AF Daily, Saturday, Dec. 6

[beatle]

Ok, first of all, don't worry, I am not planning on making a habit of this (starting the AF Daily thread), so any of you with great ambitions out there, please feel free to take over.

I want to say thank you to everyone for a great thread yesterday... interesting, stimulating, varied, thought-provoking... what a group!

While all these great dynamics were in play over here in Monthly Abs, some less inspiring things have been going on in other forums. It has saddened me very much, but coming back here to Abs always lifts my spirits.

I hope I will continue to feel comfortable here in the future, but I am a bit shaky at the moment. Some weird things are happening at MWO right now, and I will have to follow my values.

But on a positive note, I didn't use this upsetting experience to drink-- although, I ashamedly must admit I thought about it--- intensely. It helps to NOT HAVE ALCOHOL in the house. For anyone who doubts this, I will tell you I am only sober thanks to that. And that goes for many an occasion.

On the other hand, we do have to learn to deal with alcohol around us. We cannot go through life protecting ourselves from temptation. I hope I will develop the skills I need to be a non-drinker regardless of the situation. Meanwhile, I will do what I must.

A good Saturday to one and all!
--------------------------------------
A silly joke... we all can relate to?

"What time does the library open?" the man on the phone asked.
"Nine A.M." came the reply. "And what's the idea of calling me at home in the middle of the night to ask a question like that?"
"Not until nine A.M.?" the man asked in a disappointed voice.
"No, not till nine A.M.!" the librarian said. "Why do you want to get in before nine A.M.?"
"Who said I wanted to get in?" the man sighed sadly. "I want to get out."

[retteacher]

AF Daily, Saturday, Dec. 6

Beatle:

It's still Friday here in the States, but I wanted to respond to your post.

Firstly, start this thread whenever you can. I love the way you spark a meaningful discussion. There's been an ebb & flow to the folks who have started this thread. In fact, there was a point when I started it most days. There weren't as many sharers from the parts of the world that began the day earlier. We all eventually get to offer our thoughts at some point in the day.

Secondly, a meaningful discussion is what I really need at this point in my program. I certainly have made virtual friends here & like hearing about their lives. What I really need many days is a discussion about the role AL has played in our lives, & how we're changing. I love hearing about people going through crises sober. It gives me hope & motivation. I really feel that's what this daily AF thread is all about.

Thirdly, I choose my forum carefully. I cannot read about people modding, lest I start thinking I can mod (which I can't!). It isn't helpful for me to read about people taking their slips & lapses casually or posting while under the influence. I certainly haven't been perfect, but when I have lapsed, I've taken it very seriously, because yes, it is a matter of life & death for me.

Fourthly, I too cannot have AL in my home. I have entertained w/wine, but either asked people to bring it home w/them or poured it down the sink after everyone left. I do think there will be a future time when I can have it around. I don't want to live in an AF cocoon all my life. I remember Satori (a member who left for a specific reason...I'm not sure why) saying he purposely kept AL in the home as a point of pride & strength.

Fifthly, I'm not sure what weirdness you are referring to. I only read here at the 30 day abs, the long-term abs, & the my story forums & have found experience, strength, & hope. I hope you'll stay, because I really value your sharings.

Mary

PS: I thought yesterdays AF Daily Thread truly wonderful.

[cassyyassy]

AF Daily, Saturday, Dec. 6

I got drunk last night

Hi to you all, Nice joke Beatle. I was not sure where to post until I read your post. I am a very irregular poster, been aroud a couple of months, but this group got me through my 30 days AF. But I have blown it!!Was going really well thought I had it under control, down to 3-4 days AL a week 2 or three glasses. BUT last 2 weeks back to daily drinking and last night drank a bottle. Have been some changes, my manager got breast cancer and is in treatment so I am doing her job,. Also my son has left home, home alone now.I am scared of AL.

[Guitarista]

AF Daily, Saturday, Dec. 6

G'day Cassie. The positive thing in your situation, is that you can be af. You have shown yourself this. I find i handle the bigger changes in my life, totally alcohol free.
How you doing today? G.

[kaponium]

AF Daily, Saturday, Dec. 6

Aloha all!

Am totally with reteach on many issues - I for one have NEVER been a modder, not wanted to be, nor tried. I stick with the AF sites for my own sake and send all the best to those trying to moderate.
Don't like the taste of AL, never have - my sole purpose in drinking was only to get totally slaughtered.
Am grateful that today, I no longer want (or need) to be like this. Mostly - the desire to be a drunken tosser has left me and that is a miracle.

Beatle I thank you heaps for startin the thread, I am in NZ and our time zone quite ahead, ( 3.15pm Sat here) so it is great to get it going while many still sleeping - thank you.

Well I began a new job today, cheffing at local cafe, and have thoruoghly enjoyed day one - not often that happens, the place is so groovy and the peeps too.

I have an alcohol and drug free home, and there is no compromise with that, if others want to drink in their homes and I am there, that is usually cool by me - I just leave if I feel uncomfortable.

Most of my mates are either in recovery or full-on addiction, very few tweenies, and the ones whom I love dearly and are still using are a great reminder to me of where I do not want to be!

Happy Saturday one and all !

[Guitarista]

AF Daily, Saturday, Dec. 6

Hello Kapo... Just passing through quickly. Great to hear your day at new job went well! What was on the menu?...G.

[kaponium]

AF Daily, Saturday, Dec. 6

Hey G - Plenty of lunchtime bagels/paninis and made the muffins choc brownies/ slices.....did a couple of brekkies and some nachos......feeling my way mate - lovin it...
Hope your Saturday going groovy

Cass - How you going darl? Forgive yourself - START AGAIN! Remember, alcohol is a depressant, so you're probably going to feel like shite chemically anyway!! How BIG is it? You know you CAN do it - you sound like you WANT to - vital ingredients ALL PRESENT!!! Chin up girl, bless you X K

[Guitarista]

AF Daily, Saturday, Dec. 6

Kap..Yep, Sat going very groovy here. Am feeling great. I am very excited about my new life.. I'm not worrying about grog anymore..I say i've made my mind up, but it feels like my whole being agrees, and has made it's mind up(e.g. the subconcious, for one) to. The power i feel, and the power of possibility is so awesome, that it's almost scary!...not scary, but do you know what i mean.... p.s. you sound great, very positive..

[kaponium]

AF Daily, Saturday, Dec. 6

I know EXACTLY what you mean, gat - it's like, "Gosh, I am not USED to feeling so AMAZING and still don't want to drink" _ I for one ain't questioning it either, no bloody fear!. Just utterly grateful that I have overcome the obsession to live in that alcoholic haze. It needs NO analysing, debate or argument! Glad to hear you feeling as good as I am - cause I KNOW how GOOD that feels LOL

[Guitarista]

AF Daily, Saturday, Dec. 6

Kapo, bassist as well as vox aren't you?...If so, have you been breakin' out that bass?...(and i don't mean over somebody's head!).

[kaponium]

AF Daily, Saturday, Dec. 6

Sadly no, Gat, am sans lead just now, loaned it to ex-band rhythm guitarist who got drunk and lost it Am purchasing new one (only $20) Monday, been without for two weeks now, he did make a valiant attempt to find it! And we all know, bass MUST be amplified! Just grateful tis not Moi getting drunk and losing things any more! No biggie!

[brittzak]

AF Daily, Saturday, Dec. 6

Here's my take on it and you will see QUICK I dont beat around the BUSH.....why the heck do we ever even try to modderate? It is a JOKE. First of all, modderating is NOT staying sober Monday -Thursday and then throwing down 3-4 glasses of wine Friday, Saturday and Sunday. It isn't even drinking 1 night a week. Moderating is drinking a glass of SOMETHING here and there and quitting. STOPPING before you are on the floor. I think there is such a misconception as to what moderating is. There are medical guidelines for alcoholism. If you went to your doctor and said I have two cocktails every night at 5 ..he said...well honey, you are an alcoholic and we should discuss some treatment options for you. Now do 2 drinks get you drunk...heck no, I dougt I'd get a buzz, ...BUT, do you think 2 drinks are effecting you physically over time...YES, YES they are! Not to mention the mental aspect of modding. I will let myself have JUST one....OK just ONE more...oh never mind....12 in to I am YET again huggin toilet bowl. Hating life, myself, wondering what the hell is wrong with me. So, making the commitment to stop torturing ourselves with just that one drink is actually easier for me than to try and stop at one...because there is no off switch in here. Not to mention I think I am one of the meanest drunks alive. I am not physically violent...although you might not wanna push me while under the influence as I suddenly grow balss, become ten fet tall man with hairy back, but my tongue INSTANTLY becomes split and I grow phangs at the first taste of the red sauce. So, see again I ask myself why even consider modding????? AF for this girl.... as I read the above I think OMG....that woman is a LUNATIC ..and even worse OMG SHE.. is ME WHEN DRUNK!

[AAthlete]

AF Daily, Saturday, Dec. 6

[QUOTE=beatle;487539]....On the other hand, we do have to learn to deal with alcohol around us. We cannot go through life protecting ourselves from temptation. /[QUOTE]

Beatle, this is very true - we cannot hide away in a bubble from alcohol. We may be sober but that is no way to live life.

I was thinking back to the very first time that I ever had a drink. I snuck a couple of Budweisers upstairs and starting drinking. Not sure if I got sick or not but I had to be damn close, and I remember thinking that everybody who is cool drinks so I would have to learn to like it.

The thing is, I don't think that I ever really drank alcohol because I enjoyed the taste. If I
fast forward to the end of my drinking career, I was taking 1/2 pints of vodka and mixing them with 1 liter bottles of Diet Coke and then slamming them down. There was but one person at that point - to get as drunk as I could as quickly as I could.

Alcohol had ceased being of any pleasure to me. I was desperately trying to recapture the joy and excitement that drinking use to give me, not understanding that I was never going to be able to get back there. But I kept trying...

Anyway, hope that everyone has a truly great Saturday. We had our company Christmas party last night and I am grateful that I can now go to them, have a great time, and be sober...

[AAthlete]

AF Daily, Saturday, Dec. 6

Britt, I think it is because we all want to think that we can control and enjoy our drinking, and more importantly we want to be able to drink normally just live everyone else. Who wants to admit that they are not strong enough, cannot exert enough willpower, to control this problem?

[Cinders]

AF Daily, Saturday, Dec. 6

Good Morning, Everyone!

I, too, am an AFer. I have no choice. None. I had to give up the pipe dream of even going back to being a heavy drinker but not an fall down drunk.

If I drink, now, I do it all out. I will drink whatever I have in its entirety. Period. Then I am blacked out. Who knows what one will do blacked out. At the very best, sit around the house and be stupid.

At the very worst, decide I need more and go buy another bottle. Been there done that. Have woke with a new bottle by my bedstead and absolutely no recollection of how I got it. That means I am actually a danger to society. If I continue to drink, it is only a matter of time until I kill someone with my car. I would deserve to be locked up if I continue to drink. My only responsible option is to not drink.

This is so scary, so dangerous, so awful, that staying AF is my only choice. Period.

Love to all to come,
Cindi