday 22nd August

Morning all and thanks Loppy for starting us off..
I am loving this topic, and 4tb "processing the internal crap", hit the nail on the head for me. Fallen Angel has a quote in the signature line "The noveltiy of the quit is gone, yet the quiet battle rages on"....For me, especially of late this rings so true. Nearing 10 months, I am not satisfied with just being sober. I need to find the inner strength to share and verbalize my wants and needs. Haven't quite figured out what is holding me back.....Confrontation, fear of failure? or maybe I should just be thankful for the life I have and just stop internally whining???........This thread has given me lots to think about......
Hope everyone has a great day!!!

[on my way]

Friday 22nd August

Good morning abbers, Looks like rain here and I am scrambling to finish my outdoor work. Sick kid is still sick, sure hope it ends there.

I found a stash of empties in the garden shed, it made me think. I know my spouse had no idea how much I drank. I have never told him either and not sure I want to, any thoughts on fessing up? Is it really important??

Great news, yesterday freshman kiddo made the varsity soccer team. I love to see my kids happy.
Also conquered the massive yellow jacket nest in my garden! I like bees but not that kind.


Have a great weekend all,

omw

[Doggygirl]

Friday 22nd August

WIP, now there you go making my reading list longer again!!! Hey - happy one month anniversary my cosmic quit sista.

Brigid, today is the 3 month mark exactly - interesting that you felt a need to explore further or push further at that mark. Funny - when I quit smoking cigarettes it was around the 3 month mark where I could start focusing on other things besides just "not smoking." I have a lot of searching to do but I've stuck several new irons in the fire this week. So what I'm going to TRY to do (not easy for me!!) is to relax about it, and just see where these new avenues lead, and what internal thinking they provoke. Thank you for sharing such intimate parts of your journey with us. It really does help and provide insight.

Hello Charlee and 4tbz. Charlee, I too like that quote from FA's sig line.

OMW, these are just my own random thoughts on "telling people" the complete truth about the journey. What works best for me might not work best for everyone, and I certainly understand that!! So whatever I say is just what works for me.

Are you sure your husband doesn't have any idea how much you drank? Getting sober has prompted a lot of honest assessment for me. I used to think I "hid it well" but now that I see things more clearly from the other side of the fence, I'm not so sure it was as well hidden as I thought. Regardless, I'm personally happy that I've been able to be brutally honest with Mr. Doggy about the raw truth. It has absolutely drawn us closer together. Being truthful with some of the people closest to me has been difficult at first, but rewarding in the end. Drinking involves SO much lying, and it's like a huge weight is lifted each time I'm able to come clean. FWIW.

Have a great day all!

DG

[Determinator]

Friday 22nd August

TGIF AB-landers far and wide!!

well still battling this cold but spirits are high.

Bridgid, this line of yours is a gem: the biggest thing is the decision that you WILL change (not that you want to change)

for me knowing myself and self honesty have been my 'door openers'. My wheels would just spin if those criterion were not met and my mind would not find any real answers or progress.

last shopping day before we depart for 'burning man' on Monday....zoom zoom

be well everyone

[Beck]

Friday 22nd August

Hi guys,

A lot to think about today...damn...I have so much on my plate right now.

More seriously,

Loppy, good for you for working through the panic attack. I know how tough that is for you.

Brigid, I put off doing some of the personal recovery work b/c I had so many other things going on. But it is time now. I have never been able to meditate before (I'm a restless sort) but I believe I will try again. Thanks for sharing with us.

Char - you know I'm pulling for you. Confrontation, fear of failure (or maybe success??...I doubt the problem is really internal whining. You will figure it out.

OMW - RE: how truthful to be with the husb. I am absolutely the last person who can advise you on this. I have created a real long term problem for myself in that regard. My husb knows I don't drink now - he doesn't know I can't drink (or at least I think I can't). He also thinks quitting was easy for me. He would say I drank too much sometimes but had no idea how often I did this. I know I could just be honest now but my marriage is a bit rocky atm. So fessing up does not seem workable. Anyone have any ideas????

Well I've done placement testing for DD1, open house for DD4 and in an hour leave for soccer practice for DDs 2 and 3...And I decided last night that I would no longer use sleep aids...I am quickly re-thinking that decision

Have a great weekend everyone,