Daily Abs Thread - Friday January 16

[Doggygirl]

Marking and running!!! WHEEE!!!



DG

I'm doing things out of order today as I will be leaving soon for my regular Friday 7AM business referrals group meeting. Then a couple of errands and at 9:15, yoga with meditation. It's a balmy -16 this morning in the far SW Chicago suburbs. WIP as soon as you get that Florida house shaped up, I'm movin' in. My bags are already packed. (travel safely today WIP and I'm imagining tomorrow too in terms of travel?)

I still have to go back and catch up with the rest of Thursdays thread, but I was thinking last night about our topic of long term support for our sobriety, and something came to mind from a quit smoking support board. For those of you who are working at quitting smoking, tales from the quit is a good resource that helped me a lot. The board owner Kevin tells his "tales of the quit" and it's good reading. He has sure developed a deep understanding of addiction (it's impact on his behavior and thinking) and has a good way of telling about it.

Anyway, when it comes to the subject of relapse, Kevin says it's ALWAYS decided in advance. Might be subconscious, but it's decided in advance. Somehow we have already determined that it's "OK" for us to smoke (or I believe drink) in a particular situation that we set up. I guess I thought about this because of the exchange on the Wednesday thread where AA asked WIP if the decision to drink or to quit AA came first. I don't know the answer to the question in this example, but that's what sparked my memory of Kevin's thoughts on this. If I'm honest with myself, I can think back to my on and off the wagon days and know in my heart that my decisions to drink were NOT accidental - they were planned. Very cleverly set up in my head by my addictive voice, but planned just the same. It was "OK" long before it happened.

So I suppose my food for thought today is 1) do others agree or not with the premise that relapses ARE planned in advance and if so 2) how do we set ourselves up for success by convincing our subconscious that drinking is never OK?

(this will probably read back stupidly at a more sane hour!!!)

Until later....have a wonderful and sober one everybody!

DG

[Beaches]

Daily Abs Thread - Friday January 16

Good morning DG and all that come. It's Friday...woo hoo

[A Work in Progress]

Daily Abs Thread - Friday January 16

DG: very quickly, I will put in my 2 cents on the relapse question (which is a GREAT one): I totally agree that they are "planned in advance." Relapse is a process, not an event. We begin making subtle shifts in our attitudes, thinking, and behavior (the latter are called "apparently irrelevant decisions," or AID's) which, if not recognized and addressed effectively, take us right to the point at which we might later say: "I don't know what happened! I was doing so well!" AID's are little decisions we make about our daily activities and behavior that, when examined, are not totally "innocent," but conform to a relapse agenda...

This provides another place for me to stick in a plug for meditation, because meditation is training the mind to pay attention to what is going on in the mind. It carries over into daily life and enables us to do a much better job of being vigilant about what we are thinking and feeling about "having a drink." [Just a side note: meditation is quite easy to explain*, and it need not involve any sort of religious trappings or visualizing stuff or mantras or anything like that.]

OK I am hitting the road, it's snowing here! I'll drive to Nashville today, then tomorrow I will be in Florida.

*Meditation instructions:The most basic of all meditation instructions is this: Sit, knowing that you are sitting. In other words, sit still, noticing everything that arises: thoughts, physical sensations, noises, emotions, impulses. Pay attention to the sensations of your breathing as your primary focus of attention, and when other thoughts, noises, etc., distract you... simply, calmly, return your attention to the sensations of the breath as it goes in and out. No need to control the breathing: just let it happen. This is a form of mental exercise: training the mind (the capacity to pay attention) gently, like a puppy, to do what you are asking it to do. We are asking the mind to pay attention to... the mind.

[retteacher]

Daily Abs Thread - Friday January 16

Hi Early Risers: My relapses: I don't think they come out of nowhere as I've asserted in the past. I think the seed was planted before I acted on it. I have an attitude about life:
-I'm a good person.
-I work hard.
-I please others.
-etc.
When I start looking at that pattern in a certain light (martyr-like), I start planning my reward, escape, rebellion. WIP, I agree w/you about meditation. I've been meditating since the beginning of the year. It's been invaluable in restoring my mind to its normal sanity & balance.

Yesterday, my normally even-tempered husband was in a bad mood (awful cold weather & insipient cold). As a people-pleaser, this is usually a major upset for me. I got a little nervous w/it, but I really observed my thinking & consciously put myself on an even keel.

I've been planning, planning, planning. I don't want my life to go on hold, because I've given up drinking. I still want to be around family & friends. So, I know what I have to do to stay sober.

Take care everyone. I'll check back later.

Be careful...it's dangerously cold out there.

Mary

[dill]

Daily Abs Thread - Friday January 16

DG, and WIP, It's amazing to me how deeply you both are thinking so early in the morning! I'm still trying to lift the fog with my morning coffee! But, I'm really glad you can because now I have a thought to focus on throughout my day. I will have a new consciousness about 'slipping'. I am saying slipping because I am too early in my journey to use the word relapse. In my mind, that is something that happens after a long period of abstinence. Does that make sense to you?

Hi Beaches and Retteacher and all to come!

Have a great sober day!

[ready2change]

Daily Abs Thread - Friday January 16

Hi Abbers!! I'm still here, just been the silent, lurking type lately. I'm still sober, and I tend to agree with Dill, I have "slips" and not "relapses", because in my thought, I have NEVER returned to my old pattern of drinking, just had a "hard knocks" lesson on what it is like to drink, something I aspire NOT to do.

I wanted to share my experience yesterday, as it was a major learning curve for me. I had physical therapy late in the afternoon, I was tired and perhaps a tad bit "crabby". While going thru the motions of physical therapy, my mind started wandering to having a drink. It kept telling me it would be ok. I'm not the one with the problem, hubby is. I can quit anytime I want, just look at how good I have done. I started feeling sorry for myself. Why can't I drink and have fun like I used to? Is this what the second half of my life has become? I made a plan to stop off at a bar and just have "one". But what bar? I never go to a bar.

I didn't want to bring anything home, as hubby has just come off a binge...so I thought of sneaking something in. I was freaking arguing with myself for over an hour! So here's what I did. I stopped off at Jack in the Box (yuk) and got a taco! Food or booze, that was my choice. I chose a taco! It was quick, not too filling to spoil my dinner and it released my "craving"!

I am going to remember this and use it in the future. It really gave me some insight as to how my alcohol mind works for the first time.

And DG, I totally agree with what your saying about thoughts entering our sub-conscious mind WAY before we act out on our impulses. It has to do with our belief system and the imprints they create on our sub-conscious minds. That "argument" I was having with myself was between my conscious mind and my sub-conscious minds. The sub-conscious can be and needs to be re-trained, but it takes repetitious thoughts on a daily basis (think mantras) to "imprint" these new behaviours. I am simply fascinated with the research I have been doing on the sub-conscious.

Sorry for the long post. Everyone be safe and enjoy your day. It's FRIDAY...WoooHooo!!

R2C

[AAthlete]

Daily Abs Thread - Friday January 16

I would agree with WIP in that it is the little actions over time that build up to our relapse. All it takes is for me to open the door a crack to let it back in. I may think today about a drink for only a little bit - thinking how good just one would be - and then put it out of my mind but the damage could be done. Next time I may think about it a little longer, or try to justify it and then I am on the path to relapse.

To me it is critical to reflect and review at night so that I can deal with these types of thoughts quickly and rationally.

[on my way]

Daily Abs Thread - Friday January 16

AA and DG, anyone west of me??? send some warmer weather our way....please.

No school, again... looking like a kid work day if I get my way. These are the times when I would hang tough thru the day and have multi glasses after they were asleep, for tonight’s golden time I plan on finishing a book.

It is crucial to my sobriety that I find alone time to unwind and reflect, AA I think you have that one nailed!!

Best to all, Nat

[LVT25]

Daily Abs Thread - Friday January 16

Good Friday morning.

I'd have to agree with dill, such deep thinking so early in the morning! R2C, thanks for sharing your day with us. I had to kinda chuckle at the bar part. It's amazing what our brain will do to get us to take a drink. I keep thinking/hoping that the more time I have under my belt, eventually I'll never think about drinking again. But it looks like for most anyway, we always need to be on our guard. Good for yourR2C for thinking taco instead of alcohol!

Today I have another coalition meeting to address the issues concerning our young people. Mainly alcohol as it's very prevalent. At the last meeting some points came out that a lot of the parents know their kids drink, and don't do anything about it, or worse, are procurring for them!!! To make matters worse, one of our city cops is in our group and when asked where do the kids do their drinking--his reply was--while they're driving around in their cars!! He said some are smart enough to have a non-drinking driver however! When the kids get caught a lot of the parents will do what they can to get them out of trouble. No wonder it is such an issue! And as far as the people buying the al for the kids, I guess they have to be caught in the act before the cops can do anything.

Makes me really grateful I quit when I did. I have a 14 year old boy and a 10 year old boy that I want to have all of my faculties about me when then started gaining more independence. Plus I hope I'm setting a little better example than I was previously.

Oprah was pretty interesting to me yesterday. All about hormones and BHRT. Evidently she's having issues with her own body, this should stir things up in the medical/pharmaceutical community!

Friday again. Hubby and I will have the house to ourselves for awhile tonight. In the past this would be a great opportunity to drink like fish and then wonder who is going to drive into town and pick up the kids (either that or not let them go to the basketball game).
Now worries tonight. Maybe a fire in the woodstove and a movie.

Have a good one everybody!:h

[Marshy]

Daily Abs Thread - Friday January 16

Hi all,

I agree on drinking being planned, even if subconsciously. Looking back at it, my most recent drinking episode - a few days before Christmas - was actually set up about a month prior to that. At the end of November I went into a department store (John Lewis in Oxford Street, if anyone knows it!) and they had put all their Christmas decorations up. My thought process went: "This looks nice.... hmm Christmas.... I can get drunk on Christmas Day and it'll be OK coz it's Christmas."

This came out of the blue for me - I hadn't been thinking about drinking for quite some time - and I don't think it really went away, just swirled around in the back of my mind somewhere while all around me people were cranking up their drinking levels because of the time of year, and I couldn't have any and was definitely feeling deprived.

In hindsight it was all leading up to me drinking, and I was semi-aware of that at the time but didn't really want to examine it - maybe because I didn't want to talk myself out of drinking.

I hope everyone has a happy and safe and sober weekend!

[AAthlete]

Daily Abs Thread - Friday January 16

Sorry OMW, no warmer weather here. It was -20 outside when I looked at the thermometer this morning.

[on my way]

Daily Abs Thread - Friday January 16

:upset: Thanks any way

[Accountable for Me]

Daily Abs Thread - Friday January 16

Morning all!

I am tired, and cranky today. Still sober and feeling healthy tho!

Have a great day all!

[Mohun]

Daily Abs Thread - Friday January 16

Accountable for Me;521612 wrote: Morning all!

I am tired, and cranky today. Still sober and feeling healthy tho!

Have a great day all!

How can you be cranky? You live in Victoria....

I actually had a good nights sleep. It is the last weekday of my vacation. I am back to work on Monday and I am not looking forward to the amount of work that has piled up. :upset:

Oh well. I plan on doing nothing today. Just like I have done every other day this week.

Good luck to all...

Mo.

[ready2change]

Daily Abs Thread - Friday January 16

LVT...I'm sorry I missed Oprah...does anyone know if there is a way to view past shows? Oh, perhaps I will check out Oprah.com...duh!

I wanted to ask for your prayers/well wishes today for my Dad. He will be 83 in April and he was diagnosed with a combination of trimengal neuralgia (painful, ask Cinders) AND Bells Palsy (paralasis on the right side of his face). He has been dealing (sort of) with this double whammy (rare) for over a year now. He went into the hospital on Wed for reconstructive surgery to try to repair his grossly sagging face so he can have some normalcy??? in his life.

When this whole thing started over a year ago they had been hopeful the pain would eventually subside, which it has not, and the pain medicine he is on keeps him extremely lathargic and unable to drive and he has to use a cane to walk. He has lost any freedom he had and he is extremely depressed about this. Top it off with the disfigurement, well you can imagine.

The surgery was supposed to be out patient, but they had to insert a drain, so he is still in there as of this morining. He is not doing so well, as he was not able to get up yesterday, out of bed. He could use lots of healing energy sent his way today for a speedy recovery. He so needs it right now. Thanks for any energy you can send his way.

(I'm not very good at asking for things, which may be why I don't usually post here asking for help for myself. I just take everyones words of wisdom for my own inner strenght, thank you everyone).

R2C