THU, 9 OCT - DAILY THREAD

[Monica]

Day 3 Abs. Retteacher's post yesterday hit a nerve with me: "Why can't we remember how wonderful we feel when we crave AL? I know exactly how you felt yesterday. Once I start drinking (even a little bit), the preoccupation w/having more just takes over."

My favourite things about being AF are 1) the BEST sleeps in the world and 2) not having that internal argument on the way home from anywhere about whether or not to buy wine.

I was always most ashamed of the wine I bought and drank alone, after having a couple of 'social drinks' with others, out somewhere. Just knowing that others had a couple, then went home and forgot about it.

Good luck, everyone.

[retteacher]

THU, 9 OCT - DAILY THREAD

Monica:

Social drinking was only the precursor for later heavy drinking (alone) for me. I read here at MWO (& firmly believe) that solo drinking takes it to a whole higher, more dangerous level. Solo drinking was the beginning of the end to me. I began to drink before & after social events. Not good.

I've been experimenting w/saying affirmations to myself. "I am a non-drinker." "I don't drink any more." Anything I do to rewire my brain feels necessary to me. I know how easily the urge can sneak up.

I've got a lot going on in terms of social activities. All of it involves drinking. I know I have to use all my defenses to keep my AF run going. I'm trying to accumulate a critical mass of AF days. The more I have, the more natural going AF feels.

I watch normal drinkers, & there is absolutely no way I can drink like that. I passed out of that stage a long time ago. I'm not going to put any energy into trying to mod. It won't work, because I've tried it so many times.

Mary

[cowgal]

THU, 9 OCT - DAILY THREAD

good morning!

WOW, Mary and Monica, I can relate...........................I, too consider myself a non-drinker now, and it feels good................don't miss the "needing it" to function days! I would feel a need to drink, not even for fun anymore, but to relieve the horrible feelings, to block out feelings, hell, to make me "feel different", then to make me "not feel"!! I had(have) alot of feelings that I really don't like to feel, but I am just, as they surface, feeling them now..............it is weird, but good!

Everyone have a great day! I am off today, will try to enjoy it as best possible, get some errands done, laundry etc................

Will work on a painting, trying to finish it up, but seems to be taking FOREVER!! I am very "detail-oriented", so always find something else to add!! Could be working on this for a few more years!!:H:H

have a great day all!! HUGS!!:l:l

MA

[on my way]

THU, 9 OCT - DAILY THREAD

Good morning all,

I sure can relate to the drinking ?not to feel?. I work on that daily. I try to have the courage to deal with life without rewarding myself or self medicating. Rewarding and self medicating are a farce, just makes the situation worse.
I know where I fall in the scheme of things. I would love to drink socially someday but I know that is being delusional.

I love feeling rested, clear headed and love remembering what I said or promised to my family. Not to mention the medical problems, those have stopped bothering me. Drinking is not worth loosing those precious things.

Have a wonderful day my friends!!

nat

[MormonMom]

THU, 9 OCT - DAILY THREAD

I LOVE THIS PLACE!!! I feel like every thread I'm reading from ya'll is like reading out of my own journal. Monica, that pre-occupation at social functions is awful!! Others are just enjoying themselves and we sit there staring down the AL, wondering, maybe just one more? Oh look! Nobody's watching, I'll just refill my glass. And that internal argument over whether or not to stop for more? A regular conversation in my head! I wouldn't even be at the store to buy wine. I'd be buying groceries and would buy wine "just in case" I wanted to drink that night. Then, whether I wanted to drink or not, I would just because it was there.
It's so good to have people to relate to. People who have never had this disease do not know what it's like. "Just quit! It does you no good." They have no idea the struggles it takes to walk away. And stay away!
OMW, your new avitar is throwing me off. I'm used to seeing your lil' runnin' man.
Everyone have a blessed day and stay strong!

[charlee]

THU, 9 OCT - DAILY THREAD

Morning all
After reading all the above posts, you guys have tired me out!!!... Isn't it just amazing all the planning, preoccupation, sneaking, hiding, needing, wanting, internal arguments, just in case moments...just a few words I picked out of the above posts. No wonder alot of us are great at multi-tasking..all this going on upstairs and we still functioned on a day to day basis....You are so right Mary, this is not normal drinking.......As I am typing I think about preoccupation.......all I thought about 24/7 was alcohol..If I wasn't planning on how to get rid of my daily hangover, I was plotting my next drink..how long until, did I have enough stash, where can I hide, which store today, "bowling" night for hubby..yipee free reign for a few hours.......Sober is sure a heck of a lot easier, and far less taxing on this ole' brain of mine......
Everyone have a good day...

[retteacher]

THU, 9 OCT - DAILY THREAD

This is a very valuable thread for me, because it underscores all the negatives of drinking...Charlee, you listed them succinctly. I really feel all the rituals around drinking are just as addicitive as the drinking itself.

I so relate to the whole having to feel my feelings scenario. It's not always something I want to do. Additionally, I often feel uncomfortable around my loved ones' feelings...especially the (so-called) negative ones of depression or anger. Feelings are feelings! I think I learned early on that I should only feel a certain way...or that I had to change my loved ones' feelings (especially cheer them up). I think that's why feelings (mine or others) often triggered the drinking.

I hope that made sense.

Mary

[on my way]

THU, 9 OCT - DAILY THREAD

Mary, I completely understand feeling feelings. I am very uncomfortable expressing mine and have an overwhelming need to fix the negative ones in my family?..sadly can?t always do it.
I taking the easy one here, if I were better at expressing my feelings, I bet the extent of my drinking would not be what it was. AKA, self medicating.

Personal communication and self expression?..it?s on my list now

[retteacher]

THU, 9 OCT - DAILY THREAD

OMW: Me too. That also includes:
-repairing relationships.
-bringing issues out in the open.
-setting boundaries around what I want to do & don't want to do.
-not saying yes to everything everyone asks me to do.
-telling people how I feel (e.g. they've hurt my feelings).
-etc.

None of the above are easy for me. I was raised to keep quiet & "go along to get along." However, when I bottle up feelings, that's just the fuel that my drinking needs to get going.

Mary

[Determinator]

THU, 9 OCT - DAILY THREAD

howdy ABerooos!

flew home late last night and today playing catchup. Monica thanks for the kickstart.
glad to hear the group being so strong and motivated...awsome!

OMW, hope your kiddos stop barfing at such an extraordinary rate.

I also have a great gratitude to you all that frequent this daily AB's thread.
I'm very glad to be home for the weekend where I can rest and recharge. being around drinking crowds is doable but takes a lot out of me.

be well my friends!

[Monica]

THU, 9 OCT - DAILY THREAD

I would buy two bottles of any wine I liked, pretending I would have "one tonight and one for another night". Yeah, right. Then I would drink 1.5 bottles or so and throw out whatever remained before I toddled off to bed, as I didn't want any around "tomorrow" when I was ALWAYS going to give up. Yeah, right.