Oct 22, wed daily

[on my way]

The thread yesterday was great, very glad to see some new faces; welcome all!!!

I am going to do some serious soul searching on the ?what?s next? question. I really like my comfort zone but certainly not afraid to get outside of it. I love adventure and the unknown so what?s next should be fun.

Gotta go and run before I go for the rest of my heart tests this AM. So far it looks like my episode was just stress, but I?d like to be sure.

Peace and happiness!!

nat

[on my way]

Oct 22, wed daily

Forgot, WiP, hope the job situation sorts itself out. And Spotty, Go For It Girl!! Live your passion.

[MormonMom]

Oct 22, wed daily

Hey everyone. Welcome to all the new faces. Yet another day started out without a haze. I must say, I'm enjoying this phase I'm going through of not even craving AL. I know to not take it for granted, so I sign on every day. Last night, I went to a women's health night, which is something I would not have been able to do as the old me, as it would have been more important to be at home getting a buzz than learning about mamograms.
I really don't have much to say today, but I just wanted to check in.
Best of luck to everyone on yet another AF day!

[retteacher]

Oct 22, wed daily

MM & OMW: Thank you so much for getting this thread started. I too am not having any cravings, but I know from experience that one can just creep in really quickly when I least expect it. I know I have to be on my guard at all times. I try to review in my mind the many times I've gotten drunk & lost a whole day to drinking & recovery...& of course, the aftermath of hangover & guilt is the worst.

I've been thinking about stepping out of my comfort zone. For me, it's about reaching out to other people, helping others when it's needed, experiencing social events w/no alcohol barrier, etc. These sound like simple things, but for me, an introvert, they aren't. It's much, much easier for me to putter around the house in an alcoholic fog than to go out & be w/people.

I've been working hard on staying on top of my people-pleasing characteristic. I find that I'm vulnerable to drinking if I think someone is disappointed, unhappy, in a bad mood, etc. That tends to set me off. I'm telling myself on a daily basis that I'm not responsible for my loved ones' mental, emotional outlook. I think I grew up feeling that taking care of others (especially emotionally) was one of my duties.

I'm feeling strong today. I have the morning to myself which feels good. Later on we'll be babysitting the g-sons. I hope all of you here are looking at having a great day. Again, if you're lurking (whether you're brand-new or a previous sharer), please, please feel free to chip in. This tends to be a learning thread. We kind of respond to each others' thoughts. It doesn't matter what stage you are in. You're welcome here.

Mary

[retteacher]

Oct 22, wed daily

I just wanted to let anyone who might be reading know that I can now receive PM's here at MWO. If you'd like to PM me before (or after) sharing publicly, please feel free to do so. Mary

[charlee]

Oct 22, wed daily

Morning all
Yes this is sure becoming a "learning" thread,...it has always been my favorite and really the only one I post on......I tend to be more of a lurker, than a participant...I read, read, read and try to absorb and process...Just me....
I also have spent my entire adult life not stepping out of that comfort zone, it is just recently, I have taken some baby steps, and I do mean baby, as my confidence level is growing, slowly, but growing...I do step forward with a light foot as I have found I attempt to tackle situations before I am ready, and it leaves me frustrated.... I keep thinking that at this stage of my sobriety, I am supposed to....you can fill in the whatevers....
I am stepping back, and not downing myself as I know things will fall into place. Sobriety has taught me to be patient.......
I am working hard to quiet this beast, and each day I say, do or see something that reminds me I am forging ahead.....Slowly, but forging!!!
Hope everyone has a great day......

[MormonMom]

Oct 22, wed daily

I don't know how to include quotes from others, but Mary, you mentioned "working on your people pleasing characteristic". Remember, you cannot please others until you're pleased with yourself. And as you continue to stay sober, have you thought of the people out there at social events that might be looking up to you rather than down at you? People who are secretly battling the same beast we are trying to stay away from. They might not be showing it on the outside, as many of us learned to hide it well. But inside, they might be saying, "Wow! I wish I could be more like Mary." Plus, those that try to tempt you, whether by actions or words, are dealing with their own insecurities. As the saying goes, "Misery loves company". As sad as it is, even some of our loved ones, though not conscience of it, don't want to see us succeed. They're afraid of us reaching a different level than them. And of course, there's always the inevitable, "You don't have a drinking problem." Because if some admitted we had a drinking problem, it would mean they have one too. Just food for daily thought!

[retteacher]

Oct 22, wed daily

Char & MM: Thank you. This type of exchange is why I love this thread so much. I too am trying to take baby steps away from my comfort zone. When I get that good, confident feeling, I know I'm doing just that. When I remember back to the prison I was in when I was drinking heavily, I feel so thankful to MWO for springing me from it. The more I drank, the more anxious I was about doing everything. I was really going through the motions of life.

I don't dwell on my past life of drinking, but I do try not to forget that it truly was a prison. I don't want to go back there. Mary

[Beck]

Oct 22, wed daily

Hi guys...hope you don't mind my popping back in. I haven't posted here in months - felt more comfortable on the subs board b/c it is more private.

I'm really not here much anymore but since what I posted yesterday is "on topic" I copied it down here for you.

Most of you know that I was about 7 months AF and then drank again (and ALOT) over the labor day week-end. I'm back to AF now for 52 days(???). Oh and if any of you are entertaining the fantasy that you can take a break from sobriety for a week-end like I did - think long and hard. Even with 7 months AF, I fought like hell to get back to 30 days. I guess I just had to know and I never intend to test the waters again - I just don't swim that well

I am making little changes that are adding up to big changes. I am in over my head in several areas of my life right now - and I like it. I get stressed and edgy but I can handle it without AL. I'm also happier and more engaged in my life and I can handle that as well. Although I do occasionally think about having a drink...guess that is going to happen forever...I don't think about staying sober very often. NOT drinking is becoming just something that I do. (If that makes any sense at all).

I also have this idea that I can't stand still or I will stagnate (which is MY path back to AL). I feel like I need to be challenged physically, intellectually, emotionally (okay still some raw nerves there) so I tend to think a few months out. I'm busy making plans for winter and early spring. Keeps me thinking and acting in ways that will send me forward...happily AF.

OMW - there is a next phase - make it an adventure!!! (good for you for having the tests done!)

Mary and Char - I am spending a lot of time out of my comfort zone - my world is expanding and that is a good thing. Baby steps are fine...keep going forward.

MM - good to meet you.

LVT - pop in here. I like a learning thread rather than a socilaizing thread. Maybe we should move this discussion to the long term abs board.

Okay, now I've got to get to my day.

[retteacher]

Oct 22, wed daily

Beck: Thank you so much for contributing to this discussion. I was wondering where you went. I too have lapsed after a long AF period & know just how difficult it is to get back to permanent AF. I loved what you said about NOT drinking is just something that you do. I say the mantras:
-I do not drink.
-I am a non-drinker.
I say those to myself daily. I'm hoping the circuits in my brain get rewired as a result.

Again, thank you so much for coming here. Any time you want to chip in, please do. Your words of value to me.

Mary

[pepper]

Oct 22, wed daily

Good morning fellow abbers,

It sounds like you are all doing well and working on stepping outside your comfort zones! It seems like every step towards staying AF is a step outside my comfort zone so the topic seems appropriate. I wish you all a lovely day
Pepper

[Determinator]

Oct 22, wed daily

a lovely day indeed ABeroooos!

I enjoy all your thoughtful sharing every day. great stuff. Beck so nice to see you here....light is always on!

I could very well become a hermit with or without the al. I share the anti-social tendencies of many others it seems. I actually wanted to go to an AA meeting yesterday because I was in that part of town and knew it would be good for my social skills, but I was just too busy. Next time.

all the exercise discussion from yesterdays thread is most inspiring....I'm off to do a workout on my wave bags. (they are self supporting punching/kicking bags full of water to make them heavy).

be well friends, and enjoy your challenges

[spottydingo]

Oct 22, wed daily

Happy Day All,

Good stuff as usual. I'm going to try to be a regular here, I'm really enjoying the conversation and its more along the lines of what I've wanted out of MWO all along. I don't even look at most of the other threads anymore.

Its only Day 4 for me but I'm still feeling positive, happy and not having any cravings. Is my Topa finally working? I feel like a huge weight has been lifted from me ... much like RJ described in the Book. But, as MM says:

"Yet another day started out without a haze. I must say, I'm enjoying this phase I'm going through of not even craving AL. I know to not take it for granted, so I sign on every day."

I must be vigilant because I know the Beast strikes when you're not looking. I'm a bit worried about Thursday and Friday as I have errands to run out and about in the world and many hours to spent out fighting traffic, dealing with people in stores, etc. (Det, I, too, am a hermit by nature), can be a huge trigger for me. Especially Friday as its, well, FRIDAY, and though Hubby has been great so far I'm worried he'll cave then. But, ODAT.

Does anyone have a special spot to go when they're feeling weak? Now that I'm living near the beach I feel super-blessed to have the ocean at my doorstep. I've been taking the Dingo for a sunset walk on the beach the past few days and its been great. Even though I haven't been having cravings, its still been a great tonic for my soul. I intend on doing this when I feel a trigger coming on though; also I found a secluded bench on a trail that overlooks our harbor that I decided will be my "thinking spot" to go to when I need to be alone. Maybe I am truly a loner (or just weird) but I feel like just sitting for 15 minutes could go a long way towards staving off the Beast.

Mary, I sympathize with your tendencies to put others' needs before your own as I suffer from the same malady ... and I believe it is a complex one. But, like MM says, you must be happy with yourself before you can help others.

There's lots of talk in self-help circles about the inner child; I believe in this to the extent that the child we used to be grew up without having certain needs met and that child has retaliated by creating problems for the adult we are now ... I suspect (at least for myself so this is why I'm putting it out here) that the 'people-pleasing' syndrome is related to something done or not done to me as a child ... the more I've aimed to please others, the more I've lost my Self and the more my inner child has gotten angry and has added to my drinking (aka self-loathing, in pain, just want to numb myself) behavior. Does that make sense?

On the other hand, its the woman's role, isn't it? Its what is expected of us, even now ... a role handed down from our mothers' mothers' mothers'. Is it a coincidence that most of us on MWO are women? ... though I know AL doesn't discriminate between genders. Thoughts?

Well, enough ranting for me today. I hope everyone has a wondrous AF day.

Cheers,
Lisa

[Determinator]

Oct 22, wed daily

Lisa, very thought provoking indeed. and also so nice you have a quiet place on the beach! that's very special.

I think pleasing others is a virtue and a good positive influence in the world...however we need to make sure we ourself is there on the top of that list
if we are absent then something is awry.