AF Daily - Sunday December 21

[Doggygirl]

Happy Sunday all. 'Tis the Season for Freezin' - at least that is the weather report from Illinois here in the wee hours. Our indoor / outdoor thermometer says 4 degrees outside and the wind is really whipping so can't imagine what the wind chill must be. For everyone in the dangerous weather places today, stay safe and warm!

WIP - hang in there. As Deter so eloquently put it, "we've got your back" here on the abs thread. And I echo so many others who value your posts, even when the truth might be hard to swallow initially. Sunshine and roses don't put much fuel in the tank for THIS journey, do they.

Oops...almost forgot to mark first, post second. Oh...and if you didn't think to bring a sandwich, you might want to go get one now.

DG

Not that 3:20AM is a Big Posting Time but now I feel so much better giving Tiresias' nose something interesting to do this morning! :H

Aunty Mame it sounds like the issues of visitation and such with Uncle Mame's son are really challenging. It's good you are talking and are "together" in the disappointment rather than fighting each other over the disappointment if that makes any sense. When drinking, I would often end up - inappropriately - on the wrong side of the fence from Mr. Doggy on a challenging issue where he and I should be on the same page. If that makes any sense! I'm also sure that the foster kitty situation is sad. Mr. Doggy and I considered fostering before we got up to 4 dogs of our own, and in the end we said "no" becuase I don't think I could handle the heart break of sending them on their way at some point. So I admire that you can even DO this fostering, which is so important to the programs. It's always very good to see you Mame! Even though things didn't turn out as planned with the son visit, I hope you and Uncle Mame enjoy the time you DO have with him, and enjoy your summer break!

Namaste, CONGRATULATIONS on 30 days sober! That is such a big step to get you started. So many hurdles overcome and so many old habits to break and new strategies to learn. Onward and forward - I really believe your life will just keep getting better!

Vinophobe (: it's always good to see you!

I also enjoyed reading everyone else's posts from yesterday - AA, Sausage, LVT, Mary (thank you for your great words of advice!), AFM, Deter (how was ju jitsu - I hope you didn't hurt yourself!), OMW and anyone I accidentally missed!

Today is supposed to be the in-law get together. We will see what happens. I have all kinds of snotty thoughts about this as it relates to the weather today, but I just deleted it all because it's so petty. I will admit to being petty but I won't bore you with the details.

Mr. Doggy and I had a bit of an argument last night. In good news, we argue SO much more sanely when I am sober. The issue was resolved rather quickly and reasonably, (well, we have an agreement for the future anyway...) and moved on. Geez - in the old days this would have escalated WAY into the silly and irrational zone, and probably lasted for days instead of a scant 30 minutes. This was also progress for me in that I really needed to address something that was really bothering me. In the old days I would hold it in until I absolutely couldn't any more, and then "explode" after a long day of drinking. Not the best way to communicate in a relationship! Last night wasn't the "perfect" way either but was a vast improvement.

One of our dogs is sick. We will have to keep a close eye on her today before / after the family thing assuming the family thing happens. She will have to go to the vet - I hope it's not the emergency vet today.

This is not exactly an upbeat post, and for that I apologize. But after cleaning up puke at 2AM on top of stressing a bit over an argument and this in-law business, it sure feels good to come here and do some typing about it! Thank you my friends for lending me your eyes.

DG

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Sunday December 21

You know, there is something else I want to type on about. (feel free to skip this post!!)

I got angry with Mr. D yesterday because after promising me earlier in the week that he would come right home after all day dog training, he didn't - he was sitting in a restaurant / bar with the dog trainer when I tracked him down on the dog trainer's cell phone. Of course I had to exhibit some patience for the pending "discussion" as I had to wait for him to come home. I don't handle that very well. I had STRONG irrational thoughts such as "I'll show YOU - *I'LL just go somewhere and sit in a bar on Saturday night!" Well, of course you know what I would be doing if I went off to sit in a bar under those circumstances.

I was very happy with how quickly (like IMMEDIATELY) I talked myself down off THAT particualar ledge. I will not stupidly throw my sobriety away like that. Not for ANYONE or ANYTHING or ANY SITUATION. So I actually felt really good about that outcome. I spend a lot of time and effort trying to be prepared for just such a mental situation - but we never know for sure how "ready" we are with the right response until we have to face it.

I will be happy when I reach a point in my sobriety where the voice in my head does not even SUGGEST going to a bar or drinking as a response to a disagreement with Mr. Doggy or whatever other stressful situation. But for now I'm happy that the "right" response came fairly easily.

OK...hope you made a BIG sandwich!!

DG

[SAUSAGE]

AF Daily - Sunday December 21

Morning DG and everyone else to come
Great to read you remained strong yesterday DG and knew it was the right thing to do - a bit like me on Wednseday when my central heating went dodgy, my tooth broke and another car ran into the back of mine. No way was I going to drink, I knew it would make things worse, and now a few days later it doen'st seem quite so bad:
ie central heating is not in immediate danger of packing up - will sort in spring
other guy's car insurance will pay damage and I'll get a courtesy car
got my tooth fixed on friday - it wasn't decayed, just broken and now is no longer sensitive.

I personally do think there is a link beween alcoholism and excessive worrying - hence the link to drink to blot out worries problems - anyone else agree? Some people just never seem to worry about anything til it happens, whereas I always predict things that may go wrong and imagine the worst which is a complete waste of mental energy. I always manage to find something to worry about. That's where the serenity prayer comes in handy. "serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference"

There is also no point in worrying about things that have already happened and cannot change (although you can learn from your mistakes). there is no point in worrying about the future - it is not here yet, one grain of sand at a time etc etc, the thing you dread may never happen. Just concentrate on the present - whsh I could apply this , I do try but it doesn't always work!!

I'm no good at jokes and certainly not early morning ones but here is a quote that someone told me recently and it made me laugh and it is certainly very true;

"worrying is like riding on a rocking horse ......you go back and forth and back and forth but you don't get anywhere !!!"

Have a great AF day everyone

[AAthlete]

AF Daily - Sunday December 21

DG, I skipped the sandwich and went right to the buffet! As my UK friends would say, 'fair play' to you for talking to Mr. Doggy about how you were feeling. That is a big step in our recover, because if you were anything like me you used to bottle that up inside and it would end up coming out in all the wrong ways.

Sausage, morning to you and I would agree that a lot of us use alcohol to stop our minds from getting on the 'mental treadmill.' Would always think and rethink about ways that I could act to get a situation to come out my way, and we all know how that goes, right? Think you've got the perfect answer for it though!

Had my wife's family Christmas party last night and got a taste of reality head on. My BIL is a full-blown alcoholic and was already in the bag when everyone got there. Slurring words, yelling at his wife for hiding a bottle of his, his son apologizing about him.... Reminded me of the wreckage that I used to cause in my drinking, even though my wife said on the way home I was never that bad. She doesn't understand though, it wasn't just about him being drunk -- I knew what was going on in his mind; how he was feeling and thinking and it hit home pretty hard. I tried to talk to him but never had any one on one time and we all know how easy it is to talk to a drunk alcoholic anyway...

Anyway, I am grateful this morning for being sober and for still having my family. He doesn't even realize that he helped me in my sobriety, as we had a 1 1/2 hour drive home and my wife and I had a good talk about how far I and we had come friom where they are at. His wife has mentally checked out out their marriage and only is apparently staying around until the kids are out of college. What a way to live..

[vinophile]

AF Daily - Sunday December 21

Good Morning,

The very abundant snow on the ground makes it seem a lot lighter outside than it really is (it's actually very dark and hasn't stopped snowing for 36hours with another 6inches due today) Anyway, it's truly beautiful but oh... such a pain in the neck to shovel and get around.
Auntie Maime, I'm very envious of your upcoming swim at the New Year. How I would love to be in summer at this point. We actually do have a group who swim in Boston Harbor on New Year's Day but they are called the "Polar Bear Club" and I doubt their sanity as the water is just above freezing.
DG, good luck on your day with the in-laws. I'm sure you'll be so happy when it's over!! Great job on re-directing your thoughts last night. While drinking, I would often forget the actual reason why I was feeling angry or resentful but the feelings would stay inside me and just simmer. Not the best recipe for remaining calm and focused.
Regarding resentment.... a friend at AA reminded me that holding resentment is like having a rat in your house,drinking rat poison yourself, and then waiting for the rat to die. I am a big resentment carrier so when I feel it building inside this helps me. I hurt no one but myself.
Hi Sausage, I love the serenity prayer. Worry can zap so much of our time and energy and we do,indeed, have so little control over things. We can control our behaviors though and that's a big thing.

Well, off to spin at the gym before the snow starts to acculumate.

Janet

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Sunday December 21

SAUSAGE;500150 wrote: "worrying is like riding on a rocking horse ......you go back and forth and back and forth but you don't get anywhere !!!"

OH how true how true!!! :H Thank you for sharing that. I clearly have a lot of work to do in the excessive and rediculous worrying department. I asked for some input over at SMART about what tools might be the most useful to help me modify my thought patterns in this regard. Never a dull moment with the on-going self improvement / sobriety project!!

Sausage, I really admire you for keeping such a good attitude with all the mishaps you endured last week! I need to take a lesson here.

AA you are so right that it was HEALTHY to be able to communicate my feelings with Mr. Doggy. It was just so crazy when I was drunk and he was high. And the fights would be so rediculous and bad that you are right - I bottled it all up inside until there was a booze inspired explosion. While it was uncomfortable because it's new, last night's "fight" was so much more rational and had a positive outcome.

Boy it's really something when we face situations like you describe with BIL - like looking in the rear view mirror. I am happy that you are here to share with us, and unhung, and with your family in tact today.

I am going to work on a vivid mental image of that rocking horse so I can try to catch myself when I get on it!!! (thank you Sausage!)

DG

[AAthlete]

AF Daily - Sunday December 21

Morning Janet - good to see you and be safe out there today.

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily - Sunday December 21

Wow, DG, AA, Christmas parties. Ho ho ho, right? I'm happy to not be obligated (or feel obligated) to go to any of them, this year. Reading old family letters recently, I took note of one in which a fellow writes to my mother, trying to entice her to go to a party with him, and says that "everyone says" it's a great dance, every year, and that everyone gets "well oiled." I remember that... not fondly... prefer not to be anywhere near it...

Sausage, you're doing great with some stressful stuff! Alcohol and worrying... I suppose it's an example of alcohol making EVERYTHING worse, but maybe, as you suggest, there is more to it than that. Alcohol is a great enemy of living in the present moment, in fact drinking is perhaps (just sort of outright suicide) the ultimate rejection of the present moment. Drinking arises (at least partly) out of a desire to escape our lives. And worry is also an example of an inability to live in the "now," the present moment, and instead thinking/worrying about the future.

Good job on handling the discussion with husband, DG. That's difficult territory, isn't it?

I had a "long" run (for me that is 2 miles right now, very slowly!) yesterday, then took a nap. Baked cookies last night, and watched an episode of Inspector Lynley. Very nice day.

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily - Sunday December 21

Y'all are busy posters! Janet, I love the "resentment" and rat poison analogy. It's VERY helpful.

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Sunday December 21

Hi Janet - looks like we crossed. One of the qualities I love about snow is that it makes our world "lighter" during the "short day" season. But I love it ONLY after all the shoveling is done - and hopefully by someone other than me. The Polar Bear Club people MUST be nuts. Have fun spinning and then hopefully you will have a snuggly warm day at home out of the weather. Thank you for the good wishes on in-law day.

WIP, the journey through the letters sounds like a complex combo of interesting, revealing, and probably some less than positive emotions too. "Well-oiled." Haven't heard that one for awhile but the phrase is sure an apt one! Exercise. Nap. Cookies. Good TV. I'm jealous!

I have pretty much decided it would be foolish to go out to the SMART face to face meeting this morning. My indoor / outdoor temperature guage has gone from 4 degrees at 2:30 or so AM to -3 degrees now. Wind chills below -20 degrees. It's just plain stupid to be out there risking the car not starting or whatever. Earlier this morning I felt like "well, if it's grand enough weather to go to the in laws then it's grand enough weather to go to my meeting." But that's stupid thinking. I will make what I believe is the best decision for me and my meeting, and go with the Mr. Doggy flow as pertains to his family - one has nothing to do with the other. This is the kind of irrational crap that is habit ingrained in me from the drinking years. I will devote more time to ridding myself of this rediculous thinking in the coming months/years/whatever.

Thank you for listening to my "real time" mental gymnastics today. I'm going for a medal.

DG

[retteacher]

AF Daily - Sunday December 21

Hi Everyone: This is already an interesting discussion.

On drinking/arguments: I can't count the number of times an argument or disagreement threw me into drinking. What's the logic in that? No solution can come out of drinking, & it's only when we can thoughtfully present our side & listen to the other person's side that we can bring the whole thing to closure. Drinking just puts off the whole process.

On drinking/worrying: Absolutely, worrying was a main motivator to drink (what wasn't?). Big things, little things, it didn't matter. The drinking just gets in the way of logical thinking that would solve the problem we're worrying about.

I am so glad to be sober today. No hangover, no regrets. We've had 2 solid days of snow, so many of the pre-holiday parties have been cancelled. Our daughter, Patty, came over last night w/the 2 g-sons, & we had a quiet family dinner. My SIL, who is a police officer, was busy pulling people out of ditches.

Thank you everyone at MWO. I couldn't be more grateful that I found you all. I'd probably be risking life & limb going out into the snow to get a bottle to tide me over for another snow day. Not so, today. Today, I'll plow the snow w/a clear head. Would you believe that in the past, I've actually used the snowblower under the influence. Thank God I didn't lose a hand in doing so.

Love, Mary

[Tom 4.0]

AF Daily - Sunday December 21

Hi Guys!

Haven't posted in a while but all's well. It's been a few busy days around here. First, Thursday, my older brother had a kidney removed because of a tumor; so far - so good, and he should be home today. He's about 800 miles away; time to schedule a trip. Talk about a reality check!

I skipped a (drinking) party Thursday evening because I was too busy preparing/controling the party I was hosting Friday. Fortunately, once my party started, I relaxed and let people be people and it was good.

Yesterday, I attended the funeral of a long term client whom I consider a friend. I really did not need to go, and it was an hours drive, but I am very glad I went. If I had still been drinking, I doubt I would have made the effort.

These experiences are far richer and meaningful to me without alcohol. Thanks to all of you for helping me get "unstuck from the moment" that is addiction. I'm not quite sure where I am heading, but I know it is better than where I was.

[greeneyes]

AF Daily - Sunday December 21

Hi all! Had a divorce thing and smiled to myself when the judge asked if either of us was under the influence of anything that would impair our ablity to whatever. I have to admit I did want a double martini afterwards but did not. Estranged one chose a different path and I see him suffering for it. Went to a Christmas party last night and drank soda water and lime and never craved a drink at all. But I had a bad drinking dream last night that I can't quite remember but I had decided to drink again (mod) and wasn't doing well with it. A warning perhaps?

[Miss Behaving]

AF Daily - Sunday December 21

Oh my, you all sound cold!

Lovely and sunny here - and when I was watering my deck-top garden this morning I found I had the first of my tomatoes (three of them in fact!). I'm very pleased as the weather has been very unsettled for a couple of weeks and I thought that a couple of the plants had died.

Interesting thoughts about drinking/worrying/arguments. I wouldn't so much argue when I was drinking as I was too scared of saying something really stupid ...... but then I would work myself up into a complete state, get everything out of proportion, and usually end up depressed/crying/ out of control. And hate myself for doing it, so beat myself up ....... truly a crap cycle to be in. Being able to think things through, knowing that there are things that I am rightfully angry/sad about, and being able to make a sensible decision about which of those things I take action on makes me feel like a grown up!

JAnet - I loved the rat/rat poison analogy too. I've heard of the Polar Bear club but I think they are crazy too! Its not exactly balmy in the water here even in summer, and it always takes me a minute or so to be able to breathe properly when I get into the sea.

First proper day of holidays!! We have started doing our usual holiday things - staying up late watching DVDs, sleeping in and long lazy breakfasts. I discovered a bakery yesterday that has frozen uncooked croissants - just before I went to bed last night I popped them on an oven tray to de-frost and rise, and UNcle Mame put them in the oven when he got up ...... so I got up about an hour ago to fresh baked croissants and freshly ground coffee! Life doesn't get much better sometimes!

DG - think our fostering days will only last through 3-4 batches of kittens! We did get really attached to them. We have another lot of three arriving today - short term. Their foster parents are going away on holiday, and by the time they are back kitties will be ready for adoption. The plan is that we will adopt a couple from one of the batches we foster early in the new year.

off to buy Xmas presents and an umbrella for the deck! Have a great day everyone!

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily - Sunday December 21

Let it snow, let it snow! We had 8 inches of the white stuff last night. On top of what was left from the other two major dumps a few days ago. I shoveled out the driveway and the back deck. It was so nice out there - not as cold as it usually is. My little one had a hay day helping me. I just love it when kids have rosy cheeks!

Pretty mellow around here otherwise. I don't need to do a single thing for Christmas now. Got the last of the errands done yesterday.

Have a great day everyone!