Relapses

[retteacher]

Everyone:

I feel I need to own up to the fact that I have relapsed a few times over the past few months. Certainly not every day, but I have had some binges. I've had so much secrecy over the years that my drinking escalated that I don't feel comfortable not being completely open here at MWO...this is the only place I've been completely honest. Today, I readjusted my DrinkTracker to reflect today as my new starting date. I haven't lost my committment to be a non-drinker. I want that & will attain that status. I know I simply must not drink one day at a time & not give in to the idea that I need a way to relax or reward myself. I'm keeping my past mistakes in my mind in order to learn from them.

I wish I could be a better role model...especially to the newcomers. I've actually thought about taking a break from MWO, but I know that would be my undoing. I keep Young at Heart in my mind. It took her quite some time of sobriety & then relapsing until she finally realized that drinking was not for her no matter what.

I know some of the "tough love" members could give me a real scolding. No amount of scolding could equal the self-recrimination that I feel when I've disappointed myself.

Again, I'm back on track & will come here & read & share when I think I "deserve" to drink. I won't let this pattern take hold again. I will keep working at sobriety until I'm 101 if necessary.

Love, Mary

PS: Sorry everyone.

[Seacailin]

Relapses

Hi Mary
No one can beat us up like We can!! You are not alone. I did 40 days AF, then had a couple of binges myself. It took me a little while to "fess" up too. The important thing is that we keep on fighting. Please stick around. You know that you can do it. Getting chilly here in New England, huh? It gives me the urge to cook.lol. I am again on Day 3. I never want to go through withdrawal again. It wasn't too bad this time, but I am scared to death of the way it was in July. Hang in there. We love ya.:l

[Waiting for his way out]

Relapses

Mary, has someone who lives with a loved one who relapses I appreciate your message. It gives me hope that someday he will also feel the 100% commitment to be a non-drinker. Stay on track, your are helping others understand no one is perfect all the time. I wish you the best.

[on my way]

Relapses

Mary, you know what to do and I think you're doing well; on the right trail I'd say. None of us are perfect, we're all in a different place with our alcoholism.... it's a spectrum.
I applaud your hard work!! We all know it is not easy.

omw

[LVT25]

Relapses

Mary
I appreciate your honesty. I wonder if you can understand why you keep relapsing--or does it just "happen"? What tools are you using, and do you have any new plans to be more successful? I think you're right, don't stop coming here. You need us and we need you!
You can do this, just don't give up!:h

[livingfree]

Relapses

Mary -- it is because of the honest posts like this that I am able to take each day and remain Alcohol free. So with that you are HELPING and doing some amazing good for others right here. I know I could be the one posting your message - as this reality keeps me humble about my non drinking. I can't thank you enough for how your posts have helped me. I also feel like this IS the place where we owe it to ourselves to be honest. You are a shining light in what that honesty can do to help us on our path! With all that said ...

You have had many LONG runs being AF. I want to credit you for that. You have helped your body recover much damage during those times. You WILL do this again, as you are ready and know from all your past experiences that you can do this. NOW you can do it forever. Forever one day at a time!! Does that make sense? :l

I love you dearly - and appreciate all you have brought to this site. Chin up - it's a brand new beautiful day and you are ON !!!

[retteacher]

Relapses

I have tears in my eyes right now.

The relapses seem to come out of nowhere & completely transcend the coping tools I've written & read about so extensively.

I will keep reading this thread whenever I feel I need to.

Thank you everyone. Today I'm incredibly strong.

Waiting: Don't give up on your alcoholic loved one. I came to MWO 1.5 years ago & even w/the relapses, the progress I've made is nothing short of phenomenal. Instead of drinking a whole bottle of wine 3 - 5 times per week, I've had isolated incidents of doing that. I'm not excusing the relapses. I'm just saying that I don't drink nearly the way I used to, & I know that I'm on the road to being completely AF.

Mary

[Waiting for his way out]

Relapses

To everyone: I know you have your own lives to deal with, but can you help me understand? When my husband drinks he says hurtful things. Does not want to be with me, wants to leave, needs to find someone else and much more. When he is sober he does not remember these things? denies feeling that way. I don't know what or who to believe.

[livingfree]

Relapses

Waiting - you must believe the Sober personality. The AL changes the way he thinks. It is the non drinking personality that can love fully. I pray for your sake he stops drinking. You are lovable beyond what he says when he is drinking. Never forget that.

[retteacher]

Relapses

Waiting: Everyone reacts to AL in different ways. Your husband would not be saying the awful things he does if he wasn't under the influence. He can't remember, because he blacked it all out. I know this because I've blacked out & it's one of the worst aspects of alcoholism. I would look for an Alanon meeting. That would help you get your own life back & cope w/the times your husb drinks. Mary

[Waiting for his way out]

Relapses

I am trying, but I am slowly running out of steam to believe the Sober. Thank you, you gave me a little "steam" today.

[cowgal]

Relapses

yep

Waiting, I have said things I don't remember in the past when drinking.............my husband (who is still actively drinking alocoholically:upset::upset::upset says things and literally doesn't remember ANYTHING the next day, like talking to a son, me (saying he wants a divorce, he's sick of this, not enough sex etc....) I mean he literally DOESN' T REMEMBER! Just hold onto what he says when he is sober.

There is a program called Alanon, for loved ones of a drinker, actually I go to one a week, it helps(only helps though) to keep me semi-sane. It is like living w/ a Jekyl/Hyde though..........my heart goes out to you.:l:h

love,:h

MA

[Waiting for his way out]

Relapses

HOLDING ON............

[DeeBee]

Relapses

Mary, it is post's like yours that teaches us Newbies a lesson without us hopefully having to experience it, but if god-forbid we do, because of your post we will know how to get ourselves back on track again. Thanks for sharing :-)

Waiting, I was never a mean drunk, but I did say hurtful or things that I shouldn't have - it was because I hated ME! I was scared and angry and unfortunately I took it out on those that loved me.... I don't have the answers to your questions but I do know that when I am drunk it is NOT the real me talking - maybe you can find comfort in that?

[Waiting for his way out]

Relapses

Yes, I can. I have to, if I want to survive and keep hoping he will find his way out. I have been to Al-Anon meetings, not very helpful for me, but thank you for the support and suggestion. I am trying personal counseling, again. I have to get "tough" and take care of myself, easier said than done when you care so much about someone else. At least, I am not yelling or screaming at him anymore, that's progress for me and perhaps for both of us.