AF DAILY Wednesday February 18th 2009

[Cinders]

AF DAILY Wednesday February 18th 2009

DG, WIP and friends,

I am okay. I went and lit a fire in the fireplace and cogitated.

You are right, WIP, hubby is sick and tired of me being sick and tired.

I am okay.

I just needed some friends and I have them. You guys are amazing.

Thank you all.

Love,
Cindi

ps, DG. It is okay you can't chat. You were there. I got the pm and it made me feel very loved. I needed that today after the tongue lashing I got from hubby. He is good at that.

[Cinders]

AF DAILY Wednesday February 18th 2009

A Work in Progress;551543 wrote: Cindi, you still there?

What occurs to me... is that your husband is probably tired of this whole thing... and it hurts you a lot to hear this, yet you can no doubt understand where he is coming from. It is not that you are a self-centered person in your heart, but that this condition, this addiction, has consumed so much time and energy from you and from him. Can you let him have his anger, his feelings, and not let them send you into a tailspin? Maybe you can even join with him in being angry about how much this alcoholism has interfered with your lives?

The main thing: do NOT let it become a reason... or an excuse... to drink. This is an opportunity (a very tough one) to practice rolling with the (emotional) punches, and doing the next right thing, even when it is very very painful. Feel the feelings... and move through them... and let them pass. OK? Come back and tell us how you are doing. Please.

WIP,

As usual, you hit the nail on the head.

I will not let this send me into a tail spin. Trust me.

I will let him rant and rave. He has the right to do so after the escapades I have done. He is scared I will kill myself with this disease and he is right. If I stay sober, life will be better, if I were to drink, life will be hell and I will die. No question there.

I like life to be better.

Thank you for being a friend, WIP. You are a good one. :l

Charlee, you, too. :l

DG, hugs to you, too. :l
Cindi

[AAthlete]

AF DAILY Wednesday February 18th 2009

I agree Cindi - he is most likely tired of having to go through this and wonders how many more times there will be.

Just remember that you can only do this for yourself, and that anything that you put in front of your sobriety you will lose. Hubby is upset and has every right to be, but you can't let that bother you right now.. Can you/have you called your sponsor to talk about how you are feeling?

Lots of tools at your disposal, but only you can pick them up and use them...

[Determinator]

AF DAILY Wednesday February 18th 2009

Happy Wed Aberoooos!

not much time...plane is starting to board soon.
thanks for the kickstart Ocean! sounds like a blast.
Cindi, yes you have friends here for sure, and looking after your health is the #1 thing that will make your world a better place.

XXXXX for now everyone. be well

[kitkatsue]

AF DAILY Wednesday February 18th 2009

Good morning ! To everyone !!

Bit of a grey day here so far but it is supposed to get sunny this afternoon.

Cinder sorry about hubby. Keep your chin up !:l

Well I have errands to run, so everyone have a great day !!

[Cinders]

AF DAILY Wednesday February 18th 2009

KitKat,

I am keeping my chin up. My new avatar fits my mood. It is almost spring here in the south but we can have freezes through March.

However, the crocus will grow and bloom anyway. Just like me.

Love,
Cindi

[retteacher]

AF DAILY Wednesday February 18th 2009

Cindi: Our husbands suffer from alcoholism wo/the drink. They must feel so left out of our lives, since so much of ourselves revolve around drinking. You are lovable just the way you are, & he knows that. Keep working on your program (as I will work on mine). Our personal lives will change for the better as we go along the path of sobriety. Mary

[Cinders]

AF DAILY Wednesday February 18th 2009

Mary,

Thank you. I need to know I am lovable. I don't feel that way as I am sure you question.

Hubby thinks I am but he wants me to "pay" for the stuff I did. I can't. Oh, I can. I do. Every day I wake up sober, I pay.

I will work the program. Every day.

Love,
Cindi

[AAthlete]

AF DAILY Wednesday February 18th 2009

Cindi, just remember the old saying that 'Rome wasn't built in a day" as you work your program.

It takes time, patience and honesty on our part for our spouses to start believing and trusting in us again. They need to see the change in us - my wife will tell you that. She flat out told me after a month in my new program "you've changed - there is something different about you..." Be patient, work hard and it will happen for you too.

Wishing you nothing but the best.

[narilly]

AF DAILY Wednesday February 18th 2009

Hey everybody- I am back after 2 years of not visiting the site. Now I will check in everyday. 2 years of loosing control, blackouts....I am so done with that. I have read many of your posts now and then and they are great.
Cindi, don't do it. Go for a walk, call a friend, go to an AA meeting, meditate, take a bath, do something but don't drink!

Narilly

[speedster]

AF DAILY Wednesday February 18th 2009

Cinders, I'm still green to being an abster so hang in there with the rest of us greenies. The advice on this thread is incredible.

AA and DG, sports are an odd thing. I loved, loved, loved to ride for many years and found it as hard as ending a relationship to walk away from it. So many people identified me with cycling. As I stepped away from it, I use to get so annoyed when I would run into someone who would ask "Are you still riding?" and if I said "not as much", they would seem to have a sudden smiky smile and say "oh why not?" and I felt like i was defending myself for moving on to other things. To this day if someone asks that question, I just say 'yes I still ride."

I feel I can now ride without high expectations. I also mix it up with hiking, dog agility (a new passion that I do not want to get as wrapped up about as I did w/ cycling).

I do miss that high level fitness. I still struggle with the balance. I don't think I have fully come around to admitting how AL became an escape/replacement from the loss I felt when I quit serious riding. It's really hard for me to describe.

I hope once I'm further down the AF path, I can more clearly understand what that whole escape route was about.

I'm just thankful for finding MWO in the early stages.

Thanks to everyone, I really appreciate the insight and support.

[A Work in Progress]

AF DAILY Wednesday February 18th 2009

Welcome back, Narilly! It's good to be "so done with that," isn't it? You certainly came to the right thread; I think everyone here feels the same way you do. Over, and done with it. More than ready to move on.

Cindi, this quote of yours is great; hang on to this, OK?

CINDI SAID: I am keeping my chin up. My new avatar fits my mood. It is almost spring here in the south but we can have freezes through March.

However, the crocus will grow and bloom anyway. Just like me.

A very old Zen poem ends this way: "Spring comes... the grass grows, by itself."

Everyone: the sun is going down here in the midwestern USA. It got much colder, throughout the day, today. I'm happy to have some meditation buddies here on MWO these days (the "90-Day Challenge" thread); it's helping me to be consistent, and stay on track... My exercise program is not quite entirely down the tubes with all the traveling and sickness I've had lately, but it suffered a hit! But I'm gently bringing it back to life.

Breathing in... I feel peace.
Breathing out.... Compassion.

[Tom 4.0]

AF DAILY Wednesday February 18th 2009

Cindi,

This quote arrived in my mailbox today; I hope it helps.

"Your healing and happiness are your gifts to your family, to your friends, and to the world."

Hang in there everybody!

[Miss Behaving]

AF DAILY Wednesday February 18th 2009

Hi all,

I'm so glad I checked in here tonight .... and I did so with the intent only of reading, not posting.

I crashed and burned at the end of January ..... something happened which was a huge disappointment to me (not a big deal in the greater scheme of things but a major disappointment anyway) and it sent me into a big black vortex/tail spin of the "I'm so useless, I've completely wasted my life, I've made so many mistakes and I'll never be able to make up for them" variety. And really struggling to get myself back to an AF space. This week decided to "... feel the fear and do it anyway ...." so am at the end of Day 3 again.

I really didn't even want to visit MWO because I felt it was going to contribute to my feeling of failure, and while I was not being AF I felt like I just couldn't come back on and tell everyone (I got so sick of doing that last year!). So it has taken a bit of effort to even log in, but I'm really glad I did. And didn't even want to post till I'd managed to get a whole week under my belt, but my heart is out there with you Mary and Cinders and Mohun and everyone else who has been struggling too. I so relate to you comment about trying to be A+ all the time Mary .....

I have been seeing a counsellor, which has been very helpful ..... I managed to find a really good one completely by fluke!! I've been finding this week quite hard with all the normal things that I've experienced in the past when I stop drinking, but have just decided to grin and bear it. Keep telling myself that my constant headache is no worse than a hangover, and have been doing at least an hour and a half of hard out exercise every evening - partly to get me though witching hour and partly to help me sleep. It ain't pretty, but I've done it before (and I soooooo dont want to have to do it again!!!) Next up for tomorrow will be the day 4 "emotions all over the place" thing, but I have some plans to deal with those!!!

Thank goodness for our kittens ..... Wookie the adopted; and Kip and Bernie the fostered! They have me laughing at their mad antics on a regular basis and Wookie is always up for a cuddle and a purr!

Grateful to everyone on this thread, and hope to catch up with a bit more of what has been happening over the coming weekend

mame