AF Daily Thurs January 15th 2009

[SAUSAGE]

:welcome: everyone
will start this off and then post again - still not sure how to "mark and run!" like DG

[SAUSAGE]

AF Daily Thurs January 15th 2009

Hi all
It's a miserable dull day here in UK - still at least it's not as cold as it has been. Mr Sausage is away - not been able to exercise but both my kids are in school / nursery today so there's no excuse not to take advantage and go running or something is there!

Caught up on last night's thread quite late because I was completing my Income Tax Return (in UK they have to be in by Jan 31st, or you get fined, so very stressful as I'm not too hot on this kind of thing) Anway finally got it donw and had a quick catch up on yesterday's thread but didn't have time to post.

My S. A . D. (seasonal affective disorder) lamp is up and running - have it on whilst I work at the computer - apparently I only need an hrs light exposure a day. Today is day 3. Wonder how long it will take before I see the benefits. - Anyone else got any experience of these?

Bit of an interesting discussion emerged late last night on the AF daily about long term sobriety and what tools do you need. ie is it necessary to attend AA meetings years later after recovery - will we still all be logging on to MWO in 5 yrs time? I have a friend who's father has been sober now for 22yrs and AA is still a huge part of his life and he attends meetings several times a week still and supports newcomers etc. Regarding MWO - not sure how long the online community has been up and running and so who is our "oldest" member so to speak. As for how long we stay for - at the moment I can't envisage leaving as it is a huge part of my recovery and I can't even contemplate not logging on - and I do so every day at some point even if I dont' always have time to post - however when I first joined and went sober I was logging on up to 5 times a day. Sometimes I feel I have nothing to say (well nothing that's interesting to others anyway!!) other times I don't have time, but i'd like to think I'll stay here for a while / long term, even though my posts nay get less requent. However I try not to think too far ahead in my sobriety as I feel that's dangerous.

Must go, lots to do,- feeling quite positive today - must be that S.A.D lamp!! will check back later - have a good AF day everyone

[greeneyes]

AF Daily Thurs January 15th 2009

Quite cold here, but at least it's clear.

I don't know anything about the SAD lamp. I wonder if "the more, the better" applies.

I know I post less than in the beginning; maybe because I "need" less. I try to be supportive of those who need or want it. I'm not standing at the door with keys and a $10 in hand but I'm in dangerous waters w/ the divorce so I stick close by and try not to drone on about the issues. We are about to nickle and dime the settlement issue and estranged one has a very different idea of "fair". Raise your hand if you're suprised. So I do think of how AL would provide me with momentary relief and remind myself of how it would make things worse. But I read of others strength in their life situations and am further strengthened. Maybe that's where "strength in numbers" comes from. And the encouragement, well, it doesn't get better than this. And I'm really grateful for all of you.:l

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily Thurs January 15th 2009

Hi, Sausage, and all to come! I think that DG's "marking and running" just means putting up a post, like your first one, and then later when you have time to add something to it (like your second one), you can come back and add it to the first one, by editing it.

Yes, AAth asked an interesting question late yesterday about my experience of drinking after quitting the AA meetings. For me, in retrospect, quitting AA was definitely a part of a progression of relapse. I had begun to think of AA as being restrictive, something I hoped that I did not "need" anymore. That kind of thinking was accompanied by thinking that I surely could control my drinking.... Of course I knew I could not drink and keep going to meetings (I do know some people do that, but it certainly doesn't seem like a valid option, for me). So: I quit meetings, and started drinking again, and very soon I was back to getting drunk very regularly, i.e., NOT controlling my drinking.

That doesn't answer the question, of course, about what kind of long-term recovery support is the "minimum necessary" to keep one's mind from developing the idea that it's OK to drink again.... That's something that evolves differently for everyone. Certainly there are a lot of people who had bad drinking problems, and quit drinking on their own, and never looked back... so it certainly is possible! But it's scary for me because of my own history.

I know very well how my mind works... It's a great relief to me, now, that the option of drinking seems like a totally insane idea (even though sometimes I "want" to drink)... but how can I make sure that it always seems that way?

Busy day today, clearing off my desk so I can get out of town. One item on the "desk" is visiting Mother, and I'll be very glad when I can cross that one off the list.

[retteacher]

AF Daily Thurs January 15th 2009

Hi Sausage & Greenie: MWO is such a big part of my recovery that I don't see myself tapering off any time soon. I do read on long-term abs & see people w/years of sobriety share there. I don't think they share as much as they did when they first came. When I came to MWO, I was all over all of the forums. Now, I pretty much stick to this one thread, occasionally going to the story, long-term, & research threads. There are certain sharings I find helpful. In the beginning, I liked the ODAT on beginners. I guess I feel I've graduated somewhat. Also, I don't like reading threads where people are questioning whether to mod or not. I've made the decision not to & that's that. I know abs isn't for everyone, but it's definitely got to be for me...end of story.

As for AA: I too know people who have made it a way of life. I've done that w/Alanon & am the better for it. I don't love every meeting I go to, but I get something out of each one. I read the literature & socialize w/the other members I know & like. I use Alanon (which have the same principals as AA) as a tool for my recovery. I need all the help I can get at this point.

I know that drinking was killing me emotionally, spiritually, & physically. I will go to any lengths to rid my life of AL. It was that destructive.

I've been doing an excellent job w/my 3 resolutions. I'm feeling good about myself. I moving my life forward & letting my loved ones do the same w/theirs. The key to my recovery is keeping the focus on myself.

I'll be back later. Greetings to all that will come.

Mary

[retteacher]

AF Daily Thurs January 15th 2009

Hi Wippy: We were posting at the same time. M

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Thurs January 15th 2009

Good day to all in AF-Land and thank you Sausage for getting us off to a positive start today. Maybe it IS that SAD lamp! I've never used one but have heard very good things about them - and the overall good effects of getting enough light each day (the right kind, whatever that kind is!) in the winter. Taxes. Bleh. Don't like talking about those. I'm really glad we have an accountant who does our actual filings but it's still a lot of busy work here with the book keeping.

Greenie, I was catching up on yesterdays thread before posting here, and I made a note when I read your post about how WONDERFUL you sound over the last several months and how far you have come since those dark days of face planting and so forth - the stuff we all remember with trepidation. I'm sure it feels a bit scary to walk through this time of the year again, and also to deal with estranged one and the details of your divorce. I have a feeling that once this little time period is behind you, you will feel like you are SOARING with your new freedom in life. Keep on keepin' on and I say don't worry about the caffeine for now!!

Cinders - sounds like you have a very solid idea of what plan will work for you. I'm with the others - go for it! Congratulations on getting these sober days under your belt again.

Beaches - congrats on Day 6 (now 7!) AF.

Mary - watching the Vodkapades sure is a dose of reality isn't it? There wasn't much glamor in my drinking either. And the Vodkapade movies sure make it hard to fantasize up something glamorous where there wasn't any.

charlee - good for you on that dreadmill oops I mean treadmill. Sorry to hear it has a mind of it's own with re-setting! I'm guessing the endorphins still feel good.

WIP - sounds like you have a great plan to avoid the hotel/booze trap on your trip. I hope you have a really good time working on the house once you get there. And buy a scooter. You will be in FL for our anniversary! Can I come join you? It's -10 here this morning...

LVT - let's just put it this way. If my house were to catch fire, I would grab my bottles of hormones before the family picture album. Seriously. Yes, our hormones fluctuate through the day, but if for example your progesterone is low, it's fluctuating at a levels that are too low, and is probably out of balance overall with other things where balance is needed in order to feel good such as estrogen. At least that's the way I understand it. I want to hear MORE about your seminar!! Will you start a thread about it in the Health section? Let me know if you do so I can go read it. :H "0 to bitch in 10 seconds." I like to think that is a critical life skill, nurtured to perfection over the years, that has nothing to do with hormones.

M3 I am sorry to hear you have been down with the flu! I'm like you about my routine. One of these days I need to learn to be a LITTLE more relaxed with it. I get overly stressed I think, when something unexpected disrupts my plan. Like this morning when one of the electronic gates is not opening. It was dark and -10 so the manual option was not an option. But I CANNOT miss working out today! Stress stress stress. Must relax... hope you are feeling better today!

Deter congrats on 6 hours /week of exercise! Fueled by garlic I bet. Just last night we had shrimp sauteed in butter and DeterSpice for dinner!

OMW - hope you are getting unburied and the OMW famly is not going stir crazy. I'm about done with winter for this year. Bet you are too!

ABP, congratulations on reaching Day 10 yesterday! There was something that felt special about getting into double digits for me. (same when I quit smoking!) Tripple digits was cool in that same sort of way. It sounds like you are doing a lot of personal work on your sobriety in addition to just "not drinking" and that will give you an edge in this battle!

stargirl - congrats on Day 18 (now 19 I hope!). I can totally relate to a box-o-wine and carry out. Glad you made it home without the box! I hope your evening without BF went well. Having a list of things to do helps - something about writing it down. With practice you will get GOOD at filling your evenings with things other than nasty boxes!

Hi Janet! I'm so sorry to read about your friend in AA and the relapse. It can be so discouraging to think about the never ending nature of this beast. I do like the topic of longer term sobriety support plans and hope we carry that topic forward today...it's a critical one I think. Mean time, congrats on 4 months of sobriety!

Hulagirl!!! BOOZE IS NOT A REWARD IT IS A PUNISHMENT. Just think of the hangovers and then tell me it isn't so! Just a little reinforcement for Friday. YOU CAN DO THIS!!

It's been a busy week filled with some ups and downs. The weather has been a down. But what are you gonna do? Mr. Doggy has an 8:30 appointment today so hopefully he will get the gate working, or at least prop it open so I can get to Curves. I'm stressing because I didn't work out yesterday either - the roads were really nasty. Anyway - in good news my blood glucose level was in normal range as were my liver enzyme (or whatever the right word is) levels. I feel like I dodged two bullets there. But my blood calcium level is high and a quick google was pretty scary on that front. Still waiting to hear back from the doc with some questions I faxed over when she said she wants to re-test in six weeks. (i.e. - what is going to change in six weeks?)

Anyway - in good news my thoughts turned to macaroni and cheese, not booze with that news. Progress. (I didn't eat any mac and cheese so resisted the urge LOL)

I think too about long term support and really don't know what that will look like for me. One thing I have tried to focus on is having multiple outlets for support. I get different things from different support mechanisms, so I feel like that maximizes my options. Hopefully MWO and SMART on-line will both be around forever, but you never know. Same with the SMART face to face group - it's small. That's one of the reasons I keep thinking about finding a local AA meeting I like - I'm quite sure there are lots of meetings going on, and I'm pretty sure AA will always be around. Does any of that make sense? Maybe not but when did that ever stop me!!

I went to a yoga class for the first time on Monday and really enjoyed it. There were only 3 of us (some benefits of getting out there even in sort of bad weather!) and all beginners. The teacher was SUPER. I will definitely be going back to her class next Monday. I have more questions about yoga but think I will take that to abbercise!

Well, I'm off to get Mr. Doggy out the door to fix the gate and get to his appointment. Have a rockin' good AF day everyone! If you are in a warm and sunny place - ANY warm and sunny place, then I am pea green with envy about that.

DG

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily Thurs January 15th 2009

Good morning also to WIP and Mary. And also AA who I think I missed from yesterday and of course anyone else I missed in a big ol' long catch up!!

DG

[dill]

AF Daily Thurs January 15th 2009

Hi all! I just want you to know I think this is the most valuable thread to me on the MWO site! Thank you all for your generosity in sharing. I am one who needs your strength. Hope I'll be able to be a giver some day!

[retteacher]

AF Daily Thurs January 15th 2009

DG: AA has been around since the 1930's. The founder was Bill Wilson, & I've read his biog. Very interesting. So, I'm pretty sure AA isn't going anywhere. I don't know much about SMART except what I read on-line. I have their relapse prevention tools in my favs & go to them every now & then. MWO is a real mainstay for me. I hope & pray it stays here. It's been the motivator behind my getting better. I will admit that going to face-to-face Alanon & AA meetings can be very gratifying. When I make the effort to do so, I'm always glad. I go to one or the other @ 2 times per week. We'll know what is right for us as we go along. For now, I'm happy w/what I'm doing.

AAth: About a week or two ago, you said something about happiness that you got out of a book. Can you quote it for me? I loved it but can't remember the exact words.

Mary

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily Thurs January 15th 2009

Good morning everyone!

I arrived back home in the early evening last night. I am sooooo tired this morning. I slept like absolute poo!

I have a super busy day today (dread). Must get going.

Have a great day everyone!

[retteacher]

AF Daily Thurs January 15th 2009

I just wanted to mention a change I've been going through as a result of giving up AL. A while back I took a personality test & found out that I operate out of my feelings much more than my thinking. I did all I could to avoid conflict, because I didn't "feel" I could handle it. Later in life I took the AL route in order to avoid, & that became a habit & addiction. I'm now having to learn to operate out of my thinking to work my way through conflicts. It isn't easy for me. My natural inclination is to hide & avoid. Giving up AL is helping me meet life head-on & clear issues as they come up. I just wanted to mention this phenomenon about myself in hopes that others could relate & brings some of their thoughts to this. I hope all this makes sense. Thank you, Mary

[Cinders]

AF Daily Thurs January 15th 2009

Hi, all.

In a real rush here to get to rehab doc but wanted to let you all know that I am still AF and hanging in there.

I have a fight on my hands as rehab doc (saw her in AA meeting last night :H) seems to be of the same mindset at hubby, family, anybody I know, that I need to go inpatient.

I do not want to go inpatient for insurance reasons, work reasons, and personal reasons.

However, I know I am going to be told, "What got you here? Your thinking."

So, I will find out today what is going to happen.

Pray that the right thing happens for me, please.

I'll check back in later and read all posts. You guys are my pillar of strength.

Love,
Cindi

[Ripple]

AF Daily Thurs January 15th 2009

Hi everyone, its Ripp. I do so well all week. Its the damn weekend with Hubby i get into trouble. I feel real good this week, day 5 again with no problems, WHY? i don't know? Went back to AA, boy they were not happy with me not around for 1.5 months. I needed a break, its a long haul to where i go. That ONE nite throws me off for two days, its like checking out on life!!!!! Last nite hubby drank as he likes to, i'm okay with it.

This is my story for now.. Everyone be safe and happy.. at least TRY!

:l Ripple :l

[stargirl]

AF Daily Thurs January 15th 2009

Good morning,
as always it's great to see everyone in good spirits this morning! -30 with the windchill factor here...brrr
DG-Yes, I made it through 18 to 19 days. I will take your advice and make myself a list of things to do on nights such as last night. On day 4 I bought a little knitting kit targeted for kids thinking I could at least pull that off. Ha! It was a total disaster, but my disfunctional scarf at least gave me a good laugh!
Dill, just by being on the list and sharing qualifies you as a "giver"

In being so new to all of this, I have a hard time imagining having something, whether it be MYO or some sort of group ( I still have not tried aa...kinda nervous) to go to everyday. I know I need to make decisions for myself, but it really helps me when I am questioning my sobriety to come to MWO. I need the reminder that it can be done. Seeing how strong you all are, and being proud that I can actually be a "Piece" in our wonderful sobriety puzzle makes it worth it. Hope that made sence. Don't see myself sober without MWO and all of you. On a side note, one of my dad's friends has been sober 12 years, but still goes to aa weekly. One of his friends just stopped going, and relapsed over the holidays after 10 yrs. Makes you realize what a HUGE, well thought out decision it is when deciding what we need to maintain sobriety.
Well I gotta run. Doctors apt today...eeek
Make it a good day everyone