I had a terrible night on Thursday and am still reeling from it. Everything was fine until about 1:00 AM, though Hubby had "asked my permission" to "go to the store". First I tried to talk him out of it, but I could tell he was on a mission so I just said, do what you feel you need to do. I didn't drink anything and got in bed at 11:00.
Meanwhile, my cat, Charley, didn't come home. My 3 kitties that go outside all come home when I call them, usually between 9:00 and 11:00. The latest Charley has ever stayed out was 2:00 (once). So I tried to read, but by 1:00 I was getting worried. By 2:00 I was beside myself. I got dressed, walked around the block calling him, and then sat out on the patio until 3:30. I finished Hubby's big bottle (2 glasses of wine) and opened another bottle, poured one glass and promptly dropped it on the patio trying to put the cork back in, breaking it into bits -- probably the universe telling me No More. Finally went to bed around 4:00 and the little f**ker showed up at the door right after I turned the lights off.
So while I'm upset I drank, I'm glad it was only 3 glasses. But what feels so tender still is what a terrible dark place I went to (even before I started drinking). Laying in bed I had a panic attack, convinced myself he was gone gone gone, thinking over and over of all the horrible things that could have happened to him, berating myself for not yet updating the info on his microchip. I've never lost a cat to anything other than old age and some of you may think I'm nuts, but I don't have children and I LOVE my pets. If it were up to me these cats would stay inside, but they were all born outside and I think it would kill them if they couldn't go out.
Has anyone else experienced intense feelings like this being newly sober? Or is it just me ... Ms. Highly Sensitive Person with too much imagination for my own good? Yesterday I felt exhausted, physically and emotionally.
One thing I can say is the AL did nothing for me: didn't taste good, didn't feel good, and those few glasses only made me want to get back to being sober.
Thanks for listening, just wanted to get it off my chest. Back to the drawing board. BTW, Charley now has an early curfew; when he comes in for dinner around 7:00 he's now staying for the night ... I don't need a repeat of this anytime soon.
Cheers.
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