Sunday 23rd November

[1967]

Sunday 23rd November

so it is agreed we all love the 'check out' aspect of drinking.
i have faltered myself over the past two weeks. for NO apparent reason.
just bored. sick of being me basically.
i was sober for 4.5 months. okay so i'm starting to count again.
today is day 1. i need to think straight and look life in the face.
reading will have to be new mode of checking out. or maybe i could go to the movies?
am even thinking about ordering topamax on line but am a bit fearful of the side effects....

[retteacher]

Sunday 23rd November

1967: Good for you for going back into sobriety. I too have used the boredom excuse to drink. What else is there to do? Plenty, in my case. Please come here & share...this thread is very helpful. Mary

[gyco]

Sunday 23rd November

hi mack, the feeling you feel is normal,its the brain saying i want to be numb,if its cold where you are you can go outside and get the same effect,just dont dress for the weather,you could also run across the room head down and into the wall,most of all not to fast,or last but not least,my favourite hit the biggest person in the crowd,thts how they xplained it to me som of us just like to beat ourslelves up,your doin great,keep upthe good work gyco

[1967]

Sunday 23rd November

hi mary... it really is a lame excuse... "i was bored and needed a diversion from work."
i need to start to do nice things for myself as time passes. cause time is passing.

[Pamina]

Sunday 23rd November

Hi absters - I've missed you! It's good to see the thread going strong. And congrats DG and WIP on your multiple AF months!!!

The last time I logged on to MWO was a day when Loppy Lugs was sad about the anniversary of her father's death. Little did I know we'd end up sharing that anniversary date. When I left the library computer and went back to visit my dad in hospital, I heard my mobile go off as I opened the lift door and saw the nurse who was phoning me from the nurses' station. Her face said it all.

A lot has happened in the last two months, which I won't get into right now in the interest of posting this and going to bed. But there are two things that strike me about 'escaping' thru AL, certainly a familiar goal for the emotional drinker that I have been.

First, I felt tired initially after my dad died and then quite functional. I didn't start to feel bereaved until about 6 weeks later. It is the strangest thing, but now that I DO feel bereaved, that's how I WANT to feel. I want to sit with it. I don't want it interfered with. I want no escape. Go figure.

Second, I've recently started thinking about the notion of 'flow'. Instead of finding alternative ways to take our mind off things or to distract ourselves, to think about ways of engaging our minds and becoming absorbed in activities, pursuits, relationships.

It's weird that, having cleared space for bereavement, I should now be in a position to explore activities that result in a state of flow. Like the singing I did today. Strange time of year - something old is drawing to a close, something new is beginning.

Enough philosophising. Be well everybody.

[A Work in Progress]

Sunday 23rd November

Pamina, I am sorry to hear of your father's death. And I think I get it, about wanting to feel the grief that is now arising...

Interesting thoughts about flow. I have been in many a discussion with other psychologists and meditation folks about "flow." Some people consider it a variant of meditation. Most would say (and I agree) that it is a very beneficial mental state, and it has significant differences from the type of meditation practice that is most often taught these days in the USA (mindfulness meditation, also known as Vipassana, or insight meditation). Engaging in an activity that induces flow actually can be a type of "escape," because we are not aware of our thoughts, but only of what we are doing. We are fully absorbed in what we are doing. Meditation practice, on the other hand, encourages us to become aware of thoughts, and aware of everything else that is going on: emotions, bodily sensations, sounds, impulses, etc. The task is to be aware of them, to notice them, without becoming over-involved in them, without being reactive, without engaging in a train of thought about any of it.

boss.man has been talking some, lately, about getting into activities that can substitute in some ways for the needs or wants that we have tried to use alcohol, in order to get. That's kind of what Macks is talking about, too. I think that getting into activities that induce a "flow" state (they must be engaging, and challenging, and rewarding), and meditation, are both good ways to get what we are looking for.

wip

[A Work in Progress]

Sunday 23rd November

DG I love that new doggie avatar... a familiar sight...

Hi Janet, Nancy, '67!

wip

[stubborn]

Sunday 23rd November

AF for 30 days or more anyone??

I was AF from December 17th 2007, until July 5th 2008. I have been unable to go AF for more than 10 days since. I stopped taking Topa in March 08. ( I think now i should have countinued), Topamax, helped me not be so obssed with drinking in the evenings. It was great, not drinking for so long. However, I was depressed, and should have focus, on solving that instead of going back to drinking. I am going to start again, today, 30 days or more AF. Anyone starting today?

Sometimes I think I would be able have anything I want in life. Really, I mean the perfect life, if i would just STOP drinking (and stay STOPPED)...

It is going to be hard, with the holidays and all. I am going to be around a lot of Alcohol and my husband's family members (read mother-in-law) starting tomorrow... Need all the strength I can gather, and it would be nice to be able to talk about it.

I think I started drinking again because I was depressed. I think all the time had I stuck with it, i would be AF now for almost a year. I don't want to be AF forever, I just want drinking to stop being such a big part of my life. Good luck to me, and all of you. And I think going to bed early is going to be 'my way out'.

[A Work in Progress]

Sunday 23rd November

Welcome, Stubborn. Probably your post won't get a lot of views because it is on yesterday's daily AF thread... so, keep posting, this thread starts up every day in the Monthly ABS section. There is plenty of information here in the threads and in the MWO book, and plenty of support here, if you want to "stay STOPPED"!

best wishes,

wip