Day 10

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Day 10

Day 10!

There are some great things coming up in this thread which is the only one that I look at if I come to this forum anymore because I'm abstinent.

Was it Lorik who raised the point about if the problem lies in me then so does the solution.. (light globe goes on).. thats so true in my experience. If I have the power to create the problem, I also have the power to create the solution. As we all have brought our own capabilities to the problem so we can bring our capabilities to the solution. And the point about internal honesty is also key, I reckon. We can post anything we want here and it can be lies and to some extent, that may just be where we are at.. but when we are ready to become conscious and use what we have inside us to get better, then real honesty comes in. And it doesent have to be that we beat ourselves up about bad things we did. We can move forward. Change can and does happen. The honesty can take us to a new place.

This also relates to what Matts point brings up for me. Matt, 20 days is great well done (I also did this without meds - my program is exercise, organic diet, meditation, determination and I did counselling and conscious honesty - eventually!!). I'm at 8 months sober today - totally abstinent. I worried for months about your point about would I one day enjoy a wine (my downfall). Right up to about a month ago, my committment was to have one year abstinent before I even thought about introducing wine again. But now, my feelings about that are changing. I now dont see wine or alcohol as something that I want to bring back in because I AM different(I used to talk about how much I loved the taste etc and the ceremony around wine) .

For me, I think I'd always over obsess with how much is enough and reasons why I had that one extra. For me, I think I'd just bring myself down if I started. But whereas, as I said, up to a month ago.. it was where I wanted to head (as in reintroducing alcohol) I now dont miss the alcohol because I"m doing different things with my life and I no longer feel like it is my goal and with some abstinence under my belt, it doesent frighten me or feel like a life sentence anymore. If anything, I feel the reverse, that if I tried to reintroduce it, I'd be reintroducing a life sentence that I've worked very hard to change.

Brigid

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Day 10

Thank you Brigid

Thank you for your great and open response Brigid. Congratulations to you on 8 months of health, happiness and freedom! What I'm hearing is that you had the same feelings early on (i.e. I'll be able to have a glass of wine someday) but those went away over time.

Your freedom sounds wonderful and deep down I think I know that's where I need to be headed, no more wine period.

I've only been at this 20 days and why should I think the little devil on my shoulder would let me go that quickly? That's one day of abstinence for each year of drinking!

One of my personal challenges seems to be truly taking it one day at a time and not thinking about drinking on my upcoming vacation or at a future dinner event. Suggestions anyone on how to truly be in the present and not fret about the future?

I'd love to hear the rest of your thoughts friends in absland. Why do I feel so nervous and frightened by a future without alcohol?

Matt

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Day 10

start counting again

Fell off the wagon last night. Not horribly drunk, but bad enough.

Why is this so hard? I don't know if part of the problem is that I still do want to drink, but I know I shouldn't. I just can't seem to say no to drinking around certain people and situations.

Debbie

[Guest]

Day 10

Re: start counting again

Debbie, don't beat yourself up...things happen and it sounds as if you were able to recover during the situation when you hadn't before. MWO allows you to either mod or abs, and yes, Matt, I do believe that recovery can include moderation and controlled drinking once the physical healing has occurred and we have dealt with the emotional triggers and habits that also lead us to drink "in solace".

Self flagellation is never a good thing because it's yet another punishment and many times, the overdrinking alone is a sort of self punishment, at least for myself when I overdrink. An excuse not to deal, and excuse to act the way I don't know if I'm strong enough to act without the "liquid", etc.

RJ is now mods with normal drinking behavior. I don't know if she's still on the topa but I do know that the studies with topa did not keep them on it forever and they self moderated or abstained, without doing many of the extra therapies and treatments that are included here.

Although I didn't abs for 30 days (yet), I did abs for 18 and when I had those drinks they were conscious choices to start and stop, right or wrong, based on my company. I still want to do my 30 days straight abs so I'll keep two calendars! Anyway, absville or modsland...both are great to reside in when we've recovered and restored our health and healed ourselves.:d

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Day 10

Re: start counting again

hello all. i've missed you. so good to hear all the great check ins and so good to be able to check in. hubby and i are celebrating our anniversary sober and all. and i have to say that he said that he is happy to have his wife back. was reading through the posts and i agree too that is doesn't make sense to beat yourself up on this path. when i see where i was 14 weeks ago and where i am now, it is a whole different reality. and i feel so much different. i think about how my life revolved around the bottle everday and it seems like another world. wow, well, i have a ways to go and don't know that i'll ever be a mods girl with normal behavior. i think that each of us has to face that road. but for now it is summer with alot of activities and alot ice tea. good to hear you all
kimber

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Day 10

Re: start counting again

i just caught up on reading through the posts. lol what fun you all have been having. well, jane i did have a sober fourth of july but sad i wasn't around to get in on the roll call. and congrats to you on the over 30 abs days. let's see i'm now at 35/40. humm does that make me a b student? lol. happy to see that you all still kept your sense of humor along with the slips and progresses. hope donna is off camping and susan great job leading off the mornings, deirde what is this about the vibrator, i missed that section? good to hear from marcie, gabby, cv and matt and laurie and well, the topa has my memory fade right about there oh yes and nancy in the vat and well, you are all in my heart. off to celebrate the anniversary. think we shall begin with a nice dinner and cuddling. happy sobriety. go team. smiles kimber

[Guest]

Day 10

Re: start counting again

Kimber, what a great gift for your husband - to have his wife back! Um, the vibrator is Nancy's, an extension of her green thumb I believe. Nothing you need worry your purty little head about tonight dear. Hope you're having a Happy Anniversary!


Debbie, I agree with cv, no good in making yourself feel even worse. You're doing the right thing - coming back here & posting honestly. It might help you to stay away from, or limit your time around those people and situations that seem to trigger your drinking. It's not forever, just until you feel confident that outside influences won't have so much power over you. Remember that this is the best time for you to be selfish - even if no one knows what you're trying to do. You owe it to yourself to take all the time & space you need to get out from under.

:d
Deirdre

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Day 10

Hi All,

So Much reading to catch up on in the last few days! I just got from taking our daughter to a college pre view camp where she will spend the next three weeks studying art and photography. She is thrilled to be there but I of course will miss her dearly!

I'll catch up with you all tomrrow!

Donna

[Guest]

Day 10

Hi guys, I read all the posts. I'm doin good, just so busy, and so tired. I think from the topa...uuhgggg. I think I even LOOK tired. Dark circles and all. Probably not as bad as I think but still. Cynthia....jump right in.....remedy for....dark circles and low engery. I get through my workout in the am then it goes downhill. I dosed down to 100 mg of topa today. See if that helps. I love bed time. Tomorrow is day 35 of abs for me tho. So that makes it worth it. : ) Gabby
Marcie....So great to see you. :d

[Guest]

Day 10

Re: start counting again

Alison, I would suggest going back down to 25 mgs of topa, and then titrating up slooowwwwwly - even 12.5 mgs at a time. Then if you find you are having a hard time at some point going up, go back down to the dosage you were just at, and keep trying to go up every 3 - 5 days or so. Basically. you'd be easing yourself up instead of ramping up. Good luck! And post this question on the GD board too for more responses. Congrats on 8 weeks! WOW!

Lori, like cv said of course you can post here! This is Absville, not AA. In my mind this forum is for people who are trying to do Abs, or are Abs as a general rule. But we know there are slips, or planned excursions to Modsland which is fine. This board is for everyone who wants to get Abs days, weeks, months or years under their belt, or a lifetime for that matter. It's all good!

Jane, that's a good idea - the calendar with enough room to write stuff. Hey congrats on 34 smiley faces! Dare me? ... all 34? You asked for it... Hah! And one more to grow on !!

Deirdre :lol

[Guest]

Day 10

Day 10

Brigid I love that last line of your post - I'd be reintroducing a life sentence that I've worked very hard to change. - And what you're saying about where you want to head, that's so key for me. Which direction do we want to go in? Maybe it's just the way I think right now, but I always feel like I'm going in one or the other direction, I'm never standing still. And it's either a positive or a negative trend. Sinking into my hole, going further down, or rising out of it and walking away from it in the sunshine where things grow.

So, in answer to you Matt, I think it's great to keep an eye on your goals AS THEY CHANGE with you. You don't have to have the same goals today as you did 20 days ago, or a month from now, etc. Maybe the more you begin to enjoy the clear view of your life through abs, the more you will understand how to live in the present, and the less appealing those future drinks will be. Or maybe not, you're the only one who can say.

During the first month or so for me at abs, I had thoughts very much like you, of occasional drinks, special occasions that is. and thought that would be ideal if I could manage some type of extreme moderation. But as I get clearer about how I used alcohol I'm not so sure I want to f**k with it at all! After 3 months abs, my thoughts on drinking are of the type of drinking that I was doing when I was at my worst. It's like part of me just wants to go right back into that hole, and I see no point in drinking unless I can go there. I guess what I'm saying is that right now I don't want to drink, unless I give myself permission to drink til I die. That is far off the track I'm on now, but oh so easy to get back to if I derail.

This is a process and we all have different paths, so you may do well where another would crash. Ultimately I think the important thing is to know what your truth is, and do your best to live it.

:d
Deirdre

[Guest]

Day 10

Hi guys,
Peggy checking in -- all is well, on day 25 now (well, in 5 minutes anyway....)
Deirdre - wow, wow, wow -- I so agree. I have been really nervous at the thought of mods and you articulated so well why that it really cleared it up for me. I don't want to drink -- I want to get DRUNK --like, is there any other reason????? Wow, this puts a different slant on the whole thing, eh? I'll be chewing on this one for a while...
Gabby - (oh, uh, Deirdre it's probably safe for you to read this, but you may want to close just one eye....) I got the "I really enjoyed our time together, but the chemistry isn't there" speech - of course for me the chemistry WAS there. No biggie, though. Actually, I think the best thing for me at this point is to go out with a variety of people - see what I like....
Lori K -- I really liked your post about not having to grovel and personal responsibility. It really hit home for me.
gosh, there has been so much on here, I can't remember who all I wanted to comment to.
I'm having trouble sleeping still - in fact my sleep schedule is totally off - I slept all day and am all revved up after midnight. Everything else is humming along pretty good - urges to drink (get drunk) are occasionally there, but relatively mild and i agree with Matt - that L-glut under the tongue is really effective for me - as are the cd's - I'm getting quite hooked on them! Love that guy's voice!!
Peggy

[Guest]

Day 10

Hey Gabby. I would work on detoxing the liver and rebuilding it and yes, detoxing the liver helps with undereye circles as you're getting enough rest, correct?

NAC helps with that. This is the extract of the link from www.healingdaily.com/live...tion.htm:

Detoxifying the liver
Various nutrients are required in order for the liver detoxification to be carried out successfully. An adequate supply of key antioxidants is essential to prevent further liver damage. Milk thistle, vitamin C, selenium, beta carotene, vitamin E, and N-acetyl-cysteine (NAC) are all powerful antioxidants which are helpful in liver detoxification.

The amino acid SAM-E plays an important role in liver health, in addition to helping with depression. Cruciferous vegetables, such as broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts and cabbage in the diet have been shown to enhance liver detoxification. I use those regularly when vegetable juicing.

The B vitamins, including riboflavin and niacin, also aid in liver detoxification. :y

[Guest]

Day 10

Hi all,
Good morning. Have another day under my belt and feel pretty good. Must be running off to work.
Love you all
Lori

[Guest]

Day 10

Oh my gosh, Happy Not Hungover Monday to you!
I love that!

Sunny
"I can do this for me."