AF Daily - Sunday 2/15/2009

[Cinders]

Good Morning, my friends.

Today is a big day for me. I meet with my sponsor today, before the evening AA meeting. I am not sure what we are going to talk about but I have a feeling it is going to be Step 4.

Step 4 scares me. There is a lot of introspection and thought that will go into it and I am quite sure some old wounds will come to the surface. However, that is why it is a part of the 12-Step. Getting rid of old resentments and understanding our part in them. I am probably going to need to lean on all of you as I get through this one.

Mary, I know the passing out while friends were over was difficult for you but am glad you see it in such a positive way. I have thought and thought about it because I care so much for you and I am praying it will help you in your future.

One of the positives of AA is that is requires rigorous honesty. It makes sense. If we hide and obfuscate, we can continue to feed our addiction in privacy. Once we are honest with ourselves and our families, we can no longer hide it. Casting the light of truth on our addiction ultimately allows us to view it as it should be viewed.

I do pray your family is understanding and supportive. I know that my hubby's support is so critical. It is one of the differences this time after rehab. He has actually spent time learning about my addiction and how to support me without enabling or being codependent. He has learned I must suffer the consequences or I will never really want to quit.

I hope you don't take wrong anything I am saying, Mary. You are one of my best friends here at MWO and you and I are so much alike. I want you to heal, too. I want it for both of us. My goal is not just AF but to find the joy, happiness and contentment I have had the opportunity to see in some of my AA friends. You and I and all my friends here deserve that good life. I pray for us all that we get to that place.

Everyone else, I sure hope you have a wonderful day!! You guys are my mainstay. I love to read our thread from the day before every morning. It is an inspiration to start each day off with.

Love,
Cindi

[lilmea]

AF Daily - Sunday 2/15/2009

Hello everyone,

Cindi-I can't be honest with everyone else unless I am honest with myself. Honesty is one of the cornerstones of my recovery program.

To all that follow - have a good AF Sunday.

[AAthlete]

AF Daily - Sunday 2/15/2009

Good morning everyone and happy Sunday!

Cindi, having gone through Step 4 and having helped others do the same, you have nothing to fear! I felt the same way that you do, and procrastinated for a long time over it. But, when I finally got around to doing the step in turned into a truly liberating experience. As you mention, rigorous honesty is critical in this step just as it is in your overall recovery, and I encourage you to be completely open and honest with yourself and your sponsor. Even as I was going through my list with my sponsor there was a couple of things that I didn't want to tell him -- but I did and I truly believe that doing so helped form a more quality sobriety. Go to any lengths, right?

Anyway, remember that humility and honesty are the cornerstones of the program and you'll do fine. Thanks to you for helping me out today by reminding me of this step. I missed my meeting this morning (slept through my alarm) so you've helped get me in the right frame of mind this morning!

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily - Sunday 2/15/2009

Good morning, all. Wonderful topic: the role of honesty in our recovery. Someone said, in another thread, I can't remember which one... wait I think it was YAH who said it, something along the lines of: I lied to myself every day about alcohol, when I was drinking.. and I knew I was lying. That was very powerful; she was talking about how painful it is to be on that awful drinking cycle.

Another powerful statement, this one I recall from my days in AA, had to do with the recovery program being (at least potentially) effective for anyone willing to engage in it... and that some who do not benefit are those who are apparently incapable (or unwilling) to be honest with themselves. I remember I got a case of shivers every time I thought about that...

I know that the 4th step is a major and very helpful step for many in the 12-step program. Cindi, I am sure it will go very well for you, and be a great relief to get things out in the open.

For me, anyhow, recalling and telling someone else about every awful thing I did while drinking is not an essential part of my own recovery (I did enough of that, when I still went to confession... and that's a whole other topic); but it is extremely important that I have and keep a very strong grip on my understanding of how I behave when I am drunk (and that drinking, for me, is pretty much the same as "getting drunk"). There is no question but that I am not myself, not a thoughtful, compassionate, person, not even a coherent person, with alcohol in my brain. When I drink, I am an embarrassing, stupid, humiliating mess, sometimes hurtful to others, always hurtful to myself.

If I ever forget that, or allow my mind to weasel around on that essential point... then I am lost.

[Cinders]

AF Daily - Sunday 2/15/2009

WIP,

For me, talking to someone else about what I did is not an issue, it is talking to myself that scares me. :-)

I like my sponsor and know from our conversations that anything I have done is about the same as what others have done.

I do think writing them out, looking at them in the light of day, will help me. It will help increase my awareness of what drinking does to me.

AA, thank you for your post. You have relieved my apprehension a lot!!

Mary, please check in and let us know how you are doing. You know how much you are loved here.

Hi, Lilmea and all to come!!

Love,
Cindi

[Janice]

AF Daily - Sunday 2/15/2009

Just popping in quickly - just got back after a very stressful couple of days up in the north-east on family business. My sister didn't let me down and threw a full blown tantrum in the middle of a very busy bank on Friday!!! Because I stood up to her and didn't let her bully me, she totally lost it and ended up walking out. Anyway, to cut a long story short, I haven't had a drink and I've come back to find a couple of pms congratulating me on my 30 days!! I've actually had to get my diary and fingers out to work out what day I'm on!!! Think its 28 lilmea???? Going to have a soak in the bath and catch up on some posts!!

love Janicexxx

[Sweaty Betty]

AF Daily - Sunday 2/15/2009

Well done Janice! did you pop into Greggs for a cheese pasty for me??? B. x

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily - Sunday 2/15/2009

Cinders;548927 wrote: WIP,

For me, talking to someone else about what I did is not an issue, it is talking to myself that scares me. :-)

I like my sponsor and know from our conversations that anything I have done is about the same as what others have done.

I do think writing them out, looking at them in the light of day, will help me. It will help increase my awareness of what drinking does to me.

Cindi, I agree... lots of things I don't want to bring into my own mind. Glad you have a really good, supportive sponsor; mine was wonderful, too. I miss him (he died some years ago).

Janice: way to go! What an emotional ordeal! Our family members can be our most amazing triggers... it's so good to know you can get through it, with flying colors!

[tlrgs]

AF Daily - Sunday 2/15/2009

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4oZYqAeIdYk[/video]]YouTube - let it be

[lilmea]

AF Daily - Sunday 2/15/2009

Janice,

OMG! Your right. I've been counting Sundays not days! :blush: Well I've also been know to post on the wrong DF thread too. And really I'm so much better than I was! Please forgive my confusion.

[ThatGirl]

AF Daily - Sunday 2/15/2009

Hey, I'm just gonna lurk around this thread n soak up some advice xD

First AF day for me, wish me luck everybody...

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Sunday 2/15/2009

Happy Sunday ABeroooos!

Janice, well done on the big three oh! keep up the fab work.

ThatGirl, nice to meet you! congrats on day one and don't be shy if you have any questions....luck favors the prepared.

Honesty as I've said many time has been absolutely critical to my recovery process. so much so that it inspired my signature line. It's one of those 'easier said than done' kind of subjects that I need to revisit often.

had a wonderful time last night! Took Dx to the planetarium where they played the classic pink flloyd 'dark side of the moon'. it was grooooovy baby! LOL. I cannot imagine going to that drunk now...is that wierd or what? then ironically I had drinking dreams last night...arg!

I haven't been to an AA meeting in quite some time...since our cruise last May actually. I should catch one here and there and see how they go if I find one that is handy. although I'll never forget the first one I attended which allowed smoking. ugh! thought I was going to croak LOL.

I'm off to find a random act of kindness i can provide someone with.

be well my friends

[hulagirl]

AF Daily - Sunday 2/15/2009

Aloha All on a beautiful sunny/cloudy/sunny/showery/rainbow/sunny kind of morning.
Got my hour walk in and even ran for 5 minutes:exclaimation: I am so far from going to that honesty place with others, barely reached that with myself, I wish you all success with that. Wow Det! They still do those shows? Went to one in So. Cal. many, many, many years ago and because of my not so stable mind place I don't remember much of it. Wouldn't it be great if we could do our lives over again, now that we've gained some wisdom and experience to make better choices. Maybe I should find a Dark Side of the Moon Laser Show to relive the experience too.:H

[ThatGirl]

AF Daily - Sunday 2/15/2009

Just out of interest, how many people who're on here are doing well just using this forum and nothing else? Anybody know? Just want to see what my chances are xD

[A Work in Progress]

AF Daily - Sunday 2/15/2009

Gia, glad you made it through without any damage done! I know that if I have ONE drink... I'm taking too much of a risk: it might stop there, or it might not. And, if "not," then... well, some very bad things happen! It's great you have a day ahead feeling good, no hangover...

Hula, running, eh? I need to get back ON my workout schedule!

Det... sounds like a fun evening! I'm still loving the novelty of (once in a while!) getting out there in the evenings, doing stuff like regular people do, having some fun, not being drunk!

Thatgirl, welcome to this fantastic thread! I'm not quite sure how to answer your question; you mean, "this forum and nothing else" as in, "no medication, no dietary supplements, no hypnosis recordings"? Or: no "other" stuff, like AA, SMART, therapy, etc.?