It's finally out in the open

[retteacher]

Last night's dinner party ended in disaster. I drank beforehand & during (on an empty stomach), & half-way through the party, I passed out on the bathroom floor. Because I'm a secret drinker, my husb didn't know what had happened & called 911. Paramedics, fire-fighters, my daughter, SIL all went to the emergency room w/me. It was my SIL (a cop) who alerted the ER doc that I was probably passed out from drinking. He's seen it many times in his job.

I'll spare you all the gruesome details. We didn't get home from the ER until 1:30 AM

The only good thing to come out of the whole thing is that my drinking prob is now out in the open. My daughter knew something was wrong but couldn't put her finger on it. My husb (good little enabler that he is) wanted me to tell everyone that I had a virulent virus, but I called all the guests & told them the truth this morning.

I had been doing so well. I kind of know what got me drinking, but I'm not going to make excuses. I'm embarrassed & upset w/myself. I'm almost glad it happened in front of friends. It brought home that I just cannot drink.

I do feel the weight of keeping this secret off my shoulders. I didn't think it would come out like this. I feel like I've hit bottom.

Mary

[tlrgs]

It's finally out in the open

glad to hear you ok .. now you can dust yourself off and get to the plan at hand and make all the changes you can for yourself and take care of yourself .. do your best .. stay strong and think positive

[IAD]

It's finally out in the open

Man ....that sucks ! But we've all had are Waterloo ! Mine was when I had to go to our Catholic School on Playground Duty..........Worked mid-night shift on Meds. and drank, they called my wife from work to come get me. I went to the school the next day and appoligized. ( Good thing it was a Catholic School They asked me if I needed help..........Public Schools would of called the cops. ) IAD

[greeneyes]

It's finally out in the open

Wow mary. I hope you're OK, that you weren't hurt in the fall. Your attitude about this is admirable and very respectful of everyone, including yourself. Good for you for focusing on the positive and continuing to move forward. :l

[startingover]

It's finally out in the open

Mary, that must have been dreadful....but at least if this is your rock bottom, well from here on the only way now is UP!

IAD, my heart goes out to you too.....

[CS04]

It's finally out in the open

Oh Mary, I am so sorry to hear this story. You must feel awful. But at least, as you said, it's out there, and hopefully your family will be able to help you win this war.

[ducky]

It's finally out in the open

Hi Mary,

I have not posted in a while (just lurking), but wanted to respond to your post. You have been an inspiration to so many here. I am sure you will pick yourself right back up. And I totally understand how the secret being out might make things easier. I will be thinking of you today.

[sunshine_gg]

It's finally out in the open

:l
I'm mortified and relieved for you at the same time.
All the best to you!

[momof3]

It's finally out in the open

Mary,

My heart goes out to you.

Perhaps this is the bottom for you. And, it's good that your family and friends are aware of your drinking. I hope they can all rally around you in support.

I can understand your shame and sadness at this point. I would feel the same way. I hope you can look at this as a learning...that you can reflect on what lead you up to this drinking episode and how you prevent it from happening again. And, what changes do you need to make in your life to stay AF?

Please keep posting here and use us for support.

With Love and Respect,
M3

[Accountable for Me]

It's finally out in the open

Mary, I am glad that you are OK.

[cuckoosnest83]

It's finally out in the open

Mary, I truly admire the courage it must have taken for you to call all the guests and admit the truth. Your honesty is to be commended. Now with the support of your friends and family I wish you all the best in your struggle to beat this dreaded demon. Good luck, dear.

[hulagirl]

It's finally out in the open

Oh wow. Would you mind sharing what the triggers were for your actions? I just know, for myself, if people were coming over for a dinner party I would just be sooo nervous. I would be thinking about remembering to make introductions (if they don't know each other) remembering names, remembering to offer a drink or appetizer, offering a place to sit (I don't even have a couch) TV on? off? music? selection? cooking while they're here? before? indoors? outdoors? food selection? what if they're vegetarians? small talk? talk about work? talk about kids? talk about weather? local events? politics? (try to keep hubby quiet) How do I get them to leave when I've had enough?

As you can see I am no good at this.

At least you still have friends!

[retteacher]

It's finally out in the open

Thank you all so much.

Yes, I needed to tell everyone what really happened. They were all our dearest friends & neighbors. I didn't want to hide it from them. My daughter as well.

Triggers - I have so many:
Mostly it boils down to perfectionism & being very hard on myself. My daughter & I talked about it this morning. She tends to be the same way (I am her role model after all). We want to get an A+ on everything in life. That is too much of a burden to carry, & I find that I need a break (drink) now & then.

What can I say? Yes, I'm back into my program. I feel especially bad, because I feel like I've sullied 2009. All I can do is work at it again. There are no shortcuts.

Mary

[IAD]

It's finally out in the open

See....Reteacher.......How many can learn from the mistakes of one ! LOL ( We all grow from this knowledge.....But if One2many ass gets any bigger......All bets are off ! Ha! IAD ) IAD.

[retteacher]

It's finally out in the open

I'm trying to think positive. It isn't easy after last night's episode. Mary

PS: Because of the number of people caught up in my problem & the public embarrassment, I don't think I'll ever forget what happened.

Mary