AF Daily - Tuesday December 23

[Miss Behaving]

AF Daily - Tuesday December 23

Morning all!

Wednesday here and Xmas Eve ......

Cinders: how you doing now? Really feeling for you ...... but you know what to do!

Sausage: I was thinking that just because you caved on day 53/54 last time doesn't mean you will do it this time. You can do it if you really want!!

Having said that I'm struggling myself today and doing the negative self-talk thing. About how I wont make it through Xmas. I've been pretty good up to now - we have spent the last couple of days feeling quite Xmas-sy, and on holiday .... then a series of things "went wrong" this morning. I put that in inverted commas because I know that I could turn my thinking around and not think of them as being wrong, but that is what I'm really struggling with. Conditions are perfect for failure!!

I'm heading off to chat - if anyone else is on line would love company!!

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily - Tuesday December 23

Mame I just went to chat... your name was up there but you weren't answering? Now I have someone here to pick up one of the doggies... maybe later. Listen, you will be fine, you know what to do... OK? If conditions SEEM just right for relapse, then it's time to change the conditions... mentally, outwardly, everywhere, OK?

[Miss Behaving]

AF Daily - Tuesday December 23

WIP - sorry was just rading another thread. Back in chat, but you need to go out. But thanks.

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Tuesday December 23

Hi again everyone. My heart is really out to all who are struggling through these dang holidays. Cinders I know you scared and frustrated. You have worked so hard to get sober - and I know you value sober living and your family needs you sober. Maybe the long term rehad IS worth considering? I know it's not a pleasant thought but if your long term sobriety is at stake, maybe worth it? I'll be thinking of you and hoping you can find a way to do whatever it takes to get AL out of your life for good.

Sausage and Aunty Mame - please do not allow your thoughts to go to that place that says "I can't make it." You CAN make it - you have both made it this far and you have successfully chosen not to drink time and time again during all kinds of different circumstances. Sausage, remember how good you felt at the time of your office lunch party? You were "hoping" to stay sober but then you DECIDED to stay sober and all went well. I hope you and Mame will keep doing that!! I know you can!! "I can't make it through the holidays" is just an excuse and lie that your inner addict is bombarding you with in order to get a fix. Don't give up!

LVT I'm sorry this is such a sad time for you. Can you talk to hubby about what's up with his drinking patterns? (I know you have said you don't *talk* a lot....) Your low key Christmas Eve plans with church and then presents for the kids sounds very appealing to me. I hope you and your family end up enjoying a peaceful evening together.

Mary - I like the sound of your plans too. You seem to have a very active social life, and somehow it strikes me as sounding "right" that you and hubby now have a time to take a breath together and just be low key. And yes, people who haven't seen me in awhile are pretty shocked. They probably twitter behind my back wondering if I've had some surgery or something and if there IS any such twittering, I would be totally flattered as well as find that rather comical. And Sausage - I am now right smack in the middle of my 5 pound goal weight range which is right where I want to stay. The Halloween picture was not too much higher - I was 6 pounds over my goal range around that time. So a little more loss but not a whole lot.

Momof3 you are a bigger woman with your MIL than I could ever be with mine. That's all I can say! I hope you have a better time with your friends.

WIP - :l. The next couple of days sound like they will be emotionally exhausting for you. I hope you are having fun with your friend at lunch today, and I hope your time with your mother goes the most positive possible way, which I know is still difficult for you. As far as telling my parents "I have stopped drinking for good!" I think that would cause them more worry and I don't want to do that. I am quite sure they have worried about my drinking enough over the years - it's not their way to nag or "parent" their adult children. They just worry silently. Knowing them as I do, I know it is very nice for them each time they see me and I do not drink. I think that is a "softer landing" for them than if I laid the truth on them thickly. The last thing I want is for them to worry about me relapsing, etc. It is one of my Mom's brothers who I was joking about (in the most loving possible way) in Marshy's thread yesterday. So yes - they know how bad my drinking was, but I would rather "show" than "tell" my changes with them, if that makes any sense.

Britt I'm glad you shared the story of the family you are helping. I was very self absorbed during my many years of heavy drinking, and it's easy even now to be very self absorbed in my recovery. It's so important that we always remember how truly good we have it. My problems are not even CLOSE to anything worth drinking over. (no that problems ever are, but you know what I mean I think!!)

I hope I didn't miss anyone. Please remember that we always have a choice. We just have to make the right choice. I personally refuse to let anything about the holidays - good or bad - make me consider the wrong choice. Let's batten down the hatches and make it through these next 10 days. WE CAN DO IT.

DG
* X 215 gold stars and I ain't lettin' go.

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily - Tuesday December 23

Britt that is so sad. I can't even imagine what that mother feels like. :upset: Good Lord, no one in this world deserves to go without the basics.

I love preparing hampers for other families. We did a lot of it while in the government and my company did one this year. I always feel like it isn't enough, but I guess it is better than not giving.

It definitely makes us appreciate where we are and what we have. I will give my kids extra kisses tonight. I am so bloody grateful for everything I have. It makes my feeling ripped off because I cannot drink seem silly. Hugs to you sister! :l You probably have made a difference in this woman's life just by getting to know her. XOXOXO

[Miss Behaving]

AF Daily - Tuesday December 23

WIP - thank you for the chat!

To everyone else:

Yes we can!!

I have blisters/rash on my arm that came up overnight! I am off to the pharmacy which is right beside the bottle store and I will not pop in to wish the staff (who are well kown to me!!) Merry Xmas!!

[retteacher]

AF Daily - Tuesday December 23

I absolutely know that I'm going AF for 2009. I've gotten a jump start & plan AF Christmas eve, day, & New year. I won't let anything spoil it. Mary

[charlee]

AF Daily - Tuesday December 23

Hey all
Mary, a great resolution of 2009!
I am done!!!..Bought, wrapped, and cookies finally done.....I seem to be lacking Christmas spirit, maybe because my boys are grown and I have no grand babies to dote on, but I will smile, and get through it sober......
The next couple of days will be a whirlwind..we start tomorrow around 5:00..it will be a bit challanging hauling the eldest around to all the family visits...in the snow, with the crutches..

Will go back a bit later and read the entire thread, just wanted to pop in and say hi..

[brittzak]

AF Daily - Tuesday December 23

Actually, AFM....she has made a HUGE diffence in MY life.....this Christmas I could have spent like I have the past few...feeling sorry for my self...depressed...it is my first Christmas without my Mama, but I have chose NOT to do that this year. Life threw curve balls and death unfortunately happens to us. I have had my fair share in losing Billy and then my Mom close together, but that is no reason to drink and I am very blessed. I still have my children and good friends and my life....and my sobriety!!!!! I am FINALLY learning that sobriety is 99% attitude.

[Cinders]

AF Daily - Tuesday December 23

Luv,

Thank you for that last post.

I am not sure why, but I have been in the deepest funk, the depths the last few days, actually longer. It has been like wrestling with a wild boar. I find myself deep and dark.

Your post and others here have helped me realize that, yes, I am depressed, for whatever reason(s), physical, mental or both. It doesn't matter.

I MUST GET THE ATTITUDE!!!

Hubby is coming home early to be with me, for which I am grateful and my girl is going to meet me early in the a.m. for some last minute shopping.

I have friends here who care, and I have family who care.

What else could I ask for?

Love,
Cindi

[Miss Behaving]

AF Daily - Tuesday December 23

feeling very grateful

I walked to the pharmacy in the rain - they reckon my rash/blistering is a chemical burn. I can only think that I brushed up against something at the garden centre yesterday when I popped in for some sheep poo.

Caught the bus home to find Uncle Mame on it with a big bunch of pink roses! I spoiled his surprise, but what he said to go with them couldn't in any way have been any better.

So a morning of panic and stress and feeling like it is all too hard has turned into an afternoon where I feel blessed - it is still raining, and we are still in debt, and our car is not worth the repairs it needs ........ but I have so much else. And I'm sober. And I intend to be that way for the whole of 2009 as well.

[Guitarista]

AF Daily - Tuesday December 23

That's great Mame!...And a merry Christmas, and a cracking New year to you, and all here.......
You GOT the attitude in there somewhere Cinder's!

[on my way]

AF Daily - Tuesday December 23

very nice mame

[retteacher]

AF Daily - Tuesday December 23

Cindi: I'm so glad you posted. You sound a bit better than this morning. Regarding AL: I've read that it is cunning, baffling, & powerful. Nothing could more true for me. I too have a wonderful family, & everything anyone could possibly want. It's not circumstances that get me to drink, it's me, myself, & I. People live through difficult, difficult situations sober. I will too. Mary

PS: Good luck & happy holiday.

[brittzak]

AF Daily - Tuesday December 23

Cindi...we can do this...hand in hand....call me any time!!!