AF Daily - Friday Feb 13th

[AAthlete]

"There will be times when other people will disappoint us.. either intentionally or because of indifference or incompetence. If we have been counting on them, their nonperformance can cause us real anger and frustration. Our growth, however, should teach us that such failures are part of life. While never losing trust in others, we must accept them as fallible people. Their mistakes and lapses come from the human shortcomings all of us have."

God, I know that I've been guilty of unrealistic expectations from the people around me. I expected them to act a certain way or to do certain things and when they didn't I would use it as an excuse to drink. I have to remember that we're all individuals and if there were millions of AAthlete's running around this world would be a pretty boring place. Rather then get upset and rail against those differences I should instead try to celebrate them. After all, the only person I can control is me, right?

I need to go through each day with a positive attitude expecting the best, but also be ready to accept and deal with the worst if it does happen.

Happy Friday to everyone and I hope you have a wonderful day.

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Friday Feb 13th

Hi AA! What terrific and thought provoking words to start the day. I am guilty of unrealistic expectations at times myself. And then spending time being angry and disappointed when the expectations were unrealistic (and in my case, usually unfair) to begin with is just more wasted time. A world full of little AA's. Hmmmm.....

Mean time just for fun...

Mr. Doggy has been quite busy lately cleaning up our basement and selling lots of old stuff on e-bay that we don't use any more. We actually have (becoming had) some nice stuff that just fell by the wayside. As an example, I've been toting around a 3-day event type saddle that belonged to my ex-husband of over 20 years ago. It was a good one (Stubben for you riders) and he was really tall so it was longer than average. I've kept it oiled over the years and it was barely used so in very good condition. That kind of stuff. Anyway, the deal was that we could use some of the proceeds for each of us to have a new toy. Mr. Doggy now has an upgraded metal detector - another hobby of his aside from the dogs and I now have a reconditioned Vita-Mix in the kitchen! I've been wanting one of those and no way could I justify spending that sort of $$ (even for reconditioned!) on a "blender." So anyway, that is something fun that has been going on. We will be having a nice fresh sorbet for dessert tonight!

Gia, I'm so sorry that you are feeling bad. Having anger when we face less than exciting circumstances without AL is an unfortunate part of this process. One thing is for sure - alcohol contributes to the problems and never solves them. I hope you can keep just putting one foot in front of the other as you dig your way out from under your bills and stuff. I've been there and I know exactly how not fun it is. Each step forward you take through the mess gets you one step closer to freedom from it.

Hello to everyone yet to come!

DG

[Marshy]

AF Daily - Friday Feb 13th

Morning AA & DG & all to come,

Blue skies and sunshine here! Gorgeous.

Happy birthday :bday3: to Stargirl! And good for you for tackling your alcohol problem at your age - you've got more sense than I ever had. I continued to drink my way through my 30s and I would recommend anyone else to NOT do that :H

Have a good day all!

[retteacher]

AF Daily - Friday Feb 13th

Hi AAth & DG:

Both of you are so important to my recovery. You've got the longevity that I'm aiming for. As for expectations: I've heard at meetings that "expectations are disappointments waiting to happen." That has certainly been true for me.

The book that WIP recommended is interesting in that it instructs us to focus on the present & be mindful in the now. That is not so easy, because my natural tendency is to look into the future (have those darn expectations). However, when I'm in the present, I'm not worrying or regretting anything from the past.

Tonight, we're having some guests for a light dinner. We will be serving wine, but I'm thoroughly prepared. We've actually had some bottles here since earlier in the week. I honestly haven't thought about them very much. Maybe a passing thought. If there is anything left over, I'll have the guests bring them home, or we'll bring them to my daughter & SIL on Sun. I feel much more secure when there is no wine in the house.

I'll check back later. Stay well everyone.

Mary

[retteacher]

AF Daily - Friday Feb 13th

Hi Marshy: We cross-posted. Mary

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily - Friday Feb 13th

Hi, all! Wow. AA and others, I am following up on comments you've made the last couple of days: this place can be totally crazy! More of it going on last night (NOT involving me), and then this morning a couple more nasty posts directed at me. Today, I feel determined not to let anybody run me out of here. Tomorrow... it may be a whole other matter. We'll see.

AA your post this morning was wonderful, and I realize that I have to let go of expectations (and wishes) that everyone here will like me... and even let go of expectations (and wishes) that people here will be rational, and kind to each other. As I told the attackee of last night... we just have to let it go, and move on, and work on staying in a place (mentally and emotionally) in which we can benefit from this website and sometimes-tumultuous "community."

Right now there is a big hubbub going on about how we approach people who are drinking (and by that I do NOT mean successfully "modding") while they are here, and asking for help (or sometimes, NOT asking for help!). Here's a partial list of the various methods (and the often loaded words used to describe the various approaches): coddling, enabling, tough love, chastizing, taking people out and horse-whipping them, being supportive, telling people not to beat themselves up, and sending electronic "hugs." How many times has THIS discussion/argument gone on, at MWO? Jeez Louise. I'm worn out with the whole thing.

[Cinders]

AF Daily - Friday Feb 13th

Good Morning, Abbers,

I am not going to weigh in on the posters issue. I have been very guilty of posting drunk in the past and made a complete a@@ of myself. It is a horrible thing to wake up to. I have said things I would never say sober and do not mean at all.

I did want to say that my hubby gave me a good talking to this morning. It was well deserved. I got really bad news from work yesterday, a very poor perf rating based on my sick time and low billable. As my hubby very rightly pointed out, it was exacerbated by my drinking, many people work with the illness I have and do fine. Personal responsibility. I must insure I take responsibilty for those things I can control and don't if drinking or irresponsibility in anyway is the cause.

Anyhow, AA, I loved your post and agree so much. Unrealistic expectations for people around me has always been an issue. Lord knows, I wouldn't want the same expectations directed towards me!!

Thank you all for being here and being my good friends. Great food for thought today. :-)

Love,
Cindi

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily - Friday Feb 13th

Good morning!

Just a quickie for me. I have to really get my arse in gear here. I got up too late and have so much to do to get ready for the day.

Hailey is having a valentines day party at school; and I am so ill prepared.

Cindi, I think the majority of us came here drunk or hung over searching for a miracle. I even have posted while drunk... a few times. Oh well, that is pretty common really. The dynamics of these boards are slowly changing.

My sobriety comes first. I can't get all caught up in the drama anymore. This place has changed. That comes with the amount of members and their views, etc.

Anyway, have a great day everyone!!

[stargirl]

AF Daily - Friday Feb 13th

Good Morning,
Thanks for the birthday wish Marshy! I will be celebrating with my now favorite drink: Sprecher Cherry Cola! Yummy. Maybe get some take out too. This will be my first sober birthday probably since I was 17. Wow.
I hope you all enjoy sober Fridays. I'll try to get back later.

[on my way]

AF Daily - Friday Feb 13th

Good morning, all of us now...except husbo have had the stomach flu. It is hard to feel so helpless; at least it was not self-inflicted.

AA, thanks for your words of wisdom. DG, you've inspired me to unload some stuff too. Sounds like one of my brood is having phase 2...better go.

[lilmea]

AF Daily - Friday Feb 13th

Good Morning Abbers,

AA what a great post! I was told-people, places, and things will always let me down. I have always put unrealistic expectation in other people. Is the unrealistic part hardwired into my brain so that I always have a ready excuse to drink? I don't know. I do know that right now I'm working very hard to relearn how I react to situations. Separating the person from their actions has helped. I can like a person and not necessarily agree with everything they do or say. As AA said, I am the only one I can control.

To all that follow-have a great day.

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Friday Feb 13th

Aloha Friday ABeroooos!

weeeeee, I'm home and slept in my own bed. just arose from the most wonderful coma

Stargirl, big happy cherry cola cheers to your birthday!!!!

Doggygirl, a vitamix? I'm sooo jealous! did you find the reconditioned one on ebay?

the subject of expectations reminds me of the words of Dr Wayne Dyer from his classic book 'the handbook to higher consciousness" warning of the pitfalls of "demands and expectations". the highest order of consciousness is to shine your unconditional love at all times. easier said than done lugging around these damn egos of ours! yet certainly an elegant archetype of civilization.

be well everyone

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Friday Feb 13th

HAPPY BIRTHDAY STARGIRL!!!!! :goodtime: What is Sprecher Cherry Cola? It sure sounds good! I hope you have a FABULOUS day!

Marshy, I'm with you that drinking our way through our 30's, and in my case 40's is NOT the best way to live!! "Rode hard and put up wet" describes it I think! (So ditto Marshy on the props for Stargirl!)

Mary, thank you for sharing this quote:

"expectations are disappointments waiting to happen."

. That is right on the money isn't it. Mary I really admire you for the learning and effort you have put into hosting so many gatherings involving AL for your friends and family. You sure inspire me!! I'm thoughtful about an event coming up next week. It's not at my home - it's at a bar / restaurant. It's a social get together for the new "buy locally" group where I am on the Board of Directors. So as part of the board I am essentially a host of the event. So no arriving late or leaving before it's officially over. (I sure won't be sticking around after it though!!) This will be a first of sorts, and I need to go back to the basics and make my plan! Mary I will be thinking of you in the "hostess" role and you will be a good role model for me.

WIP, for me the key to sanity is choosing carefully what I get involved in. Getting too emotionally invested in some situations that go on here sets up that whole expectation / disappointment thing. AA you really did have a great way of putting that and what a good topic for the day! I also find that spending TOO much time on line gets me out of balance and seems to take me out of my own reality and 3D life and too far into cyberspace where things and people are not always what they seem. That's what I've found works FWIW.

Cindi you sound really good and I am happy for you!!! Sometimes it's tough to look inward and face some truths that we might just as soon not face. What a growth experience though to figure that stuff out. Sounds like your Mr. Cinders is being constructively supportive? (a good thing)

AFM - that is the bottom line for me too - my sobriety comes first. Hope baby AFM has fun at her party!

OMW - I hope the OMW Family including YOU start feeling better SOON!

Hi Lilmea - you sound wonderful too. Not only are you not drinking but doing the "inner" work necessary to put your life on a different and better track!

Yes Deter! The Vitamix!! Nanny nanny boo boo!! Seriously, I just made a smoothie for Mr. Doggy, and just a little bit for me and I thought the thing was going to launch into outer space. The motor could fly a small aircraft I think. Boy does it work as advertised though! So far, I can highly recommend a smoothie made of pear, apple, orange and pineapple and some ice cubes. That thing totally grinds up the seeds in there too, if you choose to leave them in the mix. Tonight I'm going to try some orange or lemon sorbet for dessert. WHEE I love the new toy! I bought it directly from Vitamix. Vitamix also sells them through e-bay but the price is the same. If you google around you can find a coupon code for shipping. The Vitamix direct reconditioned model comes with the 7 year warranty just like the new ones. Seems just like brand new to me.

Well, I better get some actual work done before I have to leave for the afternoon appointments. TGIF!!

DG

[LVT25]

AF Daily - Friday Feb 13th

I've been stealing quotes again today. I read this one this morning, and I had to go back to find it because it struck a chord with me.

From Cyclefan--But again I'll say, there is nobody at the MWO door when people first come in to give guidelines on how to help others UNLESS long time members spend time up in "general" using these kinds of words and phrases and giving advice on how to get the book, how to find the toolbox, how to make a plan, etc. People can't stay out of general because it is too crazy, then complain about the advice that is being given.

Kudos to WIP, really, she is the one who by example taught me the language to use with new people, how to welcome them, how to encourage them to get the book, get a plan, etc. Startingover is another who bravely gets out there everyday. There are a few others, sorry I don't mean to neglect by not mentioning names it is not my intention to leave out people who do good works at MWO on a daily basis.

There seems to be alot of BS going on around the site. I for one quit reading every post and just skim the general and starting out forums. I have suggested to others they do the same, especially if they are being attacked or the things some members say upset them. But when I read this, I have to agree with cyclefan. Those of you that try to encourage and inform on the other forums for whatever reason--good job. It must be hard to feel "attacked" for trying to help. Anyway, I just wanted to put this post where I could find it again. I truly hope all of the personal vendetta crap has not chased our friends away from here!!:h

[momof3]

AF Daily - Friday Feb 13th

Hello All,

Phew! It has been a busy week. I am happy to say that my business has picked up a bit so I am feeling a great sense of relief. My friend who had a stroke is slowly recovering and they do expect a full recovery for her. It will be a slow process. For now, I am supporting her whenever I can by taking her to appointments, watching her kids, etc.

I have not been posting here as much because I've been so busy but I do check in almost daily. The conversation on expectations today is a good one.

I'm with DG on restricting myself to certain areas of this site as well as the amount of time I spend here. This thread is a good fit for me because there is alot of serious discussion about living a life free of Al and that is where I want to focus my energy. I do not feel inclined or obligated to provide my advice, thoughts, etc to those beyond this thread simply because I do not keep up with the other threads and I don't know where folks who post there are coming from (e.g., how serious they are about being AF, what state of mind they are in when posting, etc.). Misunderstandings and misinterpretation are just more likely to happen. It feels more comfortable sticking with a small part of this MWO universe where people know me a little more and I know them.

Happy Friday All