AF Daily, Saturday February 21st 09

[Reenie]

AF Daily, Saturday February 21st 09

Retteacher, you are very brave. You are also on your way to live an even happier and fuller life. Now that the cat is out of the bag, you no longer have to feel ashamed and hide. Your family and friends are going to be there to support and encourage you. They are also very pleased that you were able to confess your troubles and come clean with them. You have just unloaded a burden. No one is going to think negatively of you. If anything, they are proud of you. Please try not to think of the last episode and be easy on yourself. Take your daughter's advice. Don't set the bar too high for yourself. You are a good and honest person. Do the best you can and try not to beat yourself up anymore. One of the worst things that could happen to you is done. It's in the past. Your confession/coming clean has just opened a lot of door for you. To me and to others, you are an inspiration. - Reenie

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily, Saturday February 21st 09

Hi again everyone! Cindi, it is especially good to see you here. Like WIP, I too hope you are pulling out all the stops today - using every tool and resource available to you to get back on track. Alcoholism is deadly. The word "slip" (which you did not use - just bringing it up because it's often used) does NOT DO JUSTICE to what horrendous stuff these relapses can bring on. I'm rooting for you.

Hi Reenie! It's awesome to see you back here for another AF day!

Mary - it sounds like it will be good for you to confess with your Priest. He may have some wonderful words of wisdom for you. I hope that your friends and family DO come to understand the depth of your issues with alcohol. Sometimes our friends and family don't want to recognize our need to change because it *might* disrupt their routines as well. It is more important than ever Mary that you put yourself and your sobriety first right now. I know that is difficult when it might mean "disappointing" someone you care about. But you have to, OK? It will all be SO worth it in the end. You will be an even better wife, mother and friend if you give yourself the time you need to get some solid sobriety under your belt. At least that's what comes to my mind.

Mo, these bosses are amazing aren't they? What a jerk. Acts like a complete moron one night, and is back in the public bar, in front of all the co-workers et al., poundin' 'em back and doin' it all over again. I have such an angry spot for bosses who get away with that. I hope justice is served in the end. LOL - can't believe I'm ranting over some boss somewhere that isn't even mine! :H I bet "No" is thrilled to see you. OH waking up to a tongue bath from a puppy. Nothing better.

AFM, hope that nasty multi-day hangover is your last! Sounds like you have a great day lined up with the kiddos.

Narilly said:

I have been laying low this week avoiding any dinner parties but when I go to one I will try and be strong.
If I can make a suggestion..... In the fight to get sober, I have found that if I use words with myself such as "I'll try not to drink.." or "I hope I don't drink..." I have JUST LEFT THE DOOR WIDE OPEN FOR AL. The language we use in our heads IMO, cannot be underestimated in it's power to help us stay sober, or help us drink. I would suggest making a decision not to drink. Early in my sobriety, that meant NOT going out to dinner or putting myself in drinking situations unless I absolutely could not get out of it. If I could not get out of it, I made a solid plan that involved a clear decision not to drink. What WILL I drink? If there is a cocktail hour, eat before I go. What is my exit strategy? (aka how can I minimize the amount of time I will spend in a difficult situation) That sort of stuff. Hope that helps a bit.

Hi speedster and Marshy!! I can't recall if I mentioned it, but I did get that book from the library. Now with both of your feedback I can't wait to dive in, which I am going to do shortly!

AA said:

and what could be more fun then a van-full of 8-year-old's hopped up on sugar & pizza laughing and joking their heads off!

Ok. I'll play. A root canal? :b&d: can you tell I'm not a Mom and probably for good reason?

Hello to anyone I might have missed!

And in closing, MO said: I had better stop before someone confuses me with DG (for the length).

Hee hee. You will have to take a speed typing class and buy a bigger monitor if you want to compete with me for lengthy ad nauseum posts!! :H

DG

[narilly]

AF Daily, Saturday February 21st 09

You are right DG

Ok, Ok...thanks for the heads up with the terminology. I have caught myself using the 'try' and 'maybe' words way too much.

Here is the new version of what I should be saying.

The next time I go to a Dinner party there is no way in Hell I will be drinking. Cranberry Juice and Soday (which I will bring along) will be my drink of choice. Oh, and water is ALWAYS good!

Hmmmm....that sounds way better.

Thanks....hey Mary and Cindi- I am starting AA too. Maybe we could form our little group on line?

Love y'all,
Narilly

[momof3]

AF Daily, Saturday February 21st 09

10 months

Hello All and Happy Saturday,

I have not posted for awhile because I was going to silently slip away. But, in my quest for being a more authentic person as I grow into my new sober life, I am coming back to say goodbye, at least for a little while.

Yesterday, I achieved 10 months of sobriety. I did not even realize it until today which is a good sign because it means that I'm not focused on counting the days as much anymore.

I feel that there have been lots of positive changes that have occurred during this time and I thank many of you here at MWO for that, especially this AF daily thread. I have come to rely on this thread for inspiration, practical advice, thought provoking discussion, and just for the sheer pleasure of reading the words of so many wonderful people whom I feel I've come to know from your stories and your struggles.

I have been quite taken aback with all of the relapsing that has occurred and reported on this thread in the past week. My heart goes out to each and everyone of you because I know this struggle is a real hard one and it often takes several "tries" before we become solid in our sobriety. However, it has been messing with my head a bit more than I care to admit. In AA terminology, I have had more "stinkin' thinkin' than I am comfortable with at this point. If I were a stronger person or a different person, perhaps I would feel like I could read and contribute without thinking that I might compromise my sobriety. And, perhaps I can. But, I don't know....I don't think I have another chance at quitting Al. I am going to lay low and be a little more internally focused for awhile.

With Compassion,
M3

[retteacher]

AF Daily, Saturday February 21st 09

Narilly: I'd love to work the program w/you. I just called the person that I hope to be my sponsor. He wasn't home, but I left a message. I'm scared to death, but I have to do this. Also, I'm setting out for church in about a half hour & plan on speaking to my priest. He's a wonderful person about my age. I'm pretty scared & feel a little weepy. I feel like my life has been turned upside down. I'll contact you after my sponsor calls. I have a feeling he's going to want to meet w/me. Mary

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily, Saturday February 21st 09

Narilly, that is MUCH better!

M3, we ALL have to put our sobriety first. Stay strong and sober, and we will look forward to seeing you when you are up for it.

:yougo:CONGRATULATIONS M3 ON 10 MONTHS + 1 DAY SOBER!!! :yougo:

I'm right behind ya baby!

Mary, I have no doubt that your actions today are very emotional for you. If you feel like crying, I hope you do. Let it all hang out. Let today be a huge step forward in your recovery. The shame and the hiding need to stop when it comes to alcoholism. Just like it says in your wonderful siggy line - Wisdom, Strength, Courage. YOU GO GIRL! I will be thinking of you.

DG

[Determinator]

AF Daily, Saturday February 21st 09

Happy Saturday ABenators far and wide!!

wonderful to sleep in this morning in my bed! and yes DG, we need more dang smilies!

so....hapiness to a large part is a decision and that's my decision. I must say I feel really fortunate that since realizing my AF lifestyle I am just naturally bubbling with happiness most of the time. I can't complain! then again I don't have a busload of hopped-up kids either LOL.
so I don't have health insurance....whoop de doo. neither did the pilgrims that were so elated to populate this wonderful new frontier. At least I have indoor plumbing and a few other handy modern conveniences. I can find things to be unhappy about but I won't do that. I am finding happiness in this now moment.

Cindi, so glad you popped in today....please do ANY and everything you can do to be healthy hon. call me. PM me. anything ok?

AFM, owch! glad you are ok and back with us in good stride. I know the feeling about our bodies not being able to handle it anymore. the hippocampus portion of the brain suffers damage every time we detox from al and it just gets worse every time. kind of a good incentive!

Mary, you are very serious about this and I'm so very proud you are using all your resources to your avail.

I'm off to my 'pay to get you ass kicked' class. (kickboxing LOL).

be well my friends, and enjoy this now moment

[Determinator]

AF Daily, Saturday February 21st 09

Momof3, fully understood if you need to take a break but we'll be right here missing you. the light is always on dear. be well.

[Miss Behaving]

AF Daily, Saturday February 21st 09

Momof3 - glad you didn't slip quietly away as it would have deprived me of an opportunity to say congrats on your 10 months!!! I always enjoy your posts and I love your avatar of a woman striding out strong!!

I truly believe that we all at some level know what it is at various times that we need to do ..... to achieve our sobriety or any other goal. You are the best expert on what you need and I wish you every success with the next stage in your journey.

You said something like "if you were a stronger person maybe you could cope" with some of the talk of relapses that has gone on over the last week. I dont believe that for a second!!!! I think that many of us on here are really really strong people, but that drinking has scarred us and our resilience (as opposed to strength) has been tested too many times. I find for me that having a bit of an internal focus for a while (and only spending time with people who build me up) can really help in building that up again.

Best wishes from me ..... but would be great if you come and visit at your one year anniversary!!! :l

Was going to post some more but I got up really late this morning after a FABULOUS nights sleep (swim this morning was canceled as there was a sewage leak into the harbour on Friday after 48 hours of torrential rain!), but which has left me raring to go!! So I'm off to go out and about and will catch up with everyone tomorrow.

[Accountable for Me]

AF Daily, Saturday February 21st 09

Determinator;554216 wrote:

AFM, owch! glad you are ok and back with us in good stride. I know the feeling about our bodies not being able to handle it anymore. the hippocampus portion of the brain suffers damage every time we detox from al and it just gets worse every time. kind of a good incentive!

I don't like the sounds of that Mr. Deter. It truly felt like my brain was bleeding.... I was very scared. Yep - this is just no fun anymore. It really hasn't been fun for a long time; but even the 'once in a blue moon' stupid attitude isn't working AT ALL.

Mo, I hear you buddy. There were a lot of relapses last Friday. Just plain ol' strange.

Later everyone!

[LVT25]

AF Daily, Saturday February 21st 09

Nice honest post mom3. Best wishes to you!

[retteacher]

AF Daily, Saturday February 21st 09

I just got back from church. I did speak to our priest, & it was as emotional & freeing as I thought it would be. My husb & I went out for a light supper & were able to continue processing all of this. It's incredibly painful, but avoiding the pain leads to drinking. I had a message from my sponsor & will be meeting w/him ASAP. I'll be back tomorrow. Mary

PS: Congrats to all for your wonderful milestones. It's an inspiration to me. I don't get tired of telling you how much you mean to me.

[Doggygirl]

AF Daily, Saturday February 21st 09

Deter, that is some kinda anchovy can. :egad: 3.5 pounds? You could kill somebody with that! I totally agree with you that we DO have a choice about our own happiness to a very large degree. I think this great topic also came up as part of the "1/2 full / 1/2 empty" discussion not too long ago. Good for you on appreciating what you have. That is something I can always use more work on!!

Auntie Mame you are sounding wonderful! I hope you have a fabulous day dahling! Kitten update? You know I think there is an ebb and flow to getting sober. I know that sometimes I feel very "outward" and feel like I have some extra energy or "karma" to give. Other times I feel a little more introspective with less to say, less to give, etc. Like needing time to recharge the old batteries or something. Can only guess that something along those lines is why we see people need a "time out" every once in awhile.

AFM I completely agree that drinking stopped being fun a long time ago. For me - a very long time ago. (but I kept on drinking...) We CAN stop the madness.

Hi LVT. Are you recovered yet and ready for another go with a calf??? (I admire your bravery, and what Mr. Doggy would call your prairie woman spirit!! And he LOVES women with that sort of spirit!!)

Mary, I am so glad to hear that your talk with your priest was freeing. I sort of thought it would be. Keep working your way through the pain Mary. I'm so glad you got that call back too, and I'm assuming he agreed to be your sponsor by the way you referred to him. That is excellent news. Today sounds like it was a very good day of forward movement for you on this long and winding road.

speedster thank you again for the mention of Drinking: A Love Story. Like you and Marshy both mentioned - just WOW - nearly every sentence could be me - almost exactly. Oh the mind games we play working to convince ourselves that we are not THAT bad, etc. etc. It's hard to imagine how we end up feeling so alone when it seems as though so much of the path down Alcohol Lane is so similar for so many of us. I had to laugh when I read the part where she goes to the bar across from her office alone, and "looks busy" at the bar with her notepad and looking at her watch as though someone is late. I did that a LOT in my 30's once the desire to drink got strong enough where I was willing to do it without "needing" anyone's company at the bar if nobody was available after work. In my 20's I wasn't yet comfortable going to bars alone much, but I appreciated the value of a promotion to management, where I could always talk a couple people from my team into going. There was a certain Monday group, Tuesday group, etc. the difference was that I was in EVERY group for drinking purposes. I honestly can't believe I held my professional life together for as long as I did. But Caroline is right - it became the ONE thing that was important to hang onto in order to "prove" that I wasn't a drunk. Wow. Marshy I can see why one needs to be in a particular frame of mind to be able to read this. Not sure how far I will get before it gets itchy.

Well, I'm going to relax and watch a movie before beddy bye time with Mr. Doggy. Thanks to all for the wonderful sharing today! See you all on the flip side for Sober Sunday But Monday for Mame.

DG

[narilly]

AF Daily, Saturday February 21st 09

sober Saturday night

I am sober tonight, and THAT makes me happy. I will wake up bright eyed and ready to go. No hangover on Sunday- what a concept.

Stay sober everyone.

Mo- I think your VP might be doing the 12 steps pretty soon!

Mary- those AA meetings always make me emotional especially when I have to 'share'

Love y'all,
Narilly

[Pamina]

AF Daily, Saturday February 21st 09

Late night check in.

Well done, Mary. That's all very good news.

"I find for me that having a bit of an internal focus for a while (and only spending time with people who build me up) can really help in building that up again."

I can't quite articulate my experience tonight, but Mame caught a part of it. I talked to a friend with a drink problem. He's temporarily housing another guy with a drink problem. Together they feed each others' problem. He admits that things are not good. I tried to talk about a plan but he slips away like an eel. I stopped after a while. I am here. He is there. I am glad I'm not there. I feel unsettled somehow, disturbed. I don't think I want to wade into this topic again with him any time soon. I want to step back, this is not for me. Even spending time with him may not be for me. That feels incredibly selfish but maybe that's where I'm at.

MO3, be well. Hope to hear back from you if/when you're ready.