AF Daily - Tuesday November 26

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[gyco]

AF Daily - Tuesday November 26

thats very impressive,congrats to you brigid,can a person be drunk in sobriety,i asked this very question to a person with 37 years of sobriety,he to talks about it and thinks about it every day,do we ever escape,normal people never think about it,just a thot,gyco

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Tuesday November 26

Brigid, thank you for starting us off today - especially with such a powerful and thought provoking post. Being able to look in the mirror and like what I see - both literally and figuratively - is a great way to describe what I am working towards. I'm glad you have a full length mirror now!

Your mention of not drinking for others really spoke to me in more ways than one. Our support system of other people can be a double edge sword. I've done this with "exercise buddies" before. We can just as easily convince each other to skip exercise today as we can convince each other to GO to the gym. I think the same thing can happen within our support system for sobriety. One of the things that strengthens my sobriety now, and has for the whole 6 months is the support of Mr. Doggy who also gave something up. The fact that me deciding to drink would not only be a bad decision on my part, but would break a promise I made to him just adds to my resolve. But the other side of the sword is this. What if HE decided to go back on his promise to me? Would that weaken my resolve? What if something happened to Mr. Doggy or to our marriage and he wasn't here any more? Would than weaken my resolve? I am VERY happy to have his very strong support and our joint committment. It has been a good thing thus far. There are similar relationships here at My Way Out and also others in "3D Life." I just feel that this is a topic I need to consider so that I am prepared for any eventuality. Brigid, thank you for prompting that thinking.

Gyco - I haven't ever attended an AA meeting, but I understand the notion of "dry drunk" is something that is a topic in that environment. In the SMART recovery program, there is a lot of emphasis in developing what they term "Vital Absorbing Creative Interests" as one part of building a life that is MORE than just "not drinking." Building a life full of activities we are passionate about, where alcohol just doesn't fit. I think RJ's recommendations about exercise are a really good start in this regard - at least it's worked out that way for me. (helps with moving me far away from smoking too!) I'm still toying with other hobbies, but enjoying the exploration process. Anyway, is this the sort of thing you are talking about? For me the hardest part was just finding a place to start trying new things! I really was in a self imposed prison for many years with AL.

I'm enjoying my "up early" time again today as always! Soon though it will be time to get a move on with the doggy chores and bringing the rest of the household to life. I need to work on our business holiday cards today! That will be after Curves - today is "cardio blast" day and we are planning to go 3X around the circuit again today. So I will definitely be feeling my endorphins later!! Then I'm heading to a not very convenient mall that has an Eddie Bauer store. I will be returning a bunch of pants that I mail ordered (they have nearly everything in tall sizes!!) and had to order smaller sizes. (what a nice problem!) I want to get the credits right away so I can shop more.

Well, enough babble from me!! Hope everyone has a stellar AF day. And for everyone outside the US, Nanny Nanny Boo Boo we get a day off work tomorrow and you don't. :nutso: (just kidding)

DG

[on my way]

AF Daily - Tuesday November 26

Morning all, quick check in as I have a ton of work ahead of me and need to get my bum in gear.

Welcome cyclefan.... love your quote!! Now that is my idea of sweeping. Keep your eyes open, there are a few other road racers here too. Too cold for me to ride anymore.

No self imposed prison for this girl, this Thanksgiving I AM FREE. Free to have fun and not to make an ass of myself.....and a great many other freedoms

There is a 5k tomorrow morning, think I may put mr. turkey in the oven and go run it. Could'nt have done that last year....would have been nursing a hangover

Have a wonderful TG.

nat

[retteacher]

AF Daily - Tuesday November 26

Thank you all for the thought-provoking posts. As far as the issue of "is this worth it?" For me, it's more about my mental, emotional, & spiritual health than about physical health at this point. When I lapse, the psychic pain & angst is extreme. I feel so much that I've let myself down. Therefore, whenever I feel tempted, I'm going to ask myself: "Is this drink worth losing a whole day or more to depression & self-recrimination?"

I also like the mirror idea. It's not just the dark circles under my eyes & the sallow skin that I dislike. It's that dishonest face that I have when I've pulled off another binge. I'm not fooling anyone...least of all myself.

Today, I'm getting ready for a big family gathering here. There won't be any big drinkers. Even my brother-in-law who is a functional alcoholic will be on his good behavior. There will be wine, but I won't be drinking any of it. I've got plenty of other beverages & loads of food.

I'll try to check in during the day to see how my MWO friends are doing & to gather strength.

Mary

[retteacher]

AF Daily - Tuesday November 26

By the way, just for the record, today is Wednesday, Nov. 26th. Love, Mary

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily - Tuesday November 26

Great post, Brigid. And DG. Mary, I like the reference to "no self-imposed prison."

The influence we have on each other, for good and for ill, is a big topic for me right now. Someone who I looked up to as a pillar of strength and wisdom in leading the AF life has suddenly dropped out of sight, and that rocked my world, a bit. In my fearful imagination, it's inevitable that I worry that she may be drinking, and not doing well at all. Another dear friend who has been strongly committed to the AF life is considering "moderation" now. I hope she does well.... and I also feel a bit abandoned, in advance.

When I was going to AA meetings, there was no "moderation" subgroup that people shifted into and out of, within the group. Everyone was there because they agreed that living AF was the only sane option for them. That made things clear, and easier, for me.

At this point in my own career in recovery from alcoholism, I cannot imagine the idea that a drink of alcohol could have enough value that I would risk my life for it. I truly, at this point in my life, cannot understand the perspective that leads people to struggle with "trying to mod." I respect those who are able to succeed with truly moderate drinking.... but, as to those who struggle with it, month after month, year after year... I don't understand why they value alcohol so highly that they will not just give it up, despite the problems it creates in their lives.

This is just a statement (and a question) about how we can come make a commitment to making decisions (about alcohol and other aspects of living) that truly reflect our values, so that we can look in the mirror and know we are being true to ourselves, behaving and making choices that place us in a position to be shining lights in this world, for others and for ourselves.

wip

[momof3]

AF Daily - Tuesday November 26

Hello All,

I hope I can join in on this thread. I have been AF for over 7 months and it sounds like there is alot of serious sobriety happening here.

Like many of you, I am working on creating a new AF life; one where booze does not have a place. My first few months were rough because I was focusing more on what I was missing (i.e., the alcohol) and not on what I was gaining and could gain. I'm feeling so much better and stronger now.

Mo3

[retteacher]

AF Daily - Tuesday November 26

Welcome Mom of 3: Good for you for the 7 months of sobriety. This is a most supportive thread if you are planning an AF life.

WIP: I too get nervous w/the "trying to mod" concept, because that threw me into relapses. I am totally convinced that AL has no place in my life. For that reason, I like the 12 step groups, because abs is very black & white w/them. I too have a person in my life that was abs for a long period & has just gone back to drinking...it's my brother-in-law. He's a great guy that we've known for many, many years, & I've seen him struggle w/drinking & other addictions (work, food). I feel that all I can to is accept him the way he is at the moment & hope that he'll find a healthier way to live.

Mary

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily - Tuesday November 26

Hi MO3 and welcome!

Yeah Mary, nothing can be done but accept, and hope things don't go too badly.

I realize that when people here at MWO change the way they are thinking about alcohol, and about their relationship with alcohol, and start drinking again... it can create a response within me that includes fright, and even feelings of having been abandoned. Some of that comes from old stuff from my childhood: the nightly abandonment I felt when my parents got drunk every night, choosing alcohol over spending time being with me. And some of it comes from the fact that watching others start drinking again triggers, for me, an awakening of "the beast," or that part of my mind that craves alcohol and tries to persuade me that I can drink, and be OK. "If so-and-so can start drinking again... so can you," says the voice.

And that "voice" is what I refer to as one of the "postcards from hell" that I work very hard not to "read," or listen to, or argue with. I imagine the postcard from hell as a postcard with a picture of a group of happy people, perhaps friends of mine, sitting around a table in a lovely place, each with a lovely glass of wine or whiskey, all smiling and saying "Having a wonderful time! Wish you were here!"

If I look at that image, and think the thoughts that the image brings up for me... then I am lost. My life goes utterly down the tubes, if I start drinking again.

I'm not feeling great today, but will get going, have a workout (or two!), do the stuff on my to-do list, and it'll be OK. Actually, more than OK.

wip

[momof3]

AF Daily - Tuesday November 26

When I hear of others going back to modding, it really messes with my head. I start thinking about the possibility....

But, then I say no, no, no. I have tried that too many times and I always slowly and gradually go back to my old destructive drinking ways. I don't even go near the mods threads. I know I cannot mod and I don't want to avoid entertaining the thought when I can.
Mo3

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Tuesday November 26

Happy Wed ABerooos near and far!

wow, what a thought-intensive thread today. Bridgid, thanks for the great kickstart.

Doggygirl, those are tough questions to ask ourselves regarding what happens to our core resolve when other very close 'belief structures' in and near our lives collapse.

WIP I also find the MOD's concept confounding but only now that I'm where I'm at. it used to be a very appealing goal to me when I was so very fearful of being AF. I had to conquer my fears (ignorance) through understanding and logical analysis before I could move another rung up the ladder of clarity.

I remember a PM conversation I was having with Morrison some many months ago when I was describing that a small part of me was still interested in MODs. he asked me the question: how bad could that experiment be? that's really a frightening question if we are honest with ourselves. that one experiment could lead to a deadly accident, car crash, arrest, fight, etc etc. in the case of a crash, even if the accident is not my fault the fact that I have al on my breath makes me guilty until proved innocent. Returning to mods now is just unacceptable to me.

Momof3, you are so right, being AF is NOT about missing out. quite the opposite.

Mary, enjoy your family tonight.

OMW you are doing a run on a holiday? I'm impressed!

Gyco, your question "do we ever really escape" is a tough one indeed. I'm too early on this path to feel qualified to answer that. I'll get back to you in a couple years

be well friends and all to come......

[retteacher]

AF Daily - Tuesday November 26

I cannot mod either & avoid any of those threads like the plague. In fact this forum, long-term abs, & the my story forums are the ones I frequent mainly. Yes, I try to avoid reading those "postcards from hell" too. Sometimes I do look at the drinking thought I get & ask myself what would happen if I acted on it. It's not a pretty picture which involves:
-making a run to the liquor store.
-drinking alone.
-feeling awful in mind, body, & spirit.
-etc.

That helps.

Mary

[Beck]

AF Daily - Tuesday November 26

Dropping in to say hello...

Hi everyone, I don't post or even visit MWO much these days. My life is crazy busy right now - so it's all good in Beck-land. I really don't know what support I need to maintain this AF lifestyle but the real reason I don't come here much is because I get modding thoughts. I know that is a weakness on my part. I recently learned that modding is NOT for me and I'm good with that. So I stay away. Seems healthier for me somehow.

WIP - I'm sorry to hear you so down. I too have lost many of the people that helped me get and stay sober.

I'm going to spend tomorrow being grateful that I am no longer a drinker.

Happy Thanksgiving all,

[momof3]

AF Daily - Tuesday November 26

Very thought provoking...what to do if your sources of support are no longer there.

I know that one thing I rely on immensely is exercise...running, bootcamp, lifting weights...I love it all. But what were to happen if I became ill or injured and could no longer do this? Makes me think that I need to build up some other areas in my life that are in place but not as strong.

Happy Turkey Day to all.