Announcement

**A Work in Progress** · January 5, 2009, 06:44 AM

AF Daily - Monday January 5

Got up at 4:30 am, could not sleep.... I don't do that much any more, I'm happy to say...

Went to see the new (?) film "Doubt" last night. Wow! Very well done, and very thought-provoking! And it was a step in the right direction for me in making '09 a good year... getting out in the evenings with friends!

I've got some personal challenges, along with "mother" stuff and ongoing work stuff, to continue dealing with this year. I have an ex-partner who was continuing to live here in the house with me (financial reasons), and who has recently moved out. She's renting my mother's house now, for a very low rent, and helping me to get it back into good condition (Mother let it get run-down). And that's mostly a good thing; but a few ongoing tensions in the relationship sometimes flare up, and sometimes become triggers for me, bringing up anger, resentment, impulses to drink. I need to do some work there, to clarify boundaries, expectations, etc. Not my favorite stuff to work on!

DG, I agree with you about the "why did you continue drinking" question. It was a matter of feeding the addiction, pure and simple. I often felt like a robot, going for my alcohol doses at the appointed hour, and pouring them down my throat, regardless of my very real understanding that it was killing me...

I hope everyone has a good day! DG I admire you for doing those cold calls... that is really hard to do!

**cassy** · January 5, 2009, 06:57 AM

AF Daily - Monday January 5

Hi

just picking up on your comment about being like a robot..it clicked with me.as thats what I do.work day over. chores done..go and get the wine out 9pm or thereaboutsand have several large glasses.

I,m due a medical in June 2009 ..i hope i can say with honesty " i dont drink" or I drink less than government guidelines for women..i think 1 bottle wine is 9 units ..times however many days i drink that amount

worse still i,m sure my memotry is on the blink from drinking..hopefully not irreversibly due to the shrivelled brain.

good luck to all memebers for today

regards Cassy

**BridgetJones1998** · January 5, 2009, 07:06 AM

AF Daily - Monday January 5

Good morning Abbers!

Wow DG, you are successfull b/c you make a plan and stick to it. I hit the snooze again this morning so already running behind. I have an hours worth of work to complete from home before I go to work so I won't get my workout in before I go to work. Therefore, I MUST get it in this evening. FINALLY weighed this am (WIP, I'm like you.. don't like the scale.). I found it necessary to have an objective measure of my health and fitness goals for this year (for me). I plan to weigh every week for the next 3 months to make sure I stay on track. I went grocery shopping last night and bought lots of vegetables and fish, chicken (boy, I wish I had one of those steamers!, may have to purchase one!) and already have my lunch packed. Despite, the workout snaffu, which WILL be completed this evening, I think I am off to a good start.

Have a GREAT day DG and WIP! And all Abbers to come!

As far as why do I drink. To feel better, temporarily...To numb the pain. The internal pain, lonliness, self-loathing, and the depression..... and then wake up feeling horrible, more depressed, hating myself more for drinking and then start again to stop the pain ..... and the cycle continues....

**Marshy** · January 5, 2009, 07:08 AM

AF Daily - Monday January 5

Morning DG & Wip & all to come,

Bitterly cold here. I'm not working today so off to the gym for a few hours.
DG, I hope business is picking up for you. Cold calls - bluuggecch. I was in business for a while (very briefly!) and that was one of the worst parts for me.

Wip, that whole fallout when a relationship ends is a nightmare isn't it? I always want to cut all ties immediately and never, ever, ever see them again (running away from emotions, moi?? :H) but it's not always that easy!
In fact, when I was in business it was with an ex (although she was current at the time, if you see what I mean) and when we split up and the business went belly-up, we were living together, had a joint bank loan for the business, jointly owned computer equipment, and had to deal with folding up the business when we were having a hard time even being civil to each other.
Oh god, it's making me feel queasy remembering it all!

Have a good day everyone!

**on my way** · January 5, 2009, 07:43 AM

AF Daily - Monday January 5

Yikes, 5 posts already, I thought I was getting here early. The kids are out the door for school after the long holiday break, so this mama says Ahhhhhhhhh! I have so much to catch up on. Mr. OMW is home late this morning due to a meeting and getting in my way, hope he leaves soon.

The first of this year I made a very conscious mental decision that I am a non drinker. I had previously stopped drinking but some where in my twisted little brain I have never let the notion go that maybe, someday...you know. BUT that is gone now and I have the most excellent sense of mental peace at this point. Who knew it would be this nice?? It’s ironic because I have lost roughly 5 pounds in 4 days. I am kinda doing south beach but my own variant and I cheat. Have never lost like that before. I think stress hormones were in play there or at the very least stress hormones were keeping my flab there. I attribute the change of thinking to the reduction in my stress and waistline.

So with that, I am outa here to run and taking mini man to school, then find some idle task to waste my morning with,

natster

**A Work in Progress** · January 5, 2009, 08:02 AM

AF Daily - Monday January 5

Marshy;510743 wrote: when we split up and the business went belly-up, we were living together, had a joint bank loan for the business, jointly owned computer equipment, and had to deal with folding up the business when we were having a hard time even being civil to each other.
Oh god, it's making me feel queasy remembering it all!

Oh, Marshy, it makes me queasy just reading about it!!! Yikes!! Good to have THAT behind you, right???

I think I'll be single for a long, long time...

**A Work in Progress** · January 5, 2009, 08:03 AM

AF Daily - Monday January 5

on my way;510763 wrote: Y I have the most excellent sense of mental peace at this point. Who knew it would be this nice?? It’s ironic because I have lost roughly 5 pounds in 4 days. I am kinda doing south beach but my own variant and I cheat. Have never lost like that before. I think stress hormones were in play there or at the very least stress hormones were keeping my flab there. I attribute the change of thinking to the reduction in my stress and waistline.

Wow, Nat!!! That's fantastic!

Hey, Bridget... hope you have a good week!

Welcome, Cassy!

**retteacher** · January 5, 2009, 08:04 AM

AF Daily - Monday January 5

Hi Everyone:

Icy day, icy roads here, so I can't go to my volunteer job at g-son's school. Why did I drink recently? Yes, the addiction settled in within the last 5 - 7 years. I did have days when I didn't drink, but most days I did...& a lot. I always had the idea that THIS would be my last binge, but alas, it wasn't. My head goes around w/obssessive thinking, & I think that drinking was the only thing that calmed it down. That was the excuse I gave myself for pouring the first one. And yes, I did get a little mental relief. However, the downside was the:
-sick feeling
-forgetfulness
-slurring
-black-out
I've been trying out meditation as a method for calming the mind. It seems to help.

But, the truly miraculous change is joining MWO. I could never have achieved the success that I've found here. I've had ups & downs, but on the whole, since joining in Apr. 07, I've had more success than I could have imagined.

I've got all zeros in DrinkTracker for 2009, & I'm keeping it that way. It hasn't been easy slipping & coming back here & confessing, but I think that was something I had to do. I couldn't leave MWO, because that would have been the beginning of the end for me. So, I'm on track & going for it. Today I'm going for a mammogram & bone scan, & if they ask me if I drink, I'm saying "no, I'm a non-drinker."

Mary

**ready2change** · January 5, 2009, 09:14 AM

AF Daily - Monday January 5

Happy Monday morning all! Isn't it great to up up early and clear headed? Welcome to all who are new to this thread, it's a great group here.

Thanks yesterday to Mary and Dill for relating to my lovely NY's eve story :-( I'm so glad that is behind me. I made it thru the entire 4 days off without a craving, even though my husband (who said he would stop drinking after the New Year and for medical reasons) continued to drink wine all weekend.

He hasn't even noticed that I stopped. How self absorbed alcohol makes us. So off to a new work week in 2009. Not really looking forward to it, but changes are coming soon...can't wait for them to appear.

Everyone have a great day.

R2C

**on my way** · January 5, 2009, 09:36 AM

AF Daily - Monday January 5

Bridget,

just read your story. I've had very little time to read and post over the Christmas holiday and am sorry I have not recognized you yet. You have made some significant decisions and progress. Your story is so similar to many of ours; I can empathize with you greatly. Ironically many of us are in professions which we see first had the destruction that comes with alcohol abuse….more guilt, guilt, guilt. I wish you well and am so glad you have taken a proactive stance in overcoming your problem

And for anyone else I have overlooked, I am catching up on old posts and we/I am so glad your are here.

xoxo, nat

**LVT25** · January 5, 2009, 09:36 AM

AF Daily - Monday January 5

Good morning everyone!

I have to weigh in on the why I was drinking as life went on. With me, I think it just became habit. I always said I love my beer (and ciggies) but Hated the side effect of getting drunk! I just think I did it for so long, my brain thought I needed to keep doing it. And since the act of smoking was so closely linked to the drinking--I truly think I was drinking so I could smoke a lot of the time. And that would explain why I don't have the desire to drink now. If I can't have a smoke with my beer-then what's the point? I think it also explains why the 60+ days I did AF changed the habit. With me I think it was almost all in the brain.
As I've said before, hubby is having some health issues, and has REALLY cut down his drinking. On the way to town the other night I asked him what his goal was. Did he want to quit or just cut down or??? He said it was just time to quit drinking so much of the time for no reason. I said, I agreed. He has been doing things around here that in the past required a lot of beer. I hope it sticks, I do think it is important for his health. I know he can do it, he has been better at cutting back in the past than I was. My point being, I do think it is important to retrain the brain. So MANY things I did I associated with drinking beer and smoking. Most recently, writing Christmas cards, putting up the tree, taking down the tree.... I know you get my point, a lot of you know what I'm talking about. The more times we replace those drinking habits with non-drinking habits, the easier it should get.

Ok, I am sticking with my resolution of less time on the Internet, so I'm off to do my devotions/meditation. Have a great day all! :h

**Accountable for Me** · January 5, 2009, 10:07 AM

AF Daily - Monday January 5

Ahhhhh... Monday the 5th! Kids are going to school today! Hate to say it but it has been a LONG two weeks trying to keep them happy and occupied. Whew! How exhausting.

I find out today when I am going back to work. I have been on a shortage of work lay off since December 1 and I am BORED! I have been looking at what there is of other jobs out there. Man, our economy sucks. I don't have a lot of patience to ride this layoff out; patience is something I need to work on this year. I use to have all of the patience in the world until early 2008. Now I am a snapper. I know it has to be from the yo-yo-ing AF/not AF, stress and a huge move, new career. Blah blah blah. On the good side, I joined a gym yesterday, had a great work out and feel like I let go of a lot of stress. The hot tub was great too.

Well, I must go and pack lunches.

Why did I continue to drink? I remember being a teen and although I rarely drank I loved the euphoria it gave me. As I got older, I didn't really think about drinking often. I never drank during the work week but after my first divorce I did go out to clubs and drink on the weekend. It wasn't until 2003 that I started to buy wine after work. I only did this as a treat after a hard day. Well, it ended up becoming a daily thing after a couple of months. Then it skyrocketed from there. I was living alone as my eldest was living with her dad and his wife at the time. I was bored and lonely. I found that temporart comfort in the wine in the evenings. Just me, my cat and my wine. It was fun. After a few months of this however, my addiction came out in full force. It was downhill from there. Switched to vodka, started to drink upon awakening.... did some things at work I am not proud of and that I have been prosecuted for, ended up losing everything.

Anyway, on that note I know that because I hung around other alcoholics and pretty much was abandoned by my family etc... I kept on drinking. I look back and shake my head. Thank God for finding MWO. I have been able to get a ton of sober days in since 2006, and am continually growing and learning here. I thank God for each and everyone of you for being such huge motivators.

There is nothing good that comes with drinking when you have blossomed into alcoholism. Nothing. I don't feel guilty anymore for the things I have said and done while being in the drinking abyss. I think that is a huge step in the recovery process. I DO have to work on my confidence and self esteem and this will be the year for it.

xoxoxoxo

**veritas** · January 5, 2009, 10:12 AM

AF Daily - Monday January 5

It is early evening here and I've ony just made it. Went for a short jog early morning and then hit the office.
From there the day did not progress well. My first client was from the wine industry. She spent a lot of time talking about the profits that they had made on their best seller.. the wine I used to drink.

That was followed up by 2 financial shocks...:upset:

By 3 o clock, all I wanted to do was open a bottle of wine, the kind my first client had been waxing lyrical about.
I had planned to pay my telephone account on the way home, but I thought, "Go straight home, do not stop, not pass go Once home I made myself a big Omlette... with coffee and chocolate..

I have still not paid my telephone account, but I'm still sober.

**A Work in Progress** · January 5, 2009, 10:14 AM

AF Daily - Monday January 5

Good for you, Veritas!!! That was a tough day...

Welcome Guest to My Way Out Forums.

Announcement

AF Daily - Monday January 5

AF Daily - Monday January 5

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment