I'm back - but I drank on holiday !!!!!!

[SAUSAGE]

hi everyone

I'm back from my holiday - got back last night - but I've a confession to make - I drank on holiday ( in Spain) - so I'm back to day one now.

I feel really guilty especially after all the support I got on here over my 54 AF days, and especially prior to going when everyone tried to motivate me not to drink on holiday. I feel like i'm at confession - had to be honest with you all.

I didn't drink excessively - certainly within healthy limits over the week, never more than 2 glasses of wine in a day, sometimes just a light beer, some days nothing, but i've got to be honest with you all and now i'm very confused.

I started off with every intention to stay sober but it all went wrong on the first day - my husband was stuck in bed with a really bad migraine for most of the first day and I was run wragged managing my 3 and 4 yr old alone and I decided at night I deserved a glass of wine. Didn't have internet access to come on here for support !!I justified it by saying to myself that because I wasn't drinking in my home and I was away it wouldn't spoil my ability to remain sober in the evenings at home and I would be able to carry on AF when I returned back to UK as before.

I'm now very confused, a bit of me feels like a failure as I'm at DAy one again but then I have to give myself credit that after years of daily drinking I know in 2008 I've had at least 200 AF days this year - so the big question CAN I MODeRATE - Can't believe I'm debating this again ......

Because I didn't drink heavily I didn't feel rough once and I really enjoyed everything about the holiday. I haven't put on any weight ( have now lost 13 lbs since August) and still feel very healthy and am back exercising - swam 36 lengths at 7.30am today) However I'm confused and conflicted. Half of me hates myself the other half thinks well if I can do 200 AF days this year surely I'm not a terrible person if I have the odd glass of wine in holiday!?!?!?!?

But what if I slip back to daily drinking - i'm so scared

I felt I had to confess on here as I said earlier - and of course i've had to change my "signature" which did read AF since Sept 1st 08 - I can't say that any more. I had to come back on and post - i've noticed some people just dissapear from the community after sounding like they were doing so well - is this because they're doing fine now and don't need the support any more or is it because they're back drinking again and have given up.

I'm very confused - your thoughts and help any one would be appreciated

Sausage xx

[A Work in Progress]

I'm back - but I drank on holiday !!!!!!

Glad you're back, glad you're OK, and also happy you had a good time on holiday! I understand your confusion... and of course you know that only you can answer the question about whether you can continue moderate drinking! Whatever you decide, I hope you will stay here, keep posting, keep reading, keep asking for help.

wip

[LookingToGrow]

I'm back - but I drank on holiday !!!!!!

Sausage, I am back at day 1 with you. Perhaps we can sort this out together. Wishing you great strength :wings:

[startingover]

I'm back - but I drank on holiday !!!!!!

Hi Sausage, you do sound very sad. But at least you had a great holiday and you are asking yourself the questions. The only thing you can do is be very honest with yourself. From the way you sound, it does seem to me that modding is not going to be easy for you?
It is great that you didnt just disappear, keep posting and asking yourself until you come up with an answer that you are happy with.
Take care x

[AAthlete]

I'm back - but I drank on holiday !!!!!!

Sausage, sometimes it is difficult to tell the difference between what we 'want' to be the truth and what we 'know' the truth is. As others have said, only you know what the one true answer is.

Speaking from MY experience, I told myself so many times that I was okay to drink now that I had been sober for 30 or 60 days, only to eventually end up right back where I was. I wasn't being truthful, and if I had looked at any of the last 50 times I had told myself that and failed the answer would have been pretty obvious to me.

Best of luck to you.

[LVT25]

I'm back - but I drank on holiday !!!!!!

Hi sausage,

Sounds to me like you are being pretty hard on yourself. Maybe its because you planned not to drink, but you did. But, like you said you didn't over do it at all. This is such a personal issue because everyone is different. I think that is obvious from reading all of the different personalities and drinking patterns here. It's fun to be able to say so many days AF, it's good to have a goal. Obviously some people can moderate their drinking, some cannot, some simply don't want to drink anymore, some give up. Only you know for sure what works for you, and where you're comfortable. If you feel this bad about drinking on your vacation, maybe you should keep af as your goal. For me, the more af days I have under my belt, the less I want to drink. It's kinda fun learning this new lifestyle. It's a challenge for me, but it's not hard most days.
I don't know if this helps you, but I felt compelled to respond. As far as some of the long termers that don't come around anymore--I know some of them are doing great, and have just moved on, but have noticed sometimes absence means trouble.
Hang in there--I think you're doing great!

[MormonMom]

I'm back - but I drank on holiday !!!!!!

Hey Sausage,
WELCOME BACK!!!!!! OMW & I were wondering where you were. I forgot you went to Spain. How fun!! Other than the hubbie getting sick. Maybe this is wrong of me to say this, but, "So what if you drank on holiday!" I'm pretty sure I would have done the exact same thing. Except for I wouldn't have been able to limit it to 2 glasses a day. A holiday is a holiday. Don't get back and feel guilty because you drank. Oh well! You're back. That's all that matters. Hop back on the Abbers Train and enjoy the ride.

[retteacher]

I'm back - but I drank on holiday !!!!!!

Sausage:

Only YOU know whether you can mod or not. I KNOW that I can't because I've tried so many times. Sometimes I went right back into binge drinking. Sometimes I started out slowly, & it built up gradually. However, the endgame was always the same w/me drinking alcoholically.

I think you'll know what you want to do as time goes on. Just take it ODAT (one day at a time).

As far as people who seem to be doing so well & are suddenly gone from MWO: that is a big conundrum for me too.
-Are they successfully modding?
-Are they binging & feeling embarrassed?
-Do they feel they don't need MWO anymore for some reason?
-Are they sick of MWO?

I know what my goal is (total abs), & I'm determined that nothing will interfere w/that. Something disappointing happened to me tonight...something I would have gotten drunk over. However, I'm not going to drink & will just go on & try to correct the situation.

I've had many, many AF days here at MWO that I'm incredibly grateful for. I have had a few slips, & I've done exactly what you did. I came here & owned up, & the right thing for me was to get back onto the AF train.

Glad you're back.

Mary

[SAUSAGE]

I'm back - but I drank on holiday !!!!!!

Thanks everyone
I'm not going to beat myself up over the relapses of the last 10 days, I've learned an awful lot. It's shown me (for the 2nd time- as if I didn't need showing after the first?! ) that I can't moderate and within days again of having the"one drink" the levels creep up and I'm back to alcoholic patterns as before.
I'm back on the AF journey - I know in my heart it's the right one for me
Thank you

[A Work in Progress]

I'm back - but I drank on holiday !!!!!!

Good for you!

Remember: Nobody ever looked back at their life and said: "Oh, I wish I had been drinking!"

[on my way]

I'm back - but I drank on holiday !!!!!!

I am glad you're back and you will make the right decision for you. Just remember how good you feel af and how bad the alternative is.

[IAD]

I'm back - but I drank on holiday !!!!!!

Sausage.....I knew this guy in AA that had been their for 20 years and he would'nt drink all year except on Thanksgiving when all his families got together ( Wild Turkey was his turkey that day....Ha! ) For twenty years he could never get one year under his belt Ha! He was crazy too. Ha! IAD.

[changemylife]

I'm back - but I drank on holiday !!!!!!

Sausage, I'm glad your not beating yourself up now. There is no reason too. You just have to look at it as vacation/holiday. You did what everyone else does when they go away. In fact, you did better than most on vacation... you moderated.

I've always had the problem of continuing drinking after holiday. I'm happy to hear your back on AF. That is the right choice.

[readytotry]

I'm back - but I drank on holiday !!!!!!

Moderate drinking

Sausage,
Congrats on the weight loss!
I am happy that you are not beating up on yourself. I have had several drinks since I went AF for about 28 days, but no more than 2 any night and not on consecutive days. I don't want to totally give up alcohol, but I do want to be extremely moderate, which may not be possible unless I am absolutely set on being AF most of the time. It's very confusing and I am a binge drinker. Am finally seeing a doctor (medical, not just a phd) on Wednesday to talk about it.
Stay AF for now if you can, as it sounds like that's what you really want to do. A lot of people here are rooting for you.