AF Daily Wednesday, December 24th
Had a fight with hubby last night-managed about 3 hours sleep, and frankly I feel like crap. All this anticipation and excitement for the kids--gone. I posted late last night on the daily thread just to get it off my chest so I won't go into it here. Going to be pretty tough to put on a happy face for the kid's sake, but I will try. I keep thinking about Brit's story about the single mom and keep telling myself I have no right to feel sorry for myself, but I still do.
You've got me thinking about my own "ghosts of Christmas' past". Until I met my husband, we had "normal" Christmases in my family. I remember so looking forward to spending Christmas with his family, because it was one BIG party. The friends and neighbors would all come over after we opened presents (with egg nogs, bloody marys, beer--you name it). I would drink all day and then try to eat a big prime rib dinner, and feel like crap the rest of the evening. Hubby and I would usually put santa gifts together drunk too.
I guess since we are breaking tradition this year and going to sis in laws house Christmas day, it won't really be an issue for me anyway. If hubby wants to drink himself into an asshole on Christmas day--let him.
Sorry to be on a downer this day. I will do my best to get myself out of this for my kids.
Merry (sober) Christmas everyone, and God Bless.:h
P.S. Thank you Cinders and DG for posting your support on yesterdays thread. I don't even feel like drinking over this (yet). I have to wonder if it would make my life easier in some ways though. I would sure hate for my marriage to feel like this the rest of my life or end simply because I quit drinking and smoking. How stupid does that sound! Don't worry, I am determined to be my own person, and I don't have to put up with his shit!
Had a fight with hubby last night-managed about 3 hours sleep, and frankly I feel like crap. All this anticipation and excitement for the kids--gone. I posted late last night on the daily thread just to get it off my chest so I won't go into it here. Going to be pretty tough to put on a happy face for the kid's sake, but I will try. I keep thinking about Brit's story about the single mom and keep telling myself I have no right to feel sorry for myself, but I still do.
You've got me thinking about my own "ghosts of Christmas' past". Until I met my husband, we had "normal" Christmases in my family. I remember so looking forward to spending Christmas with his family, because it was one BIG party. The friends and neighbors would all come over after we opened presents (with egg nogs, bloody marys, beer--you name it). I would drink all day and then try to eat a big prime rib dinner, and feel like crap the rest of the evening. Hubby and I would usually put santa gifts together drunk too.
I guess since we are breaking tradition this year and going to sis in laws house Christmas day, it won't really be an issue for me anyway. If hubby wants to drink himself into an asshole on Christmas day--let him.
Sorry to be on a downer this day. I will do my best to get myself out of this for my kids.
Merry (sober) Christmas everyone, and God Bless.:h
P.S. Thank you Cinders and DG for posting your support on yesterdays thread. I don't even feel like drinking over this (yet). I have to wonder if it would make my life easier in some ways though. I would sure hate for my marriage to feel like this the rest of my life or end simply because I quit drinking and smoking. How stupid does that sound! Don't worry, I am determined to be my own person, and I don't have to put up with his shit!
ray:
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