AF daily - Wednesday 28th January

[Marshy]

Hello everyone,

I'm having a rare sleepless night, and have been lying awake listening to the birds tweeting outside since 4am. Don't know why they're up so early, it's going to be dark for a while yet.

It suddenly struck me that alcohol is my enemy. I'd never seen it that way before. And I'd certainly never seen it as a friend either, although I know some people do. It was always just an inanimate drug that suited my purposes. But it suddenly feels personal, like I'm in a fight. And it's a fight I WILL win, because I'm under no illusions about what will happen if I lose. So, alcohol-deflector suit on, zipped up tight!

Anyhoo, sleepless ramblings over. I'm not working today and can't be bothered to go to the gym, so I'm going to wander round a few art galleries. Git me a bit of cultcha.

Have a happy, sober day all to come. (Going back to bed for an hour with a cup of tea...)

[Mohun]

AF daily - Wednesday 28th January

Ha. I am up late and finally one of the early posters as opposed to last. I should probably say something profound....Ahem.....

Life is good....

That is all.

Mo.

P.S. Marshy, what galleries are you going to? I want to google them and live my life vicariously through you today.

[Janice]

AF daily - Wednesday 28th January

Morning Marshy & Mohun and all who follow......

You're right Marshy, alcohol is the enemy and I think it was Chief who said if you choose to get in the ring with him, the Beast will win every time. You just have to walk away.

Had a good evening home alone. Only a couple of weeks ago it would have been the perfect chance to drink without anyone checking up on me. Instead, it was good having some "me" time, an easy tea, having a go at meditation, relaxing, reading, MWO etc which has been rare after a busy household over Christmas.

Anyway, off to work for the morning then home to catch up on some jobs.

Will be back on later.


Janicexxx

[Marshy]

AF daily - Wednesday 28th January

Mohun - been meaning to go here Home Page - Dulwich Picture Gallery for ages. It's a bit of a trek, so I've got my crampons and rope packed - don't think there'll be snow on the ground as in this pic though unless it's a LOT further than I think it is.

Janice - yes, I've seen various people talking about that kind of fight. I always thought it was quite a "male" way of looking at it. But maybe not...

[Doggygirl]

AF daily - Wednesday 28th January

Good morning Ab-landers and thank you Marshy for getting us started today! I'm with Mo - I want to live vicariously through YOU today! Thank you for the link, I'm going to check it out after posting! I'm not going to ask what a crampon is nor mention what the word brings to mind.

Mo I love your posts. I need to learn from you how to make a long story short.

Janice - I like all of the Chief's analogies - the one with the beast in the ring is classic. I too view alcohol as a wicked enemy, not just a "thing." Maybe it will be relegated to "thing" status someday, but for now? Evil Enemy.

Sausage - I didn't get a chance to post yesterday but read the thread. I'M SO GLAD YOU CHOSE NOT TO DRINK. Keep chosing that way OK? Great ideas and advice were put forward. The only other suggestion I will add is to maybe try WRITING something like the SMART cost / benefit analysis. What do you think the benefits of drinking would be v. the down sides of drinking. Sometimes looking at those thoughts on paper (and the process of putting them on paper) can be really powerful. At any rate, the important thing is that you continue to chose not to drink!


:yougo:CONGRATULATIONS ON 31 DAYS SOBER STARGIRL!!!:yougo:


Blastercup, congratulations on almost a year sober! I hope you will post more about your experience if you feel up to it. But whether you feel like posting much or not, awesome job!!

Welcome sunshine_gg to Daily Abs.

Dill, keep workin' it. There will come a point when you are so sick of what alcohol is doing to your life you will be ready. And you know your support network is already established right here. I finally got to a point where I couldn't stand the thought of wasting away (literally) any more time in my life - our time here is so limited as it is.

AFM - I hope your little one is feeling better!

Deter I can't believe you volunteerd to *test* that non-lethal weapon. :nutso: I hope your skin and hair don't fall off! I'm going to stick to testing garlic.

OMW I hope your work day is better today!

Charlee I hope you enjoyed your day off! Has work slowed down a bit? It seems you were crazy busy around the holidays.

WIP it sounds like you have made massive and quick progress on the house. What a cool project! Did you take lots of pictures while you were there? I bet a before and after comparison will give you lots of good memories of bringing your grandparents home back to life. When do you leave to go back? Flying sounds much simpler than the long drive! Your comment yesterday that WE are the only ones who can control our thoughts really hit home for me. My yoga classes involve short meditation at the end and I am nowhere close to the goal of basically emptying my mind of thoughts - it always seems to be racing in there. I can see why you and Mary and others find so much value in meditation to help in the area of thought management! That is something I hope to work on in conjunction with yoga for inflexible people.

Mary - I had sort of forgotten about drink tracker. It really IS a beautiful thing to see all those zeros lined up towards the end of the month! Maybe I will join you guys in February for a month full of zeros. I'm glad to be with you and others here who are still on track for a sober 2009.

Hello to Kitkat and LVT and Pamina and anyone else I might have missed. And all to come today.

We got some snow last night and I think the world will look beautiful once the sun comes up! I don't have to race to get anywhere this morning, so I may take the camera out there. I hope everyone stays safe who is in the worse parts of this storm system moving through the Midwest to East coast. We just caught the edge of it in the Chicago area it seems. (or LOL maybe it's worse outside than it appears to be in the dark!)

Yesterday was a busy one with some news. We are refinancing our house to get an interest rate below 5% and we found out yesterday that the appraisal came out OK for our deal to work the way we hoped. I was nervous about that given the current market conditions. Our house is not easy to appraise because there are no other homes nearby on 9 acres of land. So the appraisers tend to be conservative anyway and I had no idea what this one would do. But all is good on that front and it will save us a couple hundred bucks a month which helps in these tough times!

I mentioned quite awhile back that I was asked to be on the Board of Directors of a newly forming not for profit organization in our area. At yesterdays meeting we got a lot of mundane stuff out of the way (i.e. passing our bylaws) and some sticky issues out of the way (some definitions of who qualifies for membership that we did not all agree on) and we also elected officers. I am now the Vice President on the board - I will admit I was a bit flattered that I was nominated. I was thinking on the drive home that there is NO WAY I would (or could) have gotten involved in this one short year ago in my daily drunken haze. So Mo is right - life IS good. (I just have a longer way of telling it LOL!) Yesterday was a good day even though business is still in the crapper.

So how about a topic for today. I think quitting AL opened up many doors in my life. It has taken me awhile to be ready to see which doors are unlocked and walk through them. But the doors are there and LIFE is out there for the taking. When I think of my life while in a drunken haze, it seems like my "life" was a very small, dark place. Being sober has felt almost like being blinded in a bright light sometimes, and I felt a little lost trying to find my way to new activities and "meaning." But it's coming. I don't know if this is such a good topic because this reads back to me like babble. :nutso: Oh well. Whatever will be will be!

Have a great AF day in AbLand!

DG

[Doggygirl]

AF daily - Wednesday 28th January

I want to go with Marshy to see the Saul Steinberg exhibition!!



I love this example and I want to take a class working with the medium which is crayon, water color and wax on paper. That sounds like fun.

I am pea green with envy Marshy!!

DG

[SAUSAGE]

AF daily - Wednesday 28th January

Hi everyone

Some great advice has been given to me on here over the last 24hrs, when I've been finding it tough. I'm going to use all of it including writing down my own cost benefit analysis. I've recognised my warning signs, i'm thinking too much about alcohol at the moment including having fantasies about moderating. I've got some mental work to do, I'll be back later, - thanks everyone.

[Pamina]

AF daily - Wednesday 28th January

Hello abland,

Congrats to Stargirl and Blastercup! It's great to keep coming to a daily stream of good news. Very inspirational!

Welcome Sunshine - as all have said, this is an awesome thread.

Hi Beck - nice to see you stopping by! Please do it more often!

Marshy - you crack me up! Forget those crampons, all I see from my window is grey wetness, and I'm not that far from Dulwich. Enjoy your day of cultcha!

Mo - glad to hear all is well. Succinctly.

Janice - sounds wonderful how you're changing the habits associated with me-time. The AF lifestyle is about valuing ourselves, eh.

DG - Congratulations Ms VP!! I'm not at all surprised that you've been nominated, and I'm sure you'll do one hell of a job. The refinancing sounds like a good move and a big worry off your shoulders.

I know what you mean, DG, about there being multiple potential open doors and it's all a bit daunting. I'll get back to you on that one in a few months time. Personally, I moved from the 'pink AF cloud' to a brief contemplation of those doors and then straight into a 'grey cloud' of bereavement. I think I'm coming out of both clouds, but I'm still on the detour.

In fact, I need to get back to my Dad's place for the weekend to deal with some end of January tax stuff. I've got my to-do lists and a CBT book on bereavement to help me work thru anything I feel a resistance to doing. Sounds anal, I know, but I've spent enough time being stuck and am determined to keep moving.

Hi Sausage - well done you for skipping that drink last night and buckling down for some serious thinking. Go girl!

Have a good AF day one and all.

[charlee]

AF daily - Wednesday 28th January

I went to an AA meeting many moons ago and something said sticks in my head to this day. Staring at a full bottle of booze (your favorite, of course) and knowing how much power it has over you. How could a bottle, filled with liquid have so much power?..It is a liquid in a bottle!!!...Corny, but for some reason always stuck with me......
As far as not drinking opening up doors, I couldn't agree more. I have many avenues I have yet to travel, but the big difference from the days of old is I have changed "I can't" (and I couldn't.. either physically or mentally), to "I can"......the choice is mine for the taking. Choice has become a huge word in my new vocabulary..
OK off to brush off my car, and to work I go...Hope everyone has a great day.....

[stargirl]

AF daily - Wednesday 28th January

Thank you everyone for all the congrats yesterday. You helped make it a happy day for me I have not had a chance to read the posts today, so I'll be back, but I wanted to make sure to get my thank you in. Have wonderful days.

[LVT25]

AF daily - Wednesday 28th January

Hello abber friends,

Well we went from 20 below zero to 25 above overnight, but now the wind is blowing and causing ground blizzards. Late start at school again.

Marshy's post about the early birds triggered a not so pleasant memory for me. Spent too many nights partying the night away until--"uh-oh, are those birds signaling dawn is near?"
Or going to bed early in the morning and not being able to sleep and listening to "those damn birds". So glad those days are over for good.

As far as living a sober life....it's better, but as far as opening doors for me, I guess I'll have to get back to you on that. I guess for me its as simple as being a better mom and person.

I'm glad some of you are so good at responding to everyone personally. I am not, but want each and everyone of you to know I read your posts and care about your trials and tribulations!

Have a great day all!:h

[retteacher]

AF daily - Wednesday 28th January

Hi Everyone:

Yes, sobriety has opened up doors. I didn't realize just how confining drinking was. It was a reason to stay in & hunker down. Even when I was w/people, AL provided me w/an out...intimacy, sharing, conversation. During my heavy drinking days, I was in a leadership position in my school. I did my job, but AL was there as an escape.

Now, I'm having to find new ways to deal w/life's challenges: discussion, introspection, or just plain forging through situations that I used to fear.

I always thought that in retirement I would just kind of rest on my laurels a lot. It hasn't been that way. I'm finding...especially since I've gotten sober...that there are new paths I want to take. All of them require clarity & flexibility. I can't have those qualities unless I'm sober.

On another topic: Yes, drinktracker is great...especially when sobriety is going along well. I always kept drinktracker accurately, even when I was lapsing into drinking a few times per month. It's a visual reminder of what I want out of life.

Sunday is the superbowl. My husb is a real football fan & has gathered friends who like the game to come to our home. I'm not worried about drinking mainly because it will be a 1 or 2 beer-drinking crowd. No wine at all. I'm prepared however w/plenty of soft drinks & loads of fun food.

I'll check back later.

Mary

[Vanilla Online Persona]

AF daily - Wednesday 28th January

I'm 28 days off the Nikkie and Ali party bus. I feel better and it hasn't been that hard. I've had urges, more for booze than fags, but they've been beatable. On one occasion I got into the shop and I wasn't able to ask for the bottle because the assistant only spoke Dutch. I took that as a sign, how lucky is that.

Now, ideally I like to mod, but last year I packed in the booze for 6 weeks and then tried to mod - and that lasted only a few weeks before I was back to dry weekdays and weekend binging.

And I've done so much with the last few weekends. Really. I've sat and passed an IT exam I've been wanting to do for years, then last week I did a two day life drawing class in Antwerp. It was blydi brilliant. Me and a load of naked people. Loved every minute and made some very sweet new friends.

Saturday is my birthday, I'd love a bottle of scotch and a pack of fags because, you know, we all deserve a blow out now and again, and I've been really good, and its me birthday. I know some people would have a few beers but, for me, thats not drinking. Why would you drink and not get drunk? What would be the point?

If I could be sure that it would be the last time for another month I'd be fine with that. But I can't.

So I won't.

[A Work in Progress]

AF daily - Wednesday 28th January

Hi everyone... great thread today... I am a bit too sickly to contribute much. Had a bout of food poisoning yesterday after lunch and had continuous vomiting, diarrhea, chills, cramps etc., for around 5 hours, till I finally gave up and got an ambulance. I started getting scared because I know that people can die from food poisoning! Anyway they fixed me up with fluids and compazine and I managed to sleep last night. Better today, but still weak...

I love Steinberg, too! Nice example DG posted! Wish I could go, too, Marshy...

DG... here's a meditation tip: don't try to empty your mind of thoughts... instead, take a step back and observe the thoughts with an attitude of compassionate interest...

Vanilla.... good thinking, re: that bottle brown poison...

I'm supposedly flying back to Florida tomorrow... not sure I will feel up to it... will decide later today... LV, thanks for the idea about writing a book about all this... DG yeah I am getting pictures along the way... it will be nice to have a full record!

I hope everyone has a good day...

[Accountable for Me]

AF daily - Wednesday 28th January

Good morning all!

My little one stopped throwing up at about 3:30pm yesterday afternoon. The last one projectiled across the bathroom floor upstairs. Which made it easier to clean up, mind you. We both slept very well - and we are feeling great today! Yippeee!!

My life has been changing for the better without alcohol. Without a doubt. When I drank, my world became small and dark as well. Now, it is like someone took the blindfold off and there is a whole world to see and experience. Life is truly beautiful and the freedom you get from not drinking is amazing.

We all have the rest of our lives to live. To really enjoy. How cool is that?

Chief said something to me on the infamous 'f*ck thread' in subs after my cave in a week and a half ago. I caved because someone was really mean to me and I gave that person my power. Chief said something to the effect of 'rise above it. You are better than that'. Those words are stuck in my mind. He is right! I love it when he is so brutally honest with the people here. The way he looks at AL is the way I want to continue to look at AL. AL is the Beast that wants to poison you and your life. NO thanks!

We have a wonderful group on this thread and I get so much out of all your experiences. I just want to thank you for that.

Living life sober is wonderful. No alcohol induced guilt, shame, anger; and I am loving the fact that I am pretty even keeled emotionally these days.

Have a great day everyone!! Life is good.