MWO Retirees

[retteacher]

I could use some clarity about the issue of people retiring from MWO. There might not be anything that any of you can say to take the confusion out of this issue. Just today, I found out that 2 of our most active members are out of here. In fact, I was going to PM one of them to see if I could ameliorate the situation in some way, but her name & avatar were removed from the members' list.

I haven't always loved all the posts I've read here, and I definitely don't like to read posts from people who are under the influence. However, I can't think of a time I've been insulted or intimidated. I think when people remove themselves from MWO, I feel a little shaky...sort of like: "Do they know something I don't know?" This site has been such a benefit to me, I hate to think that someone had a negative experience.

Anyhow, I guess these retirements are in the natural scheme of life. I can't think of any other explanation, because I've seen this happen fairly regularly throughout the year & a half that I've been a member.

I know that folks don't come here when they've gone back to drinking. That's probably pretty normal.

Mary

[gabby]

MWO Retirees

who are you trying to find?

[Cheech66]

MWO Retirees

mary what is PM I for one am glad to have found this site and hope to be af again odat i guess for me it is more like hourly odat right now

[on my way]

MWO Retirees

Mary,

I have been insulted/attacked twice, that i'm aware of. I looked at the source and decided al was at the root of the problem. People say ridiculous and outrageous things when under the influence and that is unfortunate. I truly miss those who have left. They speak in great clarity the truth. Some here may not want to hear the truth.
Some here use the site as a social network some are here as a last ditch effort to save their lives. I personally wish the venom would stop so we can resume the matter at hand; our health.

nat

[gabby]

MWO Retirees

Nat, its sad but venom is everywhere in the world and getting worse. How can it NOT be here?

[retteacher]

MWO Retirees

OMW: I haven't seen the venom, but I'm sure it's here. There are angry people everywhere. I too miss some of the people that have left...especially from this forum. For me, the bottom line is to pick my forum & thread carefully. Mary

PS: I use MWO as a means to recovery. I have made virtual friends on this site whose lives interest me. However, my main goal is sobriety & that's why I come here every day.

[Cinders]

MWO Retirees

Mary,

Please, please do not let those who leave for whatever reason bother you. I learned at AA to never pin my recovery on someone else's. You will fail if they do.

I, too, am here for sobriety. I walk hand in hand with you. We joined about the same time. We both have done well for long periods and then lapsed.

We both are not giving up. However, if you left and said, "nevermind, I give up," I would still be here.

However, I would be sad if you left. Very sad.

But, I will not pin my recovery on yours. We walk our own path, but we walk with friends. I love walking with you because, like me, you simply want to recover.

However, one other thing. If one of my friends has gone through so much time and recovered to the point where their lives are no longer revolving around being sober but revolving around other things and they are not here anymore because of that. I REJOICE!!

I REJOICE for them. That is what you and I want, Mary. For this thing NOT to be a central part of our lives.

If I ever get there, though, I will still be here. That is a solemn pledge. I will be like Neil, Brigid, Irishlady, Young at Heart. I will come back because I will know I learned my way out here and there are many, many others who need to find theirs and I want to be there for them, when I get to the place where I can.

Love,
Cindi

[ready2change]

MWO Retirees

Mary...I too am saddened when valued members leave because they have been attacked one time too many. I left for a time because of that. And I feel fairly certain the person who attacked me was sober at the time, just annoyed with me for whatever reason.

And recently a member who contributed greatly to this site left as she too was attacked by another long term member who I don't believe was under the influence at the time, just opionated. And sometimes there is just the proverbial straw that breaks the camels back. I have seen several wonderful people leave this site for being attacked. I'm sure it's not the only reason people leave, but it happens more often then it should.

[retteacher]

MWO Retirees

Cindi: I loved your post...it means a lot to me. Mary

[momof3]

MWO Retirees

Yes Cindi, A beautiful and wise post...thank you. I feel fortunate to have you on this site. Ultimately, our sobriety boils down to what each of us wants as individuals. The support is important to me but I know I cannot hinge my sobriety on anyone or anything.

I stick to the threads that are sobriety based. I very rarely get into debates or chit chat. My primary goal is to have serious and uplifting discussion on this AF journey.

This site is a microcosm of life with the added compexity that we are all facing the issue of alcohol. We come from different generations, races, countries, cultures, beliefs, educational backgrounds, professions, etc. On top of that, posting is a limited form of communication. It is not like face-to-face communication where you can see the other person, interpret how they might be reacting, and rephrase what you have said or clarify what you mean when necessay. There is bound to be conflict.

I stick to the threads where people tend to be honest and respectful toward one another. I do not contribute to any threads that are not.

[AAthlete]

MWO Retirees

Guys, I think I am in need of your support and advice right now. MOM I used to be just like you and stuck to only threads that I could meaningfully contribute to. Somewhere along the way I allowed myself to get sucked into the minutia here and moved away from that - and find that I am having a hard time extracting myself from it now. I really am exhausted by all the crap flying around in some of the forums, and although I have never taken sides still feel overwhelmed by it and wonder if this site is still for me. I honestly don't know whether I should be thinking about 'retiring' myself or not...

I love the idea of having open and honest discussions about topics that matter to my sobriety, and really feel that, at least for now, I need to leave the 'social' scene here behind. I went and checked out the SmartRecovery website but don't know how I fit in there, either. Certainly more calm there and focused on sobriety, but I have my program in place and the old adage 'if it ain't broke don't fix it' keeps popping into my head.

I feel like I am rambling but this is what is stuck in my head right now. All I want is to keep working on my sobriety and maybe help someone else a little along the way.

[sammys]

MWO Retirees

That is an awesome way to put it Retired and you can always come out of retirement anytime.

I have been here two years today and have seen so many people leave, dissappear, come back and plenty of them more than once.

There is no explaining it really as everyone has there own reason or reasons,

Have a good one and I like to think that I will retire someday myself.

Sammys

[AAthlete]

MWO Retirees

I spent some time last night meditating about it and realized how upset I was letting myself get about it. I know that MY problem is that I want others to act the way that I want them to. I need to remember that whenever a person, place or situation is causing me issues, it is because there is something wrong with ME.

I can no more control them then I can control the weather - so I need to accept that everyone is different and change my outlook. Part of that can be simply not going to certain forums or reading certain threads..

[brittzak]

MWO Retirees

AA please see my PM

[Tiresias]

MWO Retirees

AAthlete;489999 wrote: I spent some time last night meditating about it and realized how upset I was letting myself get about it. I know that MY problem is that I want others to act the way that I want them to. I need to remember that whenever a person, place or situation is causing me issues, it is because there is something wrong with ME.

I can no more control them then I can control the weather - so I need to accept that everyone is different and change my outlook. Part of that can be simply not going to certain forums or reading certain threads..

Being mostly a reader here, but a participant in other times and places, I see much wisdom in these words.

I've personally allowed another, or a small group, affect me and get me upset beyond any value to me or others. Definitely lessons learned and definitely my problem first and foremost.

Thanks for yet another pearl you and others keep providing me and others here.