AF Daily, Monday December 29th

[on my way]

AF Daily, Monday December 29th

WOW, does it feel good to be back on the boards. I have spend the last week under siege; kids, in-laws, parents and desert. Glad they’re gone (kids still here) and things are back to relative calm. I can now start to focus on fitness and try and loose the 15 pounds I’ve gained using food as a substitute for al.

It is hard to have a house full of people and not have unfettered use of my computer. I feel so out of the loop, it will take me days to catch up reading the posts. I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas and/or Hanukah. I am a little nervous about New Years Eve…always a biggie here. We spend it with close friends and there is never a lack of al around. I know we will all have to take special care in our focus.

Hope you all have a good one today!! nat

[ready2change]

AF Daily, Monday December 29th

Happy Monday all...I drank yesterday and i don't have a clue why? I feel horrible today, am at work wishing I were dead instead, but lots to do for the year end.

How does one get away from one's self? I loathe anything and everything about alcohol, yet I find myself still under it's vicious spell at times. I am at wits end with myself afraid I will never learn. Never mind disappointing others, how do we stop disappointing ourselves?

R2C (really I am)

[retteacher]

AF Daily, Monday December 29th

Hi All: Sausage, I loved your progress report. I'm such an "all or nothing" person that I can't see that even though I slipped up in 2008, I did so much better than ever before. Thank you so much for that. I can be very hard on myself.

I loved the sharings here today. They are so encouraging. By the way, I had an awfully hard time getting into MWO today. I tried many times & just now got into it at 2:00 PM. Sometimes that happens to me, & it scares the life out of me...like what if MWO won't be available for some reason. Well, enough w/the catastrophizing.

Take care everyone. We have a quiet few days ahead: which is a good thing.

Love, Mary

[AAthlete]

AF Daily, Monday December 29th

ready2change;505363 wrote: How does one get away from one's self?...

R2C, I used to feel the same way, and what I realized is that I didn't need to get away from myself - I just needed to be able to accept and love myself. Mistakes are always going to happen - after all we are human. We have to be willing to accept them for what they are, try to learn from them, and then move on.

Slow day at work today but that is okay. Had a great Christmas with the family although it came and went entirely too fast. I think I did an okay job of staying in the spirit or the holiday this year, but still need to work on the materialism aspect of things. I find that when I can let that go I feel so much better about myself and the world around me.

So, hope everyone is having a wonderful Monday and are planning for a safe and sober New Year's celebration!

[nowandzen11]

AF Daily, Monday December 29th

Feeling more rested

Glad to read everyone's posts. I went back to sleep at 4 am and woke up about 10:30.

I have to get my body clock back in sync. Have a lot to do. I have to line up some business. Biz is slow here in Jan and Feb b/c of rainy season. Also have to organize my garage.

I've decided that I will do something differently on New Years eve or day. I will go to the dharma center or contact a meditation teacher of mine and start my year with that. What a change. No feeling bad from drinking or eating too much. No laying around depressed. Just awareness.

I know today will be good and at this point, I don't feel like even looking at al. I pray it stays that way.

Regarding Trader Joes- we have one here where I live in CA. I love the place. Not as expensive as "whole paycheck". Although I am not into frozen foods much, I do have to say that TJ's has a great frozen food section and their frozen naan bread is incredible. Brush a little garlic butter on it before you pop it in the oven. You can also put stuff on top and make a thin crust pizza. Good stuff.

[on my way]

AF Daily, Monday December 29th

Oh yes Traders Joes....2 buck chuck. Glad my life has simplified, one less stop when I visit my parents.

[gyco]

AF Daily, Monday December 29th

congrats mrs sausage,you like me hav little support,at home,naaaaaaaaaaaa,mine got rid of all the boose in the house,it is not up to the ones around us to make change,most of the time they have not the problem,they can stop,you admit to goin away and havin a ball,doin somthin youve never done b4,CONTROL,you hav found a peace within yurself tht says enuff,you dont hav to depend on him,you hav accomplished wht you want,you can STOP,YOU NO WHY,YOU dont want to hurt no MORE,way to go mre sausage,dont blame him,hav a great new year gyco

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily, Monday December 29th

R2C... self-compassion is the key. Practice compassion, compassion.... just compassion. Just like the compassion you would give to someone else who screwed up, and hurt herself. No need to "get away" from yourself, in fact alcohol is the ultimate "get away" vehicle, we know that, right? The key is "staying with" instead of struggling so hard to get away. Have you seen Jon Kabat-Zinn's book, "Where Ever You Go... There You Are"?

NowZen... what a lovely plan!

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily, Monday December 29th

Hi again all!

R2C, sorry to hear about the choice to drink. This is a tough journey that is for sure. And one of self enlightenment right along side of figure out how to choose not to drink each and every time the thought of it comes along. I have no idea if this applies in your situation or not. Sometimes I fear success (no matter what the goal is). Once I am successful at something, I expect more of myself. And I believe those around me expect more of me. There have been times in my life when I realize upon reflection that I have kept myself in a "failing" circumstance because I didn't want the percieved pressure of success. The problem with "that place" is that it's just not a nice place to be. It might be easy to stay there relatively speaking (like when I stayed drunk pretty much day in and day out for years). But that place led me to self loathing and disappointment. I couldn't expect much of myself so neither could anyone else.

Overcoming a certain fear of success is something I have to always work at. I have a hard time explaining this so I hope it's not coming out all wrong. (LOL - I bet WIP can sum up my thoughts in one sentence or less and I hope she does!! ) All I know is that being successfully AF, successfully N(icotine)F, keeping up the exercise and diet changes, etc. isn't nearly as easy as it was to just let myself go to pot. But it sure is a lot more rewarding.

Food for thought if it's relevant at all...... hope you are enjoying a sandwich in any case!!!

LVT welcome back!! If I blog I can't imagine that alcohol addiction and the lifestyle changes I've made woudn't be a central part. Now I just have to discover magic pills that eliminate addiction while insuring weight loss to SELL on my web site. I'm sorry you are still hurting from the hubby fight. I hope that when things quiet down to normal after the holidays you can have some heart to heart communication.

Marshy I want to go see the pantos!!!!! WAHHHHH!!! We in the US WuzRobbed!!!

WIP how did your visit with Mom go today? Peaceful I hope. I think a scooter is a wonderful idea.

namaste - glad to see you back and glad you made it AF!

OMW - I bet you are glad to have your house back to yourself (well, and your immediate family!) Don't be nervous about NYE. Decide right now that you will not be drinking, and make your plan.

Mary I'm sorry to hear you had trouble getting on here today and some other times recently. Has anyone else been having trouble??? I will PM you my e-mail address so if ever you can't get on you can at least get hold of me and I'm sure others here to find out what's going on and/or to get support when you need it.

NZ starting off the New Year with mediation sounds like an excellent alternative to starting it out with a hangover, which is how I started 2008. Not this year.

Hello also to AA and Gyco!

I scooped up quite a bit of frozen stuff and Trader Joes today. They have all kinds of organic berries frozen which I like anyway, but will like even more now that I can whip up a reasonable facimile of ice cream in 5 minutes with the food processor!! A chicken is roasting in the oven right now for dinner....yum yum yum. Better go check on it!!

Have a great evening all - see you in the morning.

DG

[ready2change]

AF Daily, Monday December 29th

Thanks AA....I appreciate the advice...as much as I can feeling as lousy as I do today. But HOW do I accept myself as a person who drinks, when sobriety is what I really want? And I understand the concept of mistakes, I've made plenty in my life, but this is the same one over and over again...that is what frustrates me.

R2C, I used to feel the same way, and what I realized is that I didn't need to get away from myself - I just needed to be able to accept and love myself. Mistakes are always going to happen - after all we are human. We have to be willing to accept them for what they are, try to learn from them, and then move on.

And Wip...thanks for the tip on the book, I shall check it out. It sounds just like what I need right now.

I appreciate your replies. Thanks for being there for me.

R2C

[ready2change]

AF Daily, Monday December 29th

Hey DG...we cross-posted. Thanks for the advice. I suppose I do set a bunch of goals for myself, like this will happen when I get sober and that will be better once I'm sober. Perhaps I overwhelm myself with goals and just subconciously say "f@#k it"!!

I have to get back to the gym, it is a BIG part of my sobriety...but I hurt my shoulder (no excuse, I can do lower body stuff)...and have not been for a couple of weeks.

I will take today and how "lovely" I feel as a constant reminder of why I want to be AF. THanks everyone for your support.

R2C