AF Daily - Thursday November 19, 2009

[hulagirl]

AF Daily - Thursday November 19, 2009

Aloha Abbettes and Abbers! Big, big day today. Taking 75 students out on whale watching tour and beach debris/coastal study. Again tomorrow with the other 75. Hoping for good weather as has been a little stormy all week and small craft warnings yesterday around the Big Isle and Maui. Gurantee some students will be various shades of green out on the ocean. Lots of planning and preparation (and stress) in making these days happen with help from the local community college leading the beach part of the day. I will keep calm and cool. (Keep reminding myself) I'll de-brief later.
Whale Ho!! and Aloha!

[narilly]

AF Daily - Thursday November 19, 2009

Thanks DG for the welcome. Mary- I have been going to 12 steps since Sunday and am going tomorrow again. This time I really feel ready to quit. At the meeting I thought the people were so nice, one of the guys bought me the book and this meeting really seemed different than any I have been to before. I take this as a sign of being ready.

Hey Mo- congratulations on not drinking at the work event. I did that ONCE and never again. Called my boss an asshole because he wouldn't buy me another drink and chased him around the bar. Oh my God, how embarrasing. It is nice to be the one watching.

WIP: I just built a new house (I was the contractor). Good luck!

Well today is another day with no drinking. I feel great. Yay!

Narilly

[Pamina]

AF Daily - Thursday November 19, 2009

Good evening abland,

Hulagirl - whale watching!!! Can I come? Just the thought of whales and beaches makes me feel so much better!

Mo - well done getting through your stressful week and mad evening. YIKES!

DG - that's really lovely that people are coming up to compliment you. We all know you SO deserve it!!

Hi Mame - great to see you back! I can totally relate to the 'feeling useless, having wasted years, it's never going to get better' etc. In fact, I'm having one of those days today. Even as I write that, I know two things: I am NOT going to drink, and it will pass. No, three things: that is not the only possible narrative.

Yes, it's a weird day. I feel like a 5-year old with a temper tantrum. I had a session with my counsellor today and she pressed me more than normal, being provocative, asking questions I didn't know how to answer. It made me feel like I'll be at this for the next 100 years. Why do I have to be stuck in my stupid patterns, why couldn't I just grow up like normal people??!! Yet even as I feel stuck, she thinks we're into a new phase. Go figure!

I find it very interesting that so many of you are attending AA meetings. The 'emotional sobriety' they talk about is certainly what I strive for. [How one is EVER gonna get there remains to be seen... :upset:] But I second WIP, please do share if you want to, I'm super curious!

Cindi and Mary, hope you're having a better day.

And Hulagirl - please find a way to post a picture of those whales!!!!

[retteacher]

AF Daily - Thursday November 19, 2009

Simple plans that I don't have to think too much about:
-Today we had lunch w/friends.
-Tonight a 12 step meeting.
-Tomorrow the g-sons overnight.
I'm not counting...just going from one day to the other sober. I'm trying like heck to put last Fri. behind me. If you knew how proper I am (to other people), you'd know why this is all so hard for me.

Take care everyone.

Mary

[ThatGirl]

AF Daily - Thursday November 19, 2009

Hey all, checking in again, today is probably my last alcohol free day before the weekend - I should probably therefore be posting in the moderators section however by posting in the AF thread I honestly think it promotes me not drinking more than posting where i would be allowed the occasional drink. So anyway my news is this: today has been my most withdrawal symptom-free day in a while, I've been beating my cravings down with coffee and cigarettes and have actually managed to be productive. The things I'm proud of doing today are: having an idea for a story, doing some of my coursework, figuring out the meaning of a dream, having a fun and carefree day with my boyfriend and turning up to every class I'm scheduled for.

[Miss Behaving]

AF Daily - Thursday November 19, 2009

Is Friday afternoon here, and I've been a bit slack all day, and was planing to leave early anyway, so have just spent the last hour catching up on a whole lot of posts form the last couple of weeks!

Thanks for the welcome back! This thread feels like it is always very solid in its support.

WIP - sounds like you are single-handedly keeping the Florida economy from the recession!

Mo - that event sounds as horrific as some of the ones that I've attended. I'm going to an international conference in August which is an annual event and always very boozy, and already people are talking about the social side and what to expect of people's behaviour. I have already booked my accommodation well away from where most people will be staying!!

Hulagirl ........ can I have your job?! Whale-watching!! What sort?We've had a few in the harbour this summer which has been terrific - mainly orcas, but we often get the odd Southern Right as well.

DG: sorry no photos of Wookie and the boys on my work computer, and Kip and Bernie are being dropped off at the SPCA tomorrow for the weekend adoptions. I'm sure they will both be snapped up - they are both beautiful. And I'm equally sure that before the end of the weekend we will have another litter home with us!! Wookie is very hospitable and now is very used to getting used to new kittens on a regular basis .... although he isn't always as happy with the mum cats who are bigger than him and who are a bit suspicious about his overtures to their babies!!

You are right about the hard work of being AF being a continuing one ....... and I think one of the reasons why I gave up trying at the end of January. I just get so sick of it being hard work all the time, and feling like supps, etc etc should all make it easier. I feel like I've tried so many things and they "dont work" (!!), which leads me into "what's the point?" thinking. And I'm actually useless at taking pills etc - irrespective of whether they are medications or just vitamin tabs. In the end I think that the stuff I need to battle with is in my head, hence the counselling.

As others have said is true for them,I have very strong messages/voices in my head which are about having incredibly high expectations of myself and being very critical and unforgiving of myself when I make mistakes or dont achieve the things that I want to. This is despite the fact that I may not have achieved either because (a) I had unrealistic expectations in the first place, or (b) it was all because of something completely outside my control. I've been aware for a long time about how I have used wine to be an excuse to not work at nights and weekends (having usually taken mounds of work home with me), but one of the insights I got while talking to the counsellor was about drinking heavily to "drown out" the critical voices in my head.

So I'm trying to cultivate a kinder and more supportive approach to myself ... giving myself credit for the things I have done and can do, rather than forever beating myself up for the things I cant do or haven't done. I'm practicing actively, but it still doesn't come easily!! But one of the things I relaly like about the counsellor is that she takes a "strengths-based approach" ie; focuses on the positive, and strategies for moving forward, not endless analyses of why things have happened in the past (which I get very impatient with)

And I'm also trying to develop more reasonable expectations of what I can do. In particular, not taking on more work than I can reasonably handle without it all feeling too overwhelming (this one not easy as I'm the main source of income for our business at the moment, and Uncle Mame not working at present) and recognising when my body is tired and needs a break from exercise, or a long bath or more sleep.

I started using a piece of software called "Optimism" at the end of last year, which is a tool for thinking about wellness strategies, which got me thinking about how I spend my time, and I realised how little I do that is just for the sheer pleasure of it. In fact, I'm having a hard time thinking about what things I find fun at all (limited to playing with the kittens at the moment!!). What do other people do??!!!

.... (5 minutes later) .... ha, ha ..... just had a ring from the SPCA asking whether we can take Kip and Bernie in tonight instead of tomorrow and take a mum and her 4 week old kitties home instead!!! :H Just as well we cleaned out the garage last weekend!!!!

[Miss Behaving]

AF Daily - Thursday November 19, 2009

Is Friday afternoon here, and I've been a bit slack all day, and was planing to leave early anyway, so have just spent the last hour catching up on a whole lot of posts form the last couple of weeks!

Thanks for the welcome back! This thread feels like it is always very solid in its support.

WIP - sounds like you are single-handedly keeping the Florida economy from the recession!

Mo - that event sounds as horrific as some of the ones that I've attended. I'm going to an international conference in August which is an annual event and always very boozy, and already people are talking about the social side and what to expect of people's behaviour. I have already booked my accommodation well away from where most people will be staying!!

Hulagirl ........ can I have your job?! Whale-watching!! What sort? We've had a few in the harbour this summer which has been terrific - mainly orcas, but we often get the odd Southern Right as well.

DG: sorry no photos of Wookie and the boys on my work computer, and Kip and Bernie are being dropped off at the SPCA tomorrow for the weekend adoptions. I'm sure they will both be snapped up - they are both beautiful. And I'm equally sure that before the end of the weekend we will have another litter home with us!! Wookie is very hospitable and now is very used to getting used to new kittens on a regular basis .... although he isn't always as happy with the mum cats who are bigger than him and who are a bit suspicious about his overtures to their babies!!

You are right about the hard work of being AF being a continuing one ....... and I think one of the reasons why I gave up trying at the end of January. I just get so sick of it being hard work all the time, and feeling like supps, etc etc should all make it easier. I feel like I've tried so many things and they "dont work" (!!), which leads me into "what's the point?" thinking. And I'm actually useless at taking pills etc - irrespective of whether they are medications or just vitamin tabletss. In the end I think that the stuff I need to battle with is in my head, hence the counselling.

As others have said is true for them, I have very strong messages/voices in my head which are about having incredibly high expectations of myself and being very critical and unforgiving when I make mistakes or dont achieve the things that I want to. This is despite the fact that I may not have achieved either because (a) I had unrealistic expectations in the first place, or (b) it was all because of something completely outside my control. I've been aware for a long time about how I have used wine to be an excuse to not work at nights and weekends (having usually taken mountains of work home with me), but one of the insights I got while talking to the counsellor was about drinking heavily to "drown out" the critical voices in my head.

So I'm trying to cultivate a kinder and more supportive approach to myself ... giving myself credit for the things I have done and can do, rather than forever beating myself up for the things I cant do or haven't done. I'm practicing actively, but it still doesn't come easily!! But one of the things I really like about the counsellor is that she takes a "strengths-based approach" ie; focuses on the positive, and strategies for moving forward, not endless analyses of why things have happened in the past (which I get very impatient with).

And I'm also trying to develop more reasonable expectations of what I can do. In particular, not taking on more work than I can reasonably handle without it all feeling too overwhelming (this one not easy as I'm the main source of income for our business at the moment, and Uncle Mame not working at present) and recognising when my body is tired and needs a break from exercise, or a long bath or more sleep. Or even a day off!! (I had one on Monday for absolutely no reason other than I felt like it!!)

I started using a piece of software called "Optimism" at the end of last year, which is a tool for thinking about wellness strategies, which got me thinking about how I spend my time, and I realised how little I do that is just for the sheer pleasure of it. In fact, I'm having a hard time thinking about what things I find fun at all (limited to playing with the kittens at the moment!!). What do other people do??!!!

.... (5 minutes later) .... ha, ha ..... just had a ring from the SPCA asking whether we can take Kip and Bernie in tonight instead of tomorrow and take a mum and her 4 week old kitties home instead!!! :H Just as well we cleaned out the garage last weekend!!!!

[Determinator]

AF Daily - Thursday November 19, 2009

Aunty Mame, found your post very interesting. is that program 'optimism' available for download someplace?

finding fun in life is far from frivolous, it's really a crucial element to a full, happy life and we should make 'the quest for fun' a priority in my opinion. Perhaps this could be a subject for Friday?

welcome Narilly! sorry didn't see you before.

catch yoos all in the morn. zzzzzzzz

[Miss Behaving]

AF Daily - Thursday November 19, 2009

whoops ... sorry to have posted that post twice ......ops:

Det - will get you the details of that software and post them on this thread .... I really like it and it is very customisable, so lots of opportunity to put in stuff about your own triggers and strategies

[gyco]

AF Daily - Thursday November 19, 2009

yo doggy lady,glad to see your doing well,along with the rest of the folks,going to AA is a good second start.to be frank,it is the worlds escape to sobriety,like going to school , a job, or whatever,the more you go,the more you learn,go online,the book is free,4 volumes ,compare,read each volume, , rt there.on your computer,buy a book,AA is not for everyone,ive been in and out for 10 years this march the 7th,the 1st hundred and 64 pages is AA,if you read those pages , and keep reading and living by the way they discuss in the book,you mt have a chance,an old timer once said,its simple,follow the rules and you cant go wrong,good luck to you,you seem to have a positive attitude gyco

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily - Thursday November 19, 2009

Gyco, thank you for the words of advice on the AA materials. I still want to write up my first impressions (and I did go to another meeting yesterday, and may go to one today). LOL I'm taking AA one day at a time just like the advice for AFness.

Mame, I agree with you and Det that finding the FUN in life is a good topic for discussion. I already read Marshy's post for Friday and she makes an excellent point that a bad day of AFness is better than a day of drinking! (Marshy, my Fridays into the weekends were exactly like yours - making sure I had enough booze to last me a good long time, plus some extra - then drinking away.)

I would like to respond to Thatgirl's post about moderation discussions here on the AF Daily thread. This is just my own opinion and may not reflect the opinion of the collective group. I'm posting it here on Thursday's thread where the topic came up so we can avoid dragging the subject into Friday's thread unless someone wants it there.

Thatgirl, I wish you and everyone the best in achieving your goals. If AF during the week and Mods on weekends (or some other iteration of moderation) is your goal, then I encourage you to seek help and support from the successful moderators here. I respectfully request that you not discuss moderate drinking and your success or failure at it here in the AF Daily thread. I personally cannot participate in discussions about moderate drinking as it starts up the little fantasies in my head that could potentially lead to drinking. While I have to continue learning to deal with world around me that includes alcohol, I count on the Abstinence section of MWO to be about abstinence - not moderation. I hope you can understand. That's my 2 cents on the subject anyway.

OK - off to post something for the new day.

DG