AF Daily, Wednesday December 17th

[retteacher]

AF Daily, Wednesday December 17th

Everyone:

I'm back from the depths of my cold. My poor husb was like a ship wo/a rudder. I don't always realize how much our lives & the lives of my daughter, SIL, & g-kids depend on my well-being. I think that the responsiblity I've carried throughout the years has been partly the cause of my drinking. I have no one to blame but myself. I don't have to do so much...I just do.

I was holed up in my g-sons room (while sick) reading recovery literature. It was inspiring. I know more than ever that MWO is my savior. Being in touch w/people who are sharing my struggle is essential to my recovery. I need to be part of the shared effort every day. I need to read & learn from all of you. Thank you for being there.

I'll be back when I have a little more time.

Love, Mary

[spottydingo]

AF Daily, Wednesday December 17th

hi All,

First off, Congrats to Keeta for 30 days and Tom for 6 weeks and Skinned Knees for 10 days! :cheering::cheering::cheering:

Sounds like a lot of people are struggling today. Tom, WIP, Skinned Knees and Sausage, hope you get through, I'm sending you lots of positive and uplifting thoughts! I know the holidays can be a real drag on our emotions and there have been times I wished I could just pretend the whole thing wasn't happening -- in fact I was in that state of mind around Thanksgiving. Not to be morbid, but my uncle was a mortician and usually missed Christmas as the holidays were the "busy season" at the funeral home(!!!). Be nice to yourselves and have faith, it will be over soon. Sausage, I know that feeling where life throws you too much at once, but if you look at it objectively sometimes its just funny ...

RE: comparing your addiction to others: isn't this human nature? How many times a day do we look at someone else and note that we are better or worse than them in some regard? Its easy to do with drinking or drugs, but you are right, its still addiction and I try to thank my blessings that mine haven't been worse. When I was young and lived in NYC, I ran with a motley crew of artists and musicians. I saw drug addiction, and the ensuing poverty and sometimes insanity that came with it. I lost a good friend to a heroin overdose. I had a friend who was clean for 10 years only to fall off the wagon, get kicked out of the house by his wife, and start living on the street. The last time I saw him he was talking to a tree and clearly out of his mind crazy. Its absolutely heartbreaking, but important to note that these people all started out the same as us. For the most part the people I knew came from middle class (some even from wealthy) homes. Most were well educated, intelligent and really talented. All of them fought with the same inner demons that most of us do and some won, some lost. I left NYC because of what I saw. I didn't want to be 40 years old and still hanging out in the same bars with the same people ... that prospect was just too depressing. But see, I've ended up in my 40s still fighting the beast, and I live a pretty normal middle class life now so there you go. I guess what I'm saying is that you can remove the particulars but in the end we're all still fighting the same thing. Whew! 'nough said.

ANYWAY! We have a local guy who makes wonderful quirky yard sculptures out of driftwood, and a few months ago hubby and I decided they would make great gifts for my parents, and my sister and brother-in-law. Well, I finally wrapped and boxed them yesterday and they are bound for the East Coast ... and boy do I feel like an idiot!!! The box was taller than me, barely fit into my Jeep, and cost $160 to ship! The guy at UPS wanted to know whether I had a person in there. Duh, file that under both "what was I thinking" AND "I'll never do that again"!!!

Well, off to get a haircut and color. I've been natural for a couple of years now and have decided my grays are just too much. So, I figured I'd get the gray covered and some highlights. I'm on the scramble to get ready to see my folks which means hair cut, mani-pedi, and new anything that looks too shabby: my Mom (goddess bless her) is a hawk and I have to withstand the initial once over! LOL, and I'm 43 ...

Where's DG? I haven't been reading every day but I haven't seen her around lately.

Well, have a great day everyone, and try to stay warm! Its been cold enough that even San Francisco's higher hills got snow as well as all the surrounding mountains. I now suspect our new house is not insulated ... yay, another thing to fix and pay for.

Cheers!

[SAUSAGE]

AF Daily, Wednesday December 17th

Well I'm back again - I haven't drunk tonight despite all the things that went wrong - yes I can laugh about it and regarding the car accident, at least no-one was hurt and the guy's insurance will pay for the damage so I'm not going to dwell on it. I went swimming this evening - about 40 lengths - really enjoyed it, very relaxing. I'm sipping a zero % alcohol free beer now.

Am feeling quite positive about today actually despite it's problems . It's been a trial and a challenge but I came through it - never once did I want to retreat into acohol - i just knew it would make things worse which is great. I can't say I don't have cravings at times, but it's usually when I'm really happy and I crave that "extra buzz" never any more when I'm down - I just know it will make it worse (previously I drank more than ever when I was down so this is a complete u turn) I hope this is a good sign and means i'm a stage further forward in my attempt at "recovery".

[retteacher]

AF Daily, Wednesday December 17th

Comparing myself to others was one my biggest motivators to take a drink.
-I'm not as bad as _____________.
-I've never had a DUI like ________________.
-I've never lost my job like _______________.
-ad infinitum

The truth is that I've been very lucky. I've been a functional alcoholic, but because my alcoholism has been progressive, it was only a matter of time before really big catastrophes hit.

For anyone who has been struggling w/holiday party temptations: The tools thread is worth a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. look. It's got tons & tons of great stuff in it...enough to ward off that impending drink.

Mary

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily, Wednesday December 17th

Hi absters!! Sorry I've been so absent the last few days, and thank you Spotty for asking after me. Just busy, but otherwise fine!

Congratulations to Keeta on 30 days AF and Tom v. 3 on 6 weeks AF and Skinned Knees on 10 days AF. And Welcome Skinned Knees and Veritas - so nice to "meet" you here in AF land.

I have been fighting the battle of the Fudge today - with mediocre success. My youngest niece cannot eat eggs (allergies) so I am looking for eggless desserts - and of course for my own purposes they must also be gluten and sugar free. For today, it seems like there are not many ingredients on the grocers shelves other than eggs and sugar and glutenThings! I tried 3 fudges - a chocolate, a peanut butter, and a chocolate peanut butter. The chocolate one I was pretty happy with but the other two I was not so happy. Maybe that's because the chocolate one had to be cooked the old fashioned way (well, to the degree a microwave is "old fashioned") to the "soft ball stage, etc. The other two are not cooked other than melting some of the ingredients, and utilize Whey Protein Powder for...some thickening I guess?? But I wasn't thrilled with the outcome - especially not to "feed" the relatives. I'll have to see how these hold up / change in the fridge over night, then decide what I'm actually going to make for the Sunday get together. I did find a gluten, egg and sugar free (except for a bit of raw honey) cookie recipe using nut flours that looks good - so tomorrow afternoon I will experiment with that.

Business is still dreadfully slow which is another reason I am looking forward to the holidays being over and getting life back to normal. AA - I can relate to what you are saying about giving to others at this time of year. Mr. Doggy and I have no kids, and don't need any more useless stuff for our basement. We give to charities ourselves but also say "make a donation to X charity" whenever family ask "what do you want for Christmas." Just in case anyone else is looking for an idea to get you out of more coffee mugs or ugly ties. Or more candles.

Anyway...Sausage I hope your day tomorrow is a better one. And I hope we don't get as much ice in the Chicago area as it sounds like from AA's weather update....I hope the power stays on.

Take care all and have a great rest of the AF day!

DG

[Determinator]

AF Daily, Wednesday December 17th

it's snowing in Las Vegas! and has been for over an hour!

Mary, so glad you are feeling better you rudder you

DGirl, there you are!

Sausage, that is indeed a good sign.