AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

p.s., cross posted, hey Bridget! Great to see you here! And yeah... those 20 pounds... I've got 'em, too. I am weaning myself off the Christmas chocolate... and working hard on my exercise routines... Let's see how that works out! I did lose a good 10 pounds, or down a pants size (I never weigh myself, I get too competitive and neurotic about it), when I first quit drinking. Then... the plateau...

[ready2change]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Happy Sunday morning all you abbers! Another day in soberland for me. I don't know why but I feel so positive this time (obviously not my first attempt at quitting). I feel comfortable now to "fess up" to my New years eve antics. I did so with my husband yesterday, but he really wasn't interested, as he is just as guilty as I alot of the time.

Those that know me, know I only drink white wine, really only one brand and usually only one bottle at a sitting. I haven't really had any "hard" liquor for several years. I CANNOT tolerate alcohol of any kind any longer, but I cannot get it thru to my thick alcoholic brain, so I drink trying to relive past memories of when I enjoyed it (which I'm not sure if there ever was a time?), Anyways, last week I drank for a couple of nites and by Wed (NY eve) I felt like crap!! One of those, I feel like I wanna die days...so while I was walking my doggy, I thought..hmmmm...if I hurry, I can run down to the local bar and have a quick bourbon and soda??? (where did that come from?) and still make my hair appt (which I was dreading, feeling as crappy as I did).

Then I remembered, I don't hang out at bars, what if I saw someone I knew? And I would look like a total loser downing a drink in 10 minutes. So I hopped in my car and sped down to the nearest liquor store. They didn't have any small bottles of bourbon, so I bought a medium sized one. I hurried home with my "treasure" and poured myself a stiff one. Ahhh...that 5 minute relief you get. I wasn't "drunk" so I drove the 2 blocks to my hair appt (stupid none the less, specially on NY eve).

Got home, had one more and some wine with dinner (as I hid my bourbon from hubby who would have gladly turned it into a binge for himself)....and passed out around 8:00. Doesn't that sound like fun??? I am happy to report that the next morning when I woke up, I was scared to look at that bottle to see how much I drank, but luckily it was 3/4 full...so not that much. I poured it out immediately. Man did I feel like a pathetic loser. But I think it was a good lesson for me. Scared straight or something like that.

I have not looked back nor had any cravings since. I bought the Suzanne Sommers book that DG recommended "Ageless" about bio-identical hormone therapy and feeling excited about my life again. I want to feel like DG and Suzanne do at this juncture of my life. I am tired of wasting it away...I want to feel alive again (if indeed I EVER did feel that way). Alcohol has been a major part of my life since I was a teenager, and if I could only do it all over again, would I do it different.

DG asked what got us started, and my reasons would be mostly like everyone else's here. I vividly remember my "first" drinking experience as a young teenager and it was over the top and not pretty, and it has never stopped since that day. Until now. Thank you my friends for being here and sharing your stories, it gives me compassion and hope and a feeling that I CAN have a better life. It is mine for the taking, and I'm gonna grab it by the...."horns"..(bet you thought I was gonna say something else!!).

Nough rambling, everyone have a great day! Be the best you can be at what ever you do.

R2C

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Thanks Mary for starting our thread of with such an inspirational story! I'm in a bit of a rush to get to Sunday School and Church, so don't have time to comment much.
My drinking style also changed over the years. I started drinking way to young, not really sure why, but pretty sure it was because my older boyfriend drank, so why not. A lot of us did. No one really told me how wrong it was. In high school we drank most weekends, some weekdays. In college--we were legal and it was great fun to drink openly with friends! Continued drinking too much on weekends, made bad choices as far as drinking and driving, but still didn't see a problem. Married an alcoholic--i quit drinking for awhile to "help" him, which didn't. In counseling I was told I had an addictive personality, so I should be careful--but I wasn't. After the divorce I started drinking and smoking more. Met current hubby who was a big partier...fun, fun, fun. Pregnancies sucked because everyone else was partying and I couldn't. After several years of this lifestyle--too much partying on weekends, I started to get tired of feeling like shit. We were drinking beer almost nightly. Now it was just a stupid habit, and not that much fun anymore. But it was all I knew.
'

Ok, this has gotten way too long--sorry for that. I'll be back later.:h

[retteacher]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

R2C: Your story of last week brought back so many memories of my giving in to an impulse. It always ended up as you did (or worse). I think that sharing that story is so helpful to me in that I connected w/the feelings of regret & remorse which is something I forget when I'm in the throes of wanting to drink or of drinking that first one. Yes, that first 5 minutes is why I drank to excess. All other drinks after the first one is a steep downward plunge. However, I tend to forget that. I think that's the gift of MWO. Coming here helps so much to keep me from forgetting the downside of drinking.

I haven't always been an alcoholic, but I've always wanted more than everyone else. When others stopped drinking, I wanted to continue. When I'm around normal drinkers (as I was last night), I realize all over again how I could NEVER drink that way.

Mary

[dill]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Mary's story about why is pretty much my story, too. Although, I can add that I was advised to drink by a doctor! In my early 30's while raising my two very young (at the time) children, I started having some trouble with my eyes. I would have flashing lights and later, dark 'floaters' in my vision field. I went to an eye doctor and he told me my eyes were OK, but that it was likely an event caused by stress. He recommended a glass of wine in the late afternoon/evening! Well, as you can imagine, I liked that advice and took it!
R2C, I can SO relate to your NYE story! I can totally picture me doing the same, or worse!
Now I am on day four AF. I am definitely in the battle! Here's a story I posted in the '09 week #1 thread that maybe you can relate to:

"I would like to share something that happened today that shows just how close we can come to caving in: I was at the grocery today. Every now and then the thought of buying some wine as well as groceries popped into my brain. Well, actually MORE than every now and then! It was almost a constant conversation going on in my brain as I shopped. Well, I was almost through the store and was buying some deli items at the instore deli, which is right next to the instore wine shop. I was pretty darn close to giving in and buying that bottle of chardonnay when I reached into my pocket to pull out my grocery list to double check and make sure I hadn't forgotten anything. I pulled out the piece of paper and much to my surprise, it was my "other" list! It was a list I had made and stuffed into my pocket about the negative consequences of my drinking! I had forgotten all about it. It was just what I needed at that particular moment of extreme weakness. I read it, stuck it back in my pocket and pushed my cart on past the wine shop and to the check out! WHEW!
Sorry this is so long. I just thought it was an amazing little coincidence and I'm grateful it happened."

[Tom 4.0]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Good morning Abbers!

I'm short on time, but I wanted to check-in and say hi to everyone. It's been two months Alcohol Free and I am doing great. Thanks again being here!

Mary, you struck a chord when you wrote that alcohol made you feel tense & obssessed. I now see that it affected me the same way, eventually causing me to be introverted and reclusive. That was then and this is now; time for me to get out of my shell!:H

[charlee]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Morning everyone
This holiday season seems to go on forever....We had New Years Day with hubby's family, and today I am hosting a huge Italian dinner for 12..... I am so looking forward to tomorrow, getting back to a routine and be done with the last of the holdiay cooking!!!....Need to get back to the kitchen...Hope everyone has a great Sunday....

[Delta Moon]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Hi all- I'm new to the AF board. I am planning to be alcohol free these next two weeks and need to be with other AF'ers while I take this step in my recovery. This will be the longest time I have been free for years and years. I am enjoying reading your posts and learning with you all.
Blessings for your day
St. J

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

St. John, welcome!

Dill, good going on 4 days AF! and Tom 3.0: 2 months!!! Fantastic!!

Hi Nat, R2C, LV, Charlee, and everyone here (I think I'm missing some of the early birds... DG...? Hi y'all...)

[SAUSAGE]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Hi everyone

Been swimming this morning, taken down the Christmas decorations this afternoon (always depressing - normally I do it with a glass of something - as when I put them up! - this year it was a mug of tea!!) Interesting thread (as always)....reasons why I started drinking;

Initially

Socially - as others did it
To celebrate things - special occaions

Gradually this developed to;
After hard days to relax in the evening
Then quite quickly;
After any day to relax in the evening - particuarly after having kids when I didn't get out at night any more and was always tired, physically and mentally and wanted a "boost"
If I was bored
If I was fed up
If I was unhappy
If I was happy
If I was worried
If I was sad
If I was tired
If I was hungry
For any reason really
And then every evening I coudn't stop - I would drink every night, over a few weeks just a little more each night -

And then I realised I had a problem
I felt guilty and worried - but I didn't see the need to do anything about it.

I then realised I needed to do something about it but didn't / couldn't

And now I'm trying, and thanks to everyone here - I hope I'm getting there!




As a habit to relax in the evning

[Cinders]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

It sounds like so many of us started in the same way and progressed in the same way.

Now, as WIP says, we have to use our frontal lobes to combat our limbic brain.

Our limbic brain, the part of the brain that is there for survival instincts, has "learned" that alcohol is a necessity.

Our frontal lobes, the ones we use for reason, know better.

Our "job" as it were, is to insure the frontal lobes keeps winning the battle.

Eventually, the limbic part of our brain will figure out it doesn't need the alcohol.

At least that is how I understand this whole thing.

Oh, and there is there is the seratonin, dopamine stuff that makes us feel like crap until our brains get those regulated again.

Love,
Cindi

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Morning everyone!

I started to drink because my parents and the rest of my family drank. They always drank to get drunk. Unfortunately for me a few years ago, I started to really enjoy drinking a bottle of wine after work. It was my reward for a hard day done. I switched over to Vodka because I was getting fat on wine. You see, my vain brain wasn't having that. Once I got hooked on Voddy - that was it. Drinking in the mornings was at my worse.

My mother has now progressed into severe alcoholism after 10 years of drinking wine nightly and now drinking vodka. My father has always been a drunk. A functional one, however. My sister is an alcoholic and drinks nightly. Such a sad family really.

Funny, I NEVER drank while pregnant. I am glad that I wasn't that selfish to harm my unborn. I must have a brain in there somewhere.

To this day, I cannot drink Vodka without getting really sick. Mid December before my court date, I had a 2 day binge which was VERY ugly. I was slamming shots in my bedroom closet. How pathetic is that. I was throwing up after a couple of hours doing that. It didn't stop me from drinking the next day however. God, just reflecting on this makes me feel like such a loser!

Anyway, a new life is evolving for me. I had finally had it with the self destructing behaviour. No more binges! I can go for quite a while without drinking and then WHAM! I give into a binge due to stress or plain old boredom. I am very clear about what triggers these binges, and now have enough in my toolbox to avoid them at all costs. I HAVE to. I will die otherwise.

Interesting topic. Thanks for getting it started. Much love to all of you. We are all winners because we fight every day for a better, healthier, happier life. xoxoxo

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Happy Sunday ABerooos!

big welcome to Dill and St John.

funk has passed, doing fine now thank you all so much for caring. for those that missed the news I had slurped a small flute of bubbly at midnight on NY's eve and it really sent me into a depressive state. I worried so much I became physically ill.

off to take a gunsmithing class today which should be interesting. those fine motor skills were once so impaired with booze that such endeavors would never been attempted.

I started drinking because it was the tough, manly thing to do. From the very first time I got truly drunk at age 10 something 'clicked' in my brain and never went away. In High school I'd host or attend partys that were just excuses to drink enormous volumes of whatever was cheap. Long after all my friends were passed out all over the floor I'd be sitting up doing shots mumbling to myself. how morbid. I think my youth must have looked a lot like a Quentin Torrentino movie LOL.
so indeed the limbic region of my brain has short circuited my frontal cortex to some extent and made me susceptible to al much more so than the average person. thankfully that faulty circuitry can remain harmlessly dormant forever so long as it's not activated with al.

be well friends

[retteacher]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Dill: If that wasn't God, the universal spirit, a higher power, or whatever looking out for you, I don't know what is. Thanks for sharing. Mary

[Miss Behaving]

AF Daily - Sun. - Jan. 4

Some good thoughts today and very timely for me as I've been thinking lot about why I started, and more importantly the things that happened that meant that I stopped being a "normal" drinker and tipped over into alcoholic drinking. For me it was the end of my first really serious relationship in my late 20s, when I discovered that he was having a relationship with someone else ....... but also coupled with the discovery that I couldn't have kids (I wanted 10!!), and a big restructuring at work which took away a whole lot of job options. Talk about the end of the golden weather!

If I knew than what I know now, I would have done things very differently. As it was, I drank - heavily and constantly. And got into several completely unsuitable and very destructive relationships along the way. I completely wasted 12 years of my life. But what is done is done.

Anyway, not much time today - we head off tomorrow for our "yomp" and wont be back until Sunday, and I need to organise a few things for that.

WIP - thanks for the stuff on tolerating emotional distresss int he tool box thread - it is really helpful