AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

[retteacher]

Everyone: It's 12:02 AM on Sun., & our guests just left. I am happy to report that I stayed AF tonight & had so much fun. I had clarity, I was able to converse coherently, & I remember everything that was discussed. I felt so much more relaxed throughout the evening, so that pretty much debunks the theory that AL is a relaxant. Not so for me. It just makes me tense & obssessed. I did get a real craving a little while before everyone arrived. I think it occurred as a result of a combination of anticipation & a small tiff I had w/my husb. I came to MWO & Smart recovery tools. I also meditated w/a tape I found here at home. By the time, everyone got here, I was fine drinking a soda. I'm always amazed at how little wine is consumed when I don't drink...2 small bottles divided between 5 people. Actually my husband threw out the little that was left in both bottles. As for him: I saw that he opened a beer for himself & left some at the bottom of the bottle. That's something an alcoholic just doesn't do...nor does an alcoholic throw out perfectly good wine. In the past, I would have guzzled the leftover wine...maybe even the beer. Well, I feel good about myself. There will be no sweaty tossing & turning tonight. There will be no hangover tomorrow. I'm going to put my zero into drinktracker right now. Goodnight & thank you to each & every one of you. Mary

[Mohun]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Good for you reteacher. Yup, I never met a partial bottle of any kind of booze I didn't like.

This is day four of round two for me (3 months previously). Already feeling better and exercised today. It will be a long road back to being healthy.

Good luck to all.

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

nicely done Mary! it's very true. life is most certainly better AF

Mohun, nice to have you on this thread and congrats on the AF days and exercise.

[Miss Behaving]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Mary - very happy for you! Hope you have a nice sleep in after all that work for the dinner party!

[hulagirl]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Congratulations Mary! That would be the ultimate test for me. Socializing, entertaining in my home, surrounded by open bottle of wine (and unfinished!) You did it! I don't feel so confident in myself in any one of those situations. Sunday will be ...I haven't a clue. No plans except to try and get in that brisk 1 hour walk first thing in the morning. Feeling fattish after not drinking for a week and eating from a tin of chocolate cookies that was a gift. (They're not even that good...kind of cheap and stale) I was so focused on the eliminating the drinking that I didn't even try to think about food choices (and portion control). OK The party is over. I have a 20 lb. weight loss goal and boy do I need it. I wish I felt better...kind of impatient, bored, crabby. Nothing a little exercise couldn't cure.

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Good morning!!! (well, morning here anyway!)

Mary thank you for getting us off to a terrific start today. I love reading your observations that you make in so many of your posts. I find myself just nodding my head and saying "yep, yep, yep" (sometimes aloud!!) right along with you. NEVER would I EVER have thrown perfectly good (or even bad) wine away. Never. I would have guzzled it too. Special congratulations on the way you worked through a minor pre-party tension with hubby as well. I too need better strategies for that situation. That would have been a huge excuse to drink even MORE before the guests arrived in my past life.

Mo congrats on Day 4 and the exercise already! Random note: I love your avatar. Last summer we painted my home office a really light bright shade of green. I have rasberry colored accents in here. I took some pictures of our own rasberry bushes and still have not gotten one blown up and printed to hang in here. That's what I think of every time I see your avatar. So you are motivating me to get something done that I've procrastinated, even though you were unaware.

Det, how are you feeling? I hope your blue funk is passing since NY Eve. You too have influenced my life. Every time I see "garlic" in a recipe, or grab any form of garlic here in my kitchen, I think "Deter Spice!!"

Hi Mame! How is little Wookie?

Hula girl it takes time to move along the path to sobriety and start to incorporate (practice!) doing activities we used to drink through while NOT drinking. I believe in putting my own sobriety first, and taking it slow through that mine field. To this day I still say "no" to certain things where I don't feel ready to be around a lot of drinking in certain situations. For me the thing I am NOT ready to do yet is any "hanging out" in a bar with friends. I just don't feel up for it so I avoid that entirely. Of course we are all different and sometimes there are things we HAVE to get used to first, because we CAN'T get out of it. On the food choices front, it is common to crave sugar - that's what alcohol is to your body so your body will happily take sugar OR alcohol. Of course eating sweets is better than drinking, but I think you will find your overall cravings diminish if you get rid of the sugar and "get through" a few uncomfortable days with that. L-Glutamine helps with sugar AND alcohol cravings. Just 2 cents for whatever it's worth! Happy Sunday in Hawaii - I wish I was there with you to go for a nice long walk!

I was asked yesterday what prompted me to drink so much. This is a question that has been pondered here in the forum a lot too. Of course everyone has their own unique answer. For me, the reasons I started drinking in my teens were things like "to fit in." "To rebel against parental control." The usual stuff it seems for teenagers. But for the last 20 or more years, those reasons did not apply. And it just seems to me that anything else was just an excuse to feed my addiction. I drank because I'm addicted to alcohol, and my body was craving a fix all the time. The stuff I told myself like "I drink after work to relieve stress" or "I can't take it when Mr. Doggy does XYZ" or or or.... That was all just excuses to feed my addiction. At least that's the way I see it for me. Anyone else want to weigh in on that one as a topic for today?

I'm feeling very happy inside of myself today. Not sure what I will do - I have a busy week ahead so I am giving myself the freedom today to just do whatever I feel like doing as the day goes by. The one sure thing on the agenda is going to SMART Face to Face. Todays topic should be a good one - where do you want to be six months from now. Funny how those questions sound simple and straight forward but can tongue tie me!

Have a wonderful day in Ab-land!

DG

[irish eyes]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Hi Doggygirl
I get alot from your postings, I kind of have latched on to you ( 10 stone heavier eh! - u talked about SMART day to day topics. Where do I locate that?

[brittzak]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

reteach...well done!!!!!!!

Dets didnt know you had been in a funk...hope all is better now. havent had time to read last couple of days.

All is good in my world. Had a few friends over myself yesterday. Several were drinking ...I did fine. I can be around it now without any urge to partake at all. One fella ...fiance to my friend...he was about drunk when they got here. He is in some bad shape. I have talked to him a couple of times as I am very iopen about my sitauation. He knows my stryggles. I try not to be pushy, just informative....fine line there. I don't wanna send him running for the hills. People DO NOT want it SHOVED down their throats...if they are not ready. I don't think he is. He KNOWS he is no longer a HAPPY drunk..that is what he said to me. I told him yeah...that is when I knew it was time to QUIT. Anyway, by 8:30 she was taking him home....he was barely walking...NO ONE else was in this shape. He must have been SLAMING beers. I felt such embarrassment for my friend. Made me wonder HOW MANY times have I done that to my family????

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

irish eyes;509828 wrote: Hi Doggygirl
I get alot from your postings, I kind of have latched on to you ( 10 stone heavier eh! - u talked about SMART day to day topics. Where do I locate that?

Hi Irisheyes! SMART Recovery?. I like attending their on-line meetings, and I'm lucky enough to have a Face to Face group that meets in my town. The Smart Recovery tools are geared towards learning to change our thinking to the rational, rather than the irrational. I find it complimentary to My Way Out, and I find the thinking tools very helpful not only with booze, but in other areas of my life as well. Good luck to you!

Britt that makes me sad hearing of your friend's fiance. I too shudder to think of the times *I* thought I was fine but I'm sure embarassed the snot out of my husband / friends / family...... :egad:

DG

[retteacher]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

I'm up & feeling great today. Why did I drink? I think there were reasons in the beginning:
-stress relief
-social lubricaton
-reward for job well-done
-etc.

But, after a while, it was all about the drinking & the new alcoholic pathways in my brain. My alcoholism was progressive. I didn't always drink a whole big bottle of wine in a day. I didn't always polish off a bottle of vodka in a weekend. After drinking so much for quite a few years, my mind just needed it. It was a need & a very bad habit. I began to associate drinking w/many, many activities:
-entertaining
-upsetting situations
-Friday, Saturday, Sunday
-boredom
-etc.

I'm finding a new way to navigate the world. MWO has played a huge part in all that. Coming here & speaking has revealed so much to me. Now, my main job is to NOT pick up a drink each & every day.

I'm feeling strong right now, but I know that can change in a second if I let down my guard. I must remember that I have a potentially fatal disease. Add liquor & I activate it. It's as simple as that.

Love, Mary

[brittzak]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

I'm feeling strong right now, but I know that can change in a second if I let down my guard. I must remember that I have a potentially fatal disease. Add liquor & I activate it. It's as simple as that.

AMEN

[Cinders]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Good Morning Abbers,

Good thread.

I am not sure WHY I started drinking, it was at a very young age. I do recall that coming home from work (I was 18 at the time and it was legal drinking age) and drinking a couple glasses of wine or sherry would really relax me and let me get over the edginess of the day.

I also recall that at parties, it was simply de facto that I would drink a lot. Until drunk.

After I got married at age 18 (what was I thinking???), my drinking at parties was still in large quantities but at home not so much. Over the years, as I had children, then went back to school and started working, a large bottle of wine would last quite a while.

Over time, I drank more and more. Progressive, as they say. When I started traveling, it was a nightly experience to drink 3 - 5 glasses a night at the hotel bar while chatting with other lonely travelers.

After my gastric bypass, that 3-5 was way too much. The progression of the alcoholism sped up. I found myself unable to curb my drinking and always drank to black out.

Then I found MWO and my view of myself (had gotten really down on myself) changed and I realized I was not the only one out there. I was not alone and others were struggling lile myself to control something that was not easily controlled.

Today, I slip and fall and fail at times but I also spend days sober.

I want to stay sober forever. I love myself sober.

Love,
Cindi

[BridgetJones1998]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Good morning everyone!

reteacher- congrats on your dinner party. wow, you are doing great. i am so proud of you. i have been reading your posts. you are one stong woman and are making great progress. keep up the great work! I hope to be able to entertain again in the future!

mohun - awesome that you have already exercised!!! i set the alarm and ignored it. you are my hero! my new years resolution is to start exercising in the morning so no excuses come between me and my exercise!!! now, no time left. need to get ready to take care of the 2 year olds at church. i have always gone in with a hangover doused in cologned and wondered how long it would be before they "fired me" from my nursery duties for being a drunk and a fake. needless to say, changed a poopy diaper with a massive hangover is not a pleasant experience. today, i'm actually excited to see those little mischeivious faces and don't even mind the poopy diaper.

Det - you are doing great! nice to see you this am. Have always loved the garlic, not just for breakfast anymore.. been meaning to tell you that.

Auntie Mame - good morning. Pink dogs - cute!

hulagirl - packin an extra 20 myself. I'm early in this also and haven't really focused on the intake but am now. Don't feel like I've been eating THAT badly with the topa but it didn't take my appetite like it did others. I just found "other" things that would taste good. I guess I just have the metabolism of a snail. need some exercise.

DG - you're my hero! thanks for all of your inspiring posts. you are doing great! wish they had a SMART recovery. nothing even close to me. I need to sign up. WIP mentioned it to me. She is AWESOME also, good morning WIP if I don't make it back on to greet you also. Also, DG, I think there is something to the sugar thing, I am going to cut carbs as well. Keep up the great work and thanks for the inspiring posts.

Irish Eyes - good morning. we're gonna get rid of this weight girlfriend! (read your post). Maybe DG can get us through it! Keep up the good work on the AF!

Brizz - sorry about your friend. I have a friend in a similar situation. It is really sad to see someone you care about going through what you went through when you know how much better life can be.

Well, I am feeling... well... content. Content is not a word I have been able to use to describe myself in probably 20 years. I would have said, restless, depressed, on edge, aggitated, but CONTENT? And even HAPPY??????? Spent a wonderful day with my family yesterday and realized how much time I have wasted spending time with that dam bottle of wine, ignoring everyone else in my life. It's gonna be a great 2009.

I love this daily thread. You guys are great. I haven't been able to post much this week b/c work has been incredibly busy and I have been at the busiest clinic. But I have gotten online every day and read all the posts from all of you and I want to say THANK YOU! I love the upbeat positive nature of this forum and the support it provides everyone. I know I am in the honeymoon phase and the dog days will surely come (and the beast has made his presence known on several occasions!). But I am committed and, with your help and encouragement, look forward to a great 2009! I hope to give back to everyone who has helped me!

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Hey Mary! Fabulous! What a wonderful description of your evening... and I love your insight about the things we TELL ourselves about "why we are/were drinking so much." I agree... for me, too, they were excuses. I was not consciously deceiving myself when I said that I "needed" a drink to get through a difficult time, but I certainly WAS choosing to ignore the reality of how alcohol was not helping me at ALL, in stressful situations. I think that we pick up these "excuses," or reasons, from popular culture, and advertising (as well as other sources), which tell us that alcohol is good for us in various ways. And the truth is that, in small amounts, it is enjoyable for some people... so, as usual, the lies and excuses we use have a small degree of truth in them; and that makes them harder to shake, harder to get rid of. Our minds are very, very tricky; always making up excuses to justify doing whatever it is that our knee-jerk, highly emotion-based ("flight or fight"), brain circuitry tells us we need to do. The problem, of course, is that sometimes our brain circuitry is wrong: for example, we don't "need" to flee a social situation in which we feel uncomfortable, and we don't "need" to physically attack a person who has just insulted us. What we really need to do, sometimes, is use our frontal lobes to control the impulses created within our mid-brain, or limbic system...

So, why do/did we start drinking in the first place... that's a more difficult question, I think. I grew up in an alcoholic family, in which it was clearly modeled by the adults that drinking was a very important and highly valued activity for grown-ups... And, once I started, I very quickly found that it was something I was unable to adequately control. I simply liked it more than my friends did. And I think that is a reflection of the genetic component... a difference in physiology...

OK: on to the important stuff! The stove-top smoker! It was FABULOUS! Worked beautifully, the tray was just the right size for 5 boned, skinned chicken thighs. I cooked them about 30 minutes and the smoke flavor was just amazing, AND the seal for the box lid was tight enough that it did NOT fill my kitchen with smoke; in fact, the leakage was so minor that I wasn't sure, at first, that it was working. Amazing! I'm sure I'll be using it a lot!

I hope everyone has a great day!

Welcome Irish Eyes! Hula Girl... like others said... it WILL get easier, you will grow in self-confidence, just stick with your plan/program, stick around here...

[on my way]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Mary, you sound great, so glad you had such a nice party. All those little tools only work when you use them, glad you had a good arsenal in line.

More freezing rain came over night…yippee!!

Indoor soccer starts up again this week so I will be hauling the OMW crew all over the tri-county area…but I love it!

Be well and be happy. nat